Chapter 4: Emily's POV
Hotch arrived while JJ was in the shower. He brought my go bag so that I could change clothes but with the bathroom occupied there was nothing for me to do but face up to him.
"Is the letter the same as the others?" I asked, although I knew it would be. They were all identical, all unremarkable, all untraceable. There was never a single print or stray fibre. There weren't any survivors either but this unsub had never attempted to abduct an FBI agent before.
Hotch nodded seriously. "Prentiss, I don't like using you as bait."
We both knew he was going to do it anyway. It was our best chance of catching the guy so there was no point in giving him a hard time about it.
"You're not," I promised. "The unsub chose to target an FBI agent working his own case. He's the one baiting us, not the other way around."
He nodded, a subtle display of gratitude. "Did something happen between JJ and Will that I should know about?" he asked in lieu of a response.
JJ's relationship with Will had made her well-used to having another person speak on her behalf, often revealing personal things about her life, but I was reluctant to be that person. I was thankful when JJ chose that moment to come out of the bathroom. She was fully dressed and looking as professional as ever. As she stepped into the room, she gestured behind her, where the shattered mirror was visible through the door.
"That's what Will did when JJ tried to break it off with him," I explained summarily, sharing a look of solidarity with her.
Hotch's face changed entirely as he surveyed the damage and then JJ. Two members of his team had been threatened overnight and his fatherly instincts toward us all had always been stronger than his professional obligations.
"Did he hurt you?" Hotch demanded.
JJ kept her face impassive. "I'm fine," she answered. "I kicked him out and Emily stayed the night with me."
Now, as she met my eye, I gleaned that she was leaving it up to me how much we would say about that. I also saw a flash of something else, something I hadn't seen in her earlier. It was hurt, a yearning to be acknowledged by me. And how could I refuse when part of the reason I'd been so reluctant to accept her advances was the fear that she wouldn't be able or willing to acknowledge me—to her family or to our friends. Now it was painfully clear that she was ready and I wasn't. Well, why couldn't I be?
"Hotch, I did more than stay with her." The words left my mouth before I could stop them but JJ's eyes were giving me strength I didn't know I had. "I'm in love with her."
"And if you're going to risk Emily's life by sending her back to her own room tonight when you know the unsub is coming after her, then I want to be there too," JJ cut in. "For him to have put that note on her door, he must have been watching to make sure she wasn't going to either hear or see him. So, chances are, he already knows Emily spent the night with me. If you put me in there with her tonight, you get another agent in the room without necessarily making him suspicious about why I'm there."
Although Hotch barely blinked at my revelation, or JJ's, I didn't make the mistake of assuming he had no qualms about a relationship between us. For the time being he simply had more important things to decide. First, he turned to JJ.
"JJ, we're not sending Emily to the slaughter," he reminded her, his voice a fatherly mix of severity and compassion. "We're going to do everything we can to make sure she's safe. …Most women who find out they're pregnant want to limit their time in the field."
"But I don't," JJ insisted. "Hotch, I know this is sudden. For us as well as you. But if I lose Emily, I lose the one person I love most in the world and our baby loses a mother. I can't let her do this alone."
Now she wouldn't meet my eyes. I think she was afraid I would contradict her, tell her I honestly didn't want any part in her baby's life. …Our baby's life? If she wanted me to be a mother then it really would be our baby. She'd said she wanted to make it legal. Jesus. Could I have this? Could I really have this? Me and her and our baby? Our family? It felt too much like a dream, and yet when I put my hands on her stomach last night I'd felt…
Of course, I wanted to tell JJ that Hotch was right: it was far too dangerous for her to stay with me tonight. The last thing I wanted was for her to be hurt because of me. And what about the baby? What if something happened and she lost it? I knew I'd only found out about her pregnancy recently but already it had become a priority. I'd wanted a baby ever since I let mine go in Italy when I was fifteen-years-old. I wasn't ready then but I was ready now, I realised. I wanted to do this with her.
"Emily?" Hotch prompted me. "What do you think?"
The strength of my own private realisation meant that it took me a moment to remember what he was asking me. What did I think about JJ staying with me when the unsub would almost certainly try to abduct me within the next few days? I'd already decided that too. I was not going to be the controlling partner Will had been.
