iii
The intercom is buzzing angrily at him, which may explain why Todd was dreaming of being attacked by bees.
"Todd! Last call, you need to get up now or you're going to be late for school!" His mother's voice says and then for good measure she throws in a few extra buzzes.
Todd groans, rolls over and then presses the respond button, "Okay, I'm coming."
His clock says it's 7:34 which means he was asleep for two hours. He groans and sits up. Todd considers momentarily faking sick so he could stay home and sleep but he's too curious to see everyone's reactions to the cups. And besides he wants to see his secret.
He hauls himself out of bed, skips the shower and just pulls on a new shirt. His jeans are fine, if a little wrinkled. His hair is ridiculous but there's almost nothing he can do about that so he runs a comb through it and prays his mother is too busy to notice it. Todd is just cramming a few things in his bag and walking down the stairs towards the door when his dad calls him.
"Todd!"
"Yes." Todd says as politely as someone in a rush can manage.
"You left your car in the driveway, this is your first and last warning."
Todd rolls his eyes but tries to make his voice sound sincere, "Okay dad, I'm very sorry, won't happen again."
He glances over at Neil's house but there's no sign of him. Mr. Perry leaves early for work and Mrs. Perry likes to sleep in so the whole house is quiet. Besides, Neil usually leaves after him and catches a ride with Charlie Dalton who lives a few streets over.
It's a lucky thing actually that Knox's getting a ride with Chris because Todd is running far enough behind that stopping to get him probably would have made him late. Nostalgically (if one can be nostalgic for something that happened a few hours ago) Todd turns on the radio station they had sung to and hums along to a Katy Perry song.
The empty donut box is sitting on the floor in front of the passenger seat.
When he pulls into the student parking lot Todd can tell everyone's up in arms about Neil's prank. The Vice Principal is standing by the doors and trying to stop people from going into the school, which is working horribly because there are four other entrances on this side of the building alone. He spots Knox and jogs over to him. He's standing with Chris and Ginny Danbury who are both laughing at something he's said.
"Hey," Todd says, trying to sound casual, "What's going on?"
"Todd, Jesus! It's brilliant. Someone's put these cups filled with water everywhere on the main floor, it's insane. Check it out." Knox pullsout his phone and bring up a picture, "It's the craziest best senior prank ever. I put the picture on Tumblr, it's already got like a thousand notes."
"You have tumblr?" Ginny asks.
Knox chooses to ignore her, "But that's not even the best part, each cup has something about someone written on it. Most of them are just nice things but some of them...oh boy."
"Brent Lynch got dumped over his. Though I mean he does deserve it." Chris says shrugging. "I heard someone say that everyone in school has one." She looks worried for a moment, "I wonder what mine says."
"Yours couldn't possibly say something bad because there's nothing bad to say about you." Knox says and Chris gives him a winning smile.
It's hard to believe that this was the same kid who yesterday morning who was panicking about asking a girl out.
The first bell rang and it was very confusing, people didn't seem to know whether to go to their first period classes or to stay outside. Some people who had gone into the school earlier were holding red cups, presumably with their secrets on them. Or possibly other people's to use as blackmail.
Inside the building most of the cups have already been knocked over, the two inches or so of water in them on the floor. Todd had heard the Vice Principal call it a terrible act of vandalism, but really it was just water. There would be no problem in cleaning it, and the students would pick up the cups out of curiosity now that they knew their were secrets on them. Todd's impressed with the fact that Neil has dreamed up a prank that cleans itself up.
The hallway where Todd's locker is was relatively free of cups by now. Mostly they had been stacked and placed against the wall where people were rummaging through them. There's puddles of water all over the floor but nothing too bad. Todd's only just starting to wonder if he should look for his cup when Meeks marches up to him obviously furious.
"Have you seen this?" He says thrusting a cup in Todd's face, steven meeks needs to open his eyes it says down the side with a little picture of glasses underneath. "What the hell is that supposed to mean? It's like a fortune cookie. Open my eyes? Open my eyes to what?"
