A/N: I have returned with mucho apologies for the large large amount of time that has passed since the last chapter. I had become a little disconnected from the story with things happening around me. Things aren't completely kosher yet but all the wonderful people reading deserve some love.

Thank you thank you to those who have read and reviewed thus far, here's hoping you're still with me. To the newbie's, you show me love; I show you love and won't leave you all in the lurch for so long again.

So I was trying to post this for like 5 days, anyone else have any problems?

Disclaimer: If you know it, I don't own it but damn it's fun to play with!

Please review.


The Mating Game

I was inside the Big Top, that much I could be sure of despite the cloudy haze everywhere. I took in my surroundings cataloging all the subtle differences. This Big Top was brighter, the fabric of the tent much more vibrant. The equipment gleamed from the care taken with a good polish. The acrobatic sashes Alice used were stark in contrast against the gold and red of the tent in a color I had never seen Alice use and my lion's fire ring was placed in one of the smaller stage rings.

"Have you found what you were looking for?" I spun around and the dress I wore fluttered around me, I looked down. The dress was a rich emerald green color with tiny gems sparkling. The skirt was full and caught just the right amount of wind when I spun making it dance around me as I moved. I looked up at the voice that had called me and started to see a younger, handsome, unscarred Emmett and realized at the same time that this me was younger as well.

His words sounded ominous.

"Bella sweetheart there you are." A man rushed to my side and lifted me spinning me in the air sending my dress afloat again and I giggled. My child like voice was new to me.

"DADDY!" DADDY! Was this my father? My laughs and giggles grew as I searched for a face that remained shrouded in shadows.

"Daddy, I want a turn." It was a little Alice stomping her foot demanding equal attention. My father put me down and his deep baritone warmed me to my centre as he let out a chuckle picking up the small demanding dwarf. Her own fairy like laughter tinkled in response as she was twirled and again I strained the see the face that so often eluded me only to be blocked by the tiny body twirling every time he would turn to me. "Daddy, I'm gonna fly like mommy one day." Alice had spread her arms into the traditional pose taken by fliers on a regular pass.

It was watching Alice practice that same movement now that caused me to remember the dream I had before waking this morning. The locks had been undone sometime before sunrise so we might all get to work quickly. There was always much to be done. The second morning of being in a new town was always a little less busy than the first morning but there were still animals that needed to be taken care of and maintenance to be done before opening again for the day as well as rehearsals.

Alice looked peaceful as she graced the air while I mused about my dream. Was it a dream? There was some deeper suspicion that left me to wonder if it could have possibly been a memory. My first instinct when I had wakened was to run to Uncle Quil to ask what position my mother had performed when the fresh round of pain at his abandonment returned. He wasn't there to be asked any longer. It seemed odd to me now that I could not remember ever having discussed with anyone what my parents had performed.

I was drawn out of my own head when I heard the screaming and saw Alice stumble and start to free fall with no sash ---- from the top of the tent.

I was frozen as I watch my sister begin to plummet at an alarming pace while everything also seemed to happen in slow motion. The workers were panicking trying to get some sort of net underneath her when she gracefully twisted her body as if she were doing a high dive into the deep end of a luxurious pool rather than heading toward concrete at a skull cracking pace. Her twist had managed to change her velocity and the trajectory of her body sending her soaring right into the middle of her second sash which she grabbed onto easily securing herself and glided the remaining distance to the ground. All hands burst into applause.

I ran to her and scooped her into the largest hug I could possibly manage. It was her hands on my face wiping it clean that drew my attention to the tears I hadn't even felt.

"Hey, no worries, I am fine." She gave me a dazzling smile. I knew that smile. It was the smile Alice used when she was trying to hide something, the one that pleaded with you to let the topic drop and not ask any questions. I was never one to listen to that smile.

"What happened, you've never had a slip like that before." I searched her face, watching it scrunch as she seemed to be searching for the right words.

"I, ummm, saw something?" She couldn't meet my eyes, a sure sign that Alice was keeping something from me. Seen something? What had she seen, there was nothing unusual or out of place in the tent and I was about to point that out to her when she started running from me yelling back. "Sorry gotta go, see ya when it's time to get ready." With a back handed wave she was gone.

