***Thanks for the feedback guys! And special thanks to my beta for her hard work!

***Warnings: Yaoi, language, fluff

***Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia. I am making no money off of this fic.


Chapter 4

The following morning, Alfred woke up in his bed with a terrible stomach ache. He glanced out the window to see that there was fresh falling snow. Normal people would find this a very picturesque winter morning, but with his 'last night regrets', he simply wanted to die. He wasn't even sure how he got back to his room but he could assume that either Feli or Sadiq helped him. And all of this pain had to do with Ivan.

'Damn you, Ivan…why'd you have to go and do something like that?'

He said to himself while getting up to gulp down some Pepto Bismol in his travel bag. He always carried the tablets or the liquid with him wherever he went for these types of emergencies. Ivan one time called him an 'old man' for having to carry around Pepto Bismol or Maalox tablets due to his eating habits. Alfred had countered with reminding Ivan that he had to take Beano whenever they went out to eat, especially at American food restaurants. Ivan never seemed like he was able to handle solid good ol' American food.

'He never complained, though.' Alfred said to himself in the mirror. 'Maybe…maybe I was taking all his silence and easy-going personality as just a nice guy who liked being my boyfriend. Maybe Ivan was thinking differently and didn't want to say anything.' He looked at the little smiling moose soap dispenser on the sink. 'And I never really said 'no' or, 'let's go someplace you like'. Well, sometimes I did…but not often.'

Alfred began to wonder if he didn't subconsciously push Ivan away during the course of their relationship. Maybe that's a reason why Ivan sought out someone who he could relate to more on an interest level basis. Maybe he just wasn't considerate enough to Ivan's feelings.

"Gah! This is too complicated!" He said loudly, slapping both hands to his face. "Last night I was feeling one way now I'm feeling another!" Love really does hurt.

Late morning, Alfred emerged from his room, went to the gym, came back and cleaned up, and then hit the slopes with the snowboard. But there was one problem he was having on the slopes; falling. More than once he could count on two hands, and toes, how many times he fell. It was rare for him to mess up snowboarding this badly. Some hot cocoa would make him feel better, so he ordered himself a large, with extra marshmallows and whipped cream. He ignored the strange look from the vender.

Taking a seat on a frosted bench he sipped his cocoa and watched as others gleefully skied down the slopes. His extreme suckage had to be from his distraction of Ivan. Last night at the comfort food, sixth-grade girl slumber party, he seemed to have his mind made about Ivan; to let him go and move on. But today, he found he was thinking about Ivan a lot, and instead of focusing on what Ivan did he kept thinking about what HE did to PUSH Ivan to stray. Ivan said himself that he found comfort in someone who shared in more of his interests.

"I need to talk to someone. Someone good. Someone who will give me an honest, honest answer." He opened his phone to text Ludwig.

Fifteen minutes later, he and Ludwig were at the bar sharing in some apple cider. Alcoholic cider, something Alfred never had but was eager to try it after seeing how much Ludwig enjoyed it. Talking to Feliciano helped him to feel better emotionally, knowing that he had such good friends to support him, but that didn't solve his issue. Sadiq offered strange and bizarre advice yet delivered a half-hearted solution. That solution didn't settle well. Hopefully, with Ludwig, the stoic German would be able to open his eyes to something he wasn't seeing.

"I heard all about this from Feliciano this morning." Ludwig said. "What exactly do you need from me?"

"Honest answers. I feel like, you're the only solid good guy to talk to about this. You'll give me a straight answer, and that's what I need."

Ludwig's brows frowned. "I'm not good with relationship advice, Alfred. What happened between you and Ivan is your business."

"Yeah, it is my business but I can't run the business alone." He sucked the foam off his cider. "I'm confused. I'm all mixed up inside! I swear, I don't know what is right or what is wrong anymore! West is east and north is south! Sometimes I think this way, and then other times, I think THIS way!" He motioned left to right with his hands. "How do you keep all your thoughts together, Ludwig? How do you get them to all work together so you don't have to feel the way I do?"

