"Till the End"
Captain's Cabin
Who would've thought it would be so hard to write a damn message. I slept for a couple hours of dreamless sleep just because I was anxious to write my response to Ashley. Medication goes through my system way to fast now that I am half machine. I worked out, ate breakfast, and showered like my usual daily routine but I don't usually finish it before 3am. It's 5am now and I still don't have anything written for this message. I don't even know where to start but I want to get it done before we get to Haestrom to get Tali.
"EDI how far away are we from Haestrom?" I asked out loud.
"We are 7 hrs away."
"Thank you, EDI. When Garrus and Thane wake up can you tell them they will be part of the ground team?"
"Of course, Shepard"
Now I have 7 hrs to write this letter and hopefully not screw our relationship up even more. Thank you, Cerberus. I can't decide how much I should tell her. Should I tell her what I'm doing, just talk about us, or both? I plan to give Liara the journal before I go to the Collector base so she will know what I've been doing. Now that I have an idea of what I want to write to the woman I love I focus and start typing.
Haestrom
"It's fucking hot on this damn planet. What the hell is Tali doing here?" I say as my shields short out yet again as I try to find cover from the Geth that are shooting at us.
"O you know those quarians they are a crazy bunch" replies Garrus as he snipes down a Geth with a rocket launcher.
"No shit. Thane have you found anything while you have been sneaking around in the shadows?"
"Yes I have Shepard. I've found some dead quarians and it seems someone else is alive on the other end of their radio."
"Sync us in Thane we are a couple minutes away from you. Stay put."
"Will do, Shepard"
"I like him he's a sneaky little fucker." I say with a smile. I've been talking to Thane and connecting with him, both of us know what it's like to lose the people we love.
"Is anyone there? Talk to me!" says the quarian on the other end of our comms as we meet up with Thane.
"This is Commander Shepard your men are dead. What is your location? Where's Tali?" I ask
"Damn it. I'm bunkered down in front of the building Tali is locked in but the Geth are trying to get through to her. I have men not far from your location keeping the Geth from coming behind me. If you get to them they can take to where I am. Watch out there's a Geth drop ship incoming!"
"Well crap we got to get to the other group. Move out." I order but just as we start to move the drop ship opens fire and a huge stone column falls on the group of marines.
"Son of a bitch" I scream "How the hell are we supposed to get through that? My missile launcher isn't that badass…I need to fix that." I say the last part more to myself.
"There are explosives around the area that should be strong enough to destroy the column." mentions EDI.
"Thanks EDI. Give me the locations on my omni-tool. Thane and Garrus find high ground and cover me with you sniper rifles while I go and get up close and personal with some Geth." I say with a smile. Ashley would've loved this she loves blowing up tin cans almost as much as I do.
After we get the two charges and kill a very large number of Geth we blow the column and enter a room where we hear Tali's voice coming from a console.
"Thane and Garrus see if there is anything interesting in here. I'll go figure out what the hell is going on here." I order as I head over to the console where I hear Tali's voice.
"Tali...It's Shepard are you okay?"
"Shepard...What are you doing here?" she asks in her computerized voice through her helmet speaker.
"I was in the neighborhood and thought I would see how my favorite quarian is faring on her secret mission. What is going on Tali?"
"We were running test on the sun and the Geth showed up and screwed us over." She says kind of surprising me.
"Apparently I have rubbed off on you Tali. Attracting Geth attention and cussing I don't know if I should be proud or worried." I say with a smile.
"We can discuss it later Shepard. How is my team?"
"They are all dead except for one he hasn't mentioned his name but he says he's by the building you are locked in. We want to help so send me coordinates and open this damn door that's in the way I can't read shit on the console to do it myself."
"That must be Kal'Reegar. I opened the door and I just sent the coordinates. I'll see you when the explosions stop."
