A/N: Hello! Another chapter update! I'm glad you guys are enjoying the story so far! It means a lot to me! Btw, It's been brought to my attention that one of my readers wanted to request something for my other book, "Big Book of Izuo Oneshots!" And now that I think about it, please feel free to send me requests! I'd really appreciate it! And even though I'm working on this book, I will be able to post for the other ones because I have a schedule for this book now. I will post a chapter every day on this fanfic until the end (Unless something comes up) so it'll be smooth updating! And with that, it allows for me to work on other things too! So once I post a chapter, I can work on other things!
Now! About this chapter, there are some triggering, semi-lime/lemon, and depression mentioned in this chapter! (Yus, poor Shizu-Chan gets sad, but Izaya will fix that later cx) But! Just a warning, if you aren't comfortable reading that, then please skip this chapter. This chapter is more of a filler to pertain to the song that goes along with this fanfic! (BTW GO LISTEN TO IT IF YOU HAVEN'T CX) Also, adorable Moma and Baby fluff again in this chapter cx But! Please read with caution if those things bother you! I don't want to upset my readers in anyway, but I hope you guys will enjoy this chapter nonetheless! :)


Chapter 4:

Shizuo's POV

Shizuo smiled as his toddler babbled on and on about what he had done at Shinra and Celty's house, making him chuckle occasionally. Shizuo was carrying Tsukishima on his hip, not quite trusting the toddler at his side just in case someone tried to take him.

"And then, me and Auntie Celty pla' plush!" Tsukishima giggled, throwing himself into a fit of giggles. Shizuo couldn't help but laugh at his toddler's silliness. He truly was precious. As they neared the run down apartment once more, Shizuo frowned, the thought of needing money coming back to him. He sighed as thoughts filled his mind and what he could do in the meantime for more money. His mind traveled in different directions and possibilities, but only one of them seemed valid, no matter how crucial it could be. He sighed, hugging his toddler close as he continued babbling, letting himself smile and forgetting his troubling thoughts. As Shizuo unlocked the door, he sat Tsukishima down, letting him run into the apartment, giggling. Shizuo smiled as his toddler immediately ran for his toy box in the living room, making sure to grab every single one and scatter it across the floor. Shizuo sighed as he walked into the kitchen, moving to start making something for dinner. Seeing as how he only had instant mashed potatoes and peas, he frowned, but pulled them out anyways, preparing the small dinner for his son.

He knew he wouldn't eat himself, rather having more food for Tsukishima. He couldn't care less about his health, but Tsukishima was more important and still growing, so he deserved to have it more than him. As Shizuo continued preparing things, he chuckled when he heard Tsukishima squeal with delight in the living room, tossing around his toys and playing with them. Peeking around the corner, he saw the little blonde giggling as he pushed around his car with a stuffed animal sitting in it. Rolling his eyes, a smile on his face, he moved to finish preparing dinner. Once the food was finished, he walked back into the dining room, setting Tsukishima's food down on the table. He then looked over at his toddler, seeing as how he was still busy playing.

"Tsukishima," Shizuo started, smiling as Tsuki looked up with a smile. "Come ere' it's dinner time," Shizuo added. Tsukishima smiled and got up, running over to Shizuo happily.

"Food!" Tsukishima yipped. Shizuo smiled, and scooped up the toddler, setting him down in is high chair. Tsukishima smiled and looked at the plate grinning, however when he caught sight of the peas, he scrunched up in disgust. "What's dat?" Tsuki asked skeptically, poking at them.

"They're peas. They're good for you~" Shizuo smiled faintly, sitting down next to him and scooping up some of them, holding the spoon near Tsukishima's mouth. Tsukishima frowned and shook his head, whining faintly as he leaned back. Shizuo frowned and sighed.

"Nasty.." Tsukishima whined, Shizuo sighing.

"But they're good for you and it's all we have at the moment, Tsukishima.. I don't want you to go to bed on an empty stomach, so please try them, For me?" Shizuo tried reasoning with the toddler, seeing as he slowly came around and eventually nodded with a small smile.