I was shaken, nothing like that had ever happened before and Alice seemed to think nothing of it, shouldn't she be as shaken as me. It was her facing the inevitable death on that drop after all. I took a breath and braced myself, I wouldn't dwell on what hadn't happened when she obviously wasn't but instead of a calming effect I felt choking sobs start to erupt. I needed air. I'd go for a walk as I continued to think about the origin of my nocturnal vision. Now how was I going to find out what I wanted to know on my parents, I suppose the only people left with any real information would be the Laurent's, but did I really want to take that route. No doubt James would try and make some bargain with me for the information. If only Emmett…

I scoffed at myself, if only Emmett what Bella? Was I going to condemn him too now for his simplicity, something I had always reveled in when faced with all the uncertainty and confusion at the lack of knowledge in regards to my own existence? My gentle brother who would rather face his death nightly in order to protect my innocence. I wouldn't condemn him too just because it suited my fancy when I wanted information he couldn't give me. He would have told me all he knew by now if he did. Emmett was not a person to keep secrets, he didn't know how.

I chastised myself for my thoughts, I was cranky and my dream had left me with less than restful sleep. It was going to be a long day. I could only hope that everything would run smoothly today so there would be no punishments.

I tried to think of a more pleasant topic in an effort to change my mood and immediately a head of bronze hair seemed to materialize in my mind. He had been magnificent, my imagination couldn't have dreamt up a man more perfect. He was going to star in my fantasies for quite some time. Sadly I didn't even know his name, what would you call perfection, those piercing eyes that danced and sparkled as he watched our show. I had even tried to imagine that when I saw a moment of anger and searching in his eyes during the show that it was because he was looking for me but of course I knew better. He sat with Emmett's girl and I knew they must be together. Both perfect, it made sense, and it would break Emmett's heart. He didn't allow himself to get attached to too much, but if he let himself feel something, he was loyal and he had already shown me he would be loyal to this girl. I wondered what it was about her that caused such an immediate strong reaction from him, the same reaction the Adonis had stirred in me. What a sad pair my brother and I were.

"Hey Bells." I had come to the kitchens in my walk, my stomach leading the way. A group of performers and attractions were sitting idly enjoying a quick break.

"Hey Jake." I sat beside the Wolf Man of our circus. He was covered in hair, everywhere. Little children screamed when he growled at them and acted as ferocious as an animal should but he was just Jake. A man unfortunate to have a rare condition called Hypertrichosis. It made his body grow hair all over, and I mean all over, with the exception of his palms and the bottoms of his feet. It was a fine hair, but it grew to lengths between 7 and 9 inches resulting in his wolf like appearance. His teeth, however, were perfect, so he wore a prosthetic to perform making it seem he had fangs, it was an effective tool to the overall look and he was popular with the public, especially when the adults took the time to talk to him and became impressed with his intelligence. He also worked with our engineers on the mechanics of the circus and knew each machine inside out.

"Sit down, have a bite with us." His smile was warm, so much like a rising sun. He was one of the few people I could sit with and just enjoy the silence, never needing to fill it. It was another odd aspect to the circus to know just who you might be with when you were older since our selection of companions was limited.

As it was now, Jake was mine, we seemed to be on that road that would lead to the next generation of, well I guess it would be Lion Tamers since Jake didn't know if his condition would be passed to any children he had. We had even talked about our impending future together on occasion. When he stopped being the Wolf Man, he would keep the hair shaved off at all times and he would look just like any normal man. He had once shaved it all off for me to see him and I had to admit, he was quite handsome.

Dating in the circus consisted of spending time together, sitting talking, or eating as we did now. It was a gradual announcement to the company that two people enjoyed the company of the other but Jake and I hadn't begun that stage of togetherness yet, we knew, but there was no rush when all you had was time.

"Bella dear," another voice from the next table called.

"Yes Margarethe." The older costume lady was stout and everything you expected a grandmotherly figure to be.

"Don't forget we have a fitting this afternoon after you run your lions." I nodded my agreement and continued to pick off Jake's plate of food, still not hungry but needing something. "Oh and dear," I looked up at her again. "Do tell Emmett to be more careful, you and Alice are the only ones he'll listen to." She was speaking more to herself now but I could still make out the words. "Sneaking round that Laurent's trailer, asking for another lesson and beating. Foolish child." Emmett had been sneaking around James' trailer? He had no business to be in that area.