Todd shrugs, he thinks Meeks is maybe being a bit melodramatic but he probably wouldn't be in the greatest mood either if Charlie Dalton sent him a kissogram. "Maybe you're right, maybe it's just like a generic fortune cookie type thing." Todd says, even though he knows it's not because Neil would never write something that wasn't true, or at least that Neil thinks isn't true.
Meeks makes a face but doesn't comment further, "This was pretty cool though," He gestures around and the cups. "I admire I dedication." When they walk by a recycling bin he throws his cup out.
All day the cups are all anyone can talk about, did you hear so-and-so said this, apparently what's-her-face loves him, stuff like that. Neil isn't in philosophy class and Todd can't help but be upset that he's missing this. But knowing Neil it's just another part of the plan. Layers upon layers upon layers, that was always his style.
Todd sits with Knox and Chris in the courtyard at lunch. Chris has found her cup already, chris noel is going to win the rotary scholarship (because she deserves it, duh), and even though she insists she already knew she was going to get it she seems more smile-y than usual. Maybe it's the whole cup thing, maybe it's the fact that it's the second last week of high school ever or maybe it's just the fact that Todd is running on very little sleep but he's feeling a little more smile-y than usual himself.
"Ginny thinks it was Neil," Chris says scraping the bottom of her pudding cup with a spoon. "I dunno, it's Neil's style and all but I mean no one seems to know what happened. If it was Neil he would have had at least one person help him and Ginny doesn't know and Charlie Dalton can't keep his mouth shut about anything."
Knox rolls his eyes, "Well that goes without saying."
"Why do you hate him so much anyways? Didn't you guys used to be friends?" Chris asks.
Todd shakes his head, "Chris, you don't want to get him started on-"
"It was the summer of '07!" Knox starts dramatically gesturing wildly, "A young handsome Knox Overstreet is off to camp for a summer of adventure with his best friend Charlie Dalton. Their days are filled with canoe races and cute girls in bikinis. A specific girl catches young Knox's eye, Jenna Wu, her dark hair flying behind her as she plays capture the flag, her voice like an angel as she sings kumbaiya." He pauses, "It is important to note that the many virtues of Jenna Wu pale in comparison to the countless virtues of Chris Noel."
Chris coos and clasps Knox's arm, "Awww, you're so sweet!"
"Anyways, the end of summer dance rolls around and young ambitious Knox tries to work up his courage to ask the beautiful and elusive Jenna Wu to dance. Enter Charlie Dalton who tells Knox that he will convince Jenna to dance with him. Knox, seeing that Charlie has managed to wrangle himself several different camp girlfriends mostly despite the fact that he is ridiculously short and has a stupid face, agrees to let him try."
"Do you have to refer to yourself in the third person?" Todd asks
"Shhh, Knox is speaking. Where was I? Ah yes, so Knox agrees to have Charlie act as his wingman in a last ditch effort to woo Jenna Wu (see what I did there?). So Charlie disappears to work his magic, and young, naive, yet still devilishly handsome Knox waits. After waiting for twenty minutes and no sign of Charlie or Jenna young Knox gives up and decides to go back to his cabin heartbroken. Outside the dining hall he hears a noise, is it a fox? A raccoon? No, lo and behold it is Jenna and Charlie in front of the fire pit kissing." He pauses dramatically, "With tongue!"
Chris raises her eyebrows so high they disappear behind her fringe. "What? We were twelve kissing with tongue was a big deal."
"Let me get this straight, you're no longer friends with Charlie Dalton because he kissed a girl you liked with tongue when you were 12?"
"No, I am no longer friends with Charlie Dalton because he is a short, weasel-faced, pretentious jerk with bad taste in hats who happened to kiss a girl I liked when I was 12 with tongue." Knox huffs, obviously annoyed that Chris isn't being as sympathetic as he had expected but trying very hard to cover it up. It's a bit weird actually, how well they click despite only having really spent time together since yesterday.
"Hey," Ginny Danbury appears from the the push hall looking worried, "I've been looking for you. Have you heard from Neil today?"
For a heart-pounding moment Todd thinks that she means him but Ginny doesn't even glance in his direction as she scoots onto the bench beside Chris.
"Uh, no why?" Chris asks.