"Kay'.." Tsukishima murmured, opening his mouth. Shizuo smiled, placing the spoon the toddler's mouth, and pulling it out, Tsukishima chewing the peas. At first, Tsukishima was quite disgusted, only to smile in delight.

"Kay, are they good?" Shizuo asked with smile. Tsukishima grinned and nodded, opening his mouth expectantly again. "Want me to feed you? I thought you wanted to feed yourself?" Shizuo asked, chuckling lightly. Tsukishima giggled and covered his face with his hands shyly, peeking up at Shizuo. Shizuo laughed and smiled. "Alright, just this one time, Okay?" Shizuo murmured. Tsukishima smiled and nodded, opening his mouth again. It wasn't long before Tsukishima had pushed Shizuo away and began digging into his food on his own, chowing down on it. Shizuo smiled and let the toddler eat, however he almost felt upset. He knew Tsukishima was hungry, and that only made him more upset. He hated how he couldn't feed Tsukishima on a daily basis, and give him what he needed. He felt guilty and like a failure. He only wanted to be the best mother out there, but he just seemed to be running in a mindless haze of failure. Shizuo was back on the couch by the time Tsukishima finished, eyes glazed over as his thoughts wandered aimlessly inside of his head. Tsukishima wasn't stupid. He knew how Shizuo felt and how distressed he was. Whining, Tsukishima crawled out of his high chair and pattered over to Shizuo, trying to crawl into his lap.

It took Shizuo a minute to figure out that it was Tsukishima crawling into his lap. He smiled sadly and scooped him up into his arms, sighing as Tsukishima curled up against his chest.

"Moma.. Why you sad?.." Tsukishima asked quietly and worriedly. Shizuo couldn't stop the tears that dripped down his cheeks.

"I'm trying to do all I can Tsukishima.. I'm so sorry.." Shizuo whispered, hugging his toddler tightly as his shoulders began shaking. Tsukishima whined and hugged him tightly.

"It kay' moma! I still wuv you!" Tsukishima whined, hugging him tightly. Shizuo smiled despite the tears that continued to flow down his cheeks.

"I love you too Tsukishima.. Forever and always, baby, forever and always.." Shizuo whispered as he kissed the top of his head, his tears easing as he started to collect himself. Tsukishima smiled and giggled, crawling out of his lap and pattered over to the shelf, pulling out a coloring book and some crayons before pattering back over to Shizuo, setting the book and crayons down on the coffee table.

"Color with me!" Tsukishima smiled up at him. Shizuo chuckled and nodded, moving to sit on the floor with Tsukishima. Tsukishima smiled and sat in his lap, flipping the coloring book, which was full of animals, to a page with a Mother Cat and a Baby kitten. Shizuo smiled at the page that Tsukishima picked out. "You can be the moma kitty, and I'm the baby kitty!" Tsukishima giggled. Shizuo laughed and smiled, hugging his baby as he nodded.

"Yes, you're the baby and I'm the mother," Shizuo agreed with a chuckle. "Which one do you want me to color, Tsu-Chan?" Shizuo asked. Tsukishima thought it over, smiling.

"You color baby kitty and I color moma kitty!" the toddler beamed. Shizuo smiled and nodded, picking out colors to color the kitten, wondering what colors best suited Tsukishima. "I'll color moma kitty lello', and white!" Tsukishima giggled. Shizuo smiled and cuddled his toddler, thinking of the colors for Tsukishima.

"I'll color baby orange and yellow," Shizuo smiled. Tsukishima grinned and nodded, cuddling into him. Soon, it wasn't long before the two were happily coloring the picture, nearly finished with it. Checking the time, Shizuo saw that it was 8 o' clock pm. He smiled as Tsukishima continued coloring, nearly done. Just as they had finished, Shizuo went to go move Tsukishima, however he noticed that the toddler had fallen asleep. Chuckling lightly, Shizuo carefully got up, cradling the toddler in his arms as he carried him into his room, laying him down on his bigger bed. Once the toddler was tucked into the blankets warmly, Shizuo sighed and walked back out into the living room, cleaning up Tsukishima's toys and their coloring mess. As Shizuo cleaned up, his thought's shifted to ones about the current money situation. He did more money, and he only knew of one other way. He didn't want to do it, but he knew he had no other choice, unless he waited for his first paycheck, but he didn't know how long that would take and he really did need the money. Sighing lightly, Shizuo glanced back at the time. 9: 56 pm. Shaking his head lightly, he moved and grabbed his coat and slipped on his shoes, walking out and closing the door softly behind him.

