Author's Note: just stopping by to thank those of you who reviewed the previous chapters, and especially those of you who've read I Should Tell You before. you guys are awesome for keeping up with us after all this time. keep up the reviews and kind words, they make us happy :) -ThexInvisiblexGirl (Maureen)

Chapter Three

She was determined to forget all about April and the missing photo for the rest of the day. She meant to send Collins off with a smile; the last thing she wanted was him worrying about her while leaving. So she focused on positive thoughts like her meeting with Anthony, the pretty dresses she was going to buy for her new job, and the fact she would be seeing Mark again very soon – it worked. The photo incident was just a distant memory by the time they arrived at the bus station.

They were the first to arrive. She scanned the bustling station in one look and couldn't help the pang of disappointment that hit her at this realization. Mark was always early for everything; she kind of hoped he would be there already. On the way there, she imagined how he would wait for them and she'd hurry towards him and knock him over with a crushing hug.

"He'll be here soon," Collins' voice interrupted her vivid daydream. She didn't have to look at him to know he looked all smug.

"I know," she replied, her eyes still searching.

He laughed. "Just remember you guys are in a public place. Don't embarrass the rest of us when he gets here."

She felt like sticking her tongue at him and reminding him it was he who was pinning for them to get back together. "We'll do our best."

Roger and Alex showed up soon afterwards, and Mark was just at their trail, slightly red in the face and breathing hard as if he had run all the way there. She watched as he caught up with them. Even from a distance, she could see Roger looked like hell, all rumpled and disheveled. He didn't even look ahead as he walked; he just kept staring at the ground as if he was trusting Alex to lead him in the right direction. She exchanged one look with Collins, whose eyes were clouded with concern for a split second, betraying his peaceful apparel.

She had been thinking about launching herself at Mark all the way there, but now when she saw him, her steps were hesitant. She was kind of uncertain what was okay and what wasn't, under the circumstances. He exchanged one look with Alex before he walked passed him and Roger towards her, and wrapped his arms around her. It wasn't the massive hug she had been yearning for, but it would do. "How did it go?" he whispered, kissing the top of her head.

And everything else was forgotten. "Really, really well!" Once she started, there was no stopping her. "I'm starting next week, but I'm supposed to be there tomorrow to meet the band, and he wasn't scary at all – not even close! And I think I'll have to buy a few – "

"Breathe, Maureen," he reminded her, laughing softly.

She sucked in huge breath, causing both of them to grin. For a moment, everything felt… normal. She looked up at him, his eyes still filled with laughter. Relief surged through her. She felt safer with him there. She couldn't even explain this right; it was as if a part of her was missing at his absence, and now she felt whole again.

But then her eyes wandered to Roger, and her grin vanished. Alex had never left his side, she realized; it was almost as if he were his bodyguard. She assumed that was just the case. "How is he doing?" she asked Mark.

Mark's eyes followed hers, and he sighed. "He hasn't said much since last night. I didn't think we could get him to come here. Thank God for Alex." He looked at her more closely then, and a hint of concern shadowed the blue in his eyes. "Are you okay? You look tired."

She shook her head, suddenly remembering what had kept her awake half the night. "You wouldn't believe the dream I…" her voice trailed off as she noticed Mimi approaching. From the corner of her eye, she saw Roger tense. Mark, who had noticed Roger's reaction too, turned his head over his shoulder. She heard Collins murmur "shiiiiiit" under his breath.

That was the understatement of the century. Mimi looked even worse than Roger, which was quite impossible. Her hair was tied back hastily, which made her eyes look huge. They were red and a bit puffy, she noticed, as if she had spent the previous night crying or drinking, possibly both. She couldn't help but feel sorry for Mimi. She looked tiny, even younger than she actually was, and so vulnerable, impossibly more so than ever before. All she wanted was to get over there and give the poor girl a hug.

Untangling herself from Mark's embrace, she ignored Roger's resentful glare and did just that. "Hey, Meems. We thought you weren't coming," she said, as gently as she would speak to a child.

"I thought I wouldn't have a chance to say goodbye," said Collins, advancing towards them. This time he couldn't fool her. It was pretty obvious Mimi's appearance had thrown him off a bit.

