Chapter Three
Just For Now


"So, I'm not the type to usually assume things, but seeing as though I haven't had any visits from your kind, I'd say you didn't speak of my existence."

The words leave my lips as if feel the familiar shudder form along the lines of my subconscious, a fraction of ripples tugging at the image of my dreamscape. Looking up from the glass of whiskey, the emptiness of the 'Hole' something that never occurs in reality, and I watch as the blue-eyed angel stiffly takes a seat in a bar chair (one chair left between us). He doesn't look at me, instead seems to be interested in the half-full glass of whiskey appearing before him. Hey. I may be in my dreams, but even here I don't like drinking alone.

"I had believed you wanted your existence to remain a secret from Heaven," Castiel's gruff voice breaks the silence.

Damn. Who knew angels could have such sexy voices? Seriously. I'd say it's not humanly possible to have such a natural, post-coitus voice, but the creature sitting at my right is anything but human.

I snort at my inner thoughts, which seems to work in favor as a response to his words as I shrug a shoulder, "I just wasn't aware angels could keep secrets. Isn't lying considered a sin, or something?"

"We are able to keep secrets if it is a situation that calls for it."

Quirking an eyebrow, I shake my head, "And the fact that I'm the Winchester Family's Best Kept Secret is something that calls for it?"

"There are only few beings in existence that could block a human's soul from Heaven's radar. If you have been hidden from us this entire time, then it must be for a reason we have not yet figured out."

Flashing the angel a genuine smile, I bow my head for a brief moment, "Not quite sure what I did to earn your confidence, but...thanks," Glancing up, I notice the curiosity flicker through his gaze, and I mildly wonder what it will take to break the stoic expression on his face, "So, the Apocalypse it is then?" Earning yet another curt nod, I raise the glass before me in a salute, "Well, here it goes to fucking up someone's day."

Though his face remains as expressionless as a robot, I manage to catch sight of the mild amusement appearing in those impossibly-dark blue eyes. Oh yeah. I'll get him to crack some kind of expression at some point.


"You do know those are bad for your health, right?"

Glancing away from the early morning sky, I snort at the sight of my younger brother standing just a few feet behind me, his own gaze sweeping over the rolling hills making up the back of my home's property. Seriously? If he's going to lecture me on the vices I manage to keep, I may just deck him in the face for the hell of it.

"Yes, because of all the things I could possibly die from, smoking an occasional cigarette is what's gonna put me six-feet under," I snark before taking a drag from the half-spent cigarette, all for emphasis of course. Running a weary hand through my bangs, I turn my sights back on the rising sun, "If you are going to throw another lecture at me, I suggest you cram it up your ass and walk in the other direction, because I really, really don't want to hear it."

"N-no, I wasn't trying to-" A sigh breaks through his words and I envision him running a hand through his own hair, "Look, can I just...join you?" Shrugging a shoulder, I quickly catch a glimpse of him moving to sit to my left, "I...wanted to apolo-"

"Don't," I cut him off curtly, pausing to take another drag from the cigarette, my gaze sweeping over him, "You meant exactly what you said at the time. The fact that you know the truth now doesn't change the meaning you carried in your words. Just...chalk it up to you being a huge asshat and move on."

Sam blinks in surprise before smiling slightly, a nervous tick appearing as he scratches the side of his neck absentmindedly, "That man from last night, Jerome," Nodding to show I am following, he continues, "He spoke very highly of you. I...guess I never really figured a person could be a Hunter and still live an apple-pie life."

Bobby wasn't kidding. My brothers are idiots. Loyal, brave, determined, but they are a Grade-A, High-Class brand of stupid. I knew this would come up; after seeing Dean's wide eyes take in the sight of the two-story house, and every single one of the customers from the bar spouting off nothing but praises. I know what it looks like. That I live two lives, the life of a Hunter, and then a normal life.

"You and Dean need to wake up," I say, earning a cocked eyebrow in return, "I don't live the life of a Hunter and an apple-pie life. Hunting is my apple-pie life."

"W-what? That's...insane!"

Snickering at Sam's response, I bob my head in agreement, "Totally insane. Completely off the fucking rocker, insane. Look, I'm only gonna say this once, so..." Inhaling deeply, I stub out the spent cigarette and turn back to the rising sun, "After the Parker incident, I hit rock bottom, or at least what I called rock bottom. The deceit and the lying, and raping and murdering and everything cold-hearted you can think of is something I always associated with demons, or witches and everything in between. I...I never really realized humans had the capacity to be that awful. When the girls and I skipped town and hit the road, I questioned why I bothered Hunting, when humans are just as bad."

"What changed? How did you get from that to...well...this?"

