I've been avoiding him. It's been a week since the night I left and honestly I've said maybe five words to him that weren't work related. He's been fine about it, though. He's been friendly, and not weird, giving me my space. Which I shouldn't be thinking too much about, right? I mean, it's a good thing he's not driving me crazy with questions about what's going on with us or why I've decided to stop talking to him. Wait, why did I stop taking to him again? Oh yeah, I almost told him I loved him! Even worse, I think he might even love me back. Okay, it's way too soon to be thinking that—period. This was supposed to be physical, sex only. That's all this is, these feelings, it's just an infatuation with sex. We had amazing sex together, that's all. I couldn't love him. I don't know him. But that's not chancing the fact that I want to. The only thing is, I'm terrified. If I get to know him my feelings are only bound to grow, right? And then what? He cant possibly want anything more than what we have. I keep repeating that over and over to myself hoping it will convince me that it's the truth. It's just that that night when he looked at me, I saw something. Potential. And I felt it too, which makes me question everything even more. What if he is serious? What if all this time he's been acting the way he has—dating and dumping women—and now he's ready to be different, for me. I should owe him that, the chance to show me that it's different. But I am terrified, did I mention that? Terrified to jump. I can't have my heart broken again and Pete's the kid of guy I would want to have a… Oh God, I cant even say it. I cant even say out loud that I could see us with a life together. A pretty damn great one. Great sex, conversation. He makes me laugh and when I'm with him I feel like a new person. Okay, I have got to stop this. This is ridiculous. There is no way that any of this could possibly be going on inside his head, right?

--

--

So, I'm done. I've let her avoid me all week and it is going to stop today. I gave her space and time to think or whatever the hell it is she's doing, but this is getting ridiculous. She's alone in her office now. I'm taking this opportunity to tell her that I absolutely do not like being ignored.

"Hey." I knock, and she looks up from her desk, obviously surprised to see me.

"Hey," She offers awkwardly.

"You've been avoiding me." And I hate it, I miss you.

"No, I haven't." She is a terrible liar.

"Yes, you have. And that's okay, I'm glad to give you your space so you can figure out, you know, whatever. But it's been eight days, and I'm done."

"You're done what?" She looks worried, like she thinks I'm breaking up with her or something ridiculous.

"I'm done being avoided. I miss you."

"Ahhh," she breathes, looking defiant, "You miss having sex with me." Yes, in fact, I most certainly do. But not nearly as much as just miss her. Her smile, her laugh, everything.

"Not knocking on the sex, but no, I just miss you."

"Pete, don't say that. You don't mean it. Look, I was wrong okay? We just need to go back to the way it was before." What the hell is she saying?

"You were wrong about what?"

"I thought I could sleep with you without feeling things I wasn't supposed to feel, but I… We have to stop Pete. It's not what either of us want. You do not want me to want things from you and you are certainly not ready to be in any kind of relationship with me."

"Okay. Stop it. You don't have any idea what I feel or what I want. Why don't you just stop assuming for one damn minute and just ask me. Come on Addison, humor me."

"What do you want?"

"Easy; You." I have walked toward her, and I am impossibly close to her. I can tell I'm making her nervous, making her question every single word I say to her.

"It's not that simple."

"Yes, it is. This past week with you avoiding me, one thing became evidently clear. You are a part of my life that is key to my happiness. I don't like not being with you. It hurts me."

"Pete, I…"

"Don't do this. Don't make this harder. If you're scared, that's okay, I'm scared too. But I've waited too long to find you just to stop now just because I'm scared. Don't you think we owe it to ourselves to try."

"I can't try, Pete. That's not enough for me."

"I can't promise anything more than that."

"Exactly. It was just the sex, Pete. You think you feel this way, but you don't. You can't."

"Is that what you keep telling yourself? That these feelings are simply sex induced? That what we feel isn't real?" That's right I said what we feel. I know she feels it too, and if she denies it I'll go crazy.

