Near/Girl!Mello - WTF?

Mello woke up to what he thought would be a perfectly normal day. He stretched and went to scratch his bare chest to find something peculiar there...

"AHHHHHHHHH!"

Matt shot up from his bed, looking around quickly. "What happened?" he shouted as his eyes finally landed on Mello's bare chest. "Uh..."

"Goddammit, Matt! Stop staring at my chest!" Mello yelled in his new girlish tone as he pulled the sheets to cover his chest. "Something is clearly wrong..."

"Yeah, you have Pamela Anderson's tits!" Matt exclaimed as he ducked a pillow thrown his way.

"I do not!" Mello screeched then paused. "Is that my voice?"

Matt looked up and nodded. Mello sat quietly for a moment. "Get out," Mello muttered, and Matt did not move. "GET OUT!"

Matt scurried out of the room quickly, slamming the door behind him in haste. Mello cringed at the loud noise so early in the morning coupled with his new 'assets.' He flopped back down on his bed, head under his pillow and burrowed himself under the sheets. He was SO not leaving his cocoon of sheets and blankets today, not for any reason.

Mello's mind was too addled to fall back to sleep, but scenarios of possible ways that this could have happened kept running through his head until his door opened and closed, signaling someone had enter the room.

Mello sat up angrily, body covered by sheet and blankets. "Matt, I told you-" Mello stopped mid-sentence when he saw it was not Matt who had entered his room. "You."

Near looked at Mello curiously as he twirled piece of hair around his finger. "You don't seem sick, although you do sound strange..." Near stated.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Mello exclaimed angrily, the lack of baritone in his voice showing more clearly.

"You weren't in class. You never miss class, even when you are so ill and should keep yourself contained so not to infect others," Near said plainly. "Clearly, something is seriously wrong. ...or perhaps you have just given up?"

That last sentence had made any patience Mello may have had finally snap. Mello jumped from his bed, forgetting his 'condition' and lifted Near by the collar of his shirt and pressed him in the door angrily. "I will NEVER give up. I will NEVER give in and just let YOU win!" Mello ground out.

Near blinked at Mello then looked down. Near's eyes widened, the most Mello had ever seen then he quickly looked away. Mello noticed Near's lack of composure to his new endowments and grinned in spite of himself. Mello grinned even more when he noticed a blush spreading on Near's face.

Mello chuckled as he suddenly let go of Near's shirt, letting him drop to the ground. "Like what you see?" Mello sneered, flaunting his chest. "I knew you weren't perfect. You're a closet-pervert, aren't you, Near?"

Near closed his eyes as he picked himself off the ground. Mello watched him carefully, noticing the blush had diminished. When Near opened his eyes, Mello noticed any composure Near may have lost earlier was back. Mello growled and was about to say something when Near unexpectedly stepped forward, too close.

Before Mello could attempt to say anything, Near's mouth was on his. Mello's eyes widened as Near kissed him. Mello tried to kiss back, but the kiss ended before he could so, leaving him in a daze. Near quietly turned and walked out the door of Mello's room.

Everything that just happened rushed at Mello all at once. "Come back here, you pervert! How can you take advantage of a girl like that?"