Jenny had an annoying habit of clicking her pen when she was thinking hard about something. She read and reread through all of the papers her doctor gave her trying to make sense of it all and the whole time, clicking her pen. The same pen that she had owned for years, it was stupid but clutching the familiar grooves and notches relaxed her. This time however, it wasn't helping. Between her busy schedule and dealing with a certain team in the bull pen, she had finally made sense of all the information by the middle of the week. But that didn't mean some part of her stopped hoping it was all a bad dream. Every day she would wake up and find that it was not only real, but urgent. Another thing she hadn't bothered to get to. It would make it all too real. She knew she needed to get more tests done but couldn't bring herself to do it.
That afternoon she thought over the news she had received just last Friday. It was Wednesday. Knowing that this nightmarish reality wasn't a dream she had finally come to terms with it. She didn't think she ever would but surprisingly it came easily. She didn't know why and didn't care to know why. All she was focused on now was treatment options which she vigorously looked into.
But treatment wasn't the only thing she was thinking about.
It had been a long week, too long. Jenny's head was a mix between so many different things she couldn't even keep track of them all. So, when after a frustrating case, Ziva asked the Director out for drinks… how could she refuse? They sat in a relatively good bar having a nice conversation, at least for a while. The former Mossad agent and longtime friend of Jenny, that was trained for anything, was surprised when Jenny decided to get absolutely drunk out of her mind. Jenny, the Director of an armed federal agency. Ziva had only seen her like this once before. Back when the two were working anti-terrorist ops they lost a group of young children trapped in an elementary school. That was also the first and last time Ziva saw her friend's parental side come out. Though, if it was even possible, now seemed to be just as bad or even worse if she dare say. Jenny had made some kind of concoction with vodka and scotch and was continually drinking it as she slurred her words and talked nonsense to Ziva but she listened patiently as Jenny continued her drunken rant. But what Jenny started rambling about caught Ziva's ear. "Do you remember in Cairo when that school exploded? Well I do, and I just wanted to die… in a hole. I really did. I lost the man I loved in Paris and I couldn't save those kids. Everything was going wrong for me… and it still is I guess." She slurred but with that poorly executed sentence Jenny seemed to sober up a bit. Ziva watched curiously wondering what could be bothering her friend. Jenny sighed and took another long drink of her concoction and winced. "I really shouldn't be drinking; doc told me I need to lay off the alcohol. But I mean this is only my third right?" She asked Ziva as she spilled her drink on the counter top.
"Eight Jenny, you've had eight." Ziva corrected but Jenny just shrugged as she downed what was left of her beverage.
"You should have s'more to drink." Jenny said to Ziva and flagged the bartender over but Ziva stopped her.
"I have to go to work tomorrow and so do you. So I would do what the doctor asked and stop with the alcohol." Ziva said back softly but Jenny jerked away and slammed her glass down on the table asking for another.
"Geez Ziva you gotta live a little. Never know what moment'll be your last." Jenny slurred hesitantly not realizing that she has never ever lived by that statement before until now. Until she knew her life was on the line for real this time. "It hurts when I drink Ziva… right here." She said pointing to her chest, ruffling her shirt in the process. Ziva thought she meant her heart but Jenny meant it physically hurt her which was a symptom with Waldenstrom's. "It burns like a hot poker." She hissed and Ziva realized the pain she was feeling was physical.
"Maybe you should get that checked out Jenny?" Ziva asked worried about her friend. Jenny scoffed and let out a low laugh before looking Ziva in the eyes.
"I did get it checked out." She spit back angrily her body tensing but it quickly relaxed after she took a sip of her recently refilled glass. Ziva looked at her quizzically but Jenny ignored the stare as she looked around the bar for any good looking man to drown her sorrows in. Actually with Jenny being as drunk as she was, good looking wasn't a factor. Any conscious man would work. To her dismay she didn't spot any and with sadness in her eyes she turned back to Ziva.
"And are you okay?" The Israeli asked. Jenny grimaced and took a long drink from her glass.
"I'm not drunk enough to talk about it." Is all she said before downing her practically full glass of an extremely alcoholic beverage. After many failed attempts to stop Jenny from drinking more, which just resulted in more vodka and scotch spilled on Jenny's jeans and t-shirt, she finally was deemed too drunk to be in the bar. She had caused quite a commotion when she came onto the toughest looking guy in the bar and the bartender. They had kicked Jenny and Ziva out. Jenny barely able to walk stumbled around and straightened out her shirt before falling against Ziva. Jenny groaned clutching her stomach and tore away from Ziva violently before getting sick in the bushes. Ziva sighed and gently rubbed circles in Jenny's back. After she was finished she grimaced and wiped her mouth off before continuing to lean on Ziva for support as they walked to Ziva's car. "You know, I found that no matter how drunk you get, it doesn't make you forget." Jenny slurred quietly as Ziva drove Jenny back to her place.
"What are you trying to forget? Maybe I could help you?" Ziva asked trying to be funny. Jenny smiled slightly and turned her head to Ziva as if it weighed a hundred pounds.
"It won't work but the offer was nice. Can't escape. Just have to see the doc in a few days." Jenny rambled slurring her words together so badly Ziva could barely make out what she said. And Ziva spoke five languages.
"Why what's wrong?" Jenny sighed heavily and quite loudly before responding rather impressively for being wasted.
"Do you know what a lymphoma is Zee-vahhh?" she asked and Ziva shook her head. She had never been good with those things unlike Ducky and Abby. Jenny chuckled. "Well that's what I've got. And I can't even pronounce its name for God's sake!" She exclaimed getting rather upset. Tears sprang painfully to Jenny's eyes and Ziva noticed.
