The words had just slipped out. Lelouch lifted his head and looked at Suzaku, his eyes wide. "Suzaku…"
Before he could say another word, Suzaku kissed him. "Don't. I didn't say it for that." He'd actually planned on confessing at dinner, surrounded by candlelight and soft conversations and over a nice meal. But that atmosphere had been distinctly lacking at that restaurant. The last thing Suzaku had wanted, however, was to confess right after (or before or during) sex. It just didn't seem appropriate.
But he had.
And Lelouch looked like he wanted to answer the confession, probably with something kind and affectionate, and Suzaku didn't want to hear it. He was fine with the fact that Lelouch loved his body – he was happy about it, in fact. But he hated that once he went back to himself, this infatuation would end.
He hoped, dearly, that they could at least still be friends. After all, Lelouch had had far better reasons to dissolve their friendship than sexual misadventures.
"…you look sad."
Suzaku shook his head, avoiding Lelouch's gaze. "I'm not. I'm happy right now, really Lelouch." He smiled and it was teary, but genuine. "Just… don't forget I said that, but don't answer it either. I don't want anything more than you've already given me."
"What I've given you…" Lelouch repeated softly, shaking his head with a rueful smile and kissing Suzaku's cheek. "You're such a…" he sighed. "Fine. It's the least I could do."
Besides the overwhelming relief, Suzaku felt a stab of disappointment. "Thank you."
"Hmm." Lelouch curled up against Suzaku, frowning as he shifted uncomfortably until he peeled the condom off. "That was… it worked okay."
"Did it still feel good?"
Lelouch chuckled. "Oh, yes, Suzaku." He grinned and kissed him again. "It definitely felt good." Suzaku smiled into the kiss. "You know…" Lelouch continued thoughtfully, "I've always loved you."
Suzaku felt his breath catch.
"You're the second most important person in my life, Suzaku, after Nunnally. How could I do anything but love you?"
Suzaku didn't have an answer to that. And while he'd always cherished the brotherly love that he and Lelouch had shared, that hadn't been what he had been talking about. This was almost exactly the kind gesture Suzaku hadn't wanted Lelouch to make. "Thank you." Suzaku fished around for a subject change. "Speaking of Nunnally, I didn't see her when I came over."
"She and Sayoko-san were kind enough to give us some privacy." That made sense. No matter how randy Lelouch was feeling, he would never have risked stripping in the halls if his little sister could have walked in on him. "So we could be as loud as we wanted."
Suzaku flushed, remembering just how loud he'd been. "…you mean we can be as loud as we want."
Lelouch grinned. "That too." Suzaku swallowed that grin in a kiss, then another as he pinned Lelouch to the bed.
I love you, I love you, love you, love you, loveyou…Suzaku refused to let those words escape again, muffling them and his groans against Lelouch's skin as he rubbed himself against Lelouch's returning erection. This was enough. It would have to be, Suzaku decided as he reached for the condoms and tried to pretend that the tightness in his stomach was all from arousal and not from a strange kind of grief.
It was easier when he looked into Lelouch's eyes and saw the genuine affection under the lust and hunger. When Lelouch kissed him and flipped them over, Suzaku went willingly, spreading his legs and trying not to cry as Lelouch pressed into him; less hurried, more careful, and so tender it made Suzaku's throat tighten.
I'm so damn in love with you… "You can move, Lelouch."
"I know, I just… I just want to look at you for a moment."
Suzaku wanted to turn away, but he was caught by Lelouch's adoring gaze. And, just at that moment, he didn't care that it wouldn't last. "Lelouch…" He reached up and pulled Lelouch down into a kiss, moaning shamelessly as Lelouch started moving.
When it was over and Lelouch slept, Suzaku stroked his hair and put everything into perspective. He needed to take every moment with Lelouch as it was, without worrying about the future. After all, given his job, he could possibly end up dead before he ended up male.
…comforting thought, that.
OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO
Suzaku woke to the sound of Lelouch's alarm, feeling simultaneously like he'd had the best sleep in his life, but still tired. True, the hours spent gazing at Lelouch's sleeping face might have cut into Suzaku's sleep time, but they had been totally worth it.