"Yes, It's not real, Pete, it can't be."

"I'll prove to you that you're wrong."

"How?"

"No more sex. We're not twelve and you're not just another notch in my acupuncture table. You'll see." I turn for the door then, I can't leave any time for her to argue her way out of this.

"Where are you going?"

"I have patients. But don't make any plans for tomorrow—you're busy."

"Oh, am I? Doing what exactly?"

"It's a surprise."

"Oh, great."

"I'll pick you up at one, dress casual."

"So, what? We're dating now?"

"If that's what you want to call it."

"Pete," she tries to protest, but I'm already out the door.

"See you tomorrow, Addison," I call back down the hall to her.

--

--

The doorbell rings a few minutes after one o'clock and my heart jumps a little. I open the door for him and he's staring at me.

"You look good," he tells me. Is he serious? He looks good. He's wearing a fitted long sleeve black t-shirt. I can see every muscle in his arms and chest and, damn he looks… wow. He's wearing jeans, too. So simple, but honestly, he is the greatest looking man. I can't breathe. "But those shoes aren't gonna work."

I look down. I'm wearing heals. I'm in freaking jeans, damn it, and the most casual top I own. I mean, come on! At least they're closed toe!

"Why not?"

"I told you it was a surprise, but I can tell you, you're going to need tennis shoes."

Am I a total girl if I tell him I don't have tennis shoes that match this outfit? Yeah, I totally am.

"I'm not really a tennis shoes kind of girl."

"I've noticed. I don't want to force you to do anything you don't want… We can just do something else." He looks a little disappointed. Damn, Addison, suck it up.

"No, no, just wait one second, I'll be right back."

I run upstairs and change my shoes. They don't match what I'm wearing and I look like an idiot, but I'm actually excited to spend they day with Pete. So, screw it if my shoes don't match. . . Oh my God, did I really just think that? This is not good. I make my way back to the stairs and I can see Pete waiting for me.

"Okay, I'm just warning you I look like a fool. These do not match, but I …"

But he's at the bottom of the stairs pulling me down by the waist and then he kisses me. It's slow, but I feel the passion. All the emotions from our last night together are rushing back to me. I suddenly realize that I'm a complete idiot to have run from him—from this. This has got to be the greatest feeling in the world. One of his strong hands is holding my body tight to his, the other gently holding my face. If I could kiss this man forever, I would. This man can kiss. And he's kissing me. I suddenly get the feeling deep in my gut that I'd be the biggest jack ass to ever want to kiss anyone else.

I pull away slowly and look at him.

"If we don't leave now, I'm afraid we'll end up in bed all day."

"I can be easily pursuaded…" He cocks an eyebrow at me, and he's way too freaking gorgeous for his own good.

"Come on, you had something planned, didn't you? Plus you said no more sex, remember?"

"Yeah, I did," he agrees shaking his head, "Lets go."

As he lets his hand down from my face he puts it into mine and pulls me toward the door. We walk together down the steps and around the corner to the drive and I stop in my tracks.

"Ohhh, no. No. I can't. We can't go on.. on that." He wants me to ride on his freaking motorcycle?

"Nope, no protests. It's not scary, I promise. We wont crash. I even got you a helmet." He bought me a helmet? That's extremely sweet, unless he didn't buy it for me, and it belongs to one of his many previous girlfriends. Just be adventurous for once in your damn life, Addison.

"It will mess up my hair!" Oh my God. You are such a girl.

"It will look sexy," he insists, smiling at me, "Come on."

He throws the helmet over my head and pushes gently until it's all the way secure. He flashes an unbelievably large, devastatingly sexy grin that is enough to make this ridiculous helmet wearing almost seem worth it—almost.

He throws his quickly over his head and then he actuallly laughs at me.

"You've never been on a motorcycle before, have you?

"Nope."

"Okay, just keep your feet here and don't touch this. It's the exhaust and it will burn the shit out of you."