"Because he sent Charlie a text this morning saying he didn't need a ride and then he text me to say he can't come over tonight to work on our Sociology project."
"So?" Chris says, "He's probably just sick or something. Besides, I mean, no offence Gin, but Neil probably doesn't want to spend a lot of time alone with you right now."
Ginny frowns, "What? Why woul-" Todd watches her faces as she catches herself, "I mean, sure maybe he's still a little upset but it's our final project. Neil wouldn't bail on me like that. It's 30% of our final grade."
It's funny how obvious things become once you know the secrets. Todd feels almost idiotic for thinking Ginny and Neil were ever really together. Though, pretend dating aside Ginny clearly cares a lot about Neil.
"I saw Neil last night," Todd blurts out without really thinking about, "Yeah, he was in his room at home." Which is a stupid thing to say because of course Neil would be at home in his room on a Monday night.
"Right, you live next door, don't you?" Ginny says giving Todd a closed mouth smile, "He's probably just sick or something then." The bell rings and Chris and Knox disappear walking shoulder to shoulder so their hands brush together.
"They're cute together aren't they?" Ginny says, "I mean I know Chet is my brother and I should be on his side but Chris deserves so much better than him. They were just never right together, you know?"
Todd shrugs surprised that Ginny is still talking to him. "You have free period next right?" She says hoisting her backpack on.
"Uh, yeah."
"Good so you're not busy, let's walk together." She falls into step easily with him despite being almost a foot shorter.
"Have you found your cup yet?" She asks
Todd shakes his head, "You?"
"Yeah, this morning, Gerard found it actually and gave it to me. It said 'Ginny Danbury deserves to be happy'" She makes air quotes with her fingers. She lowers her voice, "I mean I know Neil did it but he didn't have to be so obvious."
Todd frowns, "How is that obvious?" Ginny's cup seems oddly generic for someone who Neil clearly knows well and cares about.
"No capitals."
"Yeah, he's always had a thing about capitals I don't know why."
Ginny purses her lips, "You guys used to be good friends right?"
"Well yeah, I mean we're still kind of friends. I mean not friends but we're friends." We're good enough friends to go on adventures together, Todd thinks.
"You know, that made approximately zero sense." Ginny says halting in front of a classroom door. "Well this is my stop. See you later Todd."
"Yeah, sure." Todd says. His phone vibrates in his pocket. Text from an unknown number. For a second he thinks it's Neil but it's from Chris. Are you sure you don't want me to set you up with Ginny? You walked her to class, sounds like a romance in the making! -C
Todd rolls his eyes and shoves his phone back in his pocket. He finds Meeks in one of the study carousels in the library his head rested in his arms. "Meeks?" Todd says, unsure if he's asleep or just resting.
"Don't call me that," he says, more of a reflex than anything else his head still cradled in his arms.
"Don't you have physics?" Todd says sitting across from him even though he has a lot of work he needs to get done.
"I handed in my essay, technically I'm done until exams. Mr. Daley doesn't care." He mumbles into the table.
"Is Charlie still bothering you?"
He hauls his face off of the table. He's taken his glasses off and they're resting on the top of his head. Meeks has one of those faces where he just looks like he can't see without his glasses. He grabs them and puts them on. "I sort of screamed at him during Chem. It was not my proudest moment."
"Like a manly warrior scream?"
Meeks gives him a look, "I sort of threatened to disembowel him with a wrench."
"Sort of?"
"There may have been some other words involved that my mother would disown me for saying."
Todd frowns. It's like everything decided to go all weird right at the same time. Neil's prank, Chris and Knox going to prom, this whole thing with Charlie. One of them would have been enough to handle but now there's too much to try and focus on and Todd's having a hard enough time staying awake as it is. Which may explain why suddenly he's being shaken by the librarian and told that the bell for last period has rung.
Todd tromps upstairs to math class stretching and yawning trying to wake himself up again. "Todd! Hey Todd!" He turns just in time to have a wall of Gerard Pitts almost slam into him. "Oh, hey sorry man." He says catching himself.