"You know me to well, Tali. Okay guys lets go"
Once we walk through the door we see two Geth Juggernauts and a bunch of cloaking drones…perfect. I let my combat drone go and have it focus on the drones while I whip out my missile launcher and signal Thane and Garrus to stick with their sniper rifles. After about 10min of target practice on the giant Geth, the area is cleared and we move forward to meet a quarian I assume is Kal'Reegar.
"Commander Shepard?" he asks.
"Ya and you must be Kal'Reeger. So what do we have?"
"We have a full platoon of Geth and a self repairing Colossus in front of the door to get to Tali. I have a missile launcher and I tear in my suit. That's about it." He says in obvious pain.
"Is your tear contained soldier?" using the term soldier to make sure he knows I'm being serious.
"Yes, ma'am"
"Good. Okay here's the plan...Thane stick with your sniper rifle and stay with Kal'Reegar and pick Geth off from here. Garrus use your assault rifle and take the right side make sure to use overload as much as possible. I am going to take the left. No one moves on the Colossus until I say so. Kal you stay here I am not letting anymore of Tali's squad die even if I have to knock you out, Understood?" everyone nods.
"Alright let's do this."
We make quick work of the Geth they are cleared out except for the ten or so surrounding the Colossus. Luckily, there is a lot of cover in the shade around the huge AI cannon thing. I get into cover about 20 ft away from it and switch to my missile launcher.
"Thane, Garrus move in on the right side and focus on the remaining Geth around the damn thing and I will take care of the lard ass robot."
"Really, Shepard all by yourself?" asks Thane.
"You have no idea what she is capable of do you? Just try not to watch we installed a helmet into her camera so our minds can be blown later." Garrus says with a smile.
While they were talking I was reprogramming my combat drone to give off an overload shockwave right under the Colossus where the shield generator just so happens to be located. This will totally blow out its shields and it would only take a couple shots from my missile launcher to bring it down before it self-repairs. How I love technology.
"Open fire now" I hear Thane and Garrus shoot and all I have to do is wait until my combat drone gets to the giant robot. A couple seconds later, I get the signal from my drone and get out of cover and fire 5 missiles to now the shield lacking Colossus and it goes down. I notice that Thane and Garrus are still having trouble so I holster my missile launcher and grab my sniper rifle and gun down the two remaining Geth with rocket launchers.
"You guys couldn't kill ten Geth before I downed one Colossus. I am very disappointed," I say as I walk over to the two aliens. Garrus is laughing while Thane is in shock.
"What's the matter Thane haven't you killed Geth before? Why so shocked?" I say with a smirk.
"I've never seen a single person take down a Colossus before, Siha"
"Sometimes brains beat brawn, Thane. Plus this wasn't my first." I say as I walk toward the now unlocked door thanks to Tali.
I notice Tali in the back of the room, that has dead Geth all around it, and she is still working on a console. I shit ton of Geth were trying to get into this room and she never flinched, amazing. She still has the same suit on I saw her wear on Freedom's Progress and she has her shotgun strapped to her back as usual.
"So this is the secret mission you had to do?"
"Yes it is we needed to collect information about the sun because it is degenerating to fast and we don't know why. Since we used to settle in the planet you can tell why I didn't want Cerberus to know about this. Did Kal make it Shepard? She asks with a hopeful tone.
"You have one amazing Commander, Tali. I believe all the stories you have told us about her." Kal says as he walks up the ramp
"I wasn't going to let anyone else from your squad suffer Tali" I say to her looking her "in the eye". She knows I never would let anyone she cares about die if I was able. I get to be a tad bit protective of the people I care about, I knew Tali couldn't handle it if all her squad had died.
She nods in response "Let me just send this information to the Admiralty Board and I will go with you to stop the Collectors and I don't care what they say about leaving the fleet."
"Kal we will drop you off at your ship in our shuttle before we head back to the Normandy."
Normandy-Engineering Deck
Tali is now the head of Engineering and I know Gabby and Ken don't mind because it means less work for them. They are currently playing poker out of ear shot from us while Tali runs her own diagnostics. She wasn't too happy about working with Cerberus but she trust me so that was enough for her.
