Seducing Ariana

Chapter 4:

Fear Of Intimacy

A day later, I was sent home to continue my everyday things, only my friends Serenity and Ravyn wouldn't let me come back to work yet. So I sat at home in my bed, because everytime I tried to get out of my bed, I got yelled at by Devyn or Anna. Mori was the alarm that went off when I walked into a room as he yelled my name loudly.

One night when I snuck into the kitchen for a midnight snack, instead I found Devyn staring at me intensely from across the kitchen. My eyes widened. I was caught halfways into the refrigerator.

"I...uh...wanted something to drink..." I told him lamely. He crossed his arms, tapped his foot and tsked at me. I sighed in defeat.

"Fine fine...I know...I'm going back to bed..." I replied grumpily as I shut the refrigerator. To my surprise, he stepped in front of me.

"Oh contrare, Mademoiselle." he told me, a sexy gleam in his eye, "But I do believe that if you are well enough to walk, that you are well enough to dance." Me being the oblivious thing I am stared at him blankly.

"Why the hell would I dance at two o'clock in the morning?" I raised an eyebrow at him as I watched the power of my bluntness deflate him. He sighed heavily at me.

"I was trying to be romantic and mysterious and ask you to dance at the same time. But then you had to go ruin it with words." he rolled his eyes and I gave him another blank oblivious stare.

"Well I find you standing in a dark kitchen at two o'clock in the morning staring at me, creepy." He glared at me in resolve.

"Just shut up and get over here." he told me. I hesitated because of my unfamiliarity of these kinds situations.

"Um...how about I take a rain check on that dancing thing-" I started but was cut off swiftly as he hit a button on the stereo beside him and it played a slow country song softly as not to wake the kids. My eyes widened as he walked towards me, pulling me close to him. He moved both of my hands behind his neck and then moved both of his hands to the small of my back; his fingers moving in little massaging circles to relax me. He began to sway to the beat softly and I ackwardly tried to move with him. I didn't have that much experience in dancing, but I did my best.

"You know, you don't have to do this..." I told him softly as I looked up into his eyes.

"Do what...?" he asked just as softly as his gaze seemed to tear through me.

"Pretend you love me. You were probably just stressed when you told me that other stuff. I would have probably reacted the same way if you had almost died, so I totally understand-" he cut me off with a shake of his head.

"Stop talking, Ariana..." he told me, "You're ruining the moment..."

"What moment? You're forcing me to dance to a depressing country song in the middle of the kitchen and-mmh!" he cut me off this time by jerking me closer and planting his lips over mine. I froze in surprise. I didn't really know how to react when he was doing it for himself and not for other people. He began suckling on my bottom lip, trying to get me to react. Finally able to break my stupor at the feel of the gentle tugging of my lower lip, I pressed my lips back against his. That seemed to be all the reinforcement he needed. He pulled back before tilting his head and pecking my lips once more. His eyes met mine with such intensity that I felt like I had shrank against him.

"I can make you love me, Ariana. It's just gonna take a lot of effort on my part to convice you that I can make you happy." he used his hands on my back to pull me closer so he could rest his forehead on mine, "And I apologize for my quickness in all of this, I just figured I had wasted enough time." I stroked his face softly with my thumb.

"Devyn, you do make me happy. I've never had as much fun as I have here with you and Anna and Mori. I'm just...surprised...I guess is the word. You've never liked me as more than a friend, and even though we're married I never expected that you'd ever fall for me." The words had left my mouth before I could stop them. I looked up at him, my eyes wide as he grinned down at me. My words seemed to have made him very happy. He leaned down once more to capure my lips with his, and this time instead of just firming my lips onto his, I actually kissed back. He groaned and reangled his head to kiss me more deeply as he wrapped his arms tightly around my waist. He was at least a foot taller than me so it was kind of hard for me to reach him when my feet were flat. He swiped his tongue across my bottom lip and I opened my mouth to let him enter.

I had never felt this way before. The butterflies in my stomach seemed to cloud my thoughts as well. I moaned softly in ecstacy as his tongue rubbed mine sensually. That only seemed to give him more confidence inside my mouth. The next thing I knew, my knees gave and I was up in his arms as he carried me bridal style over to the couch breaking the kiss only once to set me down on the couch. He sat down and then pulled me into his lap to resume making out with me. After a while, we both pulled back, our breaths shallow and quick. I leaned against him tiredly as he gently stroked my hair.

"I love you, Ari..." he whispered against my ebony locks. I didn't respond to that. I didn't know how to. All I knew is that I had just made out with my best friend.

"Don't worry..." he told me as if reading my mind, "I know to you that this doesn't mean anything relationshipwise to you just yet. But as for now you just made me the happiest man in the world." I looked up at him to find him grinning at me with his red kiss-swollen lips. He traced the outline of my face with his fingers. "Just let me love you. Everything will work itself out from there." I nodded, unable to say anything else or do anything else other than sit in his lap, staring up at him.

