THE FOLLOWING ANNOUNCEMENT IS TRUE: I do not own any of the characters from the anime Azumanga Daioh nor from the book The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, nor do I own any part of the anime or book. I also want to add that the joke about the famous horror author (if he ever finds out I'm talking about him) is just a joke. Nothing personal. So, please, don't sue me, Mr. Author.

CHAPTER III

ON BOARD A VOGON SHIP

The Vogon mission leader, Protetnic Vogon Jeltz, saw the Heart of Gold, and ordered his men to watch it and see what happens . Then a impatient gunman fired a rocket at the ship, but caused minimal damage. That gunman was immediately put to death. Protetnic Vogon Jeltz expected the ship to fire back, but was surprised when the ship began to leave. "Follow that ship!" Protetnic Vogon Jeltz demanded.

"Should I fire on it?" asked a crewmember.

Protetnic Vogon Jeltz thought about it for a few seconds, then answered, "No. I got a better idea."

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Back on board the Heart of Gold, everyone, but Arthur, Ford, Zaphod, were running around the ship. "We're going to die!" shouted someone. "I surrender! I surrender!" shouted another.

Then Ford screamed, "Everyone, shut up!" Then, everyone did. "Everyone stay calm," he continued. "We'll be out of here in . . ."

Suddenly, the intercom broke in with Protetnic Vogon Jeltz's voice. "I'm sorry to interrupt a tender moment," Protetnic Vogon Jeltz said, "but I want to share a poem with you."

Ford, knowing that Vogon poetry is the third worst poetry in the universe, tried to the frequency.

But before Ford could change it, this came out:

Oh, Band-Aid,

Covering my cuts,

But sticks to my skin

When I take it off.

For some reason, everyone on board, including the girls, grab their ears and began to roll around on the floor. "Change the frequency!" shouted Ford. "What the hell is that?" shouted Yukari. "My ears! My ears!" shouted Koyomi.

The only one who wasn't rolling around, besides Kimura, was Osaka.

Protetnic Vogon Jeltz's voice then came back. "Any last words before I continue my poem, then destroy you?"

Chiyo looked up at Osaka, who was still standing. "Osaka . . ." she said weakly, ". . . do something."

Osaka then ran to the control panel and in the intercom reply button, "Wait!" she said. "I want to tell you a story."

"A story?" cried Protetnic Vogon Jeltz in almost a laugh. "Alright, it's your last though."

Osaka thought hard. After a while, she replied, "Alright." She then cleared her throat, then said, in a creepy voice, "One day, I found a CD, I don't remember buying."

Some people think that an author from the northeastern part of the United States is the best horror writer, but the truth is that he's the third best in the universe. The second best was a man from Alpha Centuri, who wrote a single sentence that made 3,000 people throw up at once. But no one, not even Osaka, would have expected that Osaka was the best. Her story alone would have made even the bravest Andromeda Warrior wet his pants.

The only sounds that were coming out of the intercom were shouts of horror. "Oh God!" said one. "The horror!" shouted another.

Ford then immediately got onto his feet. "Good work, Osaka," he said. He went next to Osaka and began to fumble with the controls. "Alright, we need to let the improbability drive fully charge. I shouldn't take more than a few sec . . . "

Then Yukari came over and began to press random buttons. "Yeah, whatever," she said.

"No, wait!" Ford exclaimed, but it was too late. They were already in warp.

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Back onboard the Vogon ship, the crew was calming down. Protetnic Vogon Jeltz was checking to see if he wet his pants, when a crewmember asked, "Sir, the ship is gone. Shall we try to follow it?"

"No, not right now," Protetnic Vogon Jeltz ordered. Under his breath he added, "Thanks to that human, I'll have nightmares for years."

"What shall we do captain?" asked the crewmember.

"Well, we're going to head to Alpha Centuri to see if they are there, while Ship Number Seven stays here to see if they will come . . . why is there a slice of pizza where Ship Number Seven was?" Protetnic Vogon Jeltz asked while looking out the viewing window.