Lovers in Japan
Chapter 4
I've decided not to love you

'She is attractive—at least to the superficial male' the image of Syaoran immediately revealed itself in her mind. The woman dropped on Sakura's lap, she wiped her tears away on Sakura's towel and muttered.

"What must I do?" she sniffled.

Sakura wanted to push her off her lap; she was forcing her towel over her knees. "Just...Just forget about him!" she suddenly spoke in a hesitant voice. "Stop crying." her tone more gentle.

The woman withdrew her head. "What?! Have you ever been in love?"

Sakura managed a smile "I have...I'm in love with Syaoran. We're even getting married."

"I don't believe you." She paused then stared at the floor "you know, he cheated on me just a few months ago."

"It happened very quickly for us, but we are in love."

The woman bit her lower lip, and then she sighed "Look at me, losing my mind over a man. I never thought I'd sink this low. How pathetic. It's like he puts a spell over you." Her eyes sparkled "When he's interested in you... he can make you feel special."

Sakura smiled "I know what you mean." Though he was not the most respectable of men, he was kind.

The woman smiled at Sakura and Sakura smiled back awkwardly.

The stretched her hands out and said suddenly "I wonder if there is anything nice on television." She grabbed the remote and started to change the channels.

Surprised, Sakura stared at her for a minute before she stood up and started to adjust her towel "Are you planning on staying long." She thought she sounded rude and oblivious.

"Uh, can just stay awhile? I really don't have much to do with my life."

Sakura's eyebrow twitched, she did not think people this crazy actually existed. The woman took off her stilettos and tossed them to the other side of the room.

"By the way I'm Lumier Maria Ronaldo"

In that instant Sakura learnt that this woman was supposed to be the owner of the dress Syaoran let her keep. She could not help but feel disappointed. She slowly shot her an unintentional smile "I'm Kinomoto Sakura."

'"Nice to meet you." Her smile widened then she turned around to stare at the television screen. It was difficult not to notice her foreign accent and the way she kept shifting as though she was uncomfortable with herself.

Sakura walked away. She was aware that she was doing an awful job of being a pretend fiancé. Why didn't she mark her territory, set this woman in her place?

When she reached the bathroom she turned on the shower, "When you get out of here you are going to tell her to leave" she told herself. Instead Sakura found herself watching a friends marathon and laughing along with Lumier.

"I've seen this a million times." The woman spoke "Don't you just think Ross is hot. Id totally do him."

Sakura was quiet, how does a girl like her react to such a comment. If she was perky she would have said something like 'No, I'd totally do Chandler or Joey…or even Rachel…'—just to appear outgoing. But that was not who she was. She half smiled and stood up. She stretched out her arms and failed to suppress a loud yawn. "I think I'll take a nap."

"A nap?...boo hoo you whore." She frowned.

"It's nearly five anyway, I'm sure Syaoran will be back in any minute—you whore." Sakura said mockingly.

Lumier stood up "Are you out of your mind? I can't let him see me." She bent down to pick up a shoe "He'll think I'm the worst case of desperation."

Sakura simply watched her, her emerald eyes scrutinizing her as though hoping for the worst to happen.

After five minutes, Lumier managed to repair her make up and put on her shoes. She threw in a pair of sunglasses. She flipped her hair as the sound of her pointy red heals clicked on the wooden floor. Each step made Sakura cringe.

She opened the door and looked at Sakura "If I were you I wouldn't trust him" She told Sakura in a soft and serious tone "Thank you for being so kind." She paused. Suddenly she looked almost tragic. A clear blanket of tears covered her eyes. "Don't tell him I came."

Sakura nodded.

But when Syaoran walked into the room, she felt like she would not be able to stop herself from telling him. She wanted to see the look on his face and what he would think about it. She battled with her mind for awhile before she made her decision.

"How was your day?" He asked her dropping his briefcase on the couch and proceeding to the kitchen. Sakura stood up and followed him—just like she used to when she was his assistant.

"You had a visitor." She almost felt guilty.

"A visitor?" he opened the refrigerator door and took out a can of soda.

"She said she was an ex girlfriend of yours. Lumier."

He stood still; he averted his figure to look at Sakura "Oh." He said…and nothing more.

Sakura did not mean to be so inquisitive but she had to know, she had to know if it was okay to fall in love with him.

"You broke her heart." She avoided his eyes as she spoke.

He opened the can "I know that." He said in a heavy distracted tone.

