M-D13: I'm so proud of myself! I've actually managed to do 400 rules! Yes! Just one-hundred more and I've hit my goal! I've had some "requests" of "don't stop at 500!!" and trust me, if I can, I WILL continue this. HAHA. And every now and then you'll actually have reading material such as a short chapter of "comments" or "concerns" or stuff like that. You just never know. Actually, not even I know.

Oh yes! And while I'm thinking of it! I'd like everyone to meet my new volunteers for the next few chapters! They should be here any moment—

Random Stage Person: … -runs over and whispers in M-D13's ear- …

M-D13: What!? They ditched me!? God-dammit! Those bastards! –fume, fume, fume-

RSP: -bows nervously and runs off-

M-D13: I will kill those bastards! T.T Argh, until then… I guess I'm stuck doing it myself—

-DOOR FLIES OFF HINGES AND SMASHES INTO WALL-

M-D13: -oddly calm- What the hell?

Rock Lee: -dramatic entrance- Do not worry, I will assist you until they arrive!!

M-D13: … Oh lord.

Rock Lee: THE DISCLAIMER SHALL BE SHOWN!!!

M-D13: I repeat- Oh lord…

Rock Lee: DISCLAIMER: Marine-Depths13 does not own any of the characters that are mentioned within this fan-fiction! All characters belong to their respective owners (such as I, Rock Lee, belong to Masashi Kishimoto!) and are not property of Marine-Depths13— she owns nothing but the rules, which even a few of those are not hers. Some rules were contributed by reviewers (you know who you are! We thank you greatly!!) or friends.

M-D13: That… was long …

Rock Lee: But it got the point across, did it not?

M-D13: I suppose … anyways … Hey, Lee, while you're here. Do the warning too, if you could.

Rock Lee: Not a problem! I'd be happy to oblige! WARNING!! SOME RULES MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR THE SERIES OF NARUTO! READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED!

M-D13: And … there we go. Thanks. –mutters: They better get here soon those bastards…- Anyways. Go on, read. I wanna thank all you (all 10 or so…) for reviewing! It means a lot. Now, read on and laugh. Or don't … whatever.


• I will not ask Deidara if he has to brush four mouths in the morning instead of one.

• I will not ask Zetsu why his right foot is white if the right side of his body is black.

• … nor will I ask what colour other, erm, covered body parts are.

• Zetsu is still semi-human. He does not reproduce asexually.

• When Naruto is in his Kyuubi form, I will not clip his nails (or rather attempt to).

• … nor will I (attempt to) tame him and (attempt to) take him home as a pet.

• Do not attempt to cut your hair with a kunai. It's dangerous.

• … plus you'll cut it unevenly.

• Do not attempt to get your eyes to do "that spinney thing the Sharingon can do". You'll hurt yourself.

• I will not tell Asuma that "smoking kills".

• I will not call Ino a "dumb blonde bitch".

• … to her face, anyway.

• I will not ask Ino if she was born a bleach-blonde or if she dyed it to "hide her ugly".

• I will not call Konohamaru's teammate (who's name we believe is Udon…) "Snot Boy".

• … nor will I offer him a tissue. It won't help.

• To limit all further suspicions: No one in Naruto has dyed their hair.

• I will not take Naruto's hair gel.

• … nor will I take anyone else's' hair gel lest I get killed.

• I will not tell Konohamaru that a ninja cannot play "ninja".

• … nor will I attempt to kill them if they ask me to join.

• I will not grab Konohamaru's, Udon's, or Moegi's goggles while they are still on their heads and then let go.

• Every time I mess up, I will not say that I "pulled a Naruto".

• I will not ask Sasuke is his hairstyle is actually just bed head.

• … nor will I ask him if he's aware that someone's "messed with his hair".

• I will not ask Shikamaru if the reason he watches clouds all the time is because he's actually watching cloud porn.

• … nor will I ask him if he's ever met Flurrie (from Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door).

• I will not give a Valentine to all of the shinobi and then skip around Konoha proclaiming I'm "the ninja of love".

• I will not give all the shinobi presents at Christmas time, call myself Santa, and dress Shikamaru up as Rudolph, or a reindeer in general.