Mimi's smile was somewhat strained, but it was a smile, nonetheless. "I'm here," she said. Her quiet assurance seemed to be for more than just her being there.

They just stood there in silence for a moment, each with their own thoughts. It was as if the other travelers didn't exist. Collins looked at them sadly, and sighed. "This is it. God, I'm going to miss you guys so much."

Her eyes burnt, and the lump in her throat thickened. She knew what it meant, but she had promised herself she wouldn't cry. And she had already broken that promise earlier when he had given her the cowbell locket. This time, she was determined to keep it. She tightened her grip around Mimi's waist and fought off the tears.

Collins' gaze wandered from one to the other, and he shook his head in dismay and laughed softly. "It's only Jersey, I'm not going to Oxford, guys. Stop looking as if someone has died."

"Well, I'm not sorry you're leaving, Collins," said Alex. "I've got enough women to fight off and God knows you're a handful."

Mark sniggered, and she rolled her eyes. Alex might be a jerk, but at least he managed to break the ice a bit. Collins threw him a suggestive look. "You love it, Meyers," he said in what she knew he considered his sexiest tone, and blew a kiss in Alex's direction.

"No, I don't!" Alex protested, doing a step back so he could hide behind Roger. She noticed to her satisfaction that he actually looked terrified. That would shut him up for a minute or so. Roger, on the other hand, wasn't cooperating. It was as if he was there in body, but not in spirit. Throughout Alex and Collins' innuendo, he didn't budge; he didn't even crack a smile. She was getting slightly worried now. She had never seen him so apathetic.

Apparently, Mark had caught it too, because he shook his head ever so slightly in Roger's direction, his eyes speaking volumes.

"You take care, Collins," said Roger, and his voice sort of croaked, as if it was the first time he had spoken that day. She assumed it wasn't far from being the case.

Collins nodded and moved his gaze from Roger to Mimi. Maureen still had her arm around Mimi, and she felt the younger girl shrink beneath Collins' gaze. "I can be rest assured I leave you two in good hands, right?" he said, his eyes still moving between Roger and Mimi. "What happened yesterday happened, and you are just going to move on, alright? You're stronger than this. Both of you." He said this last bit nailing Roger with a piercing look.

"Sure, whatever," Roger murmured, looking at his shoes.

"They're going to shape up," said Mark quickly, as if he was afraid Collins would pick on Roger's listlessness. "You don't have to worry, Collins. Right, Roger?"

Alex had to stick his elbow in Roger's ribs to make him raise his head and acknowledge Mark's remark. "Who even wants to," Roger said then, throwing Mark one glance before he turned his attention back to the ground.

"Cool it, Roger," Alex said. Even though she was standing across from them, she caught the subtle warning in Alex's tone.

"He's going to, whether he likes it or not," said Mark, and she saw how Roger look up at that, his eyes shooting fire at Mark for speaking for him. She knew that defensive look. Roger didn't like being babied around. Mark either missed it entirely, or chose to ignore it. "I know him."

"I thought I knew him," muttered Mimi.

"Shh…" Maureen murmured in reply, casting a glance at Roger. He seemed ready to explode. She felt like rolling her eyes at him and telling him to grow the hell up. "Do we really have to do this here?"

"What, I didn't say anything," he mumbled, hardly even looking at her. "It's your boyfriend and his empty promises," he said, shooting Mark a poisonous glare.

"His empty promises?" Mimi blurted out before Maureen managed to stop her. "How about yours?"

"It's nice to know we have one thing in common then; you know all about empty promises, alright," he mocked her. Maureen stared at him in amazement. Never in her life had she thought she'd hear him speak to Mimi with so much venom in his voice.

"At least Mark thinks things through, unlike some," Mimi backfired, never once flinching against his vicious glares.

"You know what, Mimi? You're such a hypocrite. You always preach to people about living the moment and giving it all you got – well, I'm doing it! I'm giving it all I got, I asked you to marry me!"

"You have no idea what you're getting yourself into! Por dios!" she stopped to catch her breath, but not long enough for him to respond. "You want to get married, but you don't even know what it means!" Her voice was beginning to break as tears filled her eyes. She didn't try to wipe them away or hide them; they streamed freely down her cheeks.