The longer she allowed the silence to settle, the more awkward the moment became. She could hear water dripping from the tap and the wind whistling outside.

Sakura looked to the floor and muttered "but why…she's such a nice girl."

Syaoran nearly choked on his drink when these words reached his ears. He did not want to talk about this but he had a strong feeling that little Miss Sakura won't leave him alone unless he told her the truth.

"The truth is; I got bored. She was dating me because she was in love with me and I was dating her to pass the time." Cruel words, but it was the truth.

Sakura's glass heart shattered—but why? Why did she feel as though Syaoran was breaking her heart? Maybe because he ruined the prospect of him ever becoming someone she could truly love.

What made her (Sakura)special anyway? Lumier was beautiful and sociable— her manners were a little off but to Sakura, she was the object of perfection. If Syaoran can't love her, what are the chances that he will ever love Sakura?

"I don't understand."

Syaoran felt like he was trying to explain to a little girl that fairytales are not real "I was in it for the physical stuff if you know what I mean. I know, it was a horrible thing to do. When we first got together I didn't realise that she was in love with me. And when I found out I couldn't break it off. Sakura, you'll understand—one day. Relationships are not easy."

Sakura nodded pretending to understand.

He allowed a minute or two to pass then he said to her "I have something to give you." He put the can on the counter and walked towards her; he stood a short distance from her and sank his hands in the pocket of his blazer "I hope it fits." He said with a boyish grin of his face.

Sakura watched him, her face carrying the same expression as it did when Syaoran unintentionally broke her heart a minute ago.

He took out a ring from his pocket and held it in mid air "What do you think?"

Sakura smirked "It's beautiful." She looked at the ring; it did not look expensive at all. The stone looked like a cheap imitation of a diamond but in spite of that it was beautiful.

"Thank you."

His hands were still wrapped around her delicate fingers "You're my fiancé, you deserve it."

Sakura blushed. Once again she had to remind herself that this is not real.

He released her hand then said "Friday morning, we're leaving Tokyo; we are going to my Parent's Mansion on the country side."

Then he exited the room.

She stood there, still. She stared at the ring—'I've decided not to love you Syaoran. Loving you will be too much trouble.'

She spent most of her time back at her old apartment with Tomoyo. Tomoyo could not get over how beautiful Sakura looked. She took out a camera and videotaped Sakura. She also forced her to try on some outfits that she had designed.

"So when do I get to meet this guy?"

"Uh…soon. He's always busy." Sakura would give the same reply every time Tomoyo asked.

"He must be something special."

Syaoran had been busy all week, she only saw him in the evening. They would have dinner and casual conversation. Being with him was always the best part of her day. She was growing accustomed to him and less cautious when she spoke to him.

……………………

On Friday morning they left for the family reunion. After two hours of driving, a love song played on the radio. Syaoran made a face that made Sakura sit up and ask "Why do you look disgusted?"

"I hate this song."

"Is it because it's about the greatest feeling in the world? the feeling of being in love." Sakura said in a dreamy tone.

"No, the melody irritates me and…that reason as well."

"You act as though falling in love is the worst thing anyone can ever do."

"It is. If I were to fall in love I'd be vomiting all the time."

Sakura made a disgusted face when he said the word "vomit". He smiled and stared up at the road. Sometimes she thought he only told her these things to amuse her, to get a certain reaction out of her.

"Why would you be vomiting?" She said in a settled tone that told him that she did not really care what his reasons were for not wanting or dreading the feeling being in love.

"The whole thought of it is nauseating, just disgusting." He tightened his grip around the stirring wheel and made a left turn "the idea of thinking about someone all the time- it's distracting, it blinds you from what is really there—just nauseating."

"So you've never been in love?" She finally sat up.

"No." he practically muttered the word.

"Why not?"

It was an innocent question but it stirred so many emotions in him. He smiled then shrugged "I just haven't…" he paused. Then randomly added "So how are your parents like?"

Sakura sighed, why was it that whenever she tried to reach the core of his existence, he would automatically change the topic. She turned to the side widow and stared outside. The place looked familiar. She was almost certain that she had seen a few of the road signs before and she had travelled on this road more than once. She looked for more signs then gasped.

A memory quickly sank into the midst of her mind; she remembered how it was like to live there. She remembered her parents. How she missed them, how could she allow herself to distance herself away from them in the way that she did. They were loving parents, they were not perfect but they were more than she could have ever asked for. She leaned her hand against the window and remembered the time when she stood in front of the mirror and her mother was standing behind her, brushing her hair.