• … and, add to that, none of the shinobi are probably Christian/Catholic/etcetera anyway.

• I will not call Shikamaru "dear" just to piss him off.

• Hidan is not Count Dracula. He will not suck your blood. However he probably would want to spill it and sacrifice you to Jashin.

• The bundle on Kankuro's back is his puppet, Karasu ("Crow"). It is not a giant cigarette or cigar.

• I will not tell Asuma that if he really "wants a good smoke" he should steal the bundle on Kankuro's back (A.K.A "Karasu/Crow").

• I will not address any of the Hokage's by saying the phrase or any phrase similar to: "Hey, It's the Ho-Ho-Hokage!"

• I will not ask Chouji if he will be Santa Claus (like at the malls?) and let the little children of Konoha sit on his lap and tell him what they want, etc, etc.

• … however if you do, make sure you do not give the reason "because you and Santa are about the same size".

• Ino's "mind transfer jutsu" is not her attempt to be a camera.

• Rock Lee is not a member of The Beatles.

• … nor is Gai.

• … and Rock Lee/Gai are not British, either.

• Samehada (Kisame's sword) is not a giant tampon.

• Karasu/Crow is also not a giant tampon. Do not give either to any of the girls.

• I will not ask Sakura, Ino, or Temari if they are on a "24-7-52 PMS".

• I will not make fun of Sasuke's new team, which was collectively named "Team Snake".

• I will not run away screaming every time Rock Lee does one of his weird facial expressions.

• … or one of his "good guy" poses.

• I will not try to teach Gaara (or any other "villain" or villain) the "good guy" pose, lest you want to make every child in Japan cry.

• I will not ask Naruto if he plans on wearing the jumpsuit Gai gave him "anytime soon".

• I will not ask to borrow Rock Lee's weights.

• … but if you do (more than likely he will give them to you), drop them and you'll end up destroying half of the ground. We recommend not dropping them.

• … or putting them on.

• I will not ask Hidan how much hair gel he uses.

• I will not ask anyone how much hair gel he/she uses.

• Do not attempt to steal Hidan's "bible" of Jashin. He's likely to give you the "hands-off" experience and make you into a sacrifice.

• Kisame is not to be made into sushi.

• Introducing Chouji to Kisame and you'll likely end up breaking the above rule.

• Do not attempt to censor Hidan to make him "G-rated". You'll run out of breath or batteries and end up breaking whatever device you were using to do so. Vocal cords may also break.

• Itachi knows he needs glasses. Do not tell him that he needs glasses.

• … nor should you give him a pair.

• However, if you do give Itachi a pair of glasses, make sure the prescription is right.

• I will not ask Hinata if she is secretly "Ai Enma" from "Hell Girl".

• Konan is not to be made into a notebook and/or sketchbook.

• Adding "insult and assault to injury" is not an appropriate ninja way.

• I will not look under Sasori's cloak for a scorpion tail.

• Kidomaru (the spider Sound Ninja who was partnered with the twins, Tayuya, and Jirobo) is not, in anyway, related to Iruka or Shikamaru.

• I will not "roar" at any of the ninja.

• I will not take the ribbon out of Itachi's hair and start playing with either the ribbon or his hair.

• I will not ask Zetsu if he's ever had an affair with a tulip or any other sort of flower or plant.

• I will not play "Hide and Find Hidan" with the other Akatsuki members by dissembling Hidan's body and hiding him all over the base.

• I will not make a large, neon pink (or any other colour) "AKATSUKI EVIL LAIR IS LOCATED HERE" sign for the outside of the Akatsuki lair.

• … nor will I make one for Orochimaru.

• I'm sure we're all aware that the pairing "IrukaKakashi" can shorten to "IruKa". However, if you decide to tell Iruka or Kakashi this, you'll end up finding out the pairing is "KaIru" anyway.

• I will not ask Kurenai if it's going to be hard to be the mother of a child who's father was a tobacco addict and who is currently dead.

• I will not test the theory to see if Konan is afraid of scissors or other sharp objects.

• … nor will I attempt to cut/slice/etcetera her.

• I will not tease Peine that Konan controls him… because she does.

