The following night Esme and Rosalie went hunting. Alice went with them, claiming she wanted some time with the girls. Edward and Emmett cleared out; I didn't really pay attention to where they were going.

I retreated to my room, still contemplating the oddness of the notion. My room. I sat down on the bed, but felt restless, almost nervous. I stood and moved to look out the window. The moon had risen, and bathed the trees in a pale glow. I suppose it might have beautiful.

I had never paid attention to such things, frankly. When with other people, I was focused on not killing them. With others of my own kind, I was still wary, focused on studying them, learning them so that I would know if they presented any danger to me. When alone, I was usually preoccupied with fighting off despair.

I had scarcely been alone since meeting Alice, but I found it a relief. It was great to be alone with her, though, for then I found myself actually relaxing, actually comfortable.

But I was completely alone, now, and gloomy thoughts again were threatening to overtake me. I forced myself to focus instead on the vampires I with whom I now lived.

They had welcomed me, once Alice had explained everything and won them over, into their home with very little hesitation. Rosalie had been displeased, certainly, but she was worried for her family. Otherwise, they had accepted me.

And they had made allowances for me. They accepted that I was ill at ease around them and let me be. They kept their distance from me, allowing me to decide how close I wanted to be. And they remained friendly, letting me know I was welcome even as I avoided some of them.

And they had all but forgotten the incident with the children. Emmett had merely found it amusing; the thought of one vampire protecting humans from another was new to him. Edward had been surprised, though not by my actions. He had simply not been expecting such an encounter so soon. Rosalie had been relieved that nothing had happened and left it at that, provided nothing else happened, and Esme had been grateful no one had been hurt. Doctor Cullen had felt guilty for not thinking about the needs of his newest family. Alice had been relieved that I hadn't been hurt.

It could have been so different, and so easily. What if Emmett had been a bit slower? Or Edward or Alice? What if Doctor Cullen had not been able to stop me that second time? What then? I would have two more deaths haunting me.

For certainly the deaths of those I had killed did. I could feel everything as they experienced it, and it never stopped me. It left me miserable until the next time I needed to feed, but I always fed again. It haunted me whenever I was left alone with my thoughts.

As I was now. I turned to pace the room, counting the steps I took to cross the floor, calculating how many it would have taken Alice. I turned my thoughts to the Doctor and his light step.

He would be harder; I was less familiar with his stride. He worked, and was gone more than the others. I shook my head. How did he manage?

The vampire worked in a hospital, surrounded by death and pain and blood. How could he do that to himself, day after day after day? How did he have the control? I had a hard enough time around humans that didn't smell of blood and disease.

He was strong, I marveled, amazingly so. I had heard from Alice that he had never slipped up, had never tasted the blood of humans. Never killed or bitten anyone. He was my opposite, in that respect. He was good, while I-

I was only trying this way of life for Alice. I didn't really believe I could do it, I only knew I would try. I wasn't sure I even wanted to at times. The taste, the smell, the warmth-

The fear and pain and horror. The realization that yes, they were going to die, and that yes, I was going to kill them. The knowledge that there was nothing they could do to stop me.

I shuddered, and tried to backtrack away from these thoughts. What had I been doing? I couldn't remember now, and again memories and emotions overwhelmed me. I whimpered softly as I tried in vain to keep my thoughts ordered and controlled.

I stumbled to the bed I had no need for, and collapsed onto it, wishing I could just cry and get it over with, or better, wishing I could just die and be done with it.

Except then I'd never see her again.

I became aware that my misery wasn't simply caused by memories. I didn't want to be away from her. I wanted her here, and I wanted her desperately.

It was a new feeling, one I had hardly gotten used to, to care for someone so much. As it was, I was a wreck now, without her here, and would continue to deteriorate as long as I was left alone.

I pulled myself together enough to know the solution, much as I hated it. Doctor Cullen was here. I could hear him in his study, turning the pages of a book as he read. Would he mind my interruption?

I didn't want to go either way, but if I didn't I was going to be a wreck by the time Alice got back, and I wouldn't do that to her. If I were with someone else, I would be able to hold it together. It would help that he was always such a calm person.

I stood and moved swiftly to the door and out into the hall. I stealthily made my way to his office, collecting my thoughts and feelings, and paused outside the door.

"Come in, Jasper." He said as I considered whether I actually wanted to do this or not. It was too late now, I reckoned. I wouldn't be rude to Alice's family.

"I don't mean to interrupt." I said softly, opening the door. He was sitting at his desk, reading a rather large, rather old book.

"You aren't." He assured me easily, looking up from the pages before him. "Was something troubling you?" He asked.