I wordlessly stood to go have a word with my brother. He was repairing some of the ride carts, hammering out some dents and it looked to be hard work, he was shirtless and sweating, and had an audience it seemed. I could see Lauren, our Mistress Eralda, staring at the ripples in his back as he worked while she spoke to one of the clones who worked trapeze. Fortune Teller my ass, the girl didn't know her zodiac signs from her crystal ball. I caught a snippet of their conversation when I heard them mention Alice.

"So he was totally into it and completely flirting with me, telling me how hot he thought I was when that munchkin Alice comes in and tells me I gotta come to maintenance cause I'm needed. I so wanted to give her a smack, tearing me from that gorgeous man stud, but like, I know he'll come back. He totally admitted he was into me." So that was where she had skipped of to, but why would she have to run to tell Lauren she was needed in maintenance. Lauren continued her monologue amongst the lemmings hanging on her every word. "Well at least he's good for something," her eyes were now boring in Emmett's back, "I'd do him, if he covered his face with a pillow or something. I mean I don't think I could look at it while fucking you know?" They all started squealing in laughter while my blood boiled. Before I knew it I was at her side, grabbing her hair from the back of her head forcing it backwards, everyone scattered in fear of me.

"Talk about my brother like that again, and I will rip each follicle from your head one by one with rusty tweezers. Understand?" She whimpered and attempted to nod while I held her head taunt, tears welling in her eyes from the extra pull on her hair when she tried to move her head. I gave sidelong looks to the lemmings and they scattered.

By tonight, we would all be civil to each other again and we would coexist in peace but from time to time little lessons needed to be extended to let people know where they stand. Lauren had understood all my meanings in my warning. As it seemed Jake was for me, it seemed Lauren would be for Emmett and I was letting her know that I would not tolerate the woman who was to be for my brother disrespecting him in any way. She desired him, I saw it in her face when she would look at him, and she was not bothered by his scars which made her joke all the more distasteful. She knew she could do worse than my brother as well and so she had been put in her place when it came to the Swan family. As soon as my hand had let go of her hair, I had also let go of my anger and any grudge. In our small community you couldn't afford to hold onto a grudge, unless it was towards James and Victoria. I let out an involuntary shudder.

"I'm sorry Bella." She seemed small as she looked at the ground.

"A couple days Lauren, check the bitch ok." She nodded and left, we would be fine, she let her jealousy rule her actions on too many occasions. It was the reason she didn't like Alice, she was always in fear that since Alice wasn't really related to us she could still turn Emmett's head. She'd get it one day.

Emmett seemed to be finished and was wiping the sweat from himself with his t-shirt. He had kept his back turned the whole time and hadn't even realized what transpired behind him.

"Lauren was watching you work. I think she was appreciating the view, even mentioned something about being in bed fucking you." My voice rose near the end in a teasing manner. I wasn't lying about her saying those things, but a little white twist on how it was said couldn't hurt, he needed someone. His eyebrows rose in surprise.

"Don't curse." I tell him a girl is thinking about him in bed and all he picks up on it the fact I said fuck. I curbed the urge to shake my head.

"Why don't you ask her for a walk tonight, maybe hold her hand?" The universal signal in our world that a match had been made.

"I can't." He picked up the second shirt he had beside him folded and put it on. The first shirt he threw over his shoulder as he started to the dressing trailer.

"Why not, you were thinking about it last week." His shoulders dropped. He had chickened out in the last town, even we were still afraid of rejection.

"That was before." Before? Before what? It dawned on me a moment later, it was before her.

"I saw her last night; I didn't get a chance to tell you. She was in the box with James, with these other two guys." Emmett was peeling the bandage off his face and washing his fresh scars with soap and water, his sweat had managed to get under the medical tape that held his bandages in place.

"Rose." I was lost for a moment and just stared at him. "Her name is Rose, and the men are Jasper and Edward." He was drying his face gently, some of the new scars pink and scabbing. He didn't put new bandages on.

He knew their names, not just hers but the names of the other two as well, I had a name to go with that perfect specimen with the bronze hair, it was Jasper, or it could be Edward. I rolled them both over and couldn't think which fit best, either would work. I frowned pondering. Maybe he knew which was which, but I couldn't just ask, I had to be clever; Emmett was still far too perceptive most of the time.

"Rose is a pretty name, it fits her. Jasper and Edward were the guys you say; Jasper was the darker haired one?" Answer my question, answer my question.

"No, I think he was the lighter haired one, Rose's brother." So his name was Edward. Somehow that seemed right; it was a perfect name for him, classic, sophisticated.