Lelouch moaned and groped around for the sleep button, burying his face back in Suzaku's neck and sliding his hands over Suzaku's naked thighs and back before snuggling closer to him.
It was adorable. "We have to get up, Lelouch."
"Not yet." Lelouch's voice was muffled by Suzaku's skin. "Five more minutes."
Suzaku kissed Lelouch's head and slid out of his arms. "Take your time. I'll get breakfast started and grab a shower."
His stomach still felt weirdly fluttery as he grabbed a robe and snuck out of Lelouch's room as Lelouch shifted malcontentedly on the bed, searching for Suzaku's warmth. It wasn't an unpleasant feeling exactly, but…
…no. It was unpleasant. It wasn't dread or fear or anything emotional. If anything, if felt like…
Rather than start the coffee maker, Suzaku hurried into the bathroom, deeply regretting going to that restaurant. If they'd done something to his food that made him feel this way, what about Lelouch's?
He was seated on the toilet when another wave of cramps came over him, leaving him curled up slightly, but without the urge to go. It got better on its own, something that rarely happened with food poisoning, and Suzaku was more confused than ever.
And then he stood up.
His first thought, through a veil of horror, was that the sex hadn't been that rough! He might have expected a small amount of blood right after the fact, but Lelouch had been very careful and gentle the second time and Suzaku had more than enjoyed it.
But this… it was tracking down his thighs and there were clots and…
Another wave of cramps left Suzaku gripping the sink. He had no idea what was going on. Where was all this blood coming from? He wasn't in any pain, at least not aside from his stomach cramps, and there was no reason for it!
Suzaku stepped into the shower and turned it on, not even waiting for the water to warm up before washing up vehemently. As soon as he was clean, he bit his lip and gingerly slid a finger inside himself, looking for the source of the bleeding.
Nothing hurt. He dislodged more clots and there was a general feeling of sliminess, but nothing that felt raw or torn. Suzaku pensively watched the pink water run down the drain before the obvious (so obvious) conclusion came to him.
He was menstruating.
The feeling of relief was overwhelming, but it was soon followed by an acute discomfort and a kind of disgust at what his body was doing. This wasn't anything he knew anything about, and nothing he'd ever really planned to know anything about. It was alien and strange and…
"This isn't me," Suzaku whispered. He didn't bleed when he wasn't injured, or cramp for no reason, or have breasts, or the potential to get pregnant or…
He legs gave out and he slumped down, letting the water hit the back of his neck as he bowed his head. It was just too much. He buried his face in his hands and started crying quietly.
He must have missed Lelouch's knock or the door opening, because the next thing he knew Lelouch was turning the faucets off and pulling Suzaku towards him in a careful embrace. "What's wrong, what happened?" Lelouch gasped. "Suzaku, you're bleeding…"
Suzaku desperately tried to get himself under control. "I-it's not that…" He swallowed hard. "I'm having my first period Lelouch." He laughed and it was broken. "Congratulate me, I'm finally blossoming into a woman."
Lelouch didn't say anything or move for a long while, and Suzaku wondered if he'd finally managed to make Lelouch speechless. He felt another sob welling up and shifted, torn between wanting to muffle himself against Lelouch's shoulder and wanting desperately to pull away, retreat, run away before Lelouch could reject him or, even worse, look at him with pity or disgust.
Before he could, though, Lelouch's graceful hand came and cupped his chin up, raising Suzaku's lips to press a searing, demanding kiss on him.
Suzaku almost struggled against him, and knew that he would have won, but this was the only good thing that had come from his change and it was suddenly more important than ever. He kissed Lelouch back hungrily, almost angrily demanding that Lelouch make this worth it.
And Lelouch seemingly got that message, leaning over to get closer to Suzaku, ignoring his damp pyjamas and awkward angle in favour of just kissing him. "Suzaku…"
Suzaku pushed Lelouch away, still breathing hard. "I'm okay now. Thanks."