Maureen sighed inwardly. Just perfect. She exchanged an anxious look with Mark, who all but launched himself forward and steered Roger aside just as she got a hold on Mimi, murmuring an apology to Collins from over her shoulder. Trust Alex to be able to distract Collins for a few moments until they fixed things.

Once they were a safe distance away, she exploded. "Is it really necessary to make a scene here?" she hissed, glowering at Roger. She saw Mark's anxious expression, and she knew it meant he preferred she wouldn't do this, but she could no longer contain herself. "For fuck's sakes, Roger, get over yourself, Collins is leaving!"

"Why don't you get over yourself, Maureen, this is none of your business!"

But before she could even think of a proper way to publicly kick his ass, Mark attacked him. "Don't talk to her like that! She's only trying to help. She can't help it if you're acting like a complete jackass." He lowered his tone and looked at Roger pleadingly. "This isn't about you now. This is about Collins. Look at all he's done for us. You're really going to stand there and whine like you always do?"

Apparently, Roger didn't give a damn. "And what do you mean I don't know what marriage means?" he asked Mimi, his gaze piercing, blaming, as if Mark didn't exist. "I know damn well what it means. Why don't you just admit it? You're just scared, scared to be with me for the rest of our lives, as short as that may be! No day but today my ass, Mimi; you're nothing but a coward."

"That's enough!" said Maureen, coming to stand between them. From the way Roger was standing, she was suddenly afraid he would try to hurt Mimi. Well, maybe not intentionally, but he was raging and even the slightest shove might harm her with the way she looked. "Listen to yourselves!"

"I'm not finished yet," Roger said, unceremoniously pushing her aside.

She stared at him jaw-dropped. He did not just do that. She shot him her scariest look, and was satisfied when he froze. "Yes you are," she said coldly. "Now, we're going back there, and you're gonna watch your mouth. Collins is going to get the goodbye he deserves, whether you like it or not."

"Sure, sure," Roger managed to murmur under his breath before Mark got hold on him again and steered him back to where Alex and Collins were standing.

"They're good, I promise," Mark assured Collins, throwing Roger a warning look. "Right?"

For a moment, she was afraid Roger was going to explode again. She was actually holding her breath against his attack. But he just inhaled and looked up at Collins. "Have a good ride, Collins. Good luck in Jersey."

Everyone murmured their agreement. Mark was fussing with a bag he had been holding all along. "Before I forget, I have something to give you," he said, taking out two albums. She vaguely remembered him mentioning something about getting them personalized, but that was before the shit with Roger and Mimi happened. Now it seemed like it had happened ages ago.

"It's from, erm, me and Mark," said Alex. She narrowed her eyes at him. Smartass.

"From all of us," Mark corrected, and his eyes met hers briefly before he handed Collins the albums.

"Ah, guys, you shouldn't have," said Collins, and for a moment she thought she detected slight quiver in his voice. She blinked to send away a few stray tears that still lingered. None of that, she told herself fiercely. She watched Collins as he admired the artwork of the covers. They looked amazing, even from a distance. "This is great! Absolutely beautiful work. I didn't know you were into arts and crafts, Mark," he teased, but it didn't last long. He looked at them seriously, lovingly, and this time he actually seemed as if he was going to cry himself. "Thank you, everyone. Ugh, these goodbyes are getting more emotional every time, don't they? You'll be okay here, won't you?"

"Yes," she replied, as fast as she could, and threw Roger a look. "We'll be fine."

Collins' bus pulled from around the curb, coming to a stop a short distance away from them. Realizing she wouldn't be able to fight it, she just let the tears fall. Collins gave them all hugs, and even Alex relented and gave him a one-arm hug. He held her the longest, and kissed the top of her head before he slowly pulled away and began to walk towards the bus. As she watched him go, she felt two arms snaking around her waist. She leaned her back against Mark's chest and tried to tell herself Collins would come back before she knew it.

But the sadness was pushed away the moment the bus disappeared from their sight. There were more urgent things to handle just now. She could feel the fury building up within her as she thought back of everything that had happened only moments ago. Feeling stronger, she pulled herself away from Mark's embrace and turned to face Roger again. "Was it really that difficult to wait until he leaves before doing this, Roger?"

But he didn't even look in her direction. His eyes were all for Mimi. "Don't you love me, Mimi?" His tone was desperate as he looked at her pleadingly.