"Hey, how did you know all their names anyway?" It had just hit me.

"I heard them talking to each other." I nodded. He had finished cleaning up and was now facing me, his hands holding him up against the wash basin behind him. I felt such sorrow for him.

"Emmett honey," I stood to hug him. "You know you will probably never see her again right?" Just like you will probably never see Edward again. My voice was soft as I put my arms around his waist and laid my head on his chest.

"I'll ask Lauren tonight. After the clean up is done, if it's a good night." I nodded against him and squeezed slightly. He leaned down and kissed the top of my hair.

"I think it's best Em." I had to go get my babies out for a run. I waved a goodbye to continue my day. It seemed to be passing more quickly than I expected. I remembered too late that I had forgotten to ask Emmett about James' trailer. It didn't matter, Margarethe probably had it wrong.

I continued on to my fittings much to her delight, for the first time not complaining as the skirt was a reasonable length down my thighs; this was a design of her own. So far, no influence from management could be seen tainting it. The only uncomfortable moment seemed when I was playing with my girls and felt this charge come over the room as if I was being watched but when I turned to check no one was there.

I finally saw Alice again when it was time to get ready and I swear she was more jumpy than usual. She seemed wired the rest of the night and couldn't seem to concentrate on anything. The only time she seemed to relax was when she was flying and then it was my turn to be on edge remembering her fall just this morning.

Emmett did ask Lauren on their walk and they circled the grounds. A chorus of whispers could be heard buzzing about when he took her hand, murmurs of happiness for my brother. They didn't speak to each other, I knew they wouldn't. The only person bothered by the development was Alice.

"Why is Emmett holding Lauren's hand?" We were in our quarters, we couldn't bring ourselves to say cages, talking through the bars, I was brushing Sahara's mane.

"He needs to settle down; it's the right time for them." I could hear the wistfulness in my own voice and knew Alice had caught it.

"Is it the right time for you and Jake as well?" She seemed quite invested in my answer and the weirdness of her actions grew.

"No, Jake understands that I need to see Emmett taken care of first, you too, and," I hated myself for my own shallowness. "He knows I am not bothered by his condition, but I need to be able to see him, really see him, so we will not likely be together until he is ready to give up his position as an attraction." Alice let out a breath she had been holding as if she was relieved by my answer. "Alice, what's going on with you, do you like Jake?" She started at my question, it was a valid one, and why else would she be glad that we weren't taking the next step.

"Like Jake? NO, no, I…" She was stuttering. "What if there is someone else out there for you, someone else for Emmett?" Very low she added a wistful for me. She perked up and was smiling so wide. "Don't you wonder what it could be like away from all this? What lives we could live on the outside, what it even looks like out there. I've never even been inside a mall Bella, can you believe it." She was more and more animated as she dug out a stack of what seemed to be magazines. Vogues to be exact. "Margarethe picked them up for me," she answered my silent question. "Look at these dresses, I feel like we're missing something here." She was sad again.

"Alice, where is this coming from, you have always been happy here."

"Oh Bella, we've never been happy here, this is all we know, there has never been a choice. What if there was a choice?" She was so full of hope for something different when all I could feel was the despair of the truth.

"There is no choice for us Alice, this is what we know, and this is who we are. We don't have a place out there. There is no point to dreaming we do." That seemed to be the end of our conversation and I turned to sleep having finished the mane of both girls now. When I woke Alice was already gone probably still upset at me for shattering her fantasy.

It was time to wake up and do it all again. I headed to the showers and once more felt that charge of feeling come over me, the inkling that I was being watched. I was ready to yell and scream at James for his sneaking but if I listened to what I felt knowing someone was there, it wasn't fear or an intrusion into my world. I knew I was being watched but I felt safe somehow.

I went into the showers to clean up. Wrapping a towel around myself ready to run for the dressing rooms I stumbled as I ran into a wall. I looked up and my breath caught in my throat as the wall's mouth stammered in awe, his hands catching my hips to keep me from falling, unconsciously bringing me closer to him.

He wore a circus janitor uniform and had been sweeping the area, the broom fallen on the floor next to us, the name tag said Quil. His hair was covered with a scarf but small bits of bronze had managed to find their way out refusing to cooperate and be confined as if they had a mind of their own. I was lost in a sea of emerald green dazzled by the sparkle of his eyes. He found himself and sighed one word like it was his personal prayer of salvation.

"Bella."