From the corner of my eye, I watched Sam's hand motion toward the house behind us, "Five years ago, Jerome's wife and daughter were abducted by a coven of witches, intended for blood sacrifices. We...were too late to save his wife, barely managed to save the kid," I snort, remembering the absolute chaos and gore coating the room, "and I remember what it was like, being four years old and watch as your mother is killed by something less than human," Feeling Sam tense, I let out a small sigh, "So, the girls and I stayed for the following month. Maria helping Tabitha, while Kay and I gave Jerome a crash course in the event that something like that would happen again."

Pausing for a brief moment, a small smile tugs at my lips and I giggle lightly, "Our last night, Jerome and Tabby-Cat practically demanded we stay for one last home-cooked meal. That night had been the moment everything changed for us. After dinner was over, Jerome requested that I take the honor of becoming Tabby-Cat's Godmother," I snort, shaking my head, "I didn't understand why. Maria helped ease their brains back into civilian life, helped them cope. Kay helped take their mind off of what happened, being the crazy person she is. My first instinct was to say no."

"You said yes?"

Smiling once again, my hands move animatedly as I recall the night so long ago, "I don't ever remember anyone looking at me with so much hope, or adoration, as Tabby did. It was that moment, that one expression on her face, that made me wonder if we," I gesture between Sam and myself, motioning nonchalantly to the house where Dean is still sleeping, "had someone, anyone, that could help John cope with what happened to Mom, or just...help us understand, we could have had the childhood we never got. I knew, in that moment, that I stopped a kid from suffering the potential of living the same life I had, and that was the end of it all."

Grinning as I recall coming across the crap-shack that is now the 'Hole', I giggle, "The girls and I bought the property with the bar on it, used some...emergency cash I had saved up to fix the place up. The first year, the girls and I lived in the rooms above the bar, Maria running the bar, Kay and I taking cases. It was busy, and soon, we started putting word out, extending a helping hand to those we saved and even other Hunters. We heal their wounds, educate their minds and help them overcome their nightmares." Turning my gaze back to Sam, I watch his eyes widen briefly, his expression frozen in shock, "So...yeah. Hunting became my happy, normal life, and...I wouldn't change it."

"What about those you care for? Aren't you worried they'll get hurt?" Sam asks.

I let out a bark of laughter, "Are you kidding? Every single person I know is wrapped up in this life some how. Of course I worry they'll get hurt, but...that's why we educate them, teach them what they need to know, show them how to survive. That way, if they die, at least we know that they died fighting and we did what we could to help them."

Sam shakes his head, a small smile on his lips, "Maybe stupidity does just run through the Winchester men."

"There's no maybe about it, Sammy," I cackle in response, feeling as though maybe, now, my baby brother understands, "So...something on your mind, Sammy?"

"Just curious," he pauses, eyes slanting as he looks over at me, "Have you ever done anything stupid?"

"Of course I've done something stupid," I admit, snorting, "Maybe not on your grand scale of stupidity, but I have."

"Like what?"

Biting down on the inside of my cheek, I grin despite the memory of the horrid situation, "Got caught up in the middle of a demonic turf war," Sam's eyes widen, his mouth opening to question and I shake my head, raising a hand to silence him, "I'd rather not go into details. Let's just say, you never trust the ones that smile."

Seeing Sam's expression become guarded, I hum inwardly to myself. Is Sammy up to no good? They always did say it was the quiet ones you look out for. Grinning at him, I file away the odd shift in his disposition in the back of my mind for a later date, and move to my feet. Stretching my arms over my head, I bob my head in the direction of the house.

"Gotta start breakfast."

Slipping back inside the house, I feel my smile drop. I thought Dean was the basket case. Remembering Sam's anger and quick judgment after Dean popped out of Hell, and the sudden shift from amicable to distant just moments ago isn't right. I've seen it before, but where?


Dean

I pause inside the open archway marking the kitchen, the sight before me causing an odd sensation to stir in my chest. Maybe it's the sight of Maria, long black hair pulled into a lazy pony-tail and dressed in what appears to be lounge wear, sitting at the breakfast bar, sipping slowly at her mug of coffee, dark blue eyes watching the two chattering women with a gleam of affection. Maybe it's the sight of Kay and Nat caught in the middle of a debate (sounds like they're arguing about movies) while simultaneously dancing around each other while they prepare breakfast. I manage a soft smile at the sight of Kay standing at the stove, bacon and sausage frying as she easily whips up the eggs, and Nat, who seems to be busy slicing up random vegetables with calculated precision. Kay and Nat never break in their argument, even as the red-head absentmindedly takes the chopped vegetables while handing off the skillet currently frying up the bacon. Watching as they move with comfortable ease and silent understanding of each other, I can't help but feel a small twinge of jealousy, knowing that if things had gone differently, if I had found Nat sooner, I could very well be standing in Kay's place.