Ludwig cleared his throat. "Tell me what is that you're feeling?"

"Everything! I can't just feel one thing!"

"Which one do you feel the most?"

"Um…confusion, I think? A part of me wants to forgive Ivan, but another part of me says to move on. But I know I don't want to move on…and I find myself still thinking about Ivan all the time." He took a heavy gulp of cider. "I shouldn't still love somebody who hurt me, should I?" His blue eyes pleaded with Ludwig's.

Ludwig finished his cider and ordered another. "You should have another sit down with Ivan and find out where you went wrong. The biggest clue we have is that Ivan felt like you and him were no longer sharing interests, or that you realized your interests are too different. However, you can't just come to that conclusion without evidence. Perhaps, while Ivan was seeing someone else, he also realized his true feelings for you and then felt guilty about having it ever happen in the first place."

"So…you think it's a moment of weakness too?"

"We're humans, Alfred. We all make mistakes. Ivan is a hard man to read. It takes years for a person to learn everything about their lover. And the way I see it, the more the years go on that you're together, the more things you learn to like together. Everyone will have their differences, that's what makes people unique and full of variety." He took another gulp. "But let me ask you this; do you want to get back with Ivan?"

Alfred's eyes were stinging with unshed tears. "I want to…but it's wrong to do. He cheated on me, Ludwig. He cheated on me and hid it from me!"

"I understand. But we know he regrets it. I think you should go on a date after your talk. But make it a date that is something neutral. Nothing you like, nothing he likes. Something you both hate, or have never experienced before. That way, you can have something new to talk about."

Alfred gave him a serious look. "So you want us to basically start over again? So you're saying that I should forgive what he did?"

Ludwig took another sip of his cider, choosing to focus on the wet circular ring on the bar napkin. "No, I'm not saying forgive him. However, you're clearly torturing yourself over this. From what I gather, it seems to me that you still want to be with him, but you know that you shouldn't because of what he did, and it's that part that is confusing you. Right?" Ludwig gazed at him, waiting for an answer. Alfred nodded, and then shrugged his shoulders. "Time has a way of healing things, Alfred. I truly believe Ivan resents what he did and it haunts him every day. In a way, Ivan is already being punished. But you can work this out together."

"Yeah, but we sort of don't have lots of things in common. How is that going to change anything?"

Ludwig pointed a finger at him. "There's something else you're not telling me. You look very guilty right now. You've thought about this already, haven't you? I think you know the reason, or at least assume, that you were the cause of him going astray. Am I right?"

"Whoa dude." Alfred felt his eyes grow wide in surprise. "You should get a side job reading minds or something." He turned to his drink. "Yeah, I do feel like I played a huge role in his cheating. Like, we always did things I wanted to do, but at the same time, Ivan barely complained! So how was I supposed to know he might have different opinions and options if he didn't voice them?"

"Did you ask him for his opinions?"

"Well…sometimes."

"Did you ever ask him why he always did what you wanted to do?"

"N-No. Not really." In all honesty, he couldn't remember any specific times, but he had to have, at least once!

Ludwig gave a little grunt over the rim of his glass, taking a sip before speaking. "That's a major issue in a relationship, Alfred. If a relationship doesn't have a balance between partners then it's almost certain that it will go astray. If you look at me and Feliciano, we take turns doing the things we like. He hates going to museums and anything educational, and I hate going to the boardwalk or lounging around on the patio without a shred of motivation. But, we do it anyway. I try to find fun and games enjoyable and he tries to be interested in museums and educational programming. That's how we balance things out. And we still do things we like together. This ski lodge was a decision we both made."

Alfred felt the corners of his lips turning into a smile. "You know, that makes a lot of sense! My own selfishness caused our relationship to go sour and in Ivan's desperate need to find someone who shared his interests pushed him to cheat."