"Okay." Oh God, am I actually going to ride this thing?

"Don't be nervous. It will be fun."

He climbs on, lets it idle and then waits for me to climb on behind him. Oh God, here goes nothing.

"No bullshit, Pete. I don't want to crash."

"Just hold on to me. I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

We slowly pull out of the drive and my heart is in my freaking throat and not in a good way. I am scared out of my mind. But my arms are wrapped around his waist and I can feel every muscle in his chest flex beneath my touch. I lean even further into him and I can only imagine how my breasts must feel pressed into his back. Though, I'm terrified, there's something strangely intimate about the whole thing, and I may just be able to find a way to like it.

We drove for what felt like an hour, at least, and I'm starting to get used to leaning my body with his when we trun and I guess you could say I'm not completely terrified anymore. Infact, it's actually not bad at all. With anyone else I'd still be scared out of my wits, but not Pete. He makes me feel completely safe. On the motorcycle, of course.

We're up in the hills now. I cant tell you where exactly, I've never been here before, but it's beautiful. It's hazy, but from the road we're on, I can see down into the city and my heart races a little. It's kind of romantic to be up here, just the two of us, me holding on to him.

We stop a few minutes later, he gets down first and then turns to help me. He pulls his helmet off and then turns to me. Oh lord, I am going to look ridiculous. Oh well, I've come this far.

I pull if off slowly, run my fingers through my hair a few times and then pull it back into a high ponytail.

He laughs.

"This is beautiful up here, you know if it weren't for all the haze I'd be able to see the whole city. I've never seen it like this before."

"I thought you might like it."

"Is this where you bring all your first dates?" I tease, but truthfully I hope the answer is no.

"Technically, this isn't really a first date. I think our first date counts as the night I cooked for you. And then if you count the other night, well, this is at least a third date. And no, you're the first person I've ever brought here."

"Why do you always do that?"

"What?"

"Say something that completely surprises me?"

"Surprises you in a good way?"

"Yes."

"I'm not saying anything to surprise you, it's just the truth. You ready for lunch?"

"Lunch?"

"Well if more of a snack really. I cant fit much in here," he said motioning to the compartments on the back.

He retrieved a box of crackers, cheese, some grapes, bottled water and a small blanket. He laid it out underneath a large tree.

It was cool in the shade. It was the first day in October, and for LA I suppose it was a little chilly. I should be used to the cold, but I have been loving the warm. I sat down next to him and pick at the grapes slowly, still trying to take everything in. I'm trying to look at the view and not at him, but I cant help it and my eyes always find their way back up to his arms, his chest, his face, his eyes.

"What?" Oh God, he can tell I'm staring it him, great.

"Nothing, just still trying to figure you out, I guess."

"What else do you want to know about me?"

"Where do I start?" We laughed together and I feel myself relax a little. "Do you come here often?"

"I come here sometimes just to think. I usually come at night. Up here away from all the lights you can almost see the stars. It relaxes me."

"You're different."

"Different than what?"

"Than what they say. From what I thought. From what you pretend to be sometimes. I like you, a lot. I didn't think I would but I do. I…" Oh God, I am acting like a freaking teenager who's never sat next to the boy she likes before. I am completely freaking out here.

"So, why are you acting so jumpy?" Great, he can see what a fool I'm acting like, too.

"You make me nervous."

"Why?" he laughs.

"Because you.. this just seems a little too good to be true, I guess. You disappoint me, and now you just make me feel like everything I thought and felt was wrong. I want to feel things with you and for you and that absolutely terrifies me." Well at least I finally told him the truth.

"It's okay. For you to be scared, I mean. You have every right to be apprihensive."

"That's the wrong word. It's just that when I'm with you I feel… I almost told you something the other night, something I had no business saying, we hardly know each other."

"You wanted to say you loved me." He looks me right in the eyes and I feel like someone just punched me in the gut.

"But I can't say that."

