Before the Dawn
Three.

What must we do to restore our innocence
And oh, the promise we adored
Give us life again 'cause we just wanna be whole
"We Are Broken" - Paramore
We stayed in Besaid for a couple weeks. Slowly each of us fell into quiet acceptance, and we began to plan a private service. We also had to think of how we could release the news to the press and to all of Spira. We decided that we would prepare a speech, go to Luca, and solemnly share our sorrow.

I spent a lot of time on the beach, close to the ocean. I thought that the closer to freedom I felt, the farther I'd be from the pain. It wasn't true, though. The loneliness drove me to tears: I had only my thoughts.

Tidus joined me as I walked down the beaten path one very early morning. The sun was just beginning to rise. We were quiet for the most part, until we reached the beach.

"How are you doing?" he asked easily.

I looked at him with a tired smile, "I've been better."

"Me too."

I lied down on my back, curling my fingers through the sand. "I don't know what I'm going to do now." I smiled a little, more in irony than joy, "I've always had this plan, you know? Whether it was sphere hunting, salvaging, or saving Yunie, I just knew what lay ahead. I was always prepared."

"Always?" Tidus plopped down beside me. "What about when we defeated Yunalesca? I don't know about you, but I thought that was a pretty on-the-spur-of-the-moment thing."

I pouted. "But I knew we were doing it to save Yunie."

"I suppose."

I sighed. It was the beginning of a journey I didn't want to have to take again. "Do you think she can see us now?"

"I don't know." Tidus lifted his arm, tracing a cloud with his finger. "If she can, she's probably upset."

"How come?" I asked, rolling onto my side.

"She told me she wanted her journey to be full of laughter; that we were like Spira's ray of light. She practiced smiling, when she was sad." He dropped his arm and closed his eyes. "She would want us to move on."

I frowned, "But everyone deserves to mourn."

Tidus sighed. "Yeah."

"What will you do?" I asked after a moment's calm.

He shrugged. "Maybe I'll go play blitzball."

I smiled a little, "You know, I've been playing blitz too."

"Really." He rolled over to face me. "You any good?"

I stuck out my tongue. "The best."

He chuckled once, "We'll have to see then, won't we?"

I laughed a little too. It felt strange and refreshing, like when your ice cream melts and dribbles on your foot on a hot day. "We have to go to Luca in a few days, why don't we do it then?"

"Sure. But try not to cry when you lose, okay?" Tidus smiled.

"Don't worry, I'll bring you a tissue," I taunted. It felt good for once, to relax.

There was another silence between us, and I smiled a little more. "Yuna was really good too."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Tidus' smile grew some too.

I rolled back onto my back, looking back up to the sky. The stars had now all faded, but there was a glorious rosy glow in the east.

"Is that the Celsius?" Tidus asked, pointing a finger up in the sky.

I followed his finger to a growing dot in the sky. "No." I could tell already it wasn't the Celsius. You would know too if you had spent hours waiting for Brother to get his rear end to you while you were freezing your butt in Gagazet.

The unknown ship puzzled me. I didn't know who it could be, or why they were up so early.

"We should move," I said as it got closer and closer. I could tell it was going to land where the Celsius had a few days before, and if we stayed to close to the water, we were bound to get soaked. I got up, brushing sand off my arms.

We walked toward the path that led to the village, but turned to watch the airship land in the ocean near the shore.

"Do you know who it is?" Tidus asked me as a ramp slid down from the bridge.

"Not a clue." Airships were rare still around Besaid, so I wondered who in Spira would be traveling there.

We watched as a few Al Bhed I didn't recognize hopped off, speaking rapidly to each other. I couldn't make out their words, but I could tell they sounded frustrated.

"Al Bhed?" Tidus guessed. "They don't sound happy."

"Yeah. I can't hear why though. Maybe something's wrong with the ship."

The group hushed quickly as another male began to walk down the ramp. He shook his head at the group, then looked our direction, and waved.

"Know him?" Tidus looked to me for an answer.

"Mmhmm." I gave a little wave back. Only Gippal would drag an entire crew to the "uncivilized" island of Besaid at the butt crack of dawn. A lot of Al Bheds sign up to work as crews on airships. It costs less to hire them than a professional crew, so they man a lot of on-the-spur trips.

Gippal ran to us, but slowed as he neared us. His eyes were glued to Tidus. "Who's your friend?" he asked, without even looking at me.

"Hi to you too," I muttered. "His name is Tidus."

"Tidus, huh? My name's Gippal," he held out his hand.

"Gippal?" Tidus shook his hand. "We haven't met before, have we?"

Gippal chuckled, "I was going to ask you the same thing. You look just like Shuyin."

"Shuyin?" Tidus frowned. He knew the name from the story of Yuna's fall.

I seemed to be the source of all answers; both of the males looked at me with questioning glances. Sighing, I replied, "Shuyin looked like you. He set us off on our journey to find you, but it wasn't really you." And I knew why Tidus recognized Gippal's name and face. During Yunie's pilgrimage, I used to tell him stories about when we dated, and Tidus told me stories of Zanarkand. His Zanarkand, that is.