"Did you really mean it when you said you would hand me a grenade to blow up Cerberus?" I ask still surprised she said it in the first place.
"Yes, I did after what happened with the Flotilla and what we saw chasing Saren they need to be brought down" she says with conviction.
"I have rubbed off on you even after two years," I say while I look down at the floor a little uncomfortable.
"Your back now Shepard there is now point in dwelling in the past." She covers my hand with her three-fingered one, and gives it a squeeze. I hold on before she pulls away.
"Liara told me about what happened after I died and I'm sorry that you had to go through that pain. Not very many people who have died get the chance to say that to the people they care about so I wanted to apologize." I say with a little smirk and a squeeze of her hand before I let it go.
"Thank you Shepard but there is really nothing to apologize for you are back now and that is what matters. Do you want to talk about Ashely?" she asks tentively.
"Tali, I don't know what else to say. I told her I loved her and she said she moved on but then like a day later she sends me a message that says she can't lose me again. I feel like shit for putting everyone through my death especially her. When I woke up everything I felt was the same as the day I died nothing changed for me I guess I have to get used to the fact it changed for some people."
"Are you giving up on her, Amy?" she asked. She is the only person aside from Wrex that didn't show any romantic interest for me on the first Normandy so I know she's asking as a friend and as a little sister.
"I won't Tali. I can't, if I give up on her than I give up on everything. I'm saving the Galaxy so I can be with her whether I'm her friend or girlfriend, as selfish as that sounds it all comes down her." I say not able to look her in the eye.
"She loves you, Amy. I know she does but she needs to adjust. She knows you differently than the rest of us. We never got as close to her as you did and we never got as close to you as she did. Just give her time."
"Okay and thanks, Tali. I am going to talk to Jack and Jacob because they need my help. You want to come?" I ask finally looking in her eyes trying to diffuse the tension. I hope she says yes, I used to love going on missions with her we would have our combat drones compete with each other to see which one could cause the most damage…I have only won once.
"Yes, Shepard I'd like to come"
"Sweet. We will be going to try to find Jacob's father first then go blow up a Cerberus base that did nasty shit to Jack when she was a child. I will see you by the shuttle in an hour"
Mess Hall
Kasumi and I are sitting at a table in the mess talking about today's crazy events with Jack and Jacob.
"I can't believe Jacob's father did that his crew making them eat toxic food that rots their brains then having them worship him. Unbelievable" Kasumi says.
"Some people just can't handle it. He was power drunk and he didn't want it to end until it absolutely had to which was when he ran out of food."
"Would you do that to us, Shepard" she asks with a smile knowing the answer.
"Hell no. Odds are Jack would kill me then pull that shit just with the Cerberus crew." I say with a smile which quickly fades after I remember what she just went through.
"Should we talk to her?" Kasumi asks. We are the closests people to Jack and she trusts us.
"Not now maybe later. She needs time to process the fact someone else wanted to restart that facility and that other kids died to enhance her abilities. I have to go talk to the Illusive Man apparently he has something important for us to look at. I will see you later and don't go cloaking down by Jack she needs time."
"Got it, Shep. I'm glad you stopped that cat fight between Miranda and Jack. Miranda is starting to grow on me and Jack is a friend so I'm glad they didn't kill each other"
"Me too. Now we just have to worry about what they will do once this mission with the Collectors is over." I replay with a smirk and Kasumi chuckles.
"It must be nice to have Tali back. She really looks up to you and you are very protective of her."
"Ya, shes like my little sister who is a hell of a lot smarter than me." I reply with a smile.
"I like her she seems nice. Maybe I'll bet to know her."
"You should but I dare you to try and cloak around her. No one has ever been able to do that she always knows." I challenge her.
"We shall see, Shep." She replies as she gets up and walks away and cloaks herself. I get up to go talk to the Illusive man apparently something important needs doing. So much for sleeping.