"Look at you, you look just like me."

Those words made her heard harden. She wanted to burst into tear. She was no where close to being as beautiful as her mother. Everyone said so.

She took the brush from her mothers hand and moved away from the mirror "How could you say that?"

Her reaction was understandable; Nadeshiko Kinomoto was the most beautiful woman in town. It was as though she was not her mother.

"I'm not beautiful."

"Yes you are." She muttered.

"These braces and…" she paused "Don't ever say that to me again."

Back then her problems seemed so big, and she was always angry. Looking back, she could not explain where all that anger came from.

"Are you listening to me?" Syaoran asked her his eyes fixed on her.

"I am…I was just thinking." A downcast look came over her face.

Then suddenly there was a crashing sound, Syaoran hit the brakes and the car screeched at a halt .Sakura slid off her chair. If it wasn't for the seatbelt her face was sure to have reached the window pane. Her eyes were closed, she did not want to open them…"What was that?" she asked her eyes still closed.

"I think I hit something."

Sakura covered her face with her hands.

"What the…" Syaoran got out of the car trying to move past the airbag. He ambled to the front part of the car and scratched his head. He crouched shaking his head and muttering some swear words. Sakura slowly opened her eyes and looked up. Her auburn bangs went all the way up to her face as she failed to control the beat of her heart.

"What's wrong!" she yelled sounding helpless and in disposition.

Syaoran stood up and raised his shoulders "I hit a log…oil is spilling from my car. Dammit! Shit…fuck!'

Sakura got out of the car her hands across her chest "Well can't you fix it?"

He looked at her, surprised that she even asked. "No, I can't…I don't know the first thing about fixing cars. Besides even if I did I don't think there is much I can do here. I need new parts."

Sakura was quiet while Syaoran sank his hands into the pocket of his trousers and took out his cell phone. "What the hell is a log doing in the middle of the road?' he muttered furiously.

"It's a joke; the kids here always do this. They hate visitors and think this is funny. They love it when people get stranded."

"How do you know that?"

She blinked hard "This is my hometown." She failed to sound unbothered.

"Oh, that's great!" He said elated and looked at the screen on his cell phone. "No network" he muttered.

Sakura walked past him "Lock your car. I think my parents can help us."

Syaoran did as she said, but he could sense the uneasiness in her face. She walked ahead of him, quiet.

Syaoran stretched out his hands "How much further."

"It's not too far…I'm not ready to be here." She finally spoke something of meaning.

"Not ready? This is your home Sakura, you should be happy."

"I hate this place; it just brings back so many memories. Don't get me wrong, I want to see my parents and I love them, I just don't want to be here."

Darkness slowly began to intervene. There were no street lights or cars. There was a vast amount of empty land and it felt as though the road was disappearing. Before he knew it, his feet were sinking in mu and then…he fell.

Sakura giggled. What made the situation more hilarious was his failed attempt to get up. "Please Sakura, stop laughing and help me up."

She sighed then pulled out her hand to help him up. He took her hand and pulled her to the ground but made sure that she landed safely on his chest. Sakura screamed at first but soon enough she started to laugh along with him.

It was the first time in a while he had seen her laugh. He could not stop smiling 'I wish…I could see you smile all the time. It makes me happy.'

The confession of his heart startled him, he felt nauseated and sick. His stomach felt light and he could not breathe properly.

"Come on lets go." She stood up.

He stood up.

"Can you see that house over there? Up the hill?"

He nodded staring directly at the wooden house.

"That's my house." She walked past him trying to wipe the mud off her denim shorts and baby blue shirt. "Please don't laugh, or act like a rich mans son. My family is not very wealthy and I would appreciate it if you respected that."

"Sakura, you don't have to worry. I'm not as spoilt as you think I am."

Sakura hit Syaoran shoulder playfully "Just…behave."

"I'll be on my best behaviour I promise."

"And don't tell them that we are getting married. My father will have a fit. Especially considering the fact that I haven't told them about you. I'll tell them you are a friend."

Syaoran nodded obediently. But when the time came to play the game, he did not follow the rules. The door opened and Sakura's mother stood there, staring at them thrilled. She pulled Sakura into her arms "Sakura! You're home"

Sakura shot her a light smile. She hugged her back. She was not as enthusiastic as her mother was. "Why didn't you tell me you are coming Sakura…what happened to your glasses….I should make you dinner…why are you all covered in mud?" then finally she asked "Who is this?"