"Can't because you don't or cant because of what it will mean when you do." Oh God, oh God.

"I have feelings for you Pete. I know I said I wouldn't and I broke the rules, but I do. And I don't want them to stop, but I'm not ready, to love you. My heart isn't ready for that."

"Is it because you're afraid I'll hurt you again? Because I never want to hurt you. You're the first woman in years who's made me feel that way. I know I did, hurt you, and you can call me a jack ass for the rest of my days for doing it if you want to, but I swear I won't hurt you again. I'm different, you make me different."

"We're both not ready for this," I say, and I'm still looking him right in the eyes. I don't want him to agree with me, I don't know why I said that at all.

"That doesn't change the fact that it's happening anyway." It's happening to him, too? This thing between us, he feels it too? Well he did say he wanted you, Addison. That he missed you when you weren't with him, that you make him different. Let him show you that it's different. Just freaking jump already.

I can't speak, though, all I can do is sigh into him and he wraps his strong arm around my hip and pulls me all the way against him. We stayed just like that for the longest time, not saying anything, just enjoying the silence. Trying to pretend that what was going on between us might not be the most wonderful thing that's ever happened to either of us. He finally looks down at me and smiles, something mischievous in his grin.

"Want me to teach you how to drive the motorcycle?" Is he out of his freakin' mind?

"Absolutely not."

"Come on. You trust me don't you?"

"As scary as this is going to sound, I actually do."

"So, then let's do it." He's pulling me up from the blanket by my hand and dragging me over to the motorcycle.

"I don't want to crash."

"I'm not going to let anything happen to you." He says with so much conviction I cant help but hear the double meaning mixed in there. Jesus, I'm actually going to do this? This man can get me to do anything.

Before I even realize what's going on, I'm sitting down on the motorcycle. Pete hops on behind me, his strong thighs tight around mine, his broad chest and shoulders cover my back and he reaches around me for the handlebars. Something inside of me jumps and it sends a warm sensation through my entire body. Oh Jesus, help me.

"Okay, you ready?"

"Maybe we should put our helmets back on," I say and we both laugh.

"Nah, you can hear me better without it. Plus, I told you I—"

But I cut him off, "Yeah, yeah, You're not going to let anything happen to me, I know. Tell me what I need to do hippie boy." That's more like it. I hate it when I get all awkward and don't know what to say to him. We're much better when we banter. I really love the banter.

"Okay. The right handlebar is the throttle which decides how fast we're going to go, and the front break. The left is the clutch. You know what a clutch is, right?"

"Ha. Yes. Throttle, break, clutch. Got it."

"Your right foot controls the back brake, and your left will let you switch gears."

"Oh God, there is no way I can do this."

"Put your hands and feet on top of mine. Once you feel how to do it, you wont forget."

"You make it sound so easy."

He's so smooth, and the funny thing is, I don't even think he realizes it. In one swift movement he kicked the kickstand, did something to the clutch thingy and started the engine.

"Okay, I engaged the clutch, so when I turn the throttle, I'm going to let it ease out slowly."

As soon as we stared moving he lifted his feet from the ground and I did as he told me, hands and feet on top of his. We went from slow to a little faster and then back to slow again. I almost think I understand what we're doing. Throttle, clutch… but when I think about the clutch I feel his hand underneath mine and my thoughts immediately cut to what it feels like when his hands are all over me. Holding our bodies together, brushing the hair from my face gently after he's driven me to freaking delirium. Damn it. Now all I can think about is having sex with this man again. Focus Addison.

We finally work up to shifting to another gear, and then we start the slow to fast and then a little faster again. Then we slow to a stop and he reminds me not to grab the front break in fear because we'll go flying over the handlebars.

"Okay. Switch places. My hands on top of yours, just until I'm positive you know what you're going."

Honestly I've been thinking more about me and Pete naked on the blanket over there than I have been on this clutch, throttle, shift, bullshit. Plus when he leans in to talk to me I feel all of his muscles press into my back, and his hot breath on my skin. This has got to stop.