Collector Ship
Samara, Mordin and I are on this powered down Collector ship that is way too damn empty. The Illusive man informed us of a turian signal that said they were attacked by a Collector ship and somehow they disabled it. We are walking around and it is way to quiet and there are way to many human filled pods all around. They have been running experiments on human and on themselves. It looks like when the experiments were done the bodies were thrown into huge piles. Mordin and EDI discovered from the test data that the Collectors used to be Protheans and deduced that the Reapers just repurposed the Protheans genetic make-up. That just keeps adding to the "Reasons to stop the Reapers" list I have in my head. EDI also discovered that this ship is the same one that was on Horizon, can someone say trap.
"There must be millions of those pods on the ceiling." Samara says and that pulls me out of my thoughts.
"Holy shit..." I say.
"Their goal must be Earth, no other reason to have large number of pods" Mordin states.
"That is not going to happen come on there's a terminal up ahead maybe that will tell us what the hell is going on something doesn't feel right."
Comm Room
"You set us up you son of a bitch" I am beyond pissed. It was a damn trap. We barely made it out before the Collector ship powered back up and blew up another Normandy.
"It was needed. They couldn't know you knew what was going on otherwise you wouldn't have been able to get the information about the IFF." The Illusive man calmly responds.
"I can act damn surprised if needed you ass. You put my whole crew at risk with that little stunt, never again. Now what is the deal with this IFF?" I ask still super pissed.
"It's your way of getting through the Omega-4 relay alive but they can only be found on a Collector or Reaper ship."
"Well it's a little late for that I blew up the last Reaper and the Collector ship is probably on the other side of that damn relay."
"We found a derelict Reaper and sent people to study the ship. That is your best option but I wouldn't go after it until your ship and your crew are ready for this suicide mission if you want a remote chance to survive."
"I'll make those decisions," I say as I walk out of the comm. room and straight into Miranda.
"Before you even ask I had no idea he knew it was a trap I would've told you I'd known, Shepard"
"I know Miranda. We're going to continue to build the team I know a lot of them have stuff they need to get taken care of so we will deal with that first. He went too far this time Miranda I hope you understand that." She looks down and nods. I know she understands his true nature now.
CIC
"Kelly it's still early any missions we can get done because I need to shoot something and I'm to pissed to try to sleep" I say right as I walk in catching her off guard.
"We can go to Tuchanka to help Grunt and Mordin," she says looking at my with slight concern.
"I'm not going to shoot you Kelly, unless you flirt with me then I will. That sounds like an excellent plan. I need to go talk to Mordin about my missile launcher" I say as I give her a tap on her shoulder and leave her shocked. No can't be said anymore clearly than that.
"Joker set a course for Tuchanka please and EDI can you tell Garrus, Tali, and Grunt to meet me at the shuttle 10 min before we arrive?" I ask the ceiling as I walk to the lab to upgrade my missile launcher so I will know be able blow up cement columns or Cerberus bases, which ever comes first.
Tuchanka
This is definitely not a planet I want to buy a summer home on for Ashley and I. The krogan really did a number on it fighting amongst each other. It's just a planet full of rubble no plants or anything. Grunt seems to be a bit agitated still, the baby take bred Krogan probably was not expecting this at all. He views me as his battle master mainly because I almost killed him when he slammed me into a wall. Grunt is an excellent muscle man but he's still a little immature and easy to fall into a "blood rage" during battle hopefully this "Rite" will fix that issue. Mordin has a former student being held captive, he assumes a krogan clan is using him to try and cure the Genophage. So that's our business here as well as seeing my old friend Wrex. We are about to reach him when gaurds stop us and I look to see Wrex yelling at some other krogan.
"Were here to see Wrex" I say to the gurads.
"You will not see him until…"
"Shepard!" Wrex yells.
"Does that work," I say as I push past him and grasp Wrex's forearm in greeting.
"Shepard my friend how are you? I heard you got spaced."