"I think that this is JJ's decision," I replied. "And that our desire to protect her may be clouding our ability to see that her idea is a good one."
"I want to be in there with her," JJ repeated, for clarity's sake. "But it's your call, Hotch."
Eventually he nodded. "You're right," he admitted. "It's a good idea. But it's not perfect. I'm concerned that you two were able to keep your feelings from me and the rest of the team. Like it or not, this is going to change the team dynamic, not necessarily for the better. It's also blatantly against Bureau policy for the two of you to be pursuing a relationship while working in the same unit. When this is over we'll need to talk about it and the result may be that one of you is reassigned."
"Me," JJ said suddenly. "If one of us is reassigned, it'll be me. Hotch, I'm not saying I don't want to be here but—"
I stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. "Jennifer, we'll talk about it after the case, okay?"
Hotch's eyes were almost openly curious as he watched us interact but he didn't comment.
"Emily, we can assume that the unsub will be watching you today," he said instead. "We can use that to our advantage. The rest of the team will have to act as though they've known you're a couple for some time and it's not unusual for you two to sleep together." He looked at JJ. "I take it you've considered the fact that the others will have to find out about your relationship if you decide to stay with Emily tonight."
"I have decided," JJ corrected him firmly. "And yes, I'm fine with that. Emily, are you?"
I could say no, I realised. She was giving me the power of veto over this whole insane situation. If I said I wasn't okay with it, it would just be me tonight. I'd be alone when the unsub tried to abduct me.
On the one hand, being alone with a serial killer was never a great idea. On the other hand, JJ and her baby wouldn't be in danger. But this wasn't just about the danger. JJ thought she was ready to come out to the team. In fact, she seemed to want to do it. It didn't matter how crazy or impossible I thought it was that she wanted me, I couldn't reject her by saying I didn't want the team to know, especially not in front of Hotch.
"Yes," I finally agreed, trying to mirror JJ's confidence. "That's fine."
Hotch nodded, a rare note of sympathy crossing his face. "I'll call the others to explain. When you two are ready, meet us upstairs outside Emily's room. Don't go overboard with it, but you should make it clear to anyone watching—including the unsub—that you're a couple."
Hotch left not long after that and JJ's arms were around my waist the moment the door shut behind him.
"Hey," I whispered, resting a hand on the back of her head lightly as she pressed her face into my neck. "Don't worry, Jennifer. Everything will be okay."
"I'm not worried," JJ answered. Her voice was muffled but she didn't move. "Well, I am, but that's pretty standard. It may as well be a prerequisite for the job… I just— Thank you, Em."
"What for?"
Now JJ pulled back to look me in the eye. "For trusting me. For telling Hotch the truth. For saying you're ready for everyone to know when you're not."
"What is being 'ready'?" I asked, brushing a hand across her cheek evasively. "I know we can handle whatever comes from the team finding out. That's good enough for me."
"And me," JJ promised. "Is it bad that I'm actually excited?"
"Depends what you're excited about," I replied, smirking. To be honest, I was feeling the same way, beneath my building anxiety. "Are you excited that we'll probably be fighting off a serial killer in our pyjamas sometime over the next few nights?"
JJ grinned too. "No," she giggled. "I'm excited to be able to show how much I love you in public."
I couldn't help but think she had it backwards. I was the one who loved her, who had always loved her, who had tried so damn hard to hide the fact that I loved her for almost three years. JJ had only left Will last night. Yes, we'd always been close—closer than any of the others—but that didn't mean that she was in love with me. At least, not in the way that I was in love with her. Still, I didn't have it in me to argue. Instead I placed a soft peck on her lips and nodded towards the bathroom.
"I love you too," I told her honestly. "But I should shower."
"I wouldn't mind showering again…" JJ teased but I knew she didn't mean it. She wanted to get to work too. We needed to learn as much as we could about who we'd be dealing with.
That didn't mean I couldn't tease her back though…
I raised yesterday's shirt over my head while JJ watched shamelessly. Her eyes raking over my body filled me with heat. Although I'd meant to turn away and finish undressing alone in the bathroom, I didn't protest when JJ held me back.