"But you both recognize your mistakes." He took another sip. "Ivan is not an easy man to read. He's complicated. It always worried me a little, to be honest. He's a hard man to understand, and it seems like he has two personalities sometimes."

"He's always been like that."

Ludwig cleared his throat before saying the next thing, feeling completely embarrassed by it, but knew that it would help Alfred. "Don't ask me how I know this, but you should make a pros and cons list of your relationship with Ivan. Write down all the good, and all the bad. See which column has more. The rest is self explanatory."

Alfred felt himself grinning from ear to ear. Speaking to Ludwig was the right thing to do! "Why couldn't I have fallen in love with you?" He jumped off the bar stool to give Ludwig a large hug around the neck. "I know what to do!" Ludwig pulled away to curse through his teeth and they both noticed the large cider stain on the front of his argyle sweater. "Oops, sorry bro! But Feli's lucky to have you! You're a good guy!"

Ludwig waited for Alfred to be gone before ordering another drink. He needed it after this.

/

Alfred knew what it was he had to do. Not the pros and cons list, but setting up a date with Ivan. What Ludwig had said made sense. He just had to reconnect with Ivan on a new level yet not ignore what his ex-boyfriend did to him. Now that he had a clearer picture, he knew the best way to confront Ivan and better relay his feelings. They both had some changes to make and some more apologies to express. Now all he had to do was find Ivan, after he stopped at the café for a quick brownie treat.

/

Ivan sat up in his room, silently sulking in the whirlpool bath set on gentle. He dangled a glass of vodka in his hand over the edge of the tub, which he had brought from his home after seeing the high price of hotel bottled vodka (and an inferior brand to boot!). He thought that a relaxing hot bath would help to ease his mind of thoughts of Alfred- not of their fight but of making love. After the memory he had about sex under the Christmas tree he couldn't stop thinking about all the times they spent together, intimately.

Alfred, for as fun loving, loud, and adventurous he is was a major prude when it came to the subject of sex after they began dating. They had gone for four months with barely any intimate contact except for a brush of the hand or knee against a groin. Ivan had always been patient with Alfred during these times, respecting his lover's right to say 'he wasn't ready'. Alfred was a virgin while he wasn't. Before Alfred he had had one boyfriend and one fling, all that included sex. That's why he was so shocked when Alfred, with a hot blush, told him one night at a pizzeria that he was a virgin in all ways. It had excited him to know that he would be Alfred's first, and he would make it the best first time for his lover!

But he never expected the CHALLENGE that was Alfred F. Jones and his extreme embarrassment when it came to the bedroom. About four months into their relationship, Alfred had suggested they try to move 'forward'. It started off promising, but then, like many times after that, Alfred panicked and told him to stop. Ivan obeyed each time and continued with patience. And then finally there came that night in June when they became one for the first time. Ivan had almost forgotten that night with everything that has happened, but now he was remembering it in every detail.

Ivan read the text from Alfred once more asking him to come over and bring champagne. He had the bottle safely tucked under his arm but wasn't a champagne fan. For some reason, that was the drink Alfred wanted tonight. In fact, he found the whole text message and alcoholic beverage to be strange turn of events from this morning's message of, 'I'll be busy all day. Catch you later'. Usually, that meant Alfred was doing something sport's related and they wouldn't be able to hang out. So why the sudden change?

When he got to Alfred's door, inside the huge glowing wreath of plastic candy canes and red balls was a note. It read, 'Knock first, then wait five minutes before coming in'. Ivan frowned, slapping a free hand to his face. Alfred could be so dumb sometimes, he thought. Anyone could read this note and come in. But, he did what the note said. A moment later he heard the door unlock. Hopefully everything was all right? His answer came with a little red note being slipped under the door. He read the note, 'Tonight is going to be special!- Alfred'.

