Title: It's Not Safe (4?)
Series: Creature of Extraordinary Grace
Author: romanceguru
Disclaimer: Joss is boss, I am but a lowly subservient.
Rating: R
Summary: River tries to make sense of it all as Jayne…
Pairings: Mal/River Jayne/River (I'm double shipping it)
Notes: 1yr + Post BDM
Beta by elsibet34
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The moment they were alone and free from prying ears, Kaylee grabbed River by the hands and pulled her to the common room couch. As they sank into the cushions the mechanic looked at the younger woman assertively. "Alright, girly. Spill the beans."
"I enlightened him." River stated simply.
Kaylee leaned in eagerly. "How'd ya say it?"
"Told him that I love him."
"You love him? Oh! That's all kinds o' shiny!" Kaylee cried out, squeezing River's dainty hands in joy.
River looked at her friend hesitantly and finished, "and that I also love Jayne."
The mechanic's face glossed over in confusion. "You what? Wait. Am I missin' somethin' here?
"Oh, Kaylee, tried to tell you before, but Simon…" River proceeded to lean in close and recount Jayne's confession from the evening before.
"Jayne? Jayne Cobb here on this boat said those things?"
River nodded.
"And he weren't drunk?"
"In perfect sobriety."
"Goodness. Well, what'd the cap'n say when ya told him?" Kaylee whispered as if she were afraid of the answer.
"Nothing. Finished speaking and he was slumbering. I will try again tonight," avowed the younger woman.
"No!"
"But you said…"
Kaylee sighed. "Know what I said before, but things ain't as simple now. You ready to choose?"
"I don't know what I want." River answered honestly.
Kaylee bit her lip and looked into River's eyes apprehensively. "Can I ask you a question, an' don't be mad? I know Jayne went an' said those nice an' unexpected things to ya. An' ya'll had crazy sex together. But why do ya love him? I mean, he went an' broke your heart, an' the cap'n treats ya better than the big guy ever could."
River sank back into the couch as she searched for the proper memory to describe her feelings. Her voice was soft and enchanting as she spoke. "There was a night towards the end, after we…well, he thought I was asleep. I could sense him lean over me. His hand touching me here." She brought her own hand up to her cheek as she recalled the memory. "His skin rough against my own. Then he was slowly tracing his fingers over my nose, my lips… hands, memorizing. I remember my heart thundering, overwhelmed by the gentleness. He was always so detached… Took every piece of me not to open my eyes. To tell him I knew his secret. He cared."
"Then what?" Kaylee asked, genuinely intrigued.
River cracked a satirical smile. "He shook me awake. Informed me that I needed to leave before the crew got up and found us out."
"Hm..."
River's features softened, the truth of things realized. "He was scared of me. Scared of himself, so he pushed me away. Fell victim to his words. Ignored my heart. I believed him because he wanted me to. Forgot his touch. Furtive but true. He reminded me of it yesterday with words. Phrases, I thought I'd never hear him speak. It's torn me. Two halves equally divided."
Kaylee let out a long breath. "Jayne ain't ever been one, for, well, any type o' relationship. Guess it's a pretty big deal the way he feels 'bout you." She continued to ponder this for a moment. "No use breakin' the cap'ns heart 'til ya figure it out."
"I don't want to break anyone." River looked down at her lap and frowned, sadness creeping in and filling her conscience with regret. "Know what it feels like to be damaged. I can't…they should both stay far away from me where it's safe."
"Don't say that!" Kaylee shook the girl's hands for accent. "Not like ya planned any of this. Things just happen. Ain't much you can do but ride out the storm. When it clears, ya'll know what it is ya want."
River lifted her head, looking far off into the future for the answers she couldn't yet see. "More worried about the person I'm going to destroy in its wake."
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River found her captain on the bridge staring out into the black, lost in thought. She silently observed his profile, taking in his beautiful stern features and her heart twitched pleasantly just being near him. She felt lucky to be deemed worthy of his touch, of his poetic words and his heart.
He hadn't struggled, nor fought her when she asked to be let in. This surprised her above all things, because she had witnessed the impossible wall he had built just for Inara. Perhaps he was just tired, ready to finally be loved or possibly, it meant something more profound, like destiny.
When she looked at him, she saw a bright light surrounding so much darkness. He locked it away deep down and braved his secret pain for the crew he loved. She wanted to reach inside and release his suffering, not be the cause of more.
With ghost light steps, she snuck up to the chair and wrapped him up from behind. Mal jumped slightly, startled by her presence but instantly recognized her touch and clean scent.
"What are your thoughts about?" She whispered faintly in is ear, her voice always sending tremors to his core.
He reached up and she felt his strong hands grip her arms and then he was pulling her into his lap.
"Just on pretty lil' things that like to sneak about." He answered evenly and kissed her lips.
He pulled away and smiled gaily at her. "Gotta stop that, bound to give an old man like me a heart attack."