"Mornin', Dean!" Nat greets without looking over her shoulder, "There's a fresh pot of coffee. Sammy said he'd be back down after he finishes washing up."

Running a hand through my hair, rubbing the back of my neck, I bob my head in a muted greeting before taking a seat on the stool next to Maria, who wordlessly slides over an empty mug, "Thanks."

"No problem."

I honestly can't remember the last time Sam and I had a warm, home-cooked breakfast, or meal of any kind. Even as everyone sat at the island, I watched as Kay stole the last half of Nat's muffin, in retaliation for the blonde stealing slices of bacon from her plate. The trio of girls talked about everything, from music, to movies, to upcoming events that will effect the influx of patrons at the bar; but they don't talk shop. Kay mentions a new gadget she's working on, earning a nod from both of the girls, but nothing is said about Hunting, demons, angels, witches or the Apocalypse. All of it seems surreal.

Maria heads out, saying she's got an order coming into the bar and she has to make sure everything is stocked up for the week. Sam gives into his inner-geek and soon Kay is dragging him to her workshop, her words moving hundreds of miles per second. As the front door shuts behind Kay, the red-head yelling out that she'll bring him back in hopefully less than two pieces, I shake my head before turning my attention to Nat. Seeing the blonde start clearing away dishes, I smile inwardly at the domestic action before sliding off of the stool. Stepping up next to her, I nudge her hip (once again reminding me of late night clean-ups after my failed attempts at cooking) as I grab a kitchen towel.

"I want you to come with us," I blurt out, running the towel over the newly-clean and still-wet plate. "To help with the seals." Feeling the tension form along her shoulders, a sudden pause in her motions has my mind scrambling for a better way to get her to come with us. "I know you just got back and you probably don't want to be on the road with a couple of guys, but...I..." I bite the inside of my cheek, hating the fact that this conversation is nearing a 'chick-flick' moment. Sighing, I shake my head, "You don't have to answer now. Just...think about it?"

There! The twitch of her left eyebrow, the only tell I've ever seen on my twin's poker face, when her thoughts are becoming too much for her to handle. The insistent inner monologue of hers. Seeing it brings a smile to my face, realizing that I can still read my sister like a book.

"I will let you know by the end of the night," she murmurs mechanically and I flinch at the sound.

She should be happy, right? She wanted us to be a family again, didn't she? Why do I feel like I'm missing something?


Natasha

"Here!" I call out, tossing the house keys to Dean, who catches them before turning around to face me and the girls, "You guys head back to the house while we close up for the night."

Moments pass us by, the bar dimly lit, signaling the end of the night. Chairs were flipped upside-down and resting on top of the round tables. The floor gleamed from its fresh mopping. Silence falls over the bar and I sigh before turning to face Maria, who already filled three glasses with our preferred beverages.

"Alright, Tasha," Kay calls out, breaking the silence, her voice uncharacteristically softened, "What's got your brain so wired that you've hardly said a word tonight?"

"Dean asked me to go with him and Sam," I state, taking a sip from the glass as I watch both girls tense, "My brain is screaming at me to tell them to go fuck themselves, but...there's this small voice telling me to give it a try."

"Why not go?" Maria asks simply.

I snort, taking the moment of silence to light a cigarette, my nervous tension slowly fading as I take the first drag, "Look, alright, I miss Dean, and Sam I barely got the chance to know. I want, so much, to just hop in the Impala and start this insane quest of theirs, but..." I swallow needlessly, my fingers running through my bangs absentmindedly, "then, I wonder if I should even bother, trying to reconnect? For all I know, they'll just disappear from my life again and...I'm not sure I could handle it a second time around."

"Well, it's simple," Kay's voice starts, and I straighten up in attention (the girl isn't called a genius for nothing, you know). "Go ahead, skip town for a couple weeks. Take a few cases. See if you think it will work. In either case of it working, or not, you better make damn well sure that your ass is back here by the end of the month."

Oh, right. The car show. Thinking over her plan, I muse over the two weeks I would spend with them. Nodding my head in agreement, I offer Kay a small smile, but seeing the serious gleam in her eyes I cock an eyebrow.

My silent question is answered, "Just...do my sanity a favor and keep an eye on your younger brother," My brow crinkles in confusion, but Kay doesn't stop, "I'm not sure what's going on with either of your brothers, but I can tell you, while I was showing Sam the workshop, the kid was tweaking," A familiar gleam forms in her eyes as she pins me with a pointed look, "and I mean he was handsy, irritable, couldn't sit still and he tweaked as though he was trying to crawl out of his skin. Hides it pretty well, but we've all seen the look before."