The five minutes were up. Ivan was so curious as to what Alfred had planned for this night. The man had gone through quite a bit to show that this would be a 'special' night.

Once inside, he was greeted with the familiar smell of cheddar. Was this to be a romantic 'Alfred Style' dinner? If so, that wasn't something he would consider 'special'. He closed the door and locked it behind him. He heard his name from over in the living room. Placing the bottle on the table and removing his jacket to sling over a chair, Ivan approached the living room where the tree was shining bright, the Christmas decorations of numerous colors and tackiness. But when he saw what was waiting for him under the tree, his eyes grew wide and his breath caught in his throat.

Alfred was sitting under the tree, naked, except for a big red bow around his neck, reindeer antlers on his head, and a Christmas blanket with Rudolph covering his lap. He was blushing brighter than Rudolph's red nose. The tree lights twinkled in a magical light show of multicolor all around him. On the stereo was Kenny G's instrumental holiday album currently playing, 'Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas'. His body was clenched tightly together, further showing his embarrassment. Ivan, however, knew now what was going to be 'special' about this night. Finally, after waiting so long, they were going to take their relationship to an intimate level!

'I guess this is why you wanted champagne?' Ivan said with a smile, stepping down into the living room. 'To make this night a little bit more romantic?'

'I thought…I just think that…well…I think that's it's time for me to stop being so…you know…'

'Prudish?' Ivan finished for him, enjoying the adorableness that was Alfred Jones. His lover couldn't even look at him he was so bashful. 'Who put you up to this? Did someone help you with this idea?'

'Francis and Feliciano helped me.' He glanced up. 'They said you would like this, and so would I, because I love Christmas so much.'

Ivan grinned. 'I like it very, very much.'

Alfred blushed more. 'Francis said that…you would know what you want to do from here. So…you know…'

Ivan went over to him and got on his knees before the 'lovely' present. He had seen Alfred naked before, but never like this! First his hands went to the large bow, lightly tugging at the red strand. He saw Alfred's body twitch when he touched it. Slowly, he pulled the tie and watched as it came undone to pool around Alfred's waist.

'This is the best gift of all. It's just what I asked for.' He smiled and kissed Alfred's cheek.

'But it's not even Christmas yet.' Alfred replied. 'Is this really what you asked for?'

'For us to finally be together as one? Yes.' He looked around the room. 'You did a marvelous job setting everything up. It's a very romantic holiday evening.'

Alfred nodded and then said, 'We can go into the bedroom now.'

'No, I want to have you here, in front of the tree, in front of Santa, and on top of Rudolph.' Ivan teased, seeing as how the joke make Alfred grin through his blush.

'Why do you want to soil Rudolph like that?'

Ivan didn't answer him with words but with a deep, passionate kiss. Alfred quickly responded, though shyly, to the kiss. It was Ivan who made it deeper, forcing Alfred's mouth open with his tongue to explore the cavern he knew so well. Alfred gasped into his kiss, this time dueling with his tongue. He had to pull away to rip the blanket from Alfred's lap and lay it on the floor beside the tree. He told Alfred to wait as he went to open the champagne bottle and pour two glasses. Champagne glasses are the only 'nice' glasses Alfred had anyway. When he brought the glasses back to the living room, Alfred was already sprawled out on the blanket, trying to hide his groin with his leg. The whole picture was mouth watering.

'I've waited a long time for this, Alfred.'

'I know. I feel bad for making you wait so long.' He sat up and took the glass. 'Thanks.' They clinked glasses and sipped.

They spoke for a few minutes with their champagne, sitting close together on the blanket. Ivan was unable to resist Alfred's naked glowing body any longer, so he took the glasses away, put them on the coffee table, and pushed his lover to the blanket. Alfred's eyes were wide and his body shook with nerviness, but Ivan gently stroked the arms and shoulders to soothe him. Then he stood up to remove his own clothes, enjoying the sight of Alfred's eyes roaming over his body once he was naked as well.

