A/N: I just wanted to take a second to say thank you to everyone for reading! 500+ views, several alerts and 2 reviews! Thanks Olacindy and andsoitis2! Definitely not bad for this little ditty. Sorry this chapter is short, but the next one will be a bit longer. Thanks again!
The Five Stages of Quinn Fabray
Depression
(though some people call it desperation, but we all know the stages all blend together anyway…)
She doesn't know what time it is. Doesn't really care about what day it is either. All she knows is that she has been lying in bed for what seems like forever and isn't really motivated to move from that spot. Ever again.
She doesn't care that they won Sectionals. She doesn't care that her phone has been blowing up with calls and messages from the glee kids asking where she's been at school the past few days. She just doesn't care.
She feels nothing. Nothing but sadness, regret, pain, resent, guilt, and emptiness. Simply a dark, cold void. Nothing good that's for sure. She also is pretty convinced that she has managed to cry all of the water out of her body, but after a while, the memories return and her body proves her wrong yet again.
After giving her a few days to herself, her mom gets fed up with her wallowing, forcing her to go back to school and face the music "the way a proud Fabray should."
God she wanted to slap her mother, but then again, she couldn't really bring herself to care enough to raise her hand.
School was a blur and she felt like she was walking around like a zombie. A zombie who still refused to make eye contact with Puck and went out of her way to avoid seeing Shelby all together. A zombie who stopped turning in homework assignments and a zombie who just didn't feel like singing during glee club any more. She felt like there was a 2000 lb. weight crushing her chest, but she could do nothing to make it feel any less of a burden.
Rachel noticed her somber mood and the way she and Puck sat on opposite ends of the risers, refusing to even look at Puck let alone the rest of the class. She tried to say something to Quinn after class, but Quinn brushed her off, ignoring her and choosing to rifle through her bag instead.
Mr. Shuester noticed as well, calling Quinn over after all of the other kids had left before asking her what was going on. His words were like silk against her battered soul and his mere presence was enough to calm the inner storm brewing fiercely through every cell in her body.
And before she knew it, she was a blubbering mess, sobbing uncontrollably as she broke down and she told Mr. Schuester all about giving her daughter up, and about Beth and Shelby coming back to town, and how she tried to frame her to show she was an unfit mother, and about Puck and Shelby and how she was convinced Puck was falling for her, and how he and Sam had rebuked her advances, and finally how she felt so worthless and empty all the time now.
She told him how much she missed Beth and how she regretted giving her up, and how she felt like her world was collapsing in around her and how all the color and happiness around her had simply faded to gray, openly admitting that she wasn't sure if she could go on living like this. Wasn't sure if she wanted to go on living like this.
All the while he sat there and rubbed her back, calming her and holding her like she wished her father had done for her.
(She consoled herself slightly at the thought that she felt absolutely no romantic feelings toward Mr. Schue, since if Shelby and Puck's situation were reversed and it were she and Mr. Schue, the school board would be calling for his head... Instead, this man was like a father figure to her, one that she never had the privilege of having. And part of her wasn't sure if she deserved his kindness either).
He held her and she cried and she knew he didn't judge her at all. It felt good to get it all off of her chest for once and to finally be real and honest with someone.
Then he dropped the bomb. He consoled her and talked her through her feelings but still came to the same sad conclusion.
Maybe she needed to take a step back and give Shelby and Beth space.
Shelby made a good point, she needed to start thinking about the best interests of her daughter instead of thinking about what would make her personally happy. She knew that would end up being the ultimate answer in the future, but she never thought she would actually have to admit it out loud. She just finally got to see her daughter for the first time since she was born and she wanted desperately to be a part of her life.
But a small part of her knew what she had to do.
She had to say goodbye.
For now, for forever, for however long it took until Shelby decided it was ok to let her back in. But no matter how much she tried to find a loophole or some other option, she still managed to circle back to this one. She was going to have to give her little girl up once again.
She was going to have to say goodbye again. And goodbyes are never easy, especially when you're talking about saying goodbye to your own child.
x-x-x-x-x
Well? What do you think? Next, Acceptance...maybe.
