"Trousers can never be too tight.
You have to go through a couple of days of pain,
then everything stretches out."
-Noel Fielding
"I've got a favor to ask you, Howard." Vince sat down on the couch next to his friend and smiled. He was absolutely positive this question wouldn't roll over well.
"A favor about what?"
"Now, I really need you to do this for me. So, before you say no just hear me out."
"What's the favor, Vince?" Howard was getting annoyed. Vince could tell by the look in his little eyes.
"Well, Peyton-"
"No."
Vince sighed. He'd come to realize over the passing few weeks that Howard Moon wasn't a big fan of his girlfriend, though he couldn't figure out why that was exactly. She was always pretty nice to him. "You're not hearing me out, Howard!"
Howard rolled his eyes. "Fine, Vince. What is it?"
"Peyton's roommate, Cara," Vince started again.
"Who's Cara?"
"You remember her! She was here the first day, peering at me through the book racks!" Vince grinned, mimicking the action with his fingers.
Howard looked at Vince and shook his head. "That's not ringing a bell here."
"She's got the big glasses, greasy hair! Come on, you remember her."
Howard looked forward. And squinted his eyes in thought. He half smiled. "Ah, yes, I remember. What about her?"
"She needs a date."
"A date?"
"Yeah, a date." Vince smiled again.
"With that?" Howard made a face and crossed his arms over his chest.
"Now, Howard she's not that bad. Take off those glasses, wash her hair, get her a sense of fashion and I'm pretty sure she'd be quite the looker. But, then again, you've got little since when it comes to fashion too, so I don't think that's a factor here." Vince raised his eyebrows. Howard looked skeptical. "Oh, come on Howard! Me and Peyton'll be there too! Don't worry! It'll be fun!"
"Oh yeah? Fun? I know fun."
Vince's mouth pulled together and he cocked an eyebrow upwards. "No you don't!"
"Says who?"
"Says Leroy. He saw you that day."
"What day?"
"Sewing a button to a piece of cloth. Giggling like a mad schoolgirl." Vince acted this out, a stupid grin on his face as he sewed a fake button on to an invisible piece of cloth.
"What? You're not gonna believe Leroy are you?"
"I think I will, Howard."
The room grew into a stilling silence. Vince and Howard exchanged looks until the room became absolutely uncomfortable. Howard fidgeted. "Fine, Vince. I'll go!"
"Great!" Vince stood and clasped his hands together. "There's only one condition."
"Oh, so now there's conditions? Great..."
Vince pointed towards him with both index fingers. "You've got to let me dress you."
Howard sat next to Cara at one end of the table. They both stared intently at their glasses, every now and then picking them up for a sip of wine. Their seats were separated by at least three inches. Passing spectators wouldn't have the slightest idea they were on a date.
The complete opposite could be said for Vince and Peyton. If they ever broke eye contact, Howard surely didn't notice. There was no separation between their chairs, and not to mention they'd be kissing any chance they'd get.
Howard was surprised they hadn't been kicked out of this family type restaurant. Small children were now asking their parents questions that didn't need to be answered at their age. "Mother, where do their noses go!"
Howard sighed. He already looked like an electro vampire... He was positive his leather pants were about to rip, and his shirt was a ridiculous retro mix of green and blue. He glanced shortly towards Cara. She looked less comfortable in her attire, a pink and green striped strapless dress, hugging her too tightly, and a green bow tie around her neck. Every once and a while, trying to be inconspicuous, she'd try to lift the dress a little higher over her bust.
"Excuse me, but we're going to have to ask you two to sease your displays of affection," a manager said to Vince and Peyton. "You're making our other guests a tad uncomfortable."
For a moment it seems like they were going to ignore the manager. Their liplock continued, uninterrupted for at least ten seconds. And just as the manager was about to repeat himself, they broke away.
"Sorry, mate," Vince said, with a grin and a wave. "Won't happen again."
"Speak for yourself," Peyton added, chuckling.
Howard stared across the table at Peyton. Dirty skank.
Cara suddenly coughed and wheezed, then pulled out an inhaler. She tried to take a deep breath, and then took several puffs from it.
Peyton rolled her eyes. She didn't seem very concerned. Vince and Howard showed a little more caring. "You okay, mate?" Vince asked, as Howard offered her a soft pat on the back.
She only nodded, then she chugged down her wine. Then she stood, trying to fix her dress once again. "Uh, I'll be right back." She looked towards her date. "Howard?"
He looked at her skeptically, and then shot Vince a look. Vince chuckled.
Cara tried her very best to play off a nonchalant giggle, and without calling too much attention gave Howard a look of urgency. It frightened him almost. He suddenly felt like this had nothing to do with what he thought it did. Cara picked up her bag and walked off.
"Go on now, Howard!" Vince said.
"You kids be safe," Peyton added.
Howard rolled his eyes and struggled to stand up in his pants, fallowing behind Cara.
He found her standing in front of the bathroom doors, pulling a grey hoodie over her dress. "Yes?" he asked, slightly worried she might be as frisky as her friend, if you could call Peyton a friend of hers. She basically treated the girl like crap.
"I need to talk to you," she said, pulling a pair of jeans out of her bag. "It's about Vince."
"What about him?"
"Peyton's no good for him. You need to get him, and leave Dalston." She pulled the jeans on under the dress, then pulled the dress off. "I can only tell you this once. She'll suspect if I do again." She fastened the jeans and shook her head. "...I forgot shoes..." she muttered, looking down at her feet. They were turning read in the pink high heels Peyton had her wearing.
"Leave?" What? Now, she could well be a dirty whore, but that was no reason to leave completely! ...Was it? "Why? That sound kind of extreme."
"'S not," she said. "'S really not. You don't know what she is."
Howard gulped. "What... she is?" he asked. "What is she... exactly?"
"Cara!" came the completely obvious American voice. "You just changed?!" Peyton broke in between them and pulled on Cara's arm. She dragged her away and groaned. "I should have known! You know how that drives me crazy! You wouldn't be coming back here for him! Just come on!"
Cara looked towards Howard once more, quickly reached into her pocket and threw a balled up piece of paper at him. He picked it up, and pushed it as far as he could into the pocket of the leather pants. Now there was a big lump on the side pocket of them.
Peyton stopped halfway for the door, waved, and blew a kiss at Vince. "Bye Vincey Sweetie! I'll miss you!"
Howard saw Vince smile and catch the kiss out the side of his eye.
Damn... What would Howard tell Vince? Would he tell him anything at all? There was something wrong about his girlfriend and it wasn't just her being a filthy gutter slut.... But how could Howard tell him when he seemed to like her so much?
