Author's note.

Finally the new chapter!:) Sorry for the delay. I hope the next chapter will be sooner and longer.

Please review! It is important for me to know your opinion about it.

Chapter 4. Lily's decision.

Lily was going straight to her dormitory. She hoped, she wouldn't have to talk to anybody. She needed time to rethink all, what happened in that the way too short period of time. Her thoughts were in real mess right now.

She was going along the street, that connected Hogwarts and Hogsmeade, when she saw the two people in the distance. She couldn't quite see, who it was exactly, as the wind was beginning to blow strongly, and so she had to squint to protect her eyes. She hoped, that they weren't her acquaintances, and so she wouldn't need to talk to them. She covered the lower part of her face with her scarf even further and walked faster. But it clearly wasn't her day.

"Hey, Lily!" One of the boys called, when she got past them. It was Sirius Black. And so Lily made a conclusion, that the other boy was Remus Lupin even before she briefly looked at them. Black's hair was neat and smooth to the contrast of the Potter's always disheveled strands. Lupin had a book in his hands as usual. How typical of him. Of course they were planning a prank again. They were so childish, and it annoyed Lily very much. Also she had a suspicion, no, she was almost sure, that these two idiots helped Potter with his love potion affair.

"Sod off you two. I am not in the right mood to bear you." She answered without stopping her pace. Lily knew, she was very rude, but she couldn't resist herself. She was so irritable at this moment, and it was understandable. Black and Lupin looked at each other in surprise.

"Lily, what happened?" Lupin asked reassuringly. But for some reason his calmness only infuriated Lily further.

"You heard me. Don't talk to me. Stop here. Don't follow me. Or I'll be forced to hex you." She said emphatically. She continued going, not even looking at them. Black opened his mouth to reply, but Lupin grabbed his shoulder and tugged him back, not letting him do it. Then Lupin said something quietly to Black, and they both headed in the opposite direction back to Hogsmeade. For one thing Lily was grateful to Lupin: unlike Potter and Black he had some common sense.

Lily continued her way, and luckily she didn't meet anyone else. She entered her dormitory, and, as it was expected, there was nobody there. She flopped on her bed, face in her pillow. She didn't even troubled to take her boots off.

Lily's dorm mates and also her closest friends, Sarah and Mary, retuned in the early evening and found Lily laying on her back on the bed with, staring unblinkingly at the sailing.

"Lily, what happened?" Mary asked, the worry in her voice. She came closer and sat near Lily on the bed. Sarah sat on the chair beside the bed. Lily turned to look at her, her green eyes were glassy.

"Potter gave me love potion, and I found out only today." She answered. The silence fell, and the two girls were obviously waiting for Lily to continue, but it never came.

"And that's all?" Sarah finally said incredulously.

"Why are you so upset then?" Mary asked in her turn.

"And that is not enough for you!" Lily almost shouted. "This moron feed me Amortentia for almost half a YEAR."

"But that means, that he really love you, otherwise he wouldn't do this romantic deed." Mary said dreamily and Sarah sighed in delight.

"That means, that he is a selfish bastard, but there is no surprise here. And what do you mean by saying 'romantic deed'. It wasn't romantic at all. It was cruel! How could he violate my feelings like that?"

"It wasn't violence, he just pushed you into the right direction." Mary replied. Lily lowered her legs to the floor and was now in sitting position.

"'Pushed me into the right direction'? He poured the love potion into my drink. I hate Potter. And I can't believe, you didn't notice anything. You're my friends, and it must be VERY suspicious to you, when I suddenly came from hatred to love. Things don't happen like that!" Lily's heated words did not seem to make any impression on Mary and Sarah at all.

"On the contrary it didn't seem suspicious. It was kind of natural. Head Boy and Head Girl together, there is nothing wrong in it." Mary assured Lily, and Sarah nodded to show her agreement.

"Admit it: you had it in you." Sarah replied in her turn, the cunning smile spread across her face.

"What do you mean by that?" Lily asked suspiciously. Sarah briefly looked at Mary and began to say :

"Well... you had a certain feelings for James..."

"I was under love potion!" Lily protested immediately.

"No, I mean before that, in our fifth year. You wasn't under it, right? For example...you remember that day after the DADA exam?" Sarah asked.

"Oh, don't start it. I don't want to discuss it..." Lily held out a hand in front of her, showing the unwillingness to listen about it.

"You were flirting with James then." Mary blurted.

"Maybe only subconsciously." Sarah added quickly. Lily was taken aback at her friends' words.

"It's not true! I wasn't flirting. I was trying to help Severus..."