Of course, I couldn't remind Tidus here. That would mean admitting to Gippal that I still had feelings for him. During the pilgrimage, I mean.

I still had feelings for him during the pilgrimage. Two plus years ago.

Gippal shrugged. "Anyway, I came to check up on you. You know, see how you're holding up. You and Dr. P sure left in a hurry."

I scratched the back of my head nonchalantly. "We didn't think we needed to stick around any longer."

"Yeah. I heard from Paine that you guys are going in front of all Spira to drop the bomb," he said slowly. I could see he was still upset.

"Yup." I looked at him carefully. I noticed small bluish bags under his eyes, and he was slouching more than usual. "Why don't you come to the village? I'm sure there'll be enough breakfast for you."

"Yeah!" Tidus interjected. "Lu always makes plenty!" There was a small smirk in his eyes that I knew meant trouble.

"I'm always up for food! Just let me calm the crew really quick." Gippal jogged back towards his ship, yelling in Al Bhed.

"I remember now," Tidus said quietly. "You used to date him, right?"

I bit on my lower lip. Hurriedly, I begged, "Don't say anything, okay? Gippal has an ego like a balloon animal. If he knew I told you all sorts of things about us, his body would go kablooey!"

The blonde (I suppose I should specify, we are all blonde here) Tidus chuckled, "Okay, okay!"

The crew headed back to the ship, and Gippal back to us. "Now, let's get that food!"

Paine, Tidus, and I had begun staying in the old Crusaders lodge to give Lulu and Wakka their space, but we were invited over for every meal. The meals were solemn usually, with small talk about the weather, Vidina, and outside life. Having Gippal with us at breakfast had lightened the mood some.

Paine smiled a little, which was a nice surprise. She was probably happy to have a more familiar face around. I know she became fast friends with Lulu, but I think she (like the rest of us) needed to keep her mind away from Yuna-related subjects.

Gippal was, well Gippal. He was cheery the entire time, telling stories about the Crimson Squad (the brighter stories anyway) and about me. I won't say I was proud about most of them, especially the stories of me sneaking out to see him. Had it been any other situation, I would have been upset that he was publicly displaying my old behaviors.

But now, it didn't seem to bother me. I was enjoying the company of all my friends too much to want to complain.

It was late afternoon when I went for another walk, but this time I was without a destination. Gippal tagged along, a few feet closer than I would have expected. "Lulu and Wakka are great people, huh?"

"Yup," I skipped ahead a few steps. "They pretty much raised Yunie."

"Yeah." We all seemed to be saying that a lot lately. It was getting on my nerves.

"So, you came all the way to Besaid just to check on me? Before the sun rose?" I looked at him suspiciously. "I know better."

"I came to check on all of you. Except Tidus, I suppose. I didn't know he was around."

I shrugged. "He technically didn't exist."

Gippal cocked his head to one side, "Didn't exist?"

I nodded, stopping at the top of the hill. I told him about meeting Tidus during a salvage, and reuniting during the pilgrimage. How he and Yuna had fallen in love and how he had disappeared. I felt my chest tightening, remembering everything from the pilgrimage. In the latter part of it, I became much closer to Tidus. My mind wandered farther from Gippal, and more to him.

I knew it was a crush. I also knew how Yuna felt. So kept my feelings to myself, and held back my tears when he jumped off the ship. I let Yuna cry for me.

"I thought he seemed familiar."

I turned my head, looking at Gippal. He stood beside me with arms crossed, staring over the edge.

"He played for the Aurochs a few times, right?"

A smile tugged at my lips, "Yup."

"Blitzball was always a treat during those days." Gippal faced me, a small grin on his lips. "What are your plans, now?"

I turned back to the horizon, pursing my lips.

"Me too," Gippal agreed to my silence. He took a step closer to me, and brushed his hand against mine hesitantly.

An old feeling floated through my chest, but I ignored it, along with the hand-brush. I didn't know if I wanted to accept this feeling back in my heart. I knew I couldn't handle any more pain.

"Rikku." He took my hand, causing me to turn toward him in surprise. "We don't have to stay here and wither in everyone's pain and sorrow."

"All of Spira will be in sorrow soon," I said quietly. I recalled the once constant talk of drowning in sorrow. Yuna ended that drowning, but now she would cause it to begin again. "There will be nowhere left."

"What if I said there might be somewhere?"

I looked up into his eye, tilting my head. "I'd tell you I wouldn't want to live in an area with no people."

Gippal smiled, letting out one laugh. "Through all of your sphere-hunting, Shinra found something other than Shuyin. I can't explain it now, but the Gullwings could have one more mission."

I stepped back, pulling my hands from his. "There is no Gullwings."

"Rikku," he apologized. "How about just you and me then?"

I turned my back, and started walking down the hill again. "We finished that story a long time ago," I told, my stomach clenching my throat angrily. "I don't want to do a sequel," I squeaked on the last note.

I walked off, closing my eyes. My whole body shook with anger, fear, and grief. I didn't know why I had said it, but I had. Gippal had his chance, right?

I wanted to write a different story. One that wouldn't end in heartbreak.


Note from the author: Thanks for reading, and please review because it is soooo much appreciated. Constructive criticism is desired and welcomed!!