'You're blushing so brightly, Alfred.' He smiled. 'If Santa saw you, I bet he'd ask you to guide his sled.'

'It's 'sleigh'. And are you calling me Rudolph? If so, then you're Frosty!' Alfred stuck his tongue out.

'I'm from a wintery country. I'll take Frosty.'

He joined Alfred on the blanket once again and chose to lay beside him. He didn't want to rush this, for the few times he had in the past, Alfred shut down and said 'no'. So he stroked Alfred's face, hair and shoulders to ease the man's bashfulness. Alfred had a gorgeous body; athletic build with a light tan and toned muscles. His skin was always smooth to the touch, especially his cheeks. Knowing that he would soon be claiming this body as his own made his blood boil with desire.

Sliding his hand down to Alfred's belly, he felt the tight stomach jump under his touch. Alfred was always ticklish right there. His fingers inched their way down to tangle in the smooth, curly patch of hair just above the growing erection. Alfred was just as excited as he was. A good sign. He wrapped his hand around the length, stroking it to hardness while his lover writhed beneath his touch. Alfred was used to this for they did it often enough, but tonight, his body was more responsive than usual. The atmosphere and the holiday spirit helped to push Alfred to make this decision.

Alfred had gone out of his way to plan for this night when Ivan discovered the small Santa gift basket under the tree with some lube in it. His lover blushed when he flipped open the lid. Pouring the liquid onto his fingers, he lay alongside Alfred to bring their lips into a kiss before slipping his hand between the slightly spread thighs. Alfred tried to clench his legs shut but his hand was blocking him. He wouldn't let Alfred cock-block him this time. And to his delight, Alfred spread his legs a little wider.

He started with one finger, feeling Alfred's muscles clenching around it and trying to push it out. Alfred made a soft moan that Ivan took a good sign to keep going. After a bit of thrusting with one finger, he added a second, and then a third. By the third Alfred had started to panic but he quickly calmed him by giving passionate kisses. Alfred's body was warming up beneath him, his hips arching and his belly tightening. Ivan removed the fingers and picked up the bottle of lube. He had Alfred help him by rubbing the lube on his erection. He loved whenever Alfred touched him. But Alfred looked as if he was growing frightened and might possibly back out.

Before he could, Ivan took his position, hooking Alfred's legs around his arms and pressed against his entrance. He heard Alfred gasp, feeling him squirm beneath the weight of his body and the position. With soothing words, Ivan calmed his lover as he began his slow descent inside the hot, virgin body of his Alfred.

He knew Alfred was in pain; it was his first time and Ivan was bigger than average when it came to manhood. But he kept Alfred calm, reminding him to relax his muscles and think of them on this special night under the Christmas tree. It was hard for Ivan to control himself, especially once he was fully seated inside and Alfred's muscles clenched hotly around him. He started a series of shallow, gentle thrusts to get Alfred used to the sensation. With each moan from his lover, Ivan pressed on further, harder and faster, until the blanket beneath them was wrinkled from movement.

Ivan was in heaven. Finally being one with Alfred was the greatest thing he could ask for this holiday season. Alfred's body was writhing beneath his, arching up to feel more of the thrusts. He ravaged Alfred's mouth as he thrust in and out, feeling his balls slap against the other's skin as he sought to go even deeper. Alfred was crying out in pure delight, his face flushed and his lips painted with a little smile, a sign that he was no longer in pain. Ivan almost came when he felt Alfred wrap his arms around him, pulling their bodies tight together. Ivan felt that Alfred was ready to do more, and he had been waiting too long to let this opportunity slip from his grasp.

He pulled out to flip Alfred over and enter him doggie style. The reindeer antlers had fallen off, and Ivan couldn't resist putting them back on Alfred's head before continuing in their love making. He would never look at Frosty and Rudolph the same way again after this.