"Well consider herself. You were looking at James all the time. You didn't make any single attempt to hex James back, even after he attacked that Snape boy, you were trying to 'protect', several times, you were only talking, which were, let's say, useless in this case with our brave Gryffindors. And the main thing is, you almost laughed, when that Snape was upside down, which means, you were on James' side." Sarah finished with a smug smile on her face.

"Stop talking this nonsense!" Lily shouted and stood up.

"Lily, calm down, please." Mary said.

"I never was on this toerag's side!" Lily continued in angry voice.

"That is what you try to assure yourself in. But in reality you had certain propensity to James Potter for quite some time." Mary said. Sarah sent Mary a disapproving look, as she already understood, that they were going too far.

"Stop it! And I don't want to continue this ridiculous conversation." Lily shouted, her temper got the better of her. She turned around and stormed out of the room.

She quickly went through the common room, receiving several strange glances. But when Lily got out of the portrait hole, she understood, that she didn't really know, where she was going. She made a few calming breaths and then considered, where she was going to go. She couldn't go outside to the lake, as it was too late for this, and of course she couldn't return to the Gryffindor tower just yet. So there was only one place left - library, the place, where she could find comfort anytime.

Lily made her way to the third floor, where the library was located. She entered the library and quickly found some Charms book. She hoped, that reading would divert her from the annoying thought of the conversation, which had just occurred. Lily took her favorite place at the very end of the library, sat at the soft armchair and started reading. But to her disappointment after a few minutes she found herself rereading the same paragraph for the forth time, not understanding, what it was about in the slightest. All the same her thoughts drifted back to the conversation. Lily closed the book exasperatedly.

She felt like her friends betrayed her. They neither supported nor calmed her. Sarah and Mary were not afflicted at all by what Potter did to her. They seemed to think, that it was something heroic and brave. How insensitive of them it was to say such a thing! They clearly were on Potter's side and suppose, that he was right forcing her feelings. It infuriated Lily very much. And they called themselves her friends!

On the other hand Lily felt deeply confused by something Sarah and Mary said. She couldn't flirt with Potter then, she just couldn't. Nevertheless she wasn't as sure in it as she was an hour ago. Now as Lily calmed a little, Sarah's words didn't seem as irrational as they were before. Lily now remembered, how she was only telling the empty intimidations, which didn't help the matter at all, and how she did not dare to utter a single hex in Potter's direction. With disgust she recalled how for a split second a strange thought visited her mind then about Potter being handsome in some way. Most of all Lily really remembered, how she fought the urge to laugh at the sight of Severus upside down.

And suddenly the strongest of the various emotions, Lily was coming through, became the feeling of guilty. Lily tried to reassure herself, that she should not feel this way. She reminded herself, that Severus called her that foul name, thus taking side of her enemies. So that was the last blow to their friendship, and there wasn't her fault in it. But then again Severus was humiliated and hurt, and in addition he must have noticed her smirk, so he had the right to be angry with her too. And she in her turn called him an horrible name in return, thereby turning her back at him roundly and siding with Potter's gang, as Mary and Sarah said.

She was deeply ashamed, for she was flirting, though unconsciously, over her friend's misery. She could not believe, she did that. She did not even release, that she was doing it. It seemed so abhorrent to her now. And so she betrayed Severus first this way. Was she a real friend, she would go out with Potter only on one date to finally free Severus from the Marauders. But she didn't even consider this possibility then. This was another reason for Lily to be angry with herself.

Lily felt the urgent need to talk to Severus and apologize to him. She should and wanted to reestablish their friendship. But then doubts appeared in her mind. What if he did not want to know her anymore, after what she said to him, when he tried to apologize. What if he became angry with her after that. What if he immersed into the Dark side too deep to go back to the Light. The last question worried Lily the most, as they couldn't be friends again if he continued going this dark path. But she had to try and convince him to turn against Death Eaters, she had to break the influence Slytherins had on him. She was determined to do it.

Suddenly the sharp "Hem-hem" sounded over Lily. She almost jumped on her place in surprise, because she was so much deep in thought. Lily looked up and saw the librarian, standing in front of her and looking at her unpleasantly.

"You know, what time is it?" Librarian asked and without waiting for the answer continued in angry voice. "It's almost past curfew. You should be long ago in your bed. Now get out!"

Lily murmured "Sorry" through the clenched teeth, gathered her things and was out of the library in a moment. She didn't noticed, how quickly the time passed.

When she was in her dormitory, Sarah and Mary were already asleep. Lily was glad for that, as she didn't want at all to talk to them. Lily fell asleep, thinking about, where she was going to talk to Severus in private and what she was going to say to him.