Gerard Pitts is arguably the nicest person Todd knows, he used to be homeschooled but transferred for his senior year because he wanted an 'authentic high school experience'. He's kind of friends with Meeks but Todd has never really spoken to him outside of quick hellos and small talk.
"I found your cup!" He says, "It's a bit weird yours so I hope you're not too disappointed."
Todd's heart jumps into overdrive and he feels a rush of adrenaline course through him. It makes sense that his message would be weird, he'd be the only one who knew for sure it was a message from Neil. Gerard fishes the red plastic cup out of his bag and hands it to him. "Here you go, have an awesome afternoon!" He says before bounding down the hall, Todd, oddly, is reminded of Clifford the Big Red Dog.
He walks into class, cup in hand and slinks into his seat in the back corner. He finished making his equation sheet the other day so he just needs to work on the review for the exam. Math has always come pretty easily to Todd, not as easily as writing has, but he's never had to struggle with it. It's all just codes and logic. Though he hates graphing with a passion, he can never make the numbers on the page convert quickly to an image like other people can.
Todd flips the cup over, in Neil's familliar writing it says; Todd Anderson, thank you for everything, there's a small heart drawn underneath and there are lines radiating from it like a sunshine. Todd can feel the warmth rushing to his face. There's a heart. He drew him a heart.
He reads the words again, feeling greedy, feeling like this is a sign of...well maybe not Neil's undying love, but of something and something very important. Todd notices, suddenly, that there's something else. He's used capitals, he's used capitals on his name. Neil stopped using capitals properly on anything other than school related things when they were about 8. He thought it was unfair to let some letters be special and not others.
"Capitals don't even really exist," He had said, "When you're talking there aren't any capitals. Just sounds. And all sounds are equally important."
But Neil had bothered to make Todd's name capitalized. He had the urge to climb onto his desk and shout something loudly, to make everyone else aware of the fact that Neil Perry thought he was different from all of them. That he was special.
Todd knew he was grinning stupidly as he worked through his math review but he couldn't help it and he didn't really care. Even when Cameron leaned over and told him he looked like a mannequin. It didn't matter because as soon as he got home he was going to go see Neil. He was going to do what he should have done on the roof top but had been too scared to do. Because Todd wasn't scared anymore, he had been capitalized in the eyes of Neil Perry and that was all he had ever wanted. Ever since he had been 13 and they had been side by side in the snow.
He practically bolts out the door when the bell rings shoving through a pack of tenth grade girls in an attempt to get to his locker faster. The floors are still slippery from the water and Todd nearly falls twice as he half walk-half jogs anxious to get out of the building as fast as possible. He curses under his breath when his lock doesn't unlock his first time trying the combination.
"Dammit, dammit" He mutters starting over and wrenching it free. He's grabbing his books and papers and shoving them into his bag inelegantly. He hears Knox call his name but he ignores him, too focused on getting out of here, getting to Neil. He grabs his philosophy textbook and then it happens.
A red plastic cup with a white rim, the same as the ones kids buy for parties, the same as the ones staked in the halls or in the recycling, and the same as the one he has tucked into his backpack tumbles out from the top shelf of Todd's locker. It falls the the ground with a light clatter, open side down. Todd stares at it like it's dangerous because that's how it feels. He already has his cup, his perfect capitalized cup that was out with all the other ones. This has been placed in his locker, this is something different and new.
"Hey." Knox says appearing beside him, "Didn't you hear me calling? Chris invited us over to use her pool. Do you wanna come? It's got a slide and a waterfall and everything! What do you think?" Todd can hear Knox, but it's like he's underwater or through glass. Everything has faded around him and he feels dizzy and sick.
"Todd?" Knox asks in a way that makes Todd think it must not have been the first time he called his name. "Are you okay?"
Todd bends down and grabs the cup, because as much as he dreads what might be written on it, a secret so secret that Neil couldn't put it out among the others, he has to know. His hands are shaking so badly that he almost drops it and he can feel Knox looking at him with concern and caution.
Todd takes a deep breath and turns the cup over, Neil's cup. And it's worse than anything he imagined. There, in angry black against red is Neil's deepest darkest secret and Todd's worst nightmare:
NEIL PERRY IS NEVER COMING BACK