Then next few months were like this. When the kids were gone, he seized every opportunity to make our lives together romantic. It was very ackward for me, but he was kind, gentle, and patient; unlike any man I've ever known. All he ever asked of me, was to let him convince me that I needed him as much as he needed me. "Because," he had said with a laugh, "If I can't even get my best friend to fall for me, I'm a failure as a man."

I really didn't know how to act around him when he was trying to romance me. Unlike our normal conversations, I was quiet and reserved. I had dated before, but it was nothing like waking up to a bouquet of imported black roses in a red and black vase next to a beautiful new black goth dress complete with a black lace parasol.

He stopped trying to kiss me the night he leaned down to kiss me and I accidently recoiled from his touch. I apologized heavily but he told me that it was alright; that I wasn't ready for him to kiss me often. He said he didn't mind, but his kind eyes betrayed him; hinting a bit of melancholy in their sapphire depths. All I could do was pray that he understood that I would never hurt him purposely.

One night, he dropped the kids off at his mothers and decided that we should go on a moonlit picnic in the park. I said that I didn't really want to, but he insisted, so I ended up going.

We sat on the ground on a black lace tablecloth facing each other; he in a tight black shirt and jeans, and me in my new goth dress holding onto my parasol. I was ravenous as I waited for him to pull out the fully cooked meal I had to smell all the way up here in the car.

Finally he did, and I sighed in ecstacy when the first bite of chicken hit my tongue. He watched me as I ate, seemingly satisfied by my reaction. Though I was concentrated on my meal, an eerie ackward silence sat between us.

"So...did you hear about Anna's first grade play?" I asked trying to strike up a conversation between us. To my relief, a smile lit up his face.

"Only every friggen day since she learned about it. She's estatic about being a pioneer girl because she thinks the indians were 'yucky'" I tried but couldn't stifle a laugh.

"Well, at least she has character." I offered with a grin, as I wiped at the corners of my mouth.

"Yeah..." he nodded in agreement before his face turned serious, "But Ariana, I didn't bring you here to talk about the kids..." My face dropped when he said my full first name. He was going to bring up the newly forbidden subject I had been avoiding. I tried to hide my wince.

"Oh...?" I played my dumb card, "Then what did you bring me here for? Besides this delectable meal of course." I threw the compliment in, for good measure hoping that he would just drop the subject. Instead, he leaned over to me so that his face was inches from mine. I tried my hardest not to pull back, but I couldn't completely stop myself from averting my gaze a bit. He grabbed my chin with his thumb and forefinger gently, making me look into his eyes. He searched mine for a few seconds before his darkened.

"Nothing's changed, has it? You still don't want me the way I want you." I didn't miss his strained voice or the sudden tightness of his jaw. I didn't know what to say, so once again, I looked away from his pleading gaze. That certainly didn't help the situation any. My lack of an answer only seemed to make him angry.

"Just answer me this simple question, Ariana." he told me, his voice was tight and controlled, "Don't you feel anything about me anymore?" My gaze snapped to him.

"Of course I do. You're-" I swallowed loudly, "You're my best friend." That answer didn't seem to satisfy him at all.

"I've pushed you further away from me, haven't I?" the devastated look on his face was truly heartbreaking. I was surprised.

"No-I-" I was cut off as he pressed his lips against mine suddenly. I closed my eyes and kissed back, praying that he didn't notice my hesitation. If it was another of his usual liplocks it would only last a couple of seconds; a minute max, I told myself. Only, I noticed with disdain, this wasn't one of his gentle kisses. It was desperate and demanding yet still had a dizzying effect that if I was standing up, would have sent me to my knees. I may not be attracted to this man romantically, but his kissing was excellent. His soft tongue dipped into my mouth suddenly without warning and his body moved to rub against mine in a way that left a gentle pooling of heat in my lower belly. He left my mouth to suckle on my neck and I gasped out his name as I felt all of the blood rush from my brain to accomodate my hormones. This was bad. If I didn't push him off quick, there wouldn't be enough sense left in me to resist.

"Devyn!" I cried as I put my hands on his shoulders and pushed him back from me. The lust in his eyes was unmistakable but was quickly replaced by shame when he realized what had just happened.

"Ariana-" his voice seemed pained, "Ariana-God, I'm so sorry...I don't know what came over me...I-" he opened his mouth again, closed it. He was at a loss for words just like I was.

I stiffened in shock when I felt something wet hit my skin right above the neckline on my dress. At first I thought it was raining, but as another hit about the same place I knew exactly what was going on. I reached up to touch my face. Tears streamed down like rivers under my eyes, smugding my makeup. I didn't know why I was crying, but I was. I suddenly understood why he looked so ashamed. He thought he'd hurt me.

"Devyn...-" I reached out to touch his face, but he jerked back like I had shocked him, "I'm sorry, I-" His gaze snapped to me so quickly that I paused.