The hostility. The bouncing from one personality to another. The shiftiness. The...weird sensation around him. Realizing Kay's warning, I bite down on the inside of my cheek, nodding my head, "I will. Hopefully, it won't cause a problem."

"It will," Kay comments, Maria nodding her head in agreement, "I know for a fact, whatever Sam has going on isn't something he's shared with the rest of the class, if you know what I mean."

Dean doesn't know. Either Sam hasn't worked up the courage to tell Dean, or he just hasn't (which often leads to a great possibility of him never telling). Sighing outwardly, I raise my glass in a silent salute, managing a half-attempted grin as I toast, "To fucking up someone's world!"

Kay manages a snicker, Maria shaking her head and a smirk twitches along my lips before the three of us drain the last of our drinks. Maybe (or most likely) Kay is right. Maybe a few cases and spending a couple weeks with my estranged family would be best. Maybe...maybe I they won't walk away this time. Maybe, just for now, I can believe nothing bad will come of this.

Just for now, at least.


"Shouldn't you be sleeping?" I quip gently, watching as my twin slowly brings his gaze up from the glass of whiskey in his hand. Cocking my head to the side, I offer him a half-smile as I cross over the kitchen and lean against the breakfast bar, grabbing one of the glasses from underneath the bar. Pouring myself a glass of whiskey, I take a quick sip, "When are you and Sam planning on heading out?"

"Sometime this afternoon. Bobby called last night, said there's a salt n' burn case down in Indiana," Dean replies and I bite down on the inside of my cheek at the sight of the haunted green eyes.

"Ugh," I moan out with exaggerated expression, "I hate packing for trips. I never know what I should bring."

Watching as his expression slowly morphs from confusion and into surprise before his features bleed into a brilliant expression, a warmth flood through my chest as the familiar, bright and infectious grin, "You mean, you're comin' with us?"

Reaching over, I knock my knuckles against his shoulder, "Dude, you look like a kid that hit the gold mine while Trick r' Treating."

A snort of amusement is my response, an elbow nudging the meat of my upper arm, "Shuddup."

"Don't get ahead of yourself, broski," I quip, swallowing a mouthful of true American whiskey (although, I'm more of a fan of the Irish brews and liquors), "I have to be back at the 'Hole' by the end of the month. Figured the two weeks spent could act as a...trial run of sorts." Peering over at my twin, I spy the frown threatening to take place of his grin and offer him a small shrug, "Hey. I've spent the last plus-six years Hunting with Kay, and Maria on occasion. We each know how the others move, how they react and nine-times-out-of-ten we don't need to use words in order to communicate. I have a small idea on how you Hunt, nothing on Sam, so...it won't be easy trying to Hunt with someone new, even family as it were. I want to make sure, if this becomes permanent that it is a move I am comfortable making."

"I get it," Dean murmurs, bobbing his head briefly, "I do. You...have made an impressive life for yourself here. I guess, I thought, it would be nice for us to...fix things. Reconnect."

Draining the last of the contents, I wink in his direction, "It's worth a shot. I'm gonna go upstairs and pack, make sure I have all the niceties."


By mid-morning, two of my bags are packed in Dean's trunk and I find myself tense, trapped in the over-zealous embrace of the compassionate, emotional Maria. Spying Kay trying to smother her amusement by biting on the knuckle of her index finger (which causes me to muse if she'd prefer eating my fist at this moment), I bite down on the inside of my cheek as my hand awkwardly pats the top of her head. Gently pushing Maria back and out of my personal space, I offer her a lopsided grin, thankful when Kay simply threatens all forms of bodily harm if I'm not back by the end of the month.

"Yeah, yeah, darts to the forehead, possible upgrade to paintball guns," I wave off dismissively, "Like you guys could even carry through the festivities without me?" Kay snorts, even as Maria nods in reluctant agreement with my words, "I'll keep in touch, throw you a text every so often."

"Just...no free-for-all competitions," Kay comments, nudging my shoulder with a fist, "These boys couldn't handle it."

Letting out a bark of laughter, I grin at my obnoxious friend, "Bitch, I still retain that title."

"Oh just wait. We'll square off again and I'll pwn your ass like I'm Keith Richards at a crack convention."

Hearing a snort of amusement from my twin, I realize it's time to head out, "First of all, you couldn't touch Keith Richard's level. Second, I'll believe it when I see it. Third," I nudge Sam, gaining his attention, "I call Chewie!"