• I will not ask Orochimaru if the reason he left the Akatsuki was because he sucked.

• I will not ask Kiba if he howls at the moon.

• Though Pakkun can fit in the palm of a hand, we don't recommend calling him "hand-held".

• Do not attempt to steal Anko's candy or any of her other sweet treats. She'll most likely kill you.

• I will not ask Zetsu is he believes that "two skin colours are better than one".

• Do not attempt to trim Zetsu. He will not be happy.

• Sasori is not firewood. Do not attempt to throw him into the fireplace.

• … and he is not kindling, either.

• I will not ask what colour the sky is in Itachi's world.

• I will not sit on Shikamaru and call him my lazy-boy chair.

• I will not ask Orochimaru if he extends his neck because he thinks he his actually a clinically insane mutant giraffe.

• Do not tug on Peine's earrings, lip rings, nose … bolts or any other various piercing.

• Do not ask if Naruto, when in his Orioke no Jutsu form, can get pregnant.

• … nor will I hire a male to test this theory.

• Putting TonTon on the ceiling and having him walk around it while singing "Ninja pig! Ninja pig! Does whatever a ninja pig does!" is not what one would normally consider a good idea.

• Orochimaru can and will utilize his tongue if at all possible. We recommend staying as far away from him as possible, whether you're female or male.

• Mistaking a one of the ninjas for the opposing gender, while funny the first time, can be potentially fatal if done to the wrong person.

• I'm sure that all you French speaking folk are aware that "pain" means bread. However, making fun of Peine for it is not recommended.

• … nor is asking him if Konan is his butter, jam, or other assorted condiment that goes on bread.

• We wouldn't recommend asking Peine (or Konan, for that matter) if Konan is "buttering his bread" instead of the other way around.

• Do not climb into Sasuke or Shino's coat just to see if you'll fit. You'll make them uncomfortable and they will most likely kill you, even if you can fit in there comfortably.

• Telling Kisame that he technically carries around the corpse of another shark on his back (A.K.A Samehada) is not recommended.

• Hidan is not, in any way, shape, or form, related to the "Skelanimals" that are found at Hot Topic or other gothic-like stores. Really.

• Contrary to popular belief, none of the characters are on crack (though we'd all like to believe it, wouldn't we?).

• While we realize they look very similar and have similar tendencies, Cruella DeVil from the 101 Dalmatians is not related to Zetsu in any way.

• Do not ask if Sasuke, Shino, or any other ninja that has an incredibly large collared shirt if they ever "get hot under the collar". They will kill you.

• Not all of the Naruto characters have sad, depressing, horrible and awful pasts. Contrary to popular belief, some of them are happy.

• … however, do not ask any of the ninja if "having a sad, depression, tortured past" is a requirement to becoming a ninja. You'll get beat up.

• Do not ask Kisame if he goes around singing "just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming… what do we do when we're feeling blue we swim, swim, swim…" He'll kill you. And deny it all.

• … nor should you go around following him singing the "swimming" song. He'll kill you … or maybe he'll sing along and then have to kill you for witnessing it.

• Abiding to these rules will most likely allow you to live in the Naruto Realm without death, injury, or other terrible obscenities. Choosing to ignore any of the above rules will most likely result in … well, death, injury, or other terrible obscenities. We strongly recommend you follow and abide to these rules and … well, just don't piss anyone off and you're good to go.


M-D13: And there you have it. –looks at watch impatiently- And. They. Still. Aren't. Here.

Rock Lee: Who was it that you had hired again, Marine-san?

M-D13: -siiiggghhh- I had hired Shikamaru and Neji… But apparently they bailed on me! –fume; is obviously over this-

Rock Lee: … Shikamaru bails on everyone.

M-D13: I guess… Well, then where's Neji?

Rock Lee: He told me that it was not his destiny to come here.

M-D13: Goddammit!

Rock Lee: Perhaps we should hold auditions?

M-D13: Eh, screw that. I'll go off and hire someone new for the next chapter. Anyways.

R&R please! Any and all flames will be used to set Neji and Shikamaru on fire for ditching us. If you value their lives, don't flame me :3

Thanks for reading!