I painted a picture of you,
your soul was red and your mind was blue.
Destiny laid a light on my creation.
This dream I had made a slave of my passion,
reality was always too far away.
And we were happy until it came too close one day.
Suddenly I faced the truth of my dream,
my love had only been a picture, a scene.
I suppose I needed to believe,
didn't want to see you had never been close to me.
And I'm sorry,
this illusion has caused you a lot of pain.
And I have no solution,
I'll try to never be back again.
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I painted a picture of you.
My dream was a lie and the lie became truth.
Reality held his breath too long.
It's disgusting what dreams can do to you.
And I'm sorry,
this illusion has caused you a lot of pain.
And I have no solution,
I'll try to never be back again.
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
- I'm sorrry by Evergrey
I woke up the next morning to still find Charlie locked up in his room, I frowned. Maybe he's planning the funeral and wants to be alone. With that I nodded and went back to my room. I get dressed in some black skinny jeans and a red top and hightops. Deciding not to shower today and leave my hair natural. I couldn't wait to leave this house.
She still lingered here, with all our unresolved issues and anger I could still feel her. Maybe it was just me going crazy but I felt it. And then there was my dad, who I haven't seen since that night. I guess I should be worried but I couldn't find it in me to be anxious over his wellbeing. He was a grown man and I was a teenage girl, shouldn't he be the one worrying about me?
I walk down the stairs and into the kitchen. I wonder briefly when the last time Charlie had eaten but shrug it off. That was his own damn problem. I quickly eat a granola bar that was due to expire in a few days. I grabbed my bag and opened the door to leave, breathing in the fresh hair. "oh" I mutter as I realize I forget keys. I go back and realize that something stunk, I didn't realize it before cause I probably slept with the smell and got use to it.
Having a few minutes before I had to go I decided to investigate. I check every room, even mine, saving Charlie's for last. I could tell the smell came from his room. I take a deep breath, preparing to find a Charlie who hadn't showered in a few days. I slowly open the door and stared when I didn't only find a stinky Charlie. But a dead one.
I could barely notice the pulsating stank that rotated throughout the room. I didn't need to check if he was dead, the color of his skin and the bullet wound through his head proved it. I see a note on the bed and I shuffle to it, grabbing it before running out of the room and the house, slamming the door. I climb into my truck, not even jumping when it sputtered to life. I couldn't look at the note. Not yet.
The drive to school was very.. tense. I sat very still and didn't make a peep, unable to let it set in that Charlie had killed himself. Leaving me on my own. I wanted to scream at him, but I couldn't scream at a dead body, I couldn't curse at his grave, he didn't have one. All which complicated matters for me greatly. I was gratefull to get out of my truck when I got to school. The air in it suffocating, even with the windows open.
I carefully fold the note and slip it into my back pocket, unable to look at it yet. I looked around the parking lot, searching for Edward. Sighing when I didn't see him I walked over to Angela, extremely disappointed. What if he was sick? He would have texted... He didn't seem sick yesterday. I chew on my lip as Angela quietly talks about a test she has to take tomorrow, seeming to have lost her Lauren attitude from yesterday.
"Mrs. Brown said she'd grade the tests by tomorrow." I froze, "wait, Mrs. Brown's class had a test yesterday?" Angela nodded slowly. "yeah... All of her classes did" Had I been so lost in a haze of death and Edward I didn't even notice when we had a test? I groaned, knowing my test scores would show my lack of attention span yesterday. I made my way to English, suddenly excited with the thought of seeing Edward. Edward. Edward. Edward.
I sat in my desk and not-so-paitently waited for him to arrive. He was still new so I wouldn't get mad if he got lost, maybe a little frustrated though.. It's not like we have some huge school. He got in his desk just before the bell went off. I ripped a piece of paper out of my notebook. Wanna go somewhere after school? There's something that's bugging me.. I slid the note to him and the response was almost immediate. I can tell something is, follow me in your car when school ends. I sent him a nod to show him I understand.
I could feel the note burning a hole in my skin, how I didn't want to see what it read but god how I know I had to. It would be easier if Edward was there though. School went by exceptionally slow, not counting the two classes that I had with Edward. I wasn't suprised to find Edward had the Volvo I saw the first day and quickly as my truck would go, I followed him.
We ended up on a deserted road surronded by woods, if it had been ANYONE else I would have been worried for my safety but I wasn't with Edward. I knew he wouldn't hurt me. We both get out of our cars, turning off the engines and stand next to eachother. He grabbed my hand and then we slowly walked into the woods, a bag he didn't have before on his back.
The woods weren't dark but they did have limited lighting due to the tree's being so close together, eventually the tree's start to break adn we come upon a small pond. The water crystal clear and you could see small fish swimming in it. Lily pads dotted the surface and large colorful dragon flies rested their wings while sitting on them. There was a small rickety dock that we stood on.
"it's beautiful" I whispered, he nodded in response. We slowly sat down and Edward pulled me into his warmth. "I found my dad dead this morning..." I continued with the soft voice from earlier. He tightened his grip on me. "I found this note next to him on his bed." I pulled out the note that had been burning me all through-out the day.
"want to read it together?" he asked softly, I nodded. He had known why I brought this to him. I slowly pulled open the folded letter and began reading aloud.
Bells,
if you've found this letter you have found my body. I'm sorry you had to see that but I couldn't live without your mother, even if it was just knowing the fact that she was happy. I didn't want it to end this way but it did. Funeral plans for me and your mother, my will, and my planned arrangements for you until you turn 18 are in my top dresser drawer. I have only two wishes for you Bells, to do whatever makes you happy, and to please not hate me. I tried to validate my actions by saying you would be unhappy living with me, I would be depressed, I would drink, and you would be forced to do whatever I couldn't. I of course, do not know if that would actually happen but it was the only way I could take myself. With the thought of you happy.
I left something also for the man that will steal your heart, I don't know who he is but I know he will love you unconditionally. For you deserve to be. I don't know what he likes or what he does but I offer this as a peace offering with him. And let him know that on your first date with him I will be cleaning my gun up in the clouds, waiting for him to screw up.
I love you. Charlie.
By the end of the letter I had tears rolling down my cheeks. "he loved you" he said after a few minutes, I nodded. "I love him" he nodded and pressed a kiss to my forehead. "too much?" I knew what he meant. He was asking if the pain was too much, it was like I could understand everything he said. I nodded. He pulled around his backpack and pulled out a medium sized bottle of vodka. He passed it to me.
I stared at the bottle, this had been my first time drinking. I put the bottle to my lips, tipped my head and let it flow into my mouth. It burned. It tasted like nail polish remover. I winced as I swallowed and choked a little on it before passing it to Edward. This continued until we were both drunk, whispering and giggling nonsense to each other. We fell asleep on the dock.
so their unhealthy relationship begins :) tell me what you thought of Charlie's letter!