The night time breeze was colder than usual, making him frown. Fall would be coming soon, making it harder to gain money from the streets, but he didn't care. He just needed enough for now until he could get a better job. As Shizuo walked down the street to the more busy intersection, people still walking about in the night, he cringed at the site of a club up ahead, men and women standing at the door expectantly. Gulping back his guilt and anxiety, he approached the club, looking at the other's lined up. Soon enough, a man who looked a couple years older walked over, smirking down at him.

"My, what a cutie. What ya' doing out here by yourself?" The man spoke, his arms looping around Shizuo's waist from behind. Shizuo shivered, trying to ignore the guilt he felt. He's never been this desperate for money, but he knew he needed it for Tsukishima. The man chuckled in his ear, sending shivers down his spine. "I'll pay you double what I normally offer if you let me fuck you.." The man purred huskily into Shizuo's ear as his hands gripped his ass. He flinched and whined suddenly, trembling under his grip. It felt like his skin was on fire. It didn't feel right. He felt like he was betraying Tsukishima and Hyochai, and he hated it.

"H-how m-much do y-you offer?.." Shizuo asked in a quiet pant, his words stuttering.

"Typically $25 if they're worth it.. But you seem twice as much~" The man chuckled in his ear, his lips suddenly attaching to Shizuo's neck, making him moan out suddenly in pleasure. Shizuo was ashamed with himself for making such noises with a stranger.

"O-okay.. I'll l-let you.." Shizuo whispered back quietly, their silhouettes casted against the concrete from the streetlights. The man chuckled, pulling away as he grabbed Shizuo's hand, pulling him into the alleyway. It wasn't long before Shizuo was pushed up against the brick wall of the club, the man stripping him down enough to explore him relentlessly. Shizuo whined as the man continued thrusting into him, feeling ashamed and worthless, as to stoop this low. As the man had released in him, Shizuo panted as he dressed himself again, feeling twice as guilty and worthless. The man had kept his offer, giving him $50, slipping in another $25 for being so kind. Shizuo thanked him and limped into the street lights again, trembling in guilt and shock. Had he really just done that? He didn't know what he was doing anymore, but what he had just done, was by far the worse. Shizuo felt his eyes water as he neared his apartment. However, as soon as he opened the door, Tsukishima's pain filled screams and cries hit his ears, making him bolt for the bedroom. Swinging open the door and turning on the light, Tsukishima flinched, curled up as he held his stomach tightly, crying in pain. Shizuo wasted no time in rushing over, moving to pull the blonde into his arms as he continued crying.

"Shh.. Shh.. Baby it's okay, it's okay.." Shizuo cooed, rocking Tsukishima as he continued crying. "What's wrong?.." Shizuo asked quietly. Tsukishima continued sobbing as his hands gripped his stomach painfully.

"H-hurts!" Tsukishima cried. Shizuo paled. If his stomach was bothering him that much, then Tsukishima was much worse than Shizuo had thought. Feeling his own eyes water again, Shizuo hugged him tightly, trying to calm the toddler down as he continued sobbing in pain.