River smiled back and shivered at the same time. "I'm cold," was all she could manage.
He leaned back and settled her more comfortably against his muscular chest, running his warm hands up and down the goosed flesh of her bare arms. "That better, lil' one?" River hummed a yes and pressed her ear against him. She tried to relax by counting the regular intervals of his heartbeat but her eyes remained fixed open, her own palpitations racing with the dread of the unknown.
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Jayne busied himself with cleaning his wide array of weapons while waiting the agonizing 42 minutes it took Mal to finally leave the dining common.
He glanced up from his gun oil and gleaming pistols to look at River who was sitting on the opposite end of the table, working intently on a sketch detailing the logistics of their next job.
The girl's long, dark-brown hair laid spread over the sheets of scattered paper and her face was pinched in concentration. She murmured silently to herself as her pencil scratched the paper in quick, fierce strokes.
He thought back to a time when he wouldn't have given her a second glance, but now she was all kinds of shiny, just sitting there all focused like.
He wiped at the gun in his hand half mindedly, too busy being distracted to show 'his girls' his usual, meticulous care.
"Will you please stop staring at me? Can't concentrate." River asked without looking up from her work.
"I ain't starin'." Jayne shot defensively. "Just lookin' a bit."
"Same difference." River threw the mercenary an exasperated look and set her pencil down, sighing. "You want some tea?"
"Sure, I'll take some."
While River busied herself with the task, Jayne set down his pistol and removed something that had been hidden beneath the blanket on which his weapons were spread. He got up and moved behind River who was bent over grabbing the teakettle from a low storage unit. As she turned and stood she smacked into his barreling chest and dropped the thing, the metal clanging loudly on the hard ground below.
Jayne reached down concurrently with River to help recover the item. As he leaned down beside the girl, her hair hung in his face. Automatically, he closed his eyes and soaked in her distinctive scent. She smelled of sweet nectar, like early spring back home. It instantly evoked the memory of the same girly sweetness that engulfed him as he moved against her in the dead of night, sweaty, panting and over wrought with desire as he buried his face in her mane and released deep inside her body.
"Jayne, I have it." River's voice snapped him back from his erotic recollection. He looked down and found that his hand was tightly gripped around the kettle alongside hers. He immediately let go and stood up right.
As she began to turn away he reached one large hand out and placed it around her arm to still her. "Wait up."
River looked at him in query.
"Here. Gotcha this." Jayne shoved a slightly worn package into River's hands.
"When? We haven't…"
"I done got it a while back. Was just to much o' lun dan ta give it ta ya then."
"Oh." River said modestly as she stared down at the small box in her hands. Her heart raced at the thought of the hardhearted man going out of his way just to buy her a gift.
Jayne shuffled his feet a little and glanced at her guardedly.
"Well, ain't ya gonna open it?"
Carefully, she pulled on the ribbon until the wrapping was freed and it fluttered to the ground. She lifted the lid and pulled out a dainty gold chain at the end of which dangled a simple daisy with an amber stone at the crux.
River held the fragile thing up to the light and viewed it in fascination as it rotated slowly, shining brightly when the beams of light struck the stone.
Jayne cleared his throat awkwardly." 'Minded me o' the color yer eyes git when da sun hits 'em just right."
The awe struck girl just looked at the large man before her at a loss for words. This gift giving, love-confessing person was in stark contrast to the sharp, callous man who first broke her heart. She glanced back to the necklace one last time before resigning it over. "I cannot accept this."
Jayne took the chain and dangled it back into her small hand, closing it with his massive one. "Ya don't have to wear it. I just want ya ta keep it, dong ma?" He kept his hand over hers relishing in the feel of their contact. He fought back the urge to pull her up in his arms and kiss her right, those beautiful glossy pink lips haunting him with regret. He moved his gaze from her mouth back to her large brown eyes before Zoë walked in and announced her presence by clearing her throat.
River quickly pulled her hand from Jayne's and slipped the chain into the pocket of her dress. Zoë raised a curious eyebrow towards them and Rivers skin felt aflame as she stuttered out an explanation. "He was…I was…"
"Don't wanna know; don't care to. Safer that way." Zoë stated bluntly and made her way to the table to take a seat.
Jayne cleared his throat and announced his departure. "Well, I'm gonna just go see if'n the Doc needs help installin' that new 'quipment."
"Pinch me, I must be dreaming. Since when do you volunteer to help the Doctor?" Astonished Zoe.
"Told ya already, I'm unpredictable. Like to keep people guessin'." Jayne smirked at Zoë and found River's face once again. He flashed her a charming grin before leaving.
Something in his smile melted the resistance she had built up to him. Perhaps it was because they came so few and far in between. She felt her way back carefully to one of the seats in the common area and slumped down.
Zoë grabbed an apple, pulled out her knife and sliced into the ripe fruit. Silence hung in the air for a while before Zoë looked over at the dazed girl and warned, "Just be careful."
TBC…