"I did Wrex. I've been brought back and I brought some old friend back to see you" pointing at Garrus and Tali who are right behind me with Mordin and Grunt staying behind a little bit.
"Tali long time no see you are the only quarian that has a quad worthy of a krogan. How are you?" he says grasping her forearm, as he did with mine.
"I'm good Wrex I see you have set yourself up nicely on your home world" she responds I can tell she's happy. Who would've thought a krogan and a quarian being friends.
"That I have. I'm trying to bring the clans together to help stop the Reapers. Garrus is that you? What happened to your face?" he asks with a chuckle.
"I decided to catch a rocket with it but I'm still more attractive than you big guy." Garrus says as he punches Wrex in the shoulder and Wrex does the same thing.
"In you dream's Vakarian. Have you seen Liara, Shepard?" he asks me coming to stand infront of me.
"Yes she doing well and has a new very important job." I tell him with the "I will tell you more information later" look.
"Good and how is that feisty mate of yours, Ashley? I always thought she was worthy of you." That question caused an awkward silence between the friends. Tali and Garrus were shuffling their feet not knowing what to say while I looked at the ground as a wave of grief took me over for second.
"We are having a disagreement over my death and Cerberus involvement, Wrex. She is fine though I saw her awhile back," I inform him hoping he drops it.
"Maybe she isn't as worthy as I thought. You are still the same Sheppard I know I can smell it Cerberus or not I would join you again but I have to help my people." He says with pride.
"I know Wrex and thank you but do not think less of her. I'm here actually for help these two members of my new crew need help. Grunt is in need of the "Rite" according to the nice guard that met us at the landing pad. Mordin has an old student that has been kidnapped by clan Weyrloc and we want to save him. Can you help?" I ask changing the subject.
"You will have to see the head scout about the salarian. Your krogan will have to go through the "Rite" I can smell it on him but he will have to see the shaman about that I have no say in the rituals. Where did you find him anyways, Shepard?"
"He is a tank bred by Warlord Okeer and pure krogan. He is amazing in battle but we are still working on his control." I say with a nod to Grunt.
"The "Rite" will help with that I hope he passes and because part of clan Urdnot but who wouldn't since you will be part of his krant," Wrex informs me.
"I'm going to be part of what?" I ask confused.
"He gets to bring a krant to help with the trials of the "Rite". Are you ready to lay your life on the line for a member of crew Shepard?" he asks.
"Of course I am let's go do this shit. I will talk to you later Wrex."
Captain's Cabin
If I didn't hate Cerberus so much I would go and find the person who thought the captain should have her own shower and fuck them senseless. I'm in the shower now trying to get all the dirt and grime I happened to acquire while wondering around Tuchanka doing more than I thought anyone could ever do on that planet full of rubble. It's been an interesting couple days in which I haven't slept that means no nightmares but also no Ashley. Once I am changed I grab the vodka with the intention of not drinking a lot so I can take that sedative before I sleep. I gave everyone the day off unless something important comes up. I plan on sleeping as long as I possibly can so I hope that's a strong sedative. "Here's hoping that happens," I say out loud as I toast a shot to myself. I sit at my terminal and check my messages. I have to talk to Thane, Garrus, Tali, and Samara tomorrow about personal things. The ship is now as upgraded as it can be so that is one less thing to worry about. No messages from Ashley or Liara though, I was hoping for something from Liara, I would've been surprised if I saw something from Ashley. I open the voice journal and start talking while I am looking at the picture of Ashley:
"The past days have been a blast from the past, Ash. I went and recruited Tali with Garrus and Thane. Thane is a good guy he has been through a lot and is not your typical cold hearted assassin because of it. Geth overran Tali and her squad while they were in Geth space researching the sun of one of their old home world's. You would have loved it I can't count how many Geth I took out. Most of her squad was killed unfortunately, by the tin cans but we managed to get her and one other marine out. She is now in the engine room as we speak fixing god only knows on the engine.