"Chewie?" Both of my brothers chorus, Dean more out of amusement.

Kay and Maria both snicker, the red-head answering, "Yeah, think of the Impala as your Millenium Falcon and you as Han Solo..." Dean smirks as Sam shakes his head, eyes rolling in exasperation, "Chewie always rides shotgun."

Climbing into the Impala, I swallow back the lump in my throat, memories of the last time I was really in this car threatening to spill over. Waving at Maria and giving Kay a rude, one-fingered salute (earning a cackle of laughter), I lean back in the seat as the engine roars to life. Closing my eyes, I try to ignore the hollow feeling in my chest as I leave my home and family behind.

For now.


Sam

"Ugh! Seriously, Dean? Cassette tapes? Ever hear of an IPod jack?" I can't help but snicker as Nat grimaces at the sight of the box of cassette tapes, her fingers running along the sides, reading each one.

"Hey! Driver picks the music, passenger shuts their pie hole," Dean quips, glancing at Nat from the side of his eyes before turning them back to the road.

"Oh, fuck you, dude! You're just lucky you have some decent shit- Oh Hell yes!" Nat cheers as she takes a cassette tape from its protective plastic case and pops it into the stereo.

Groaning at the grin that stretches across Dean's lips as the opening chords to a familiar song, I realize the two are more similar than I first thought. Nat wastes no time in turning up the volume, her blonde curls bouncing as her lips stretch into the same infectious grin.

"Out in the street it's 6 am, another sleepless night
Three cups of coffee, but I can't clear my head from what went down last night
No we won't have our own little ways, but somehow we keep it together
You hear me talk, but you don't hear what I say, I guess it don't even matter"

At least she doesn't force herself to sing off-key, but from my spot in the back seat, as she nudges Dean, who grins broadly as he joins her in the chorus.

"Blue morning, blue day, won't you see things my way?
Blue morning, can't you see what your love has done to me?"

"I've always listened to your point of view, my ways are cut through men
And I've always been a patient man, but my patience has reached its end
You tell me you're leaving, you tell me goodbye
You say you might send a letter
Well honey don't telephone, cause I won't be alone
I need someone to make me feel better."

I grunt as an open-palm smacks against my chest, Nat glaring pointedly in an attempt to get me to join in the singing. Sighing as I realize she's just as persistent as Dean and find myself joining in.

"Blue morning, blue day, won't you see things my way?
Blue morning, can't you see what your love has done to me?

Blue morning, blue day, won't you see things my way?
Blue morning, can't you see what your love has done to me?

Blue morning, blue morning
Blue morning, blue morning
Blue morning, blue morning
Blue, blue, blue day, yeah"

At the sight of Dean's grinning and Nat's brightened expression, I feel the familiar desires fade in the back of my mind. I can see to Ruby after this case. I can see to Ruby, but not now. I don't have the heart to ruin this moment, the haunted look fading from Dean's eyes as he glances over at his twin. Everything outside of the car, the world surrounding us and the pending destruction of the world all seems to fade as the very air around me tastes sweeter than it has in a long time.

Yeah. Maybe, just for now, I'll take what's in front of me.


Alright! That's the chapter for you awesome readers and reviewers. I've been contemplating on if I want to steer off from the canon, keeping key moments, or mixing it up a bit. I want to hear from you readers: do you want this story to follow the series? Or would you prefer twists and turns while still maintaining the over-all plot from the show?

To my reviewers:

Skylight12: Yeah...the idea kinda just...popped in my head. Like...how would it change the show if Dean actually carried a special bond (not 'profound') with someone that could literally understand him, knew him inside and out. Could he have handled the angels, Alistair, the Apocalypse, the Horsemen and all in between? During seasons 4&5, Sam was kind of erratic, in-and-out of the picture in his mind, so I wondered what would happen if he had someone he could rely on. I'm not saying it's going to be an easy road, he's still going to suffer and all the angst will be there, but I'm kind of curious how this is going to turn out myself. Thanks for the review.

TheAngelGirl357: Thank you. Yes, I don't want to make Sam look like the bad guy, but he will always, in some moments, remind Natasha of John. I'm trying to get the point across of Sam's 'addiction' and Natasha being slightly aware of the situation, but not fully understanding of it. There will be moments where Nat and Sam fight, but then there will be moments where they bond as well, because she doesn't share the connection with him that she does Dean.

Winter(I don't feel like typing out your whole name) (Now that just seems oxymoronic now that I think of it): Yes! Nerf guns. I hope you enjoy this chapter as well. Believe me, there will be more Kay/Tasha battle-of-the-wills moments (they love picking on each other).

Read! Review!