Disclaimer: We don't own the DBZ crew, a rich Japanese man does. We don't own the original fairy tale "Jack and the Beanstalk" and we don't want to either.
Rating: PG 13
Warnings: Parody, humor, insanity (Havoc's not mine!)
Notes: This is going to be the first in what we hope to become the Fairy Tale arc... a series of fics that defy all logic by placing our wonderful heroes in well known fairy tales and in the process destroying all normal conception of said fairy tales. *insert evil grins here*
Archive: dragonball-diaries. 150m. com Anyone else who wants this bit of random insanity then just ask! ^_^
Goku and the not so Jolly Giant
January 2003 Debs-dragon & Havoc
Part 4
Goku looked out from the crack in the cupboard, this guy was enormous! "He looks a lot like Vegeta," Goku thought. "I wonder if it is him, and if so, what is he doing here?" Turning back to the mouse he whispered, "I think we should stay here for a while."
"I agree," replied the mouse.
"Just until we know exactly who he is and what the set up is."
"I'm with you."
The giant stood in the middle of the room and looked around. "I know there is a third class Saiya-jin in here somewhere, I can smell him." The giant's nose wrinkled as he sniffed the air. "Now where is it hiding?"
The giant moved around the room, searching about for any sign of the Saiya-jin. He found none.
Feeling a tad frustrated he sniffed the air again. "Phew! What is that stench?" He looked around still sniffing. Then he sniffed at himself, he raised an armpit and sniffed.
Bad move.
His eyes rolled and face crinkled. "Awww that's just vile. I think I need a shower." He turned and stomped off out through the doorway.
As the sounds of footsteps receded so Goku stuck his head out of the cupboard. "That was close."
"You can say that again," piped up the mouse.
"That was close."
The mouse rolled his eyes and banged his head against Goku's chest. "I give up," he muttered.
"Let's have a look around while he's gone." Goku slipped out from the cupboard and into the room. He gazed around at the size of everything, it was huge. A table stood in the middle of the room with four chairs around it. Goku couldn't see what was on top and he didn't fancy climbing up there right now so he amused himself by checking out the rest of the contents of the kitchen. The sink looked like a hazardous place to go, pots pans and crockery all balanced precariously on top of one another. One wrong move and the lot would come crashing down. "Geeze, doesn't this guy do any housework?" muttered Goku as he side stepped a pile of god knows what on the floor.
"I bet he has some food in that refrigerator," the mouse said as he eyed off the large, white appliance.
"Food? Where?"
"Over there."
"Ahhh." Goku high tailed it across the assault course of the floor, jumping over large boots, trudging waist deep through dust bunnies and braving the deadly gas field of the rotting socks. Finally he arrived at the 'fridge... and looked up... and up... and up... He scratched his head.
"The handle is a bit high, don't you think?"
"No shit Sherlock."
"Then how are we supposed to open it?"
"Hey, I just suggested that there might be some food in there, I never said I knew how to get into it. After all, you're the one with the hands here buddy."
"Hmmm. Maybe if we explore down there a bit we might find something to help us solve this little dilemma." Goku began to stride off in the direction of the hall way. The mouse had no choice but to go along seeing as how he was still hiding inside Goku's shirt.
A crack of light appeared under a door a little way down the hall. Goku crept quietly towards it. The door wasn't shut properly, so being the inquisitive little devil that he was, he stuck his head around and looked inside.
... and back pedaled rapidly.
"Ahh, my eyes... my eyes..." Goku tried to keep his voice down as he clawed at his face.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" called the mouse while he clung desperately to the material of Goku's shirt.
Goku stopped his frantic clawing and stood shaking. "That was not a sight I needed to see."
"What sight?"
"The giant in the shower, water running, soap, skin..." Goku shuddered. "I think I'm gonna puke."
"WHO'S THERE!?" the giant's voice boomed out from within the bathroom.
"Exit... stage left," Goku said as he sprinted down the hallway and back to the kitchen. He quickly hid in the cupboard again as a wet, towel clad giant came thumping into the room.
"Grrrr... I'm positive there is someone here," grunted the giant. "When I find you I will pound you into the dirt," he called as he scanned the kitchen. With a humph he turned around and went to finish dressing.
"Whew! That was close," said Goku as he let out the breath he had been holding.
"Yeah, a few more seconds and he would have caught us."
"A few more seconds and my eyesight would have been permanently damaged," Goku replied as he rubbed his eyes.
"Shhh... He's coming back."
Goku shut up and peeked around the edge of the cupboard door again. Sure enough the giant was coming back into the room.
Vegeta the giant strode over to the 'fridge and opened the door, he scanned the contents before slamming it in disgust. He opened the freezer and fiddled in the depths, pulling out a cardboard carton. Ripping the box open he stuffed the small container in the microwave and pushed the buttons. The machine kicked into life and began to heat the plastic tray and its contents.