Lelouch nodded. "I'll be back with some stuff. Rinse off and start drying yourself and I'll be back soon." He hesitated, barely a second, before leaning in to kiss Suzaku one more time, lightly. "We'll handle this, Suzaku."
It wasn't quite the same promise Lelouch had made when this first started ("We'll fix this") but it was close enough that Suzaku found himself believing it. "I know, Lelouch. It's… I'm glad you're here. I wouldn't want to go through this alone."
Lelouch kissed him again, still soft but more lingering and Suzaku wanted it to go on, just softly kissing Lelouch over and over again until everything just solved itself. Lelouch pulled away far too soon in his opinion. "I'll be back."
Suzaku nodded and turned the shower back on, rinsing off the blood and quickly soaping the rest of his body before Lelouch got back. He was still wet and dripping when Lelouch handed him a towel. "Here. Just dry off your upper body for now."
Lelouch had brought Suzaku a pair of underwear and a selection of products. Suzaku picked out a panty liner and decided the tampons were a little too advanced for him as Lelouch fetched more clothes. Loose pants and a t-shirt and not Suzaku's uniform.
"We're taking today off." Lelouch's tone brooked no argument. "You're in no shape to do anything right now except stay with me and drink warm things and eat chocolate."
"…how do you know so much about this stuff?"
Lelouch smiled. "I do have a sister." He kissed Suzaku's nose. "Her mood swings are rather less spectacular than yours."
After breaking down and crying in the shower, Suzaku couldn't really argue that. "Are you sure you want to stay with me? I'm all moody and uncomfortable and I don't think I'll be good company…"
"Yes, I'm sure." Lelouch kissed Suzaku's nose again and, as endearing as it was, Suzaku was beginning to feel a little patronized. "I want to take care of you, Suzaku. I want to cook for you and fetch for you and if you're sore I can massage your back or…" his hand slipped into Suzaku's shirt, sliding lightly over Suzaku's stomach, "other places…" Suzaku gasped as that hand slid lower, brushing against his pubic hair.
"Lelouch!" Suzaku yanked him out. "That's… ugh. We can't have sex like this." Apart from the unhygienic grossness, Suzaku was feeling almost too… female to want to have sex. He'd had no trouble with Lelouch slamming into him last night, but now it was different. Not that he wasn't a bit aroused…
Lelouch seemed to get that too. "Maybe not. Doesn't mean we can't have fun." He lightly brushed his fingers over Suzaku's nipples (smirking when that immediately made them perk up) and Suzaku wondered if they were even more sensitive than usual.
He growled, the sound strange coming from his female throat, and pressed Lelouch against the sink, rutting against him as Lelouch's leg hooked around his hip, pulling him closer. They both moaned into each other's mouths before locking lips in a harsh kiss that seemed to last forever as Lelouch's hands clutched at Suzaku's hair and Suzaku's held Lelouch's hips firmly in place.
It wasn't a good position to have sex in. But it was exactly what Suzaku wanted right now; Lelouch reacting to him, opening to him, under his control…
If he'd had a cock, it would have been hard, rubbing against Lelouch's erection. But he didn't; all he had was a flat stomach and a currently useless vagina. It was frustrating enough without Lelouch's cutesy kisses and teasing touches. But the way Lelouch clutched at him, crying out and pliant as Suzaku physically dominated him was just what Suzaku had needed.
It was perfect until Lelouch pulled away with a gasp and wide eyes.
"…does this mean you can get pregnant?"
OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO
After Lelouch had thoroughly ruined the mood, he went to get dressed in something not soaked (he'd thrown on his pyjamas before coming into the bathroom) and call the school to inform them that he and Suzaku would not be attending that day.
Suzaku started the coffee and tried to find a comfortable position. He succeeded at the first, but by the time Lelouch joined him he still hadn't managed the second. Lelouch kissed him and ran the hot water tap as he rummaged around for something. "Go lie down on the couch. I'll join you in a minute."
He returned as promised, with a hot water bottle for Suzaku's cramping abdomen and a blanket and a few more kisses. Suzaku wanted to say that he appreciated the kisses the most, but the water bottle was heavenly. He sighed as he felt tense muscles unwinding. "That's nice… thank you, Lelouch."
