DOME UH BESO = NOT ACTUAL SPANISH. it's a joke so it's funny. you see in a sketch nobody could read himaruya's handwriting so it looked like dome uh beso instead of dame un beso, which means 'give me a kiss'; however it is now in my canon that Spain uses gratuitous Spanish that he doesn't really understand. Sometimes he just adds -ito or -o to the end of something to make it sound Spanish.

SHUT UP IT'S BRILLIANT


"I'm hungry." Romano said, after a few minutes of carrying the many bags of clothes, and a card for a friend of a friend of a cousin who liked to build birdhouses and would probably be able to build a door; Romano glanced at his travelling companion, who seemed mildly irritated at having to carry the majority of the bags. Romano wondered if perhaps he should take some of the bags but decided, no, no, I won't.

"We are almost back to England's house -" Japan suddenly stopped, swallowing his words in a large gulp. Like a whale, Romano thought. He liked whales. Whales were pretty cool. ". . . but his food is simply awful." he muttered. "And if we say 'no', he'll get offended . . . ah, I know!" Japan turned back to the Italian with a polite smile. "Why don't we go get something to eat right now? Since you are so hungry - I know a good restaurant nearby!"

"Where is it?" Romano asked, eyes narrowing almost suspiciously. "What type of food, by the way? I can't eat anything with lemon. I'm allergic to lemon. So if it has a lot of lemon, I'll, like, die. And potatoes are just ugly." Potatoes were like what would happen if Germans were turned into women and then turned into small children who were starving, thus dug into the ground to find food, but instead became stuck in the holes and then became potato fossils and then people ate them. "I hate potatoes. I can't stand them. Even a little bit. If the menu has potatoes, I will write an angry letter." Romano's expression darkened. "And you don't know my angry letters."

Which was true; nobody truly knows about Romano's angry letters. There is a story out there that the reason Youtube comments are so angry is because every single person on Youtube is Romano quoting snippets of his angry letters.

There was an awkward pause, and then, ". . . I see." Japan seemed to struggle with words for a moment. "It's . . . quite alright. I shall find a restaurant suitable for your . . . cultured tastes."

"Where is it?"

"You shall see." said Japan mysteriously. After Romano asked five more times, he finally gave an exasperated, annoyed sigh, as if about to say the restaurant's name. Instead, he told Romano that if he asked one more time, he would rip off his genitalia.

After a few minutes, Romano texted his BFF. Or, he punched in a bunch of numbers and hoped it would find itself in Belarus's phone.

By the power of friendship, it did.

He had texted her, "hey", and she replied warmly, "What do you want? I am not going to have sex with you to prove that you are heterosexual, stop asking; I am busy having incestuous relations with my brother."

"isn't incest bad?" he asked.

"stfu & gtfo, bitch." she replied politely.

"ok" he said, and stopped texting, instead deciding to look through his contacts. He had five, in total; Spanish Bastard, Veneziano, Belarus, the Suicide Hotline, and the Sex Hotline. He decided to close his eyes and press random buttons on his phone and see who he would call while Japan stared at him like the amazing boy he was. He heard the phone calling someone, and opened his eyes, listening.

"Hola," said a sensual voice. "This is Dome uh Beso . . . your friendly neighborhood churro salesman . . . oh, sorry! I mean, uhm - this is Dome uh Beso, Sexual Fantasy Hotline . . . I am very . . . excited to have you here with me . . . I am a hot Spanish poolboy . . . make all my erotic dreams come true . . . hola."

Romano couldn't speak for a moment, so Spain continued, trying to act sexual in a way that didn't make him seem like a pedophile.

"Oh, my dear gracias . . . your hair is as soft as grass, I must touch it . . . when I do, I moan so femininely, my dear amour-o." Spain whispered. "I just want my long, thick, erect-o hola deep inside your soft, velvety hola, just hola-ing all night long - "

"Excuse me." Romano said. "I would like a lady, please."

"I see, my erotic kittenito." Spain replied. "I shall fetch . . . Antonia."

"I'd much prefer Roxanne." Romano said. "Roxanne shares my interests."

"I shall fetch Antonia."

Suddenly, a bunch of loud clattering noises boomed in Romano's ear, and he pulled away, as Japan glanced around, muttering, "I know it's here somewhere . . . "

Then, a voice.

"Hola, mi uno dos tres-o. I am Antonia . . . I am here to make all your wildest dreams come true, for a very small price . . . but you like slut-os, correct? Just like you like your cheerios in the morning . . . "

The voice was not unlike a man pretending to be a woman. Romano wondered where Antonia had come from; he had thought it was only Spain and a few other girls; he had never heard of this Antonia. There was a slight mysterious pull to her, but Romano was a chaste young boy and said, "Antonia, get away from the phone. I want to hear from Roxanne."

Antonia sighed slowly. "But my dear . . . " she seemed at a loss for a minute. ". . . Spaghetti amour-o, I love you so much . . . please take me right here and now, I am so full of erotic hola. Please tell me what you would like to do to my soft, hola-ful hola . . . "

"Get me Roxanne!"

"Please have sex-ito with me . . . "

Romano hung up, and Japan took his hand. "I found it." he said, smiling.

In front of them stood a Chinese restaurant.