Alfred's cries of pleasure were increasing, but so were small little puffs of 'ow'. Ivan knew he was being too rough, but Alfred's muscles were slick and inviting, each time trying to suck him in further. He was moving too fast and pushing too hard, but the image of his lover like this had him losing control. He felt his balls tightening with the promise of orgasm, but he wanted Alfred to cum first. He reached his hand under the other and started to stroke Alfred's erection. With a few more strokes and gasping cries, Alfred came hard, his body shuddering under him and the essence pouring into Ivan's palm. Ivan felt the hot cum on his hand, pulled out for a moment, and used it to keep himself slick before thrusting back inside.

Now that Alfred had cum he could finish and finally claim his lover as his own. He moved faster with his thrusts becoming shorter. But when Alfred's muscles clenched around him, and he heard his lover panting in afterglow, he stilled himself and came. Now they were finally one.

Afterwards, he lay with Alfred in his arms, enjoying the sounds of the Christmas music and the twinkling lights.

'Are you alright?' Ivan asked.

'Yeah, I'm okay.'

'Is there anything I can do for my little reindeer?' He kissed Alfred's blushing red nose. 'What?' He asked, curious as to why Alfred was still blushing. 'What is it?' Ivan would never forgot those two words.

'Again, please.'

"That was a great night." He said to himself. "I miss having those nights." He downed the vodka. "I really screwed things up."

His cell phone started to ring. And ring. And ring. He didn't want to pick it up, but the ringing wouldn't stop. Who was calling him over, and over, and over again? Annoyed, he put on his robe and went to find his phone on the bedside table. He looked at the caller I.D. and saw it was Alfred's name.

"Alfred?" He picked up. "Hello?"

'Ivan? Am I talking to Ivan?'

"Yes, Alfred. It's me."

'Oh, good! You didn't change your number!'

"No, I haven't. So, why are you calling?" Stupid question. Ivan hissed to himself.

'I've been doing some thinking and…I think we should talk things over more! You know, like, go on another date!'

Ivan's eyes widened. "A date?"

'Yeah! We can do something we both like or both hate! We can rekindle our relationship! Don't you think that's a good idea?'

"Relationship? You still want a relationship?" he was shocked.

'I think I do…but after what you told me…it's really hard to give you an answer on that. But, I did some thinking and talking! I think we just need to get together like old times! Push everything in the past out of the way and just be Ivan and Alfred! What do you think? You up for it?'

Ivan found himself smiling. "Yes, Alfred. I think that's a good idea. What would you like to do?"

'Um…you choose! Something snowy!'

"Snowy?" He thought a moment. "How about we go skating? Ice skating. There aren't many people on the rink at night and I can teach you."

'I already know how to skate! I taught myself! And, oh, yeah! They'll all be at that tree lighting thing! The rink will be open!'

'Tree lighting?' Ivan repeated to himself. 'Alfred loves Christmas trees!' "We'll go ice skating, and then we'll catch the tree lighting! If we meet up now we can do both."

'Awesome sauce! I'll meet you at the rink! And hey, whatever happens, happens. You know? Let's not expect results so soon.'

"I…completely agree with you, Alfred. I'll see you in a bit."

'Okay bro! Catch ya later!'

Ivan smiled as he ended the call. So Alfred wanted to start over? It was a fine idea! Although, Ivan knew that Alfred couldn't have come up with that idea all by himself. Whoever he talked to gave him the idea. His Alfred was sweet and adorable, but wasn't very sharp.

"Let's make this a great holiday, Alfred. If not as a couple, then as friends." He prepared himself for the skate rink.

/

Alfred waited anxiously for Ivan to appear. He sat on the bench, clinking his skates together, shivering in the cold. He pulled the ear-flap hat further down on his head, giving a shiver and a loud 'brrr'! Why did winter have to be so cold? Couldn't snow just be warm and pretty at the same time?

"Alfred?"