"Shh, I know baby.. I know it hurts.. I'm so sorry.." Shizuo whispered as he held him closer, Tsukishima starting to calm down a bit. "Do you want some milk?.." Shizuo asked. Sniffling, Tsukishima nodded as he clung onto Shizuo tightly, trembling. Shizuo caressed his head, his hand rubbing soothing circles on his back as he calmed down. Holding him as he got up, Shizuo walked into the kitchen, humming quietly to keep the toddler calmed down. As Shizuo prepared Tsukishima some milk in one of his sippy cups, Shizuo sighed, feeling even guiltier for even leaving. After Shizuo finished preparing his milk, he handed it to the toddler and shifted him so that he could cradle him as he drank. Tsukishima whined as his eyes fluttered close again, sipping on the milk as he drifted off to sleep once again. Making sure Tsukishima was fully asleep, he tucked him back into the bed, caressing his cheek for a moment as he stared down at the sleeping toddler.

"I'm so sorry Tsukishima.. I'm trying so hard to be the best mother ever for you.. But it's hard when we don't have your dad with us.. We'll be okay baby.. We'll be okay.." Shizuo whispered to his sleeping son, hands moving back blonde bangs from the toddler's eyes. Shizuo felt his own eyes water as he continued doing so. His toddler looked so peaceful as he slept, and it only made Shizuo's heart ache. As Shizuo continued gazing at his sleeping toddler, tears dripped down his cheeks, unable to convey his troublesome emotions. Wiping his eyes for a moment, Shizuo got up and trailed into the bathroom, sniffling as he leaned on the sink, lost in his thoughts. Shizuo looked up, looking at his reflection with disgust and anger. His tears began picking up as he continued staring at his reflection, only to punch the mirror, cracking it. Shizuo then broke down into sobs, his emotions over taking his mental state of depression. Shizuo trembled as he sobbed, his body failing to hold himself up as he collapsed to the floor, sobbing brokenly. Soon, Shizuo fumbled blindly in his sadness for his number one weapon. He swore to himself he wouldn't use it with Tsukishima under the same roof, but he couldn't take it anymore. Pulling the razor from its hidden spot, he yanked up his sleeve, already swiping the blade across his skin, sobbing as he continued doing so. It didn't really hurt, but he was hurting more on the inside from the stress and heartache. He watched as beads up blood grew in size, joining to create several red lines against his skin. He sniffed as he threw the blade back into its hidden cabinet, watching the blood drip down his arm and wrist, a few droplets splattering against the bathroom floor tiles. He couldn't take it anymore, but he refused to leave. He couldn't leave Tsukishima behind in this world, and he wouldn't think twice about even doing so.

Managing to gain his composure once more, Shizuo sniffed as he got up, cleaning up the droplets of blood from the floor, and the streaks of crimson from his wrist. Once he was all cleaned up, he limped back into his bedroom, crawling onto the bed, wrapping an arm around his sleeping toddler. As Shizuo calmed himself down for the most part, he stared out into the dim room, his vision blurred from remaining tears, and before he even knew it, his bleak vision turned to black as he finally succumbed to sleep, hoping tomorrow would be a better day.


A/N: So? How was it? owo;; The lime/lemon scene was small because it really wasn't important, but more or less to show what Shizuo was resulting to for money, and if you haven't guessed it, basically prostitution because he desperately needs the money, however he doesn't stay like this for long. Probably until Chapter 10, (Once Izaya becomes more involved) but it won't be written like so every chapter until then. Btw, this fanfic will have lemons in it, and it will be more descriptive then that little scene, so don't worry about it being crappy cx And like I mentioned above, Shizuo doesn't stay like this for a long time. It's more of just a temporary set up until Izaya crawls into the picture! Btw, if you're confused as to why Tsukishima was screaming and crying in pain because of his stomach, it's because he's practically starving despite Shizuo giving up his own dinner for him. So ya! This chapter was more angsty but it helps leading up to the main event which will occur in the next chapter. So, if you haven't listened to the song yet, you need to for tomorrow's chapter in order to really get how this is all gonna turn out! It's a really good song and you will be quite surprised with how emotional this fanfic is going to get with that song alone cx So, Chapter 5, will be a mix of angst and slight fluff. Mostly angst. But, despite the really long author's notes, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! :) Chapter 5 will be out tomorrow and I recommend you listen to that song before hand! :) See ya guys in tomorrow's chapter! ^-^

~Kishou-Chan