"Pete, you're making it hard for me to breathe. I can feel your breath on my neck and your body on mine and honestly I'm not concentrating on the god damned clutch. All I can think about is you."

As fast as he'd started the motorcycle, he's slammed it off, kicked down the kickstand, placed his feet on the ground and turned me around so that I was facing him. He grabbed me around my face and held it just inches from his.

"You are a horrible student."

"It doesn't help that I've got a teacher who's so damn distracting."

Our lips collided then, my legs wrapped up around his waist, my arms pulling him so tight to me that I almost couldn't breathe. His fingers were pulling at the band from my hair letting it fall to my shoulders. He thread his fingers though it and I suddenly feel myself being pushed back against the handlebars.

"Pete…" I manage to breathe and he must know I need it now, because as quickly as he'd turned me to him on the bike, he'd pulled me off and he was freaking carrying me back to the blanket.

"Addison, I thought we decided…"

"I never decided anything. I wasn't prepared for there to be no more sex. I didn't know last time would be the last."

"Excellent point," he agrees and he returns his lips to mine.

I can feel my body begin to shake at the very thought of what I knew we did when we came together. It was like the would caught fire and nothing else mattered but the two of us. That must explain why I'm not even worried about the fact that Pete is taking my clothes off, outside, where anyone could walk or drive by and see us at any moment. But I don't care, I don't care about anything but this.

We're a little rougher this time than we've been before, and maybe it's because we know we wont be doing this again for a while, but whatever it is, it's pure pleasure from the moment it begun. He's gotten my shirt over my head, and he's biting and pinching at my nipples through my bra and I swear to God if he doesn't get it off me soon I'm going to have to reach back and do it myself because I need to feel him on my skin. I'm also not sure if we've ever been this vocal before, but I cant stop myself and he can't either.

"You are so beautiful," he manages between kisses and my heart catches in my throat. "But are you sure you want to do this here?"

"How do you suppose we ride home on the motorcycle if we stop now?" I question just as I reach down for him, and yep, he's totally freaking hard, and I know he cant wait. "But I don't want to force you to do something you don't want…" I giggle, quoting him from earlier, and that does it. He pulls his shirt over his head and his boxers and jeans down in two swift motions and I groan in pleasure.

His lips are back on mine as he finally reaches behind me and unclasps my bra. I tug at my jeans and his hands find mine and we push them down together.

"The motorcycle foreplay was enough, Pete. I need you inside me, now." I almost beg and I don't care.

Instead of giving me wat I ask for he just laughs into my hair and says, "Patience, Addison."

And then his hands are all over me, teasing me, but it feels so damn good. His touch was hot in contrast to the cool air around us, it feels amazing, and I cant help but start to shake. I groan loudly again when I feel his hot belly rub against mine.

"Pete…"

And then he was there, in one quick motion we were finally together, and all of the feelings I've felt every time we've been together are back, and when he begins to thrust into me I realize that this man has taken me to all kinds of places, filled me like no one before, and it's not just my body, but my heart, too. I almost can't look at him, if I do, he'll know. He'll know, and I'm not sure if I'm ready. Damn it if I don't want to be.

"Addison, look at me."

When I do, it's too much, and I know my heart has never been this full. I'm his. In that moment I'd given my heart to him. I love him. Even if I cant say it. I do. My feelings are too strong and my eyes begin to burn with tears.

"Are you okay," he says as he stops moving and brings his hands to my cheeks to brush away the moisture.

"I can't explain it. It's… you, this. It's everything, Pete."

"It's never been like this for me before, not once."

He kissed me fiercely then, grabbed my wrists and threw my arms above me, and pinned them down to the blanket. We moved together so perfectly, with so much need, that it only took a minute before I was screaming his name as loud as I freaking could. I didn't care who heard me.