Alfred turned and smiled when he saw Ivan, dressed in winter gear and sporting the same pink scarf. "Hey dude! You ready to skate?"

"Since when did you learn to ice skate?" Ivan teased. "You wouldn't do it in Russia."

"I was scared too. But I'm not anymore! So come on!" He jumped onto the ice. "Come on, Ivan! Watch how a pro skates!" Alfred, feeling prideful, went on skating but his skills were still in training and with a yelp, he lost his balance and fell.

Ivan skated in a calm circle around him. "A pro, huh?"

Alfred snorted. "Oh please! So I'm not from Yeti-Land like you!" He got back onto his feet. "I can still skate!"

"Then, let's skate together."

"Together?" Alfred felt himself blushing.

Ivan, in a gentlemanly way, gave a polite bow. "Will you skate with me on this winter night, Alfred F. Jones?"

Alfred, a little embarrassed, glanced around at the atmosphere around him. A bright wintery moon, Christmas lights on every tree, and the distant sound of caroling coming from the main lobby. There really was only the two of them, alone on the rink, with nothing but the winter night air and the sound of singing. Alfred found himself blushing a bit.

"I'm still mad at you for what you did to me, you know." Alfred said with a huff.

Ivan stood up straight. "It was a mistake. The worst mistake I made. I hope, after some time, you can forgive me. But for now, as you said, let's just be Ivan and Alfred. Two friends skating on a winter's night."

Alfred rolled his eyes playfully. "I can live with that." He took Ivan's hand. "But if I fall, I'm taking you down with me."

"I'll cushion your fall then." Ivan replied.

Alone on the rink, Ivan and Alfred enjoyed a silent night of blissful ice skating. They spoke little but laughed more. Ivan was still a better skater, but Alfred had improved on his skills, never once falling. Even if he did, Ivan would be there to catch him.

Alfred's cell phone alarm started to beep, forcing him to stop and look at the event. "Gah! It's almost time for the tree lighting!"

"Then we'd best hurry!" Ivan said, but then started to chuckle.

Alfred frowned. "What is it?"

"Your nose! It's bright red!"

"Well, duh! It's cold out here! Oh, that's right! Yeti's don't feel the cold."

Ivan just shook his head with amusement. "Then I guess we'd better get going. But, I don't know the way."

Alfred raised a brow. "You can't find your way around the building to where the tree is?"

"No." Ivan shook his head and gave Alfred a mischievous grin. He wondered if Alfred would remember. "I can't find my way. So Rudolph, with your nose so bright, would you guide me to the tree tonight?"

Alfred stared at him, confused for a moment, but then remembered a specific event where they had called each other Rudolph and Frosty. It was the night of their first time together, when Alfred lost his virginity and had the best night of sex. His Rudolph blanket was completely destroyed and he could never put the blanket out again (even after it was washed) knowing what went on atop of it.

He gave a lopsided smile. "Frosty needs some help too, huh?"

"Rum pum pum pum. Look at Frosty go!"

Alfred bent over laughing, slapping at his knee. "You never could get the carols right! It's 'thumpety thump thump'! Not 'rum pum pum pum'! That's the Little Drummer Boy!"

Ivan pouted. "Aw, I tried really hard this time though!"

"I'm sure you did!" 'This is just like old times!' Alfred said to himself. 'I can't believe how much I missed this!'

He paused when his ears caught a familiar song on the nightly winter wind. It was coming from the tree lighting area behind the lodge. It was the song from the old 'Rudoloph' movie, the Radkin/Bass production one, which he watched, non-stop, every year at Christmas time. It was a little secret he kept to himself, feeling stupid and lame that he liked the movie so much. Why the hell were they playing 'that' song? Was someone out there to get him?

"Alfred, I hear music. Why does it sound so familiar?" Ivan scratched his head over his black ushanka hat. He started humming the tune. " 'There's always tomorrow, for dreams to come true' hum hum hum hummm…"

Alfred blushed. "That's from Rudolph. The one that you watched with me."