Lelouch kissed him lightly. "Stop that. I'm tending to you today, so no need for thanks." He passed Suzaku the remote and settled on the floor in front of him, leaning back against the couch. "Here, find something to watch."
Suzaku turned on the TV and flipped channels until he finally stopped on a news program. "There's nothing on."
Lelouch looked critically at the clock. "Well, it is nine in the morning. I could go put on a movie."
Rather than answer, Suzaku turned the TV off and placed the remote carefully on the arm of the couch before gently resting his hand on Lelouch's head. Lelouch looked up, curiously.
"I'm fine, Lelouch." A finger on his lips stopped Lelouch before he could argue. "Really, I am. I'm sore and it's weird and I'm not a huge fan of being a girl right now, but I don't need you to hover over me." Lelouch's lips thinned to a line and Suzaku gently tucked his hair behind his ear, petting him. "I appreciate everything, really, but I'm not fragile."
"You were crying in the shower," Lelouch pointed out with damnable logic.
Suzaku laughed. "I'm used to controlling my hormones, Lelouch." And how. "Just not these hormones." The petting became caressing and Lelouch leaned gently into Suzaku's touch. "It was a moment. It's passed. I'm fine now."
"Hmm…" Lelouch answered noncommittally as he gently nuzzled Suzaku's hand. "Can I kiss you?"
"You never asked before."
"I'm asking now." Lelouch leaned in, his eyes dark.
Suzaku shivered. "Yes."
The kiss was hard and wet and searing, rushing through Suzaku's body like lightning. Lelouch groaned into the kiss and changed the angle slightly as he pressed in even harder, until the pressure was practically bruising. Suzaku could feel his lips swelling, could feel Lelouch's lips swelling, and somehow it wasn't enough. His hand was buried in Lelouch's hair, pressing him closer; Lelouch's hand was on his side for balance, but it was moving up and around and cupping his breast and…
"Oh!" As much as Suzaku tried to muffle it, the cry of something that wasn't really pleasure had Lelouch immediately backing off, both hands and lips, despite the grip in his hair.
"Are you okay?"
Suzaku felt like an idiot. "Yeah, they're just… somehow even more sensitive right now." He grinned sheepishly. "The kissing was pretty fantastic, though."
Lelouch watched him carefully, as if checking to see if he was telling the truth, before finally nodding. "Sorry."
"No, you couldn't have known. I barely knew. Can we go back to the kissing?" Suzaku asked wistfully.
After considering it for a moment, Lelouch shook his head. "If we're not really doing anything except…" he blushed "fooling around…" Suzaku hid a grin. Lelouch was so adorable. "Then it would be more comfortable to do so in my room."
Formal words to hide embarrassment. Lelouch was too adorable. "Alright. I'll meet you there, I just want to… change."
Lelouch nodded and stood. A little stiffly, Suzaku noticed. He also noticed that his pants weren't hanging quite right. He grinned; this would be a perfect opportunity.
Suzaku caught Lelouch's arm before he could walk off and kissed him. "I won't be long, so wait for me." He cupped his hand over Lelouch's groin, pleased with both the hardness he felt and the moan Lelouch bit back. "I have plans."
One last kiss and Suzaku sauntered past his stunned lover, smiling at how easy that had been.
OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO
Once he entered Lelouch's room, Suzaku was faced with a decision. Maul Lelouch or get rid of this already too-warm t-shirt.
It was only going to get warmer, so Suzaku tossed off his shirt as he stalked towards the bed where Lelouch was sitting.
"Oh god," Lelouch managed to get out, his eyes huge and his mouth open in an appreciative gape as Suzaku bend down to capture it in a deep, but not particularly hard, kiss.
Lelouch's hands twitched at his sides, clearly wanting to touch, but cautious. That was fine; Suzaku didn't really want Lelouch to touch him right now. This wasn't about that.
He moved his mouth over Lelouch's jaw, nipping lightly when he got to the earlobe. "Shirt and pants off."