"You're sorry...? I almost just raped you, Ariana!" he looked appaulled. We both stared at each other in shock. Then with after a few seconds of a pause, I burst out in laughter. He stared at me like I had just turned into a cow and sprouted three heads.

"It wouldn't have been rape." I laughed, "I was just as into it as you were. In fact if I wasn't terrified of losing my virginity I'd have let you drag me back to the house and make love to me to your heart's content." My lustful confession exited my lips before I realized what I had just said. A crippling heat wave washed over my face and a sense of shock numbed me. A few seconds later, I found myself with my knees pulled up to my chest as I hid my face in my hands which I hid in my fluffy skirt.

Apparently my little confession lightened the situation considerably. The next thing I knew, he was laughing too and trying to pry my hands from my face.

"Ariana! Come on! It wasn't that bad!" he chuckled as he kept gently tugging at my hands.

"Ugh! Gods! I can't believe I just told you that!" I screeched as I held fast to my grip. He pulled at my hands until my head was laying in his lap. Finally he succeeded in separating the two.

"See now...?" he stroked my heated face with the back of his hand, "That wasn't so bad, now was it?" I glared up at him.

"Yes it was!" I tried to cover my face again, but he held fast to my wrists.

"But you're so cute when you're embarrassed." he let go of my wrists and began to stroke my hair away from my face. A long comfortable silence passed between us. Well, that is, until he had to ruin it.

"So...all these years and you've never-"

"No." I cut him off before he could say 'never had sex.'

"Why not?" the question was simple enough. I looked up at him.

"Because all the guys cared about was getting into a girl's pants. I swore I'd never be one of those stupid girls who let the guy ravish them before the guy left them. And now though the concept of sex seems welcoming, I'm terrified of losing my virginity." Even I could feel the sincerity seeping through my voice. I tried to read the expression on his face but to my dismay I couldn't.

"Well, you won't be so terrified when the right moment comes along, with the right guy. It'll seem natural. I can speak from experience." He looked down at me as I raised an eyebrow.

"You had sex with a guy?" his eyes narrowed in disgust.

"No! You know what I meant..." he glared at me before letting his gaze soften back into a peaceful expression as I laughed.

"If you found a guy that you'd be happier with, I'd let you go, you know," he told me suddenly, his face instantly tight. I sighed.

"Sorry. I'm happily married. You're not getting rid of me that easily, bub." I poked him in the nose with a grin. The smile that lit up his face was almost blinding against the moonlight night.

"So, will you still at least consider growing to love me?" he asked.

"I already was. I've been trying really hard, you know...It's so easy to hug you and all of that, but when it gets down to the romantic stuff it's hard not to pull back a little, I mean, we've known each other since we were highschoolers and have been friends all of this time. The whole concept of love is still so new to me. I never know how to react." I confessed to him easily as he continued to stroke my hair.

"Maybe one day we'll get past this..." he sighed staring off into the distance, "Maybe one day I'll get past wanting you as badly as I do." I sent him a look of disbelief and he nodded.

"Sometimes I toss and turn in my bed for hours before I fall asleep, wishing you were lying next to me so I can hear you breathe. When you're really close to me, my desire just to reach out and touch you is so bad that it hurts, but I know I can't risk pushing you any further away from me...I need you like I need air...What happened tonight is just a result of all those surpressed emotions...and I'm still sorry about what I did..." his confession was just as heartfelt as my own, then he added with a crooked grin, "Even if all it did was make you horny." I squealed in rage and embarrassment as I covered my face once more.

"Shut up!" I smacked his arm and he laughed so heartily that my own chest squeezed in joy even if I was embarrassed as all hell.

After he finished laughing we sat in silence once more, his fingers laced through mine as we enjoyed the night air. After a whle he sighed.

"I suppose it's time to be getting back. Mom's going to be wondering where the hell I am." he looked upset that our time alone was about to end and I felt my heart drop in dissapointment as well, to my surprise.

He stood up and then pulled me to my feet. We packed all of our things in the basket and started heading to the car. He laced his fingers through mine once more and I winced, waiting for the feeling of dread to settle in. To my immediate surprise, all I felt was the contentness that sat somewhere deep in my chest. That was when it hit me that the ackwardness and the unfamiliarity was gone. All that was left was the unmistakable feel of the stronger connection between us. Suddenly, I realized that this night was neccassary. That without it, even though it was a messed up huge mass of confusion, we would have never have made it past what we had been going through for the last few months. I had done it. I couldn't help but smile to myself as I realized that I had just done what I thought was impossible. I had just taken the first step in conquering my fear of intimacy.

Author's Note:

Hey all^^ I hope you enjoyed chapter 4, and I hope it wasn't too sappy. I needed them to make some progress in their relationship, so that's why I wrote it the way I did. Hopefully, things will get a bit more interesting in the next chapter3. So anyways, I'll see you all in Chappy 5!

Crimson