Syaoran practically pushed Sakura aside; he bowed then said "I'm Sakura's fiancé, Li Syaoran Mam."

Nadeshiko looked at Sakura and Sakura looked at Syaoran furious.

"Sakura? Why didn't you tell us?" she asked surprised.

"We haven't told anyone yet Mam." He said in the most polite tone he could compose.

"Oh."

Syaoran was impressed, Sakura's mother was beautiful. Almost as beautiful as Sakura herself.

"Forgive me for being so rude, I'm just baffled." She held her hand to her heart "Sakura has always been so secretive. I didn't know she even had a boyfriend."

Sakura remained silent "Why don't you two come in and clean up."

Syaoran held Sakura's hand but she did not hold his back.

"I'll just grab some of Touya's old clothes, I can see you do not have any luggage and I'm assuming you walked here."

"Thanks Mom." Sakura finally spoke. "Where's Dad?"

"He went to fetch some groceries in town. He should be back in 30 minutes or so?"

"How far is town?" Syaoran asked.

"An hour drive." Sakura and her mother spoke at the same time. Growing up they always got visitors and they always asked the same question.

Nadeshiko left the room. Syaoran released Sakura's hand and looked around. It was small, very small—according to him. He took note of the floral wall paper on the wall and the artefacts on the shelves.

"How could you do that?" she whispered to him trying not to shout.

"Trust me, it will work."

Sakura bit her fingernails. The taste of the mud under her fingernails made her recoil.

Her mother walked back into the room with a pile of clothes "These should fit. You are just about the same height as Touya…and built as well."

"No Mom, Touya has more muscle, Syaoran here is nothing but skin and bones."

Syaoran sighed whiled Nadeshiko laughed her statement off. "The two of you can change in Sakura's old room. Right over there."

"Thank you." Syaoran said sincerely.

"Where would I change?" Sakura asked.

Nadeshiko laughed "He's your fiancé; you're changing in the same room. You don't have to be all shy Sakura. You will be married soon."

Sakura rolled her eyes, only Syaoran took note of this.

"Sakura always gets shy and defensive when it comes to these things."

Sakura turned bright red; she turned her face away and muttered "Let's go."

"I'll bring more towels just now." Nadeshiko said.

Sakura led him to her old bedroom. She slowly opened the door and said in an unenthusiastic tone "This is my bedroom. You are officially the first guy –who is not related to me to come here."

He walked past her and further into her bedroom. Yellow wallpaper, white bedding .He looked at her and asked "No posters?"

"My mother would not let me keep any; the only think I was allowed to put up on the wall was that picture frame over there." She pointed at a picture frame which illustrated a vase with sun flowers in it.

Then, a colourful jersey caught his amber eyes. It looked like one of those Christmas sweaters that grandmothers knitted for their grandchildren. It had a big snow man right in the middle. Syaoran chuckled, "Wow. Don't tell me that you were one of those people who wore this even in the middle of summer." He picked up.

Sakura turned red "It's not mine." She muttered defensively, failing to tell a lie.

"Oh really, are you sure cause your name is written in yellow under the snowman." He said mockingly "But anyway, I might just be wrong."

Sakura turned her face away "I was going to throw it away anyway."

"Really, so I guess you wouldn't mind if I try it on?"

"Knock yourself out." She sounded uncertain.

As he glided the helm down his head Sakura yelped "No, you'll put mud all over it?"

"It's too late."

"Please, just take it off." She muttered.

He smiled, hoping his behaviour would allow her to smile back "No!"

Sakura stood in front of him; she tried to take off the sweater while he tried to keep it on. Then suddenly Syaoran lost his balance and landed on the bed. Sakura landed right on top of him.

"Take it off now! I want it now."

"Come on Sakura you said that you don't like it."

"We'll I do, now take it off and give it to me."

When Sakura turned her head, she saw that the door was open and her mother was standing there with a few towels neatly folded in her hands. Her eyes started to twitch.

What they were doing…what she had said…it all sounded wrong.

"It's not what we think; we were not—we were not about to do it –we haven't even done it yet." She giggled nervously stumbling into explanation. "He took my sweater and I just wanted it back."

Nadeshiko smiled "You don't have to be embarrassed. When you father and I were your age we couldn't keep our hands off of each other."

"Uh…" it was too much information for Sakura. O.o

…………………….

A/N: Hi, I took forever again. I know. The tests have been keeping me away. BTW I do not own Card Captors nor do I own friends. Reviews please.