"The one with the really bad clay animation?"

Alfred glared at him. "It's not 'bad'! It's classic! You're such a Grinch!"

Ivan smiled. "You hate when I mess with Rudolph, don't you?"

"Stick it, Frosty." Alfred snuffed. "Rudolph is awesome!"

Ivan skated around him. "Rudolph is over-rated."

"He is not!" Alfred stomped his skate on the ice. "He was a poor little reindeer who was bullied but in the end he did an awesome job of saving Christmas! He's a hero!"

"He's a cartoon character." Ivan stopped suddenly when he noticed Alfred's sudden silence. Alfred was turning away from him. This was just like when they were dating, and when he tried to add logic to Alfred's holiday fun, like explaining how there was no way reindeer could fly or how a sleigh could soar through the sky. Alfred liked to pretend that there was Christmas magic. It was wrong to take that away from him. "Who is a world-wide icon of Christmas."

Alfred glanced at him, and then crossed his arms. "Frosty and Rudolph are friends, you know!"

"I know."

"No you don't."

That's right, he really didn't. "I try to understand, Alfred. I really do. It's hard for me to understand the holiday spirit. I'm too smart."

Alfred stuck his tongue out. "You're so snobbish! You should be dating Arthur! You'd both work out well for the other!"

"I can learn, Alfred. I try to see the Christmas magic like you do." He put his finger up as the song was still playing. "This is the song where the girl deer is singing to Rudolph, right?"

"Yeah."

"And there is some truth in her lyrics, yes?"

" 'There's always tomorrow, for dreams to come true. Believe in your dreams, come what may'." Alfred sang and then blushed, retreating into his scarf. "Shut up!"

"I didn't say anything. You like that cartoon."

"It's not a cartoon!"

"Well, whatever it is!" Ivan waved his hand in the air. "If we keep bickering like this, we're going to miss that tree lighting! Now, are you coming?"

Alfred stared at him for a moment, and then grinned. "I never miss a Christmas tree! Let's boogie!"

They arrived at the tree lighting, standing in the back of the large crowd as a towering evergreen, decorated with unlit lights, was preparing for its grand illumination. Alfred was so excited that he grabbed Ivan's gloved hand with his own, not knowing he was doing it. Ivan held his hand as well. Both wouldn't look at each other but felt the awkwardness.

"Everyone! Let's start the countdown!" Shouted an employee on a megaphone in front of the tree. The crowd started counting down from ten.

Alfred was the loudest of them all.

When the crowd hit 'one', the light burst brightly with all colors, twinkling and sparkling in the nighttime sky. Everyone cheered loudly, but Alfred was still the loudest.

Ivan smiled at Alfred, remembering now how much joy the holidays brought to his ex-boyfriend. Right now, Alfred's face was alight with Christmas joy, just like a child on Christmas morning. In his cornflower blue eyes, Ivan could see all the magic swirling in those pools of hope. It was a sight he had forgotten at one point, but now, seeing it again, reminded him of just how much he adored Alfred's ability to be easily entertained and happy. Alfred was beaming with Christmas joy. He was wearing that perfect smile, a smile that only Alfred F. Jones could produce. Ivan remembered that smile very well.

"Ivan! Doesn't the tree look awesome?" Alfred yelled at him over the cheering crowd.

Ivan nodded. "It does! It's really beautiful!" He couldn't take his eyes off of Alfred's joyful face. 'How could I have made this face cry?' He asked himself.

The crowd began to join hands and shoulders, all singing in a choir of 'Oh, Christmas Tree'. Alfred was quick to join in, dragging Ivan with him. Ivan didn't know the words so he just hummed along with the tune.

They still had a long road of recovery ahead of them. But Ivan was certain that, before Christmas Eve, he will have won Alfred's heart all over again.

End Chapter 4 TBC