Then there were the secrets that Justin kept from Brian.
Small secrets that sprung from Justin's bigger secret – that he had issues, he was insecure, regarding his relationship with Brian. And he was terrified that if he became unavailable, Brian might wander off and find someone else. Or that if he rocked the boat by asking questions, or making serious requests, things would change, for the worse. Brian would bail.
So Justin didn't tell Brian that he had refused to go back to Pittsburgh – twice – to see his parents. He also didn't tell Brian that his mother had come down to New York to see him. Twice. He lied to his mother both times about being unavailable over the weekend, but made time to be with her every other day.
Justin just felt that it was the safer thing to do. He didn't want to jeopardise what they had.
He told his mother about Brian. Told her that she could meet him, later, hopefully, if Justin felt that the time was right.
These were things he kept to himself.
August was a very bad month at work, for Brian. Justin knew, because Brian was tense, on edge and busy all the fucking time. He brought work home, even on the weekend, and cut down his partying to only one day of the weekend.
But he didn't tell Justin to stay away. Their defacto schedule continued. Sometimes, Brian asked Justin for his input, and he ended up helping Brian.
Justin knew that it was bad when Brian wanted to have dinner on weekdays. Sometimes, he wanted to meet for lunch. Brian needed to vent, Justin figured, and he was the only appropriate person for the job. He tried to be as supportive as he could. It wasn't easy, because Brian was difficult and loathed appearing weak.
Justin figured that he was in it for the long haul, and everyone was going to have bad patches. More importantly, Brian was leaning on him for support, and that meant something. Something amazingly good.
In early September, Brian finally won the account he was killing himself over, and things became normal again.
This time, when Brian went away to Pittsburgh for a week, he didn't wait until dinner to tell Justin.
Brian also flatly told Justin to stay over until he returned.
Just like the last trip though, Brian cut this one shorter than planned.
All of this led to Justin feeling secure in his relationship with Brian, which in turn led to Justin making a huge miscalculation.
It was right before Halloween when Justin broached the subject.
"Do you have any plans for Thanksgiving?"
Brian raised an eyebrow. "Do I look like someone who'd have plans for Thanksgiving?"
Justin smiled. "Well. Ok. So. My mom invited us over for Thanksgiving, and I was thinking that we should – could - go. I mean, she's in Pittsburgh too, and you'd get to visit Gus and –"
"What?"
"Ummm…Pittsburgh. Thanksgiving. At my mom's place." The cold, deadly look on Brian's face started to make Justin nervous.
"Why the fuck would I want to spend Thanksgiving with your mother?"
"It's not the whole day, Brian. Just dinner. Or lunch. Or whatever meal you want."
"Why the fuck did your mother invite me?" Brian's voice was cold and steady.
Justin was nervous and getting exasperated at the same time. "Brian, she just wants to meet you. Thanksgiving is as good a time as any…"
"And why exactly does she want to meet me?"
"I…she…I…she just wants to meet the person I'm seeing."
"'Seeing'? You're 'seeing' me now?"
"Brian…what the hell else are we doing, if not seeing each other?"
"We're not fucking seeing each other, that's for sure. We hang out, now and then. We are not some fucking couple."
"Are you for real? We're not seeing each other? We spend half the week together. We talk all the fucking time. We practically live together."
"Well then, maybe we shouldn't."
