CHAPTER FOUR.
There's a cat on the wall over there; it's been staring at me for fifteen minutes. It won't take its eyes off me. Do I have cat food on me or something? I wouldn't be surprised; I tripped and fell in something pretty nasty when I was running away from the Square... again. It's pretty disgusting – I ought to go back to my mate's and have a shower.
I can't believe I ran again.
I heard him. I heard him shout my name as he came out of his flat. I just bottled it at the last minute. I can't face him. I can't believe I pushed him in the Square, in front of all of those people – Jane, Roxy... my family. I want him to stand behind me and wrap his arms around me again. And kiss the side of my neck and let the whole warmth of his body just make me feel safe and loved.
There's a can next to my foot; I angrily throw it at the cat. It screeches and runs away. Stupid cat. Serves it right.
What exactly am I supposed to do now? Where do I stay if I go back to the Square? At Christian's?
He'd love it, but it would go down like a tonne of bricks with my parents.
I'm not sure I want to stay in the flat; mine and Amira's flat.
And Tambo. I remember him saying he thought I was brave. Brave? Me? I thought he was clever. Not stupid. I'm about as brave as that cowardly lion.
I've let them all down. I've disappointed them.
All of them – not just my family but Christian too. I think maybe he expected us to... be together?... once I'd told my family. It's just not that easy. I keep thinking about that cottage in Yorkshire – 'Done Thinkin', I smile, that'd be nice. And we can sit, and grow old and have a dog. Or two. I like dogs. They're better than cats. Stupid cat. It's back again. Sat on top of that bin over there now.
I stand up and walk over to the bin; the cat's a stray. It has no collar, it has no home.
I know how it feels.