Without a word she stepped closer and reached her hands around my back for the clasp of my bra. My breath caught as it unhinged and I felt the fabric slacken. I should stop this, I found myself thinking. I had to get ready to face the rest of the team. But JJ's eyes on mine were such a deep blue, so intense and full of want, and the slight parting of her lips was…
I let out a soft sigh as JJ pulled the straps of my bra down my arms and took in my breasts, now completely bare and visible in the light of day. I should have felt self-conscious but I didn't. I watched JJ's eyes widen as the cool air stiffened my nipples. Her expression was one of hunger.
"I know we can't do this now," she whimpered. "But I want to touch you…" One hand rose to palm my breast tentatively, seemingly without her full permission. Jesus, if she was relying on me to tell her to stop, we were in trouble. "You're amazing, Em…"
I swallowed hard. "Don't linger," I forced myself to say. "You can help me undress if you want to, but quickly. Hotch is waiting for us and I really do need to shower."
I moved my hand over hers and briefly directed her to tease my nipple before sliding her hand down my stomach.
"Do you really find me attractive?" I asked, biting back a gasp as JJ's mouth latched onto my neck. Her fingers worked quickly to unfasten my slacks.
"What kind of profiler are you?" JJ groaned against my skin. "Em, we're in actual fucking danger and yet I am so unbelievably turned on right now—by you."
I watched in disbelief as JJ slid one of her hands between her own legs, giving herself a quick rub through her trousers. I replaced her hand with my own as she eased my slacks over my hips. They slid down my legs and JJ scraped her nails across my naked thighs as her hips moved helplessly against my hand. My stomach coiled tight with desire and I bit my lip hard.
Kicking my slacks aside, I stood before JJ in nothing but a pair of black lace panties. The movement of her hips, grinding into my palm, was getting faster and more erratic and her mouth was hanging open, her breath coming out in quick pants. Longingly, she leaned into me, supporting herself with a hand curled around my shoulder. But a loud cry from her lips startled both of us back to reality. I pulled my hand away.
"We have to stop," she gasped, nodding hurriedly as I did so. "If we don't I'm going to come and I have to wear these clothes all day… Actually, I should change my underwear while I have the chance..."
Turning her back to me, JJ stripped off her trousers. Both of us flushed as she slid her panties down her hips, but not from embarrassment. I was beyond trying to make myself look away.
"Do you still believe I'm not attracted to you?" JJ asked breathlessly as she pulled on a new pair of panties and then her trousers.
I shook my head and stepped toward her again, taking her lips needily. The second she removed her panties I'd been able to smell her arousal and that had had a direct impact on mine.
"How long has it been since Hotch left?" she whimpered against my mouth.
"Long enough that I should be in the shower," I answered regretfully but I didn't want to leave her. I was so wet and knowing that she was turned on too was only making it worse. The noises she made, the smell of her… "I wish you could come in with me but there isn't time for me to do everything I want to do to you… And call me old-fashioned but maybe the shower isn't the place for our first time either."
"I know," JJ whispered. She bit her lip and then lowered my panties until I could step out of them. "But I could sure use a cold shower now…"
I nodded, unable to think of a word to say in response. I could feel the wetness pooling between my lower lips begin to seep out. I could smell myself and I was betting JJ could too. As if to confirm this for me, I saw her eyes flicker downwards.
"You goddamn tease," she husked and then, without warning, she reached out to cup my bare mound and slip her index finger into the wetness.
She pulled it out and held it up between us so we could both see how soaked it was, completely coated in my juices. Then she slid the digit into her mouth and closed her eyes, moaning. When she was finished I pushed my tongue into her mouth, desperate to taste myself on her. When our combination of flavours hit my tongue, it took everything I had not to start touching myself right in front of her.
She's the one who crossed the line and touched you there, part of me insisted. Why shouldn't you be able to finish it?
But I resisted. Alone in the bathroom, it didn't take me long to get myself off. I kept my mouth tightly closed shut and washed myself carefully afterwards before getting out of the shower and dressing.
JJ had grown nervous in my absence. I kissed her lightly, brushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear, and we walked hand in hand toward my room to face the others.