I shook my head, lie though it was, and shrugged. "It was quiet."

"I certainly don't mind the company." He chuckled. "It always seems lonely without Esme nearby."

His sentiment echoed mine, but I wondered how he was calmer about it. His was a discomfort, he missed her presence, but it wasn't quite the ache I was feeling. I wonder if time had allowed him to feel it less, or if their separation had always felt thus to him.

"Do you read?" He asked, and I hesitated before nodding. I could read, and I had, though I rarely did so anymore. As if reading my thoughts, he asked, "Read anything lately?"

I shook my head. "Not for a couple centuries At least, nothing aside from newspapers." I could do this, this small talk that wasn't simply an attempt to fill the silence.

Doctor Cullen frowned, thinking. I could feel his concentration, but didn't realize he what he was focusing on until his brow cleared, and he stood swiftly to pull a book off the shelf. He handed it to me, pleased, and sat back down with his own.

I shrugged and opened it to the first page, sinking to sit cross-legged on the floor. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed reading, and was soon lost in the first chapter, nearly forgetting the man who was here with me.

I say nearly, because it was his emotions that distracted me from the book. Amusement, curiosity, and puzzlement made it difficult to focus on what I was reading. I looked up to find him watching me, studying me. It made me nervous.

I met his gaze, and he grinned sheepishly. "What?" I asked.

"My apologies." He said smoothly. "You read like a human." He explained, and I frowned.

"Pardon?" I asked, and he looked thoughtful, as if searching for a way to explain.

"The way you sat on the floor." He said finally. "The way you positioned yourself so the light falls across the page. It's something humans do. You read slowly, as well. As if you were focusing on the book and nothing else."

I shrugged. "I was." I said. "That's how I've always read. It's one of the few things I remember from before." Before I was bitten, of course, but he knew that already. Was there something wrong with this? Certainly our kind had no need for such things, but I found enjoyment in it.

"Is there a problem?" I asked, though I had no intention of changing it, unless-

"No, no problem." Doctor Cullen said quickly. "I just thought it was interesting. It reminded me of Esme when she's painting."

I grimaced at the emotions he felt towards her, not because of how strong they were or the nature of them, but because it reminded me that Alice wasn't here, that I had no idea when she would return.

"Sorry." He said again, sorry for the discomfort he had caused me, not for having the feeling. He would never be sorry for that. He looked towards the window, and sighed softly, such a human habit. It was one of the few I had kept, mainly for its usefulness. It could convey a hundred meanings without a need for words.

This sigh was one of longing. "They should be back soon." He said, more to himself than to me, I realized. He missed Esme, and felt her absence. I sighed too as I remembered Alice was with her, wherever they were.

He looked at me again. "They'll be back soon." He reassured me, as if he knew I needed to hear it. "Don't worry." He settled back down to his book, and with nothing else to do, I followed suit.

I managed to lose myself once more in the story, and read slowly, savoring every word, the descriptions showing clear pictures in my mind. I lost track of time and just about all else as I continued reading.

I felt her return; it was as if the sun had suddenly come out from behind the clouds, ignoring, of course, the perspective of our kind on the subject. Mine was a human point of view, I supposed, but very accurate. I closed the book quickly, though gently, and moved to place it back on the shelf. Doctor Cullen placed a hand on my shoulder to stop me.

"Keep it until you're finished with it." He said. "You seemed to enjoy it."

"Thank you." I said, though my mind was already focusing on the woman who was rapidly approaching the house.

"You're welcome to any of the books here." He said, closing his own and setting it on the desk.

"Thank you." I said again, and though I knew it was rude, I darted from the study. I sped to my room, setting the book down before darting out again. I practically flew down the stairs and was waiting on the porch when the women reached the yard.

Alice giggled as she saw me, her eyes lit up. "Miss me?" She asked. I didn't reply, as there was no need for me to. She was back, and she was here. She was mine, and I was hers. I basked in her presence.

Carlisle was right behind me, sliding out to greet his wife with a kiss as he wrapped his arms around her. Emmett appeared, from who knew where, to greet Rosalie. I winced as I tried to separate our feelings from theirs.

Alice laughed, her voice sweet and clear, and smiled. "Come on." She said, breaking into a run deep into the forest, and I was after her without even considering it, leaving the others behind.

We ran in silence; we had no need for words. We reveled in each other's presence, running till midnight, when we stopped and sat on the ground, treasuring these moments together.

Perhaps eternity would not be so bad, not if it were with her.

Disclaimer: I am not the author of the Twilight Series, therefore these characters and such else do not belong to me. If I were and they did I would be getting richer off of this story rather than posting it here.