Mimi sighed in what sounded like helplessness. "Love has nothing to do with this, Ro – why are you being so unfair about this?"

"Unfair?" he echoed, staring at her incredulously. "How am I being unfair?"

"How about by the way you chose to propose, with all that audience? Dios mio, what were you even thinking? I thought that you, of all people, would understand!"

"I thought you were happy about us!" Something within Maureen twitched, despite herself. His words were so… sincere. It was more than wounded ego, like Collins had reasoned. As if he was really hurt by Mimi's rejection. "I thought you'd want to share this moment with our friends! I don't see what I did wrong!"

"Can we not do this here?" Mark asked, casting a worried glance around. She seemed to be the only one who heard him. Even Alex seemed transfixed by Roger's accusations.

"I was happy about us – I am happy about us! This isn't the issue!"

"Enlighten me then!" he yelled back at her. "What is your fucking problem, Mimi?"

"Don't you see? This is how other people's endings go – healthy people – not people like you and I! Marriage is about new life, life, Roger, which the last time I checked, we don't have much of! How can I say I'll marry you when my days are numbered?"

This didn't make much sense to Maureen. If Mimi's days were numbered, why wouldn't she want to spend them with Roger? If marriage was supposed to be for the rest of your life, then where was the problem?

And surprisingly, Roger was thinking the same thing. "Exactly. That's exactly right. Our days are numbered. Which is why I asked you to marry me, Mimi; I want to be able to share this kind of life with you even if it's only for a day or two or three or who knows how long!"

"I'm here! I'm yours! Why do you need the fanfare? Is marriage the only way for you to know I want to spend the rest of my life with you? Because if it is, then I'm sorry, Roger, but you're the hypocrite, not me."

"Roger's right," she heard herself say before she even finished processing the thought. They all stared at her in amazement, as if they weren't expecting her to side with Roger. To be honest, she wasn't expecting it either, but everything he said sounded… reasonable. She looked at Mimi, hoping she wasn't completely betraying her friend's trust. "You're sick, Mimi. You'll die from it; it's not a secret. Why not get your happy ending – all of it – while you still can? Is it really so wrong to do this Roger's way?"

"There is no choice here," said Mark. He gave her this odd look, almost as if he couldn't believe he was arguing against her. "If Mimi wants to live life as it is now, why should anyone change that for her? If she wants to freeze this moment, why can't she?"

"This isn't the movies, Mark," Roger spattered. "You can't pause and rewind. The film keeps running and eventually it's going to run out," he said, looking meaningfully at Mimi.

"Look," she said, cutting short the argument she could feel coming. "All I'm saying is that we all live on borrowed time here; some of us more than others. You never know what's gonna happen, right? I can get hit by a bus any minute now."

"Maureen, you know a bus wouldn't be able to dent those big knockers of yours. It'll take, like, a train or something." Alex. Who else?

"My point is," she said, silencing him with one glare, "that maybe Roger wanted to do something different with his life before it runs out. He thought marriage was right, and maybe it is. Maybe you are just scared, Meems, but you don't realize that," she said, very gently. She really was trying to make Mimi see her point. She couldn't believe she was arguing in favor of marriage after resisting to it so fiercely when she thought Mark was going to propose to her the other night, but Roger's motives made sense to her. "It's not like it's going to be very different. It will still be the two of you. I don't see how that's a bad thing."

"It is, now," Roger murmured, looking at the ground again.

Mimi shook her head. "You don't understand," she whispered, her bottom lip trembling. She looked as if she was going to start crying again. Maureen had never seen her so helpless before. There was something so off about it. Despite the disease, the constant illness, Mimi was always so full of life. The change she had undergone in the last twenty-four hours was heartbreaking.

"It's not about marriage. It's about being together," Mark said, and she had a feeling he was speaking to her especially. She wondered if hearing her speak in favor of marriage had thrown him as off-guard as it did her. "What does it matter if they're officially wed or not? They have something so much deeper than any socially-constructed institution can offer them."

Roger rolled his eyes. "Great. Collins isn't gone for ten minutes and already someone's taking over this philosophy crap."

"Hey, I'm trying to make you understand what she's going through because obviously you don't get her at all."