Lelouch whimpered slightly as he tore his shirt off the moment Suzaku pulled away to kneel at Lelouch's feet, unzipping his pants. "Suzaku, what…"
"Shh, no questions." Suzaku looked up sharply. "I only want to hear compliments or complaints." Lelouch's mouth snapped shut and Suzaku smirked up at him as he tugged at Lelouch's waistband until Lelouch lifted up his hips to allow Suzaku to pull them off. Suzaku swallowed any comment regarding Lelouch's choice of underwear (at this point he was hardly in a position to call anything 'girly') as he slipped them down and lifted Lelouch out.
He was more than half hard and gasped the moment Suzaku touched him. "Suzaku…"
Suzaku grinned. "Hey, Lelouch? There's no one here, so… don't hold back." Lelouch's eyes widened as Suzaku ducked his head and took him into his mouth.
It wasn't anything particularly new to Suzaku (he'd done this before, as a guy) but it felt different. It… it maybe tasted different? Something like that.
What was definitely different was the way Lelouch arched and spread his legs, his hands gripping the sheets under him as he barely bit back a surprised shout. This was so obviously his first time… Suzaku wasn't sure he even had any concept of this beyond the abstract. It was, in its own way, as thrilling as the first time Lelouch had fucked him.
Only now, Suzaku was in complete control.
He sucked lightly and pulled off slowly, letting his tongue linger for a moment, dancing over the head before licking his lips as he smirked up at Lelouch.
"I told you, Lelouch. Don't hold back."
Lelouch stared down at Suzaku. "But I… it feels good, Suzaku, but…"
Suzaku's smirk gentled as he reached up to stroke Lelouch's cheek. "I cried out for you, Lelouch. I want to hear you crying out for me."
Lelouch's flush, already red, deepened and he nodded. "I… alright."
…that was easy. Suzaku paused, looking up at the way Lelouch was biting his lower lip and realized something; as much as it might embarrass him, Lelouch wanted to please him as much as Suzaku wanted to please Lelouch. It was so… He reared up and kissed Lelouch. "I love you so much."
Lelouch opened his mouth to reply, but nothing came out but a strangled gasp as Suzaku took him back in his mouth, sucking more ardently and aggressively. "Oh, oh, Suzaku…" Suzaku could see one of Lelouch's hands unclenching from the sheets as he raised it up and smirked as he anticipated the pressure of Lelouch's hand in his hair, pushing him down.
It never came. Suzaku continued to suck, breathing through his nose as he took in more and more, bit by bit, but Lelouch's hand just hovered in mid air as his gasps and moans became more desperate and his hips started trembling and canting up, thrusting almost against Lelouch's will into Suzaku's mouth until he arched and came, completely unexpectedly, his hand falling not on Suzaku's head to press him down, but on Suzaku's shoulder, holding on as if searching for an anchor.
Suzaku, used to being held down as his partner fucked his mouth, wasn't sure what it meant, but knew that it was just one of the many things that had made that so special.
He kissed his way up Lelouch's chest, catching Lelouch's lips in a gentle open kiss as he pressed him back against the bed. Lelouch moved almost bonelessly, willing and pliant in Suzaku's hands.
Suzaku pulled away, curled up against Lelouch's side as he stroked his hair, revelling in his post-coital stunned expression. "Thank you."
"You're thanking me?" Lelouch managed to get out, still slightly stunned. He reached for Suzaku, pulling him in for another kiss. "How do you keep getting more amazing?"
Suzaku chuckled, sliding his hand down Lelouch's side to rest, slightly possessively, on his hip. "I have a great incentive." He smirked and leaned in for a third kiss when he heard footsteps. "Lelouch, do you–"
The door flew open. "Skipping again! Honestly, Lulu, I–"
Shirley stopped mid-diatribe, staring at the scene in front of her. Milly, hot on her heels, took over from where she left off. "We'll be in the kitchen, join us when you're ready."
As the door slammed shut, Lelouch buried his face in Suzaku's shoulder. "Oh god."
