a/n: Hey guys! Yes again it has been so long. Well I'm on break and I got bored. I miss writing since I never really write anymore (I'm a musician). Enjoy Chapter 4!

warnings: some language, mentions of slashy relationship (but that's awesome) and possibly really awkward and/or traumatic flashbacks


"Remus I don't know how to tell you this. I hope you take this news well... I'm pregnant," Tonks said to Remus on the sofa in her flat...well their flat now. Remus moved in with her a few months ago. His original location was twelve Grimmauld Place and now it was abandoned. Remus finally said yes to Tonks' advances. Remus was starting to feel very comfortable with Tonks and thinking that this relationship might all work out.
"What!" Remus said as a spit out his tea. Until she said that sentence. "Oh my god. Wow. Um... how long have you've known?"
"About a month and a half. I didn't get my period this month," she answered.
"Oh so you know for sure," Remus said.
"Yes I do. I even went to Madam Pomfrey. If I went to St. Mungo's they might start asking questions."
Remus took Tonks' hand. "I love you very much 'Dora."
"I love you too Remus,"
"Will you marry me?" Remus asked her quickly. "I don't have a ring yet for you but I've been thinking about proposing to you for a while now. I really am crazy for you and with the war and all I don't know how much time is left. So will you say yes?"
"Of course I say yes Remus Lupin. You are so smart but sometimes you're an idiot," Tonks gave him a long passionate kiss. Remus started to disrobe her and kissed her neck.

5 months later...
"This was a bad idea," Remus said one morning in front of Tonks. They still got the Daily Prophet even though it was crap now but it kept them updated on the other said. "I don't know why I thought we could get away with it."
"Remus what are you rambling on about?" Tonks asked him. Tonks' stomach was much more prominent now and it was obvious that she was pregnant. "Ignore that shit paper."
"It isn't that. You marrying a monster like me isn't bad enough what if our child is just like me?"
"Wouldn't that be rare? Can that even happen?"Tonks questioned her husband's remarks.
"I don't know. It's not written down really what happens when werewolves procreate."
"If he/she is a werewolf too I'll love it just as much. I love you don't I?" She smiled.
"That's all great but in this world we live in now," Remus' tone became very solemn. "You will be an outcast. I can't do that to you or our child." Remus quickly went to their bedroom to grab a few things.
"Remus what are you doing?" Tonks walked as quickly as she could to the bedroom.
"Bye 'Dora. I'm so sorry but you are honestly better off without me. I kept warning you. I don't want you or our unborn child to get hurt. So I have to go."
"What the hell!? Remus what's wrong with you?" Tonks yelled and him but in a pop he was gone.

Present
The image of the sadness Tonks had when he left her while pregnant all those years ago haunted Remus' memory. He was so stupid and still so messed up. He was partially grieving about Sirius.
The look on Tonks' face when he was telling her about his past was almost identical to when he left. They had trust issues after he returned. For years Tonks would say to him "Don't you ever leave me again Lupin. That was the worst idea ever." Now they really had trust issues again.
Remus put the box into his drawer and hid it behind this clothes. He apparated to his sister's house to see if he could talk to her. He found Rachel in her room lying on her bed.
"I'm nauseous. I forgot about morning sickness." The dark brown hair woman moaned.
"Sorry to hear that," he said and sat down on the bed beside her.
"Sorry to hear your marriage is fucked," she said.
"Thanks...I think. I don't know what I'm going to do." Remus said.
"She left you?" Rachel asked.
"No not for good. She is at a friend's house for the night. I hope she comes back. I really do," he said now lying next to his sister.
"I hope so too. But Rem why didn't you say something sooner to her? I think most people knew in the Order. They never talked about it but Snape did subtly talk about you guys shagging all the time in front of the members. She's a smart girl how did she never hear or see it?"
"I really don't know. We tried to hide it. Well there were a few moments where we were caught. Sometimes when you are so in love you can't see the obvious."

Early October 1981

After a long drawn out fight about a pointless topic, Sirius Black said to Remus "You know what I don't need this shit from you. You're a fucking monster and a nobody. I'm sick of your lies. I don't know how I could ever love someone like you."
"Sirius what are you talking about?" Remus asked his amber eyes big and watery now from those last comments. He tried to take Sirius' hand but pushed it away.
"You're the traitor! How could I not see it before!" Sirius said

"But I'm not! You're talking nonsense!" Remus said as he approached Sirius to get closer to him.
"Don't touch me wolf!" Sirius pushed Remus to the ground.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Remus yelled.
"I'm leaving for good." Sirius said.
Remus looked dumbfounded but the sudden remark. He got up from the ground. "Don't go Sirius. Please don't. You aren't acting like yourself. I think you've been drinking-"
Two loud slaps were heard and silenced the room. Remus now looked much older than twenty-one now. His light brown hair that was slightly greying was all disheveled and
the scars on his face were more prominent more than ever. One side of his face was now bright red. Remus was holding it. "Fine I don't want to see you ever again!" Remus yelled. Sirius slammed the door behind him making the small shabby apartment shake. When Remus knew Sirius couldn't hear him, the werewolf let his tears flow.

Present
Remus stayed at Rachel's for most of the night. He made sure to avoid Teddy because he didn't want to upset his son even more.
"Where did you put the box? Did you throw it away?" Rachel asked as Remus was about to leave.
"No it's is in my sock drawer," he answered.
"You have to throw it out. Or burn it. It's the only way to move on."
"I have moved on though," Remus said.
"Sometimes I see that look Remus. I know you well. We've been through shit and I remember how much you longed for him even after he said those horrible things to you. And how twelve years later you took him back as soon as he apologized."
"I didn't take him back right away. You're wrong." Remus said defensively. "I don't want to talk about this. You know I can't talk about this anymore," Remus got up and went back to his empty house.
As soon as he got into his room he took out the box. He held it for too long and went over to the fireplace. He took the x rated photographs out and burned them. He kept all the ones where it was just the Marauders but none of the ones where Sirius was loving.
Well that was a lie. Remus folded a muggle photograph of the two of them holding Harry and playing with him. Sirius had his arm around Remus in the picture. He hid that among the junk in his study.


Remus woke up the next morning to find Tonks back in their bedroom. Of course his wife couldn't sneakily get what she wanted and leave again. She was a klutz so her almost knocking over a lamp woke him up.
"I don't know how the Death Eaters didn't hear you coming from blocks away." Remus smiled at her.
"That kind of flattery won't get you anywhere," Tonks replied with a serious look on her face. It looked like she was just crying and her hair was that mousy brown color again. "I want this to work. I'll see you and Teddy for dinner later," Tonks got the items from the dresser and left again.


A/n: I know i said the dinner scene would be this chapter but no it isn't. It's the next one. I promise. Instead you got flashbacks. Review. I'll attempt to update sooner than later.