I paced in my room, ignoring the screeches of my neighbor's cat outside. Screw that cat. I took a notebook and hurled it out the window. Then I peeked.
Apparently, the cat dodged it, but I could care less. Stupid spotted tabby with freaky amber eyes . . .
Anyway.
What was going on? Why was Marui-senpai so angry? Why did Jackal-senpai look so sad? What's Mura-buchou's 'condition'? Why is no one telling me anything?The first answer that came to mind was that they didn't like me, but I pushed that out of his mind. Who wouldn't like a psychotic high school student who behaved like a six year old?
My eyes wandered to my homework assignments. The unfinished ones. The ones that were due the very next day and—stop. There were more important things to worry about.
"I need to play detective for a while."
I looked up with determination. "And all good detectives do one thing."
Spy.
--
"Masaharu!" my grandfather called. "Time for lunch!"
"Be right there!" I drawled, staring at the bag of white powder on my desk. Should I?
No, I wasn't ready yet. I definitely wasn't ready yet. I shuddered slightly, unable to imagine myself taking that. It was inhuman, almost. I was above it. I was above it. Yes, I was above it . . . .
What was happening to me?
Instead, I grabbed a bottle of alcohol and drank it all in a gulp. Slamming the bottle down, I forced myself to catch my breath. "Be right there," I repeated, more softly this time.
What was happening to me?
I threw a glance at the case of alcohol hidden beneath my bed. Luckily, my room was so messy that no one except me ever entered. Then again, I wasn't sure if I should be relieved or worried. Of course, I didn't want anyone to find out. If they did, they'd take it all away from me.
Take it away from me . . . the only escape I had . . . No. I couldn't let them. I wouldn't let them. I needed it.
What was happening to me?
Quickly, I opened another bottle and swallowed some. The acidic burning in my throat managed to soothe me somewhat. Yes, I could forget. I could forget it all. I never needed to remember anything again. I could start over.
I was woozy now, feeling dizzy. I forced myself to walk downstairs, as steadily as I could.
What was happening to me?
--
"Do you think he figured it out?" Yukimura whispered. His hands were shaking. It was a terrifying sight. "No one must know."
I shook my head. "Akaya never was very perceptive."
Laughing softly, Yukimura murmured agreement. But the laugh was quiet, was weak, was scared. I was horrified, seeing my once strong captain in such a state. How could this have happened?
He must have noticed my expression, because Yukimura said, "I'm scared. I'm scared, I'm so scared."
Tears fell, tears that could not be controlled.
"You'll be fine," I assured. Was I assuring him or myself? That was a question I didn't want to answer. "I'm sure it'll go away soon. You're probably just overreacting."
"No," he insisted, his voice coming out harsher than expected. "No, Sanada. I went online. I went to the library. I did so much research, and . . ." His body shook with sobs. "It's real." His eyes were wide with fear. "All the symptoms—they apply. Sanada. This operation, it has such a low survival rate. I don't even know if it'll help. People who got the operation . . . their minds were damaged. Their minds were damaged . . . Damn it, Sanada, I'm already halfway there."
Grabbing my friend by the shoulders, I answered, "You have to calm down. We don't even know if you really have this illness yet. That's why we're here. Forget about the operation for now." Don't remind of it . . . let me forget . . . .
"I couldn't tell my family," Yukimura continued in a weak whisper, ignoring me. "I couldn't tell them. They'd have been so worried. I scared them once . . . I couldn't do it again. I couldn't do it again. I couldn't do it. I-I couldn't." He began crying again.
What to do, what to do? I was panicking now as well. "Yukimura!" Raising one arm, I hit him with such a blow that it snapped Yukimura out of his tears. Yukimura stared at me in shock. "Calm down."
He nodded slowly. "Yeah, okay."
"You'll be fine," I repeated.
Please, Lord, let it be true.
--
"Jackal?" I asked hesitantly. "Will you meet me at the park?"
Tasuke gave me a thumbs up. "Go, Bunta-nii!" I smiled at him, feeling a renewed sense of hope. I could make this work.
--
I hid behind the same bush I had a while ago. Stalking Marui for two hours had really helped; Marui had left the house, muttering something about Jackal and his 'bald, brainless head'. Normally I would have laughed, but somehow, the situation was much too serious. Even for me.
Now the two doubles partners stared at each other, neither speaking.
"Can't we work something out?" Marui finally pleaded.
Work what out?
"It's been decided." Jackal tried to look exasperated, but the way his voice was shaking gave him away. He hated this just as much as Marui did, whatever it was.
"B-but . . . I don't want you to move to Tokyo!" Marui burst out, clenching his fists.
"Oh my God," I whispered from my hiding place, unable to move. He was joking. Marui liked to joke. Yes, that's what it was.
"Do you have any idea how this going to affect the rest of us? We're having enough problems of our own! We don't need yours added to the bunch." He looked up with pleading eyes. "You don't get it. I'm going to be alone. There's no one left to talk to."
No. This wasn't happening. This was a dream. A nightmare.
"Seigaku sucks," he continued. "Why can't you stay? The team will fall apart without you, and it's – it's not fair! It's not—" He quickly stopped shouting, because I had revealed myself.
I stepped out from the bush, feeling numb, staring at both my seniors in shock. "Jackal-senpai is moving?" I whispered. My voice was small, a squeak. I didn't recognize it.
"Wait—" Jackal moved to console me. Marui was frozen, violet eyes wide with astonishment and fear.
I didn't need consolation! I didn't want it. What did I want?
I didn't know.
I slapped his hand away and ran. "I hate you!" I screamed. "I hate you both!" I turned around and ran.
Hey! I'm so sorry; I had to delay the update because I wrote the whole thing in third person instead of first person, and had to go over the whole thing. If I missed anything, do tell!