"Well, obviously, Mark, you don't know much about me or about how I feel, so back the hell off!"

"Here's the reality, Roger," said Mark, unflinching against Roger's attack. "I know you better than anyone else. You don't know what you want. In fact, you don't know yourself at all."

"Yeah, that's the easiest way for you, isn't it? Always has been. Knowing everyone else better than you. You say I don't know myself very well? Well, here's a news-flash, buddy. It's time for you to open your eyes!" He snorted at himself, as if he had just realized something, and laughed bitterly. "Some friend you are. You're good at preaching, Mark, but you're blind when it comes to handling your own life, aren't you?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Look around, Mark!" Roger said again, and there was strange urgency in his voice now. "There's too much you're missing! Starting with Miss I'm-so-changed-and-perfect who's standing next to you!"

She was so into their quarrel that it took her a moment to even realize Roger had spoken about her. She blinked, confused, as she felt everyone's eyes were set on her. He was going way too far with this. What did he even want from her? How dare he involve her in any of this? She had just gone against everything she had ever thought she believed in to defend him!

"Roger, let's go for a walk," said Alex all of a sudden. He didn't look at her, but she saw something flashing in his eyes… No, he couldn't mean –

Roger wasn't having any distractions. "No, it's time he hears a little bit about his picture perfect life! Perfect my ass. Jesus, Mark, you don't know half the things that's been going on around you."

She didn't like this. Something was very, very wrong. She got this weirdest feeling, and she was never one to doubt her instincts. Whatever the hell he meant to do, she wasn't going to let him. She stepped forward. "Guys, come on. We should just head home now. Please?" she said, trying to grab Roger's arm.

He shoved her off; he never looked away from Mark who looked thunderstruck, slightly scared even. "You think you know everything, don't you, Mark? You think you can capture any second of the world around you with that little camera of yours, but you can't see everything, can you? You can't see what's happening, you're too busy creating what you want to see just so you can finally be content. Lucky for you, you didn't see what was happening with those two."

She couldn't stop the gasp that escaped her. The sidewalk didn't feel so steady anymore as the street began to spin, and she could feel she was going pale. He did not just mean… how did he even…

It had always been there, at the back of her mind. The memory was vague at first, with shadows rather than faces, a certain scent, a brief sensation. But now it was getting more concrete, too tangible, and she felt like shutting her eyes, as if that would be enough to send it all away. It was quiet in the room, except for the sound of their ragged breaths, the hiss of their fervent kisses, a choked giggle, a momentary moan or a whimper. Somehow he knew exactly what she wanted. He was rough and tender at the same time. Funny, she'd never thought of him as tender before. His hands were roaming against her heated skin, exploring, searching, caressing. She grabbed the front of his tee-shirt to pull him closer. It was wrong to encourage him, but she was powerless against resistance. 'Stop' slipped from her lips as 'more'. She'd handle the consequences tomorrow, she told herself, intoxicated with the intensity of his kisses. Now she just wanted him to touch her.

Ever since Alex came back into their lives only a few weeks ago, it was more and more difficult to push the memory back; it just kept resurfacing.

She blinked. Only seconds had passed since Roger had said the words, but it felt like much longer. The silence was thick and piercing; no one dared break it. Now she was scared. Alex's face was expressionless, a perfect mask. Mimi looked as if she didn't want to be there, didn't want to take part of this, but yet relieved that this wasn't about her anymore. Roger was glaring at Mark, as if challenging him. Mark just… stood there, with that bewildered expression across his face, as if he couldn't decide what to do with that new input.

She touched the locket that hung around her neck. If you need me, I won't be far away, Collins had said before he left, but she knew that he wouldn't be able to help her, not now. She was on her own on this. It would be the end of everything, everything they had struggled to reconstruct, if this secret was out. And as much as she dreaded it, there was no way she was going to sit and watch as it happen. She had sacrificed too much to admit defeat now. She had to try. "Roger, don't," she whispered, her voice croaking despite herself. One less attempt to prevent the inevitable.

It got his attention. He tore his eyes away from Mark and shot her a cold glare which confirmed her suspicions. Somehow, he knew. And although for some reason he had kept it to himself all these years, he wasn't going to anymore.

She stood there, frozen as a statue, and braced herself against the upcoming explosion.