While his dinner was 'cooking' Vegeta the giant searched for a clean knife and fork, finally locating a set as the microwave beeped to let him know it was done. He removed the carton and peeled back the plastic, "Ouch! Damn thing is hot, why don't they ever put warnings on these things?" the giant snarled.
"They do. It's just that you don't read them," a melodic voice floated through the air.
Goku looked up. "Who was that?"
"Not a clue," replied the mouse.
Vegeta the giant scraped back a chair and sat down, putting his food on the table. He reached across and pulled something towards him. "Sing for me while I eat," he commanded.
Goku managed to shimmy up the handle of the mop that was stashed in the cupboard he was hiding in and got a better view of the kitchen. "Oh wow," he said as he took in the sight before him. "Oh crap," were his next words as the voice began to sing. He quickly covered his ears to block out the noise and promptly slid back down the handle, scoring a few splinters on the way.
The ever helpful mouse disappeared inside his shirt and then returned a few moments later clutching a paw full of chewed up fabric. "Here, shove that in your ears."
"What the? Where did you get this from?"
"You know your boxer shorts?"
"Uh huh."
"Well they are boxer briefs now."
"Oh."
Climbing back up the handle again, this time with ears safely protected against the wailing, Goku was able to see where the infernal noise was coming from. There on the table by the eating giant sat a golden harp. The workmanship was exquisite, even Goku could appreciate that some time had gone into carving and shaping that masterpiece. The one end of the harp however seemed to be alive. Well there was a figure of a woman carved there, only the head and upper torso were moving about and the mouth was busy 'singing'
"Either that giant is tone deaf or a masochist," grumbled the mouse.
"Yeah. There is only one other person I know of who's voice grates on you like that... Bulma."
Goku squinted at the figure. Yup, Bulma all right. He rubbed his temples wearily, this whole nightmare was beginning to get to him. What the heck was going to happen to him next?
The giant finished his meal and tossed the empty carton to the side. Telling the harp to be quiet, he stood and walked to the far side of the room and retrieved a cage. Returning to the table he placed the cage on the surface and opened the door.
Goku nearly fell off the pole. Inside the cage was a goose. He watched intently as Vegeta the giant stuck his hand in the cage and began to remove something. Goku frowned.
"Looks like you have been a good goose today," Vegeta the giant said as he withdrew his hand from the cage. He held up a large, green colored egg.
"A goose that lays emerald eggs?" whispered Goku.
"Either that or they are seriously off," snorted the mouse.
Goku strained his eyes to see the goose. It was green.
The harp began to sing again, lulling the giant. "I'm going to take a little nap I think. Goosey, I want to see at least four more eggs there by the time I wake up."
The goose made a funny sound.
The giant leaned back in his chair and put his feet up on another chair. His hands folded across his stomach and his head leaned back as his eyes slipped shut.
Goku and the mouse waited patiently inside the cupboard until they were sure that the giant had fallen asleep. After what seemed like ages to Goku, he finally poked his head out of the cupboard and looked around. The giant lazed back in his chair, the steady rise and fall of his chest the only indication he was breathing.
A scrape of a nail down his chest alerted him to the mouse's presence.
"Ow! What'ch do that for?"
The mouse looked at him, his little mouth moving.
"Huh? I can't hear a thing. Oh no! I'm deaf... I can't hear!" Goku began to panic.
The mouse scampered out of Goku's shirt and raced up his shoulder, reaching the ear he yanked out the 'packing'. "I said, the giant is asleep!"
"Geeze no need to yell." Goku rubbed his ear. "How can you tell?"
" Z...Z...Z...Z...Z...Z...Z...Z...Z...Z"
"Oh."
The room shook slightly with each snore as the volume increased.
" Z...Z...Z...Z...Z...Z...Z...Z..."
The windows began to rattle.
"I think if you intend to see what else there may be on that table we get going now before this whole place caves in around us," said the mouse.
"Good idea." Goku left his hiding spot and snuck across the floor. Reaching the table leg he looked up. "Ohhh kayyyy." He opened his hands up and spat into them before rubbing them briskly together.
"What the?" asked the mouse.
"Dunno. I just saw it on a movie once and always wanted to try it." Goku grinned and took a firm hold of the table leg.
The mouse rolled his eyes. "Okay Rambo, let's get going."
Goku climbed up the table leg, reaching the top he hauled himself over the edge and stared. The harp sat to one side glittering, the figure of Bulma silent as she dozed. Across from the harp sat the cage with the green goose in it. To get to the goose though they had to pass around a minefield of condiments, wrappers and the discarded container from the Giant's meal.
"Wonder if there are any left overs?" mused Goku as he paused by the container.
"We don't have time for that now," came the mouse's stern voice.
"Damn." Goku continued through the maze until he wound up at the cage. Looking at the goose there was something familiar about it. Goku scratched his head and sighed.
Hearing the noise the goose turned its turban clad head around to see where the noise was coming from.
"Piccolo?" gasped Goku.
tbc...