At that moment, him on top of me, us both trying to find breath, a car drove by, quickly and I'm sure they saw nothing, but I panic a little anyway.

"Oh, shit." I say. I should be embarrassed, but the thing is, I wouldn't be here doing this with anyone else, only Pete, and I have to laugh. I laugh because this man makes me want to do things I've never done, he makes me different, spontaneous, he makes me so happy I feel like my heart might just burst from my chest. It feels so damn good.

He's laughing too, and we're searching around us for pieces of clothing.

"Pete, you do realize we just had sex in the dirt."

"Technically, it was only the blanket that was in the dirt. At least it wasn't your ass." I cant help but smile.

"I just… things with you are… I don't usually—"

"I don't make it a habit of having sex in public places either, Addie, but with you I just cant help myself."

Did he just call me Addie? I thought my heart couldn't possibly be any more full of him, but then he had to go and pack that right in there, too.

Twenty minutes later, everything packed, and we're back on the motorcycle again. This time I'm not scared at all. In fact I've never felt more taken care of, more safe, and when we get back to my house and he's walked me to the door, letting him leave me is simply not an option.

"Pete Wilder, that may have been the best first date I've ever been on."

"Do all your men get lucky on the first date? Or am I special?"

"Fine," I slap his arm, "It wasn't a first date."

"It was one for the books, though," he agrees.

"Would you like to come in, maybe order some dinner? I'm starving."

"Yes, I would like that very much." He smiles at me so that I swear I can see every one of his teeth and I almost lose my freaking mind again.

--

Three hours, two pizza's, and eight beers later, we were sprawled out together on the couch watching MASH re-runs on the Hallmark channel. Every once and a while, Pete would laugh from deep in his throat and my head, which was resting on his chest, would move in time his his body and my heart would beat so fast I swear we could both hear it above the sound of the television.

He kissed my forehead and ran his hand through my hair and I don't even remember falling asleep. All I can think is how unbelievably right this is. It's only when I feel him scooping me up from the couch and carrying me to the stairs that I become fully conscious again.

He holds tightly to me as we make our way to the bedroom. He kicks open the door and gently pushes back the covers and sets me down. He leans in and kisses me on my eye lashes, my nose, my jaw.

"Goodnight, Addison." He whispers, and then he turns to go.

"Wait, you're not staying?" I prop myself up on my elbows and wait for him to turn around to me.

"I'm not supposed to sleep over, remember?" he smiles.

"Screw the rules. We've broken more than one of them already, anyway." Don't make me beg for you to stay. I will, but I wont like it.

"Alright, make room for me, Montgomery."

I smile and slide over while he removes all articles of clothing but his boxers. I wiggle out of my jeans, pull my bra out through the arm of my t-shirt and he climbs in next to me.

He wraps an arm around me and I roll into him. His strong hand is around my waist holding me against him and one of my hands immediately goes to his chest. It was like we'd been doing that every night since we'd been together, every night for forever. We didn't say anything to each other, we didn't have to. His eyes just held mine and in that very moment I felt him silently giving his heart to me, too, just as I had with him earlier. He kissed my lips softly and I closed my eyes, my head falling perfectly into his neck.

I'm not sure how long had passed but after a long while, I could swear I heard him whispering my name, I didn't open my eyes, though, and my silence seemed to convince him I was sleeping because he started to speak. He whispered something so soft I almost wasn't sure if it had actually happened. But my continued silence encouraged him and he whispered it again louder, and then again.

I almost started to cry. Holy. Shit. This certainly changed everything. He'd just broken the most important rule of all.


New Private Practice tonight made me realize it was more than necessary to post this chapter tonight. I missed the show so much, and I'm so glad it's back. But there was a serious lack of AddiePete and that hurts my heart. SO this chapter is for me, and all you other shippers out there. It's going to be a long season, hopefully I dont murder hot cop before shonda does. ;)

I also own nothing, if i did, I'd skip the pointless guest star boyfriend thing and just get them together already.