I also went on a couple personal missions; they were for Jacob and Jack. Jacob's dad was in the Alliance but his ship went off the grid years ago and the distress beacon was just activated. We went to investigate and it was bad Ash. He made his crew eat food from the planet that causes neurological break down while he ate all the rations from the ship. He didn't call for help until he was out of food. We turned him over to the Alliance and hopefully the brain decay can be reversed.
Jack's mission was just as bad. We went to investigate a Cerberus facility that held her prisoner and tried to make her a super biotic as a child. The Cerberus staff used other children as test subject to make sure the drugs they used wouldn't kill Jack, a lot of kids died. Then we found a past test subject child that escaped who wanted to restart the facility. I stopped Jack from killing him he didn't deserve it he needed help so I sent him to the Alliance. Once we got back to the Normandy this of course led to a confrontation with Miranda and Jack. I diffused that with a select choice of words but I don't know what will happen between them after we beat the Collectors, I'll worry about that later. I have to make sure Jack is okay in the morning."
I take a break and take another shot before I put the bottle away and go back to my terminal. I can not believe I did all this without her by my side…..it's not right.
"I then went to a powered down Collector ship with Mordin and Samara. Once we stepped on that ship my body was screaming trap and guess what it was a damn trap. The Illusive man set us up go figure, just another reason to shut him down. We learned from the information on the ship that the Collectors used to be Protheans, the Reapers remade their genetic make-up. We also found a way to get through the Omega-4 relay but we have to go onto a derelict Reaper to find it. We also assumed based on the number of pods we saw on that ship, they want to hit Earth but I will not let that happen. I want to build up my team more before we go get the IFF because after that we will be going straight to the relay. I saw Wrex today he asked about you and said you were worthy to be my mate, those were his words not mine. We had to save Mordin's old student from a different clan who actually didn't need to be saved he was just trying to cure the genophage. We saved his data and let him go. I'm all for curing the genophage but his way was sick. I think he's going to open a clinic on Omega or else Mordin threatened to kill him. FYI do not piss off a salarian.
Our resident take born krogan was having issues and Wrex said that he had to undertake the "Rite" which is like the test krogan take to mature into an adulth. This test involves the participate and their krant killing a lot of things including a Thresher Maw. I let him have the last shot on the Thresher Maw so he is the only krogan since Wrex to kill one. He chose me to be his official Battlemaster and I think I will be taking him out on missions more."
Another break there is just so much stuff I'm doing to have a future for humanity…for us, I think with a heavy sigh. Hoping there will be a form of "us".
"I'm sorry I haven't been able to talk to you lately. It's all coming down to the wire now since we know a way to get through the Omega-4 relay. I was hoping I would get a message back from you. I just want to know that we are okay on some level whether we are together or just friends. I need you in my life Ash in any capacity. It doesn't feel right doing all of this without you. We were supposed to spend the rest of you lives together blowing shit up. Why can't it be that way? I love you and I know you love me too. When I come back from beating the Collectors I'm finding you and I want to be with you if you will have me, friend or lover. I think you know which one I prefer. I love you, Ashley Madeline Williams.
Till the seas turn to tears of sorrow,
Till the moon wearies of its daily voyage,
Till the last star abandons a forlorn sky,
Till then shall I love thee,
Till then shall I live in joy."
I take another long look at her picture and wonder what she is doing right now. Maybe she's with her family, off on a top secret mission, or drinking we do share that in common although I no doubt I've been drink more than her. I won't know until Liara does and I expected it would take more than a couple days to get everything straightened out in her new position. I sit on my bed and inject the sedative in my arm hoping it gives me a dreamless night or just good dreams of Ashley.
Authors note:
I sat down and wrote this chapter yesterday and proofread it today to make up for the long absence. I already have part of the next chapter written with will mostly be from Ashley's point of view and will contain the letter. I know it was a filler chapter, I'm trying to get to Mass effect 3 where Ashley is involved.
Please review. Hope you Enjoyed it.
