Disclaimer: I do not own the His Dark Materials series.

A/N: Hi there! I'm sorry it's been a while. I've been busy with school, but now my semester is finally almost over! He's a bit of a shorter chapter, and I hope to delve back into this more thoroughly. Thanks for the reviews so far, and thanks for reading! Please let me know what you think :)


o4.

She didn't study because she wanted to. She studied because she had to.

As a woman, Marisa was faced with numerous disadvantages. Though her appearance and her voice were enough to make every many swoon and fall in love with her, she just didn't have the same natural capacity to make others accept her work. Men had it so easy to be taken seriously and to be granted funding and assignments, and Marisa had to work hard in school to make everyone look away from her chest and over to her head.

But of course Vanessa didn't seem to have this problem. On the contrary, she seemed to elicit the opposite kind of attention. Everyone was always raving about how smart and sharp that young woman was, and everyone was able to name her most recent publication and comment on her current research. Their flattery made Marisa sick, and as one who had struggled her entire life to attain a position of wealth and security, she couldn't help but feel a bit envious.

In the end, it was clear that Vanessa was everything Marisa wasn't, yet it was plain that Vanessa had everything Marisa wanted.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

The alcohol was intoxicating.

Her eyes narrowed, Marisa sat down in the armchair and watched him drink it. Edward was a foolish man, and he had a weakness for aged, imported wine, especially that from the fertile regions of New France. She watched him drain his entire glass of French Cabernet Sauvignon before proceeding to pour himself another, his cheeks starting to flush. His speech began to slur and blend together, and as Marisa sat there smiling at him, her golden monkey daemon slowly drawing circles on the back of his chameleon daemon's head, he started to slump back in his chair, his eyes fluttering.

Men were such greedy, ignorant pigs. They truly were. They never seemed to care about anything but their immediate wants, and it inevitably came back to haunt them. Of course Marisa always considered her wants and her needs and strove to capture the perfect essence of both, but what Edward lacked and what she flaunted was the ability to distinguish such elements with appropriate timing. In the end, it wasn't so much of what you really accomplished as it was how you chose to get there. To Marisa, the one to charm others oh so naturally and innocently is the one with all of the real power.

As the empty glass fell from Edward's hands, the collision with the carpet making a soft sort of thud, Marisa stood up and headed towards the door. The golden monkey grabbed her purse as she wrapped her furs around her shoulder, and she then scooped him up with an arm as she continued to walk away.

She made her way out of the flat and over to her carriage. The driver held the door open for her and saw her inside before getting into the front.

"The Emerald Hotel, please," she called, holding the golden monkey tight.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Stepping out of their carriage, Vanessa's eyes lit up. "The Emerald Hotel? You do know how to pick a party, Asriel. Are you sure I'm old enough to attend?"

Asriel laughed as he took her arm and led her down the sidewalk, Stelmaria and NAME following. That's one of the things he liked about Vanessa. She had such an innocent presence about her that was paired with a slight sense of dry humor. Of course she was rather young to be attending such a posh party of scholars and researchers, but then again, so was he.

"To hell with it," he said, sharing her smile. "Perhaps we can bring some life into it."

And indeed, as they entered the lobby and moved into the ballroom, the atmosphere was flat. Loud, atrocious music played from one of the record players, and as Asriel and Vanessa looked around, all they saw were old men in old suits talking to even older men in older suits. That's how the nature of the scholastic field was, and it really wasn't something Asriel could change. In a way, it was convenient since all of the old goats couldn't keep track of what people were doing, and Asriel remembered plenty of times when he and Marisa were able to sneak around in complete secrecy.

Sadness filled his heart at the memory, and he flashed back to the Royal Arctic Institute a month ago. She'd summoned him then, her face a mask of carefully concealed rage that only he could detect, and she had revealed her anger and her hurt at being replaced by a mere "child." He didn't expect her to know that much about he and Vanessa's relationship, but in the end, Marisa did know her way around.

Relationship? Stelmaria blinked at him, and Asriel paused. Is that what this is?

That, Asriel realized, was a good question. He looked over at Vanessa, who was gazing at him softly. They'd spent an exorbitant amount of time together over the past few months, and more importantly, she'd become much more gentle and much more caring with him. She'd fix his collar for him when it was sticking out at an odd angle, and she'd get him refills on his coffee when he gulped it down during their research outings. Asriel had always thought gestures like that were kind ones between two researchers and two friends, but the more he looked into it, the more he saw the softer, more intimate acts of courtship.

Marisa never did that. Stelmaria blinked again and leaned her head on Asriel's leg. You were always chasing her. There was never any time for such things.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

She saw them as soon as she walked through the door. With the golden monkey clinging tightly to her shoulder, Marisa entered the ballroom and looked directly at them, heat rushing to her neck.

Vanessa was wearing a long green dress with a black sweater wrapped around her shoulders, and it was hideously juvenile. She had faux-diamond earrings and a couple of dull, inexpensive bracelets, and Asriel sported one of his old, tacky suits from the far regions of the South. They were a typically unimpressive duo, and the sight of them made Marisa want to break something.

Of all the people he would choose to be with over her, it had to be Vanessa? It had to be a young, worthless under-study, and it had to be someone with whom he could date in public? Marisa didn't know much about the girl, but she knew enough to know that she wasn't anything extraordinary. If anything, Marisa realized with a snort, she wasn't anywhere near as accomplished and sophisticated as she. There was no competition, and it was all ridiculous.

As if by instinct, his eyes swiveled to meet hers, and gray met blue. Marisa stared back calmly, concealing her own emotion, and she felt the golden monkey shiver beside her. Look at him. Look at his arrogance. Look at his face.

But she didn't want to. Turning away, Marisa walked over towards an acquaintance and held out her hand, flashing him a dazzling smile. The old man was lost, and as they engaged in delicate, meaningless chatter, she was aware of Asriel's eyes boring into the back of her charcoal dress. Vanessa was looking at her as well, probably out of innocent curiosity, and as Marisa presently moved across the room, she tossed him a look.

She didn't think it was possible to combine so many feelings and heartaches into one single glance, but Marisa surprised even herself. She felt herself tremble with every emotion she had ever felt, and as she broke the contact and made for the hallway, she heard his voice and his footsteps as he followed her out.