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Chapter Four

Tidus felt foolish for ever entangling himself in Lulu's life. He thought that the painful aftermath of their near-union was enough to ward him off from ever again allowing such a mishap, but he still wondered if he could even muster the self-control to abstain from sex if Lulu dropped her defenses again. Probably not, he thought, laughing morosely to himself. As angry and as disappointed as he was from being jilted, he could not let go of his eagerness to make another attempt at an intimate relationship. However, in the back of his mind was a sense of knowing, a certainty that such an opportunity would never present itself. He also regretted injuring Wakka. Even though he appeared to be a great sport, Tidus knew that his ego was severely damaged by witnessing the two of them together. He imagined what it would be like to be in love with the same woman for years, always being rejected, only to find her half naked with another man. It made him shudder with self-hatred just to think about it. How would he ever find the right words to say "sorry"? For the first time he realized the difficulty of encountering a situation where apologizing seemed impossible because he feared that it wasn't enough to make up for his recklessness. "Sorry" had always sufficed when he bumped into someone, or when he inadvertently said something insensitive, but what about breaking someone's heart?

He pressed his fingers into his closed eyelids, trying to physically press his unease into the back of his mind. He had a job to do as a guardian. For now he would focus on his duty, on what was right in front of him, and figure out what to do about his damaged friendship when the right time came. As for Lulu... It was just a matter of letting things work out for themselves, rather than trying to force her any which way.

"Hey man, are you coming?" called Wakka from the foot of the stairs that led to the Chamber of the Fayth. Just as Tidus was about to answer and stride forward, he heard an ear-splitting scream while his foot was lifted just inches off the ground. He immediately started forward to see what the source of the commotion was.

A nun of Yevon had stumbled onto all fours outside the room where Yuna had been just a moment ago, repeatedly shouting "Lord Jyscal!" at the top of her voice. After exchanging a meaningful look with Auron, Tidus circumvented the nun and entered the room at top speed.

* * * * * * * * *

"Lady Yuna, you seem very tense," Seymour drawled in his usual honey-sweet voice. "Is it possible that you have bad news for me in regards to my marriage proposal?" The Guado's sea-deep blue eyes, framed by thick black lashes that were likely passed down to him from his human mother, swept over Yuna with a kind of delicacy that was almost sultry and feminine. The summoner audibly gulped, breaking eye contact and looking within herself for enough strength to withstand the maester's natural charm.

"No, it's not that..." she maintained, gazing around for something to focus on instead of those haunting blue eyes. "In fact, I... I came here to say..."

"Please, before you answer," he sweetly interjected, sweeping towards her with an inhuman grace, "allow me to escort you into the Fayth. Your pilgrimage is without a doubt your top priority at this point."

"Th... thank you," she stammered, covering her mouth with her fingertips, at a complete loss as to what she should say once she emerged from the Fayth, but still grateful for the momentary diversion from her confrontation of the maester.

* * * * * * * * *

"Seymour!" Tidus shouted, bursting through the door to the Chamber with the rest of the party in tow. Seymour looked up casually, but his expression was dangerous.

"Lady Yuna prays," he stated calmly, while his face expressed malicious loathing. "Do not disturb her."

"I'll disturb whoever I want!" Tidus countered, gesticulating aggressively.

"We saw the sphere Jyscal left in Yuna's belongings," Auron growled, narrowing his eyes behind his sunglasses. "You killed him. And you're not yet tired of killing."

"Indeed. I killed my father." The corners of Seymour's lips curled into a malevolent smile that sent chills even down the stoic Auron's spine. "And what are you going to do about it? Are you here to punish me?"

The door to the Fayth rumbled. Yuna's black boots and the hem of her skirt appeared as it drew upward, and then she stumbled out of the entrance, sapped of strength. Seymour caught her by the elbow and held her steady.

"Get away from him, Yunie!" cried Rikku, stepping towards them. "He killed Jyscal!"

"I know," Yuna replied, recoiling from the maester's touch and readying her summoner's staff in defense. "Maester Seymour, I have come to avenge Lord Jyscal, and to stop you from manipulating or killing anyone else!"

* * * * * * * * *

The fight against Seymour and his aeon, Anima, and the escape from the Macalania Temple, had taken quite a bit out of everyone, but no one as much as Yuna, who lay unconscious beneath the ice of the frozen lake, watched over by her comrades, who knew not what to do to justify having killed Seymour without Jyscal's sphere as evidence.

Tidus sat by Yuna's side, waiting for the slightest indication of consciousness so that he could be relieved of his guilt for not keeping a closer eye on her. While he waited he reclined his head to examine the foggy sheet of ice overhead, which he imagined was several meters thick. A huge chasm ran across it where they had fallen in, surrounded by miniscule cracks that looked like glittering, dew-dropped spider webs. The sunlight filtering through the ice was faint and cast a haunting blue light on everything it touched, including the hands that Tidus held out before him, which made him look as if he had frozen solid himself, as if he were just another aspect of the frozen lake that had been there for all time.

He felt like a fool for being so engrossed in thoughts of Lulu, who now sat several yards away, disallowing herself to look in his direction, looking herself like a frozen statue. Yuna had never lost her faith in him, regardless of how distracted he became from her plight and her safety. He beat himself up relentlessly for betraying both her trust and her feelings for him. He noticed how her face appeared to be the only part of his surroundings that glowed with life, and he realized that it was because a ray of orange sunlight shone through a crack in the ice just above her. Her hair shined in the warm light, burnt brown and probably sweet smelling. He imagined that, if her eyes had been open, the stunning green and blue would have mingled with the fiery light above and created a beautiful display of color that would have been welcome in this cold, stark place. Just then Tidus knew how badly he wanted Yuna to open her eyes and look at him, how desperately he needed to feel the fire on his skin again. He brushed a few strands of her ash brown hair from her face. Feeling eyes on the back of his head, he turned just in time to see Lulu sharply turning her head in the other direction. Tidus stood up and started in her direction, feeling reckless in his grief.

She sat facing away from him, staring off into the distance as if she were thinking about what to do next like everyone else. He studied her back, and her shining black braids, which quivered ever-so-slightly as if they were alerting her of his presence behind her.

"Yuna is still unconscious," he reported, standing stock-still, waiting for her to make the first move. She gazed lazily over her shoulder so that he saw her lovely beauty-marked face in profile, her glimmering eyes never reaching above ground level. Her white skin fit into its icy surroundings well.

"She must rest," Lulu responded, expressionless and unreadable. "She has had a long journey, and a difficult fight. I wouldn't worry about her too much. She is very strong."

"Lulu." Tidus needed no other words. His tone carried whatever meaning he hoped to convey to the mage, who continued to stare into the space just over her shoulder, apparently unmoved by the love, desperation, and need in his voice. If her eyes would simply flick over to his face, not lingering for more than a fraction of a second, like a flash of fiery lightning, penetrating his skin, all the way to his core, he would feel his passion restored and his pain healed. But she did not move.