"Hey hold up. It will be fine! Everything will be fine!" Ziva said rubbing Jenny's shoulder as she cried silently in the window. Ziva had no idea what a lymphoma was but was going to find out.
The next morning Jenny sat in her office with the mother of all headaches. She felt like there was a metal concert going on in her head while a steamroller was being driven over her, now multiply that by twenty. She sat with her head in her hands trying to recall the later part of last night. The last thing Jenny remembers is her fourth (?) glass of her wild concoction. She sighed and buzzed her assistant. "Cynthia would you mind grabbing me a bottle of water?"
"Sure Director. I know you're not feeling well." She said and Jenny chuckled painfully before responding.
"Thank you."
Ziva had just gotten into work. The only person at his desk was Gibbs. They exchanged hellos and how are you's before Ziva quickly retreated down to autopsy. The elevator dinged and she walked through the sliding doors purposefully. "Mr. Palmer you're early! I didn't expect you until later." Ducky said turning but realized it wasn't Palmer and smiled. "Ziva, how nice to see you! Now what brings you down to autopsy this fine morning?" Ducky asked cheerily as he put on his usual white lab coat and set his jacket on the coat rack. Ziva sighed and walked over to Ducky slowly, almost nervously. Did she want to hear this?
"Ducky what is a lymphoma?" She asked bluntly. Ducky's brow furrowed momentarily.
"I take it you want the short version?" He chuckled.
"Yes please Ducky." Ziva responded slightly amused.
"It's a type of cancer that resides in the blood." He said and tried to go on but Ziva stopped him abruptly. Cancer? Jenny has… cancer? That can't be right?
"Are you sure?" Ziva asked childishly.
"Yes Ziva of course I'm sure. Why are you asking this? What's the problem?" Ducky asked now worried himself. Ziva shook her head knowing if Jenny kept it a secret she wouldn't want the lion out of the bag because of her drunken words last night.
"Nothing Ducky I was just wondering. Thank you." She said before walking out of autopsy and heading straight to the Director's office. With a deadly mix of anger, worry and sadness in her eyes she stormed past the bull pen where Gibbs sat rather confused as he watched her walk up the stairs and burst into the Director's office. Wonder what that could be? He asked himself but decided to let it go for now. Meanwhile Ziva paid no mind to Cynthia who was protesting saying the Director doesn't want to be disturbed. She opened the door and shut it quietly knowing Jenny probably had a massive headache. Jenny looked up at Ziva. She looked horrible. Her eyes were blood shot, she looked like she had gotten no sleep and her hair wasn't perfect; there were a few stray hairs and her ponytail was just slightly off center. "Ziva what can I do for you?" She asked in the most normal voice she could manage.
"When were you going to tell me?"
"Tell you what?" She asked worried she had said something while she was drunk last night.
"Don't play dumb Jenny! You remember what you told me last night?" Ziva asked walking purposefully up to Jenny's desk.
"Ziva, I can't remember most of last night!" She exclaimed and her head pounded angrily.
"You told me that you had a lymphoma." Jenny sat up straighter in her seat. Had she really done that? Well I guess the cat would have to come out of the bag eventually. She sighed and pushed the stray hairs out of her face.
"Right, about that." Jenny said quietly but Ziva interrupted her.
"No. When were you going to tell me?" She exclaimed loudly and Jenny winced, her headache flaring up again. So many emotions were running through Ziva's head: confusion, anger, concern and most of all fear.
"I was going to tell you once I had some treatments set up and working! You know I don't like it when people worry about me! I'm fine!"
"But the thing is Jenny you are not fine! And you have family for a reason! So we can support you and help you through things like this!" Ziva shot back and Jenny sighed leaning back in her chair. Running a hand down her face she pulled a piece of paper out of a drawer in her desk and handed it to Ziva. "What is this?"
"It's what I have specifically. But you have to promise not to tell anybody else. I want to be the one to tell them." She pleaded. Ziva looked up at Jenny after glancing at the paper.
"As long as you do tell them."
"I will I promise. And don't worry about me Ziva, I'll get through this." Jenny forced a smile but knew she wasn't convincing anybody. Ziva started to read the paper and Jenny talked. "It's called Waldenstrom's Macro-something. I can't pronounce it but maybe you can. It's incurable but there are good treatments that can keep the cancer in remission for years." She finished and Ziva stared at Jenny but she wasn't able to read the Israeli's expression.
"Incurable." She stated in disbelief. Both of them knew what that entailed but neither said anything about it.
After Ziva left Jenny's office in a sort of daze with the paper in her hand Jenny sat at her desk with tears in her eyes. Every confrontation about it just made it more and more real. But realizing this she knew she would need to go to the doctor this week. So with a newfound determination she called her doctor and set up an appointment.
Later that night she sat in her father's old study with her cell in her hand. Her mother's number was just a click away but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Hey mom I haven't talked to you since dad died but I wanted to let you know that I have a terminal cancer. She thought sarcastically and cursed herself for it. Letting out a small laugh she closed her phone and put her head in her hands. We'll start slow Jenny; let's not rush into things here. So with that thought imprinted in her mind she walked up to her room and sat down, immediately getting lost in the other world of a good book.
Meanwhile Gibbs was sitting in his basement sanding his boat with a glass of bourbon that previously held nuts and bolts. He was thinking about Jenny. Though their relationship has been strained lately he was worried about her. Ever since that first doctor's appointment a week and a half ago Jenny had been distant and distracted. Something he had never seen in Jenny before. And it wasn't something he liked. She was giving up on fights easier and it seemed as though she was trying to distance herself from him, why he didn't know. But one thing he did know is that his gut was churning.
