Author's Note: Some of this chapter has existed in my head since right after Annie was born, and I'm extremely excited to finally be able to write it down! Hope you all enjoy! And thank you much to naynay1963, Brittana4Life3, ishlhead2day, ruby-may89, AlabamaMiles, Chuckleshan, Blueskkies, mocblue, SnixBr, StephaniieC, lg4az, pictureofsuccess and the Anonymous reviewer.
To answer two questions, yes, there will definitely be some more high school flashbacks as time goes on, and a lot of what I write comes from things I've experienced in one way or another.
Sitting in the office on Friday morning, attempting to finish the last pages of my latest grant proposal, I couldn't have been happier that the weekend was finally upon us. Brittany and I had dropped Annie off at school for the third day, each morning getting just a little bit easier than the last, and I'd walked my wife to work before slowly making my way back home. The quiet in the house was the strangest thing for me to get used to, especially because even when I was alone in our old apartment (which was very rare), there was the noise of our neighbors. Before I was able to sit down and actually get any work done, I'd plugged my iPod into our sound system (seriously, having music wired through our entire house was probably the best decision we could have made) so I could vacuum, clean the bathrooms and make up both the bed in the guest room and the Murphy bed in the office. While I got the house prepared for company (both of our mothers were coming from Ohio, their special treat to Annie for making it through her first week of school), I danced around and sang to a cheesy old Kelly Clarkson album, physically releasing the tension that my pesky mother's instinct had been causing me the entire week.
Once all of that was done, and I finally felt like I could remember my own name again, I had the time for two hours of solid, uninterrupted work. I knew that having that was a temporary luxury, especially since I had no idea how long it would take me to get pregnant (the reason we'd decided on IVF was that the odds were the highest on the first attempt, but still) and once I was, there was no telling how I'd feel for the duration of it. Time wasn't a luxury I could squander, not if I wanted the still unnamed project to be up and running, with other volunteers who could tell their stories, and accepted into schools before I had another more important project on my hands. It seemed like I'd hardly sat down at the computer before the doorbell was ringing and I was closing the laptop again, tucking the two remaining application pages into their file folder. My mother and Susan both threw their arms around me the moment I opened the door (it was still slightly strange to me that my mother had become a hugger, but I guess the same could be said about me), immediately marveling over finally seeing the house in it's finished form. I savored their embrace, always so glad when they made the trip, and especially glad that my daughter, who'd had such a challenging week, was beside herself with excitement over her Grammy and her 'Buela coming with me to pick her up at school.
"I'm so glad you're here." I told them both when we'd finally broken apart and made it out of the foyer and into the living room.
"Sweetheart, we wouldn't miss spoiling Annie this weekend for the world. Right Mari?" Susan smiled at my mother and I shook my head as I looked down at their suitcases, sure that at least one was filled entirely with gifts for Annie.
"No use, mija." My mother laughed. " A head shake is not going to keep either of us out of the toy store. Or your fathers."
"Still worth a shot. Come on, leave everything here and we'll head over to school now. Neither Britt or Annie will forgive me if I give you the tour without them."
While the three of us walked together toward the school, I filled them in on how Annie was doing. One of the most interesting things about my daughter, at least to me, was that she literally oozed personality, but only if you really knew her. She tried, so hard, to take to strangers, but she was timid in her own way, finding it so difficult to contain the emotions that bubbled up with in her that she ended up shutting down completely. I think that she actually did like school, at least the activities there, but being around so many other kids overwhelmed her. Callie had spoken to Brittany and I on the phone for a fairly long time after the second day, letting us know that intellectually, she surpassed the others in her class, but that she'd yet to speak to any of the other children. Instead, she was content to color, flip through books (she could already sight-read several dozen words) and sing along to the songs they did during circle time. When I walked into the classroom, my mom and Susan following a few steps behind, Annie was sitting on the rug, legs folded beneath her, the bounce of her knees giving away her impatience as she waited for me to pick her up.
"Mamí!" Annie cried out, tearing off of the rug and jumping up into my arms the moment she saw me.
"Hi, mija." I hugged her tightly. "Look who's here."
"Grammy! 'Buela!" She reached out her little hands to grab theirs, but didn't unwrap her legs from around my waist. "You came!"
"Of course we did." Susan kissed her forehead. "You have so many new things to show us, a new house, a new school, a new park. We couldn't wait any longer."
"Annie." I whispered, gently reminding her of her manners. "Why don't you go give Grammy and 'Buela their big thanks for coming to New York hugs. and show them around your classroom before we go wait for Mama at the park."
"Okay." She rested her head on my shoulder for another moment of closeness and I kissed her nose before putting her down.
With a spring in her step, Annie hugged each of her grandmothers in turn before grabbing a big hand with each of her little ones and leading them over to the vast array of books in one corner. As I moved over to take Annie's things out of the cubby, I kept my eyes on the three of them, smiling as my daughter's internal sunshine lit up her face while she pointed out her picture on the wall and spelled the name underneath it, A-N-N-I-E, and the two women who meant the world to her praised her profusely. I pulled the stack of drawings out of the bin on top of her cubby, each one marked with the same shaky letters that she'd just recited out loud, and I flipped through, glad we had an attic in the house, since I didn't think I could ever bear to throw out anything she made. There were pictures of Annie with me and Britt, hands drawn over each other, a four year old's best depiction of a hand hold, one of our yellow house, several of Dorothy in her ruby slippers, and my favorite, one of a dark haired boy and a blonde girl, so obviously Annie and her Bricey, lying in the grass. I made a mental note to take a picture of it to send to Rachel later, and turned around to see Callie standing behind me, the rest of the parents having already cleared out of the room.
"Hey, Callie. How was today?" I asked, eyebrows raised hopefully.
"A little better. She was building blocks right beside two of the boys who were making a castle together. When one of them was looking for a triangle block, she reached right out and handed one to him. Annie wants to play with the other kids, she's just not ready to take that step yet."
"Is there anything specific we should be doing to encourage that?"
"Honestly, I wouldn't push anything." Callie glanced down at the picture at the top of the pile in my hands. "That's Brice, right?"
"She told you about him?" I asked and Callie nodded. I was glad to hear that, so glad that she was at least speaking to her teacher. "He's basically her cousin, my best friends' son."
"This is what I'd suggest, let's give things some more time, see if Annie is talking about any of the other kids at home, and if she isn't, I'll tell you who she seems to be gravitating towards. Then, you should set up a time with their parents to be at the park, and I'd suggest bringing Brice along with you too, if you can. Having another child there that she's comfortable with might allow her to open up a little bit to someone else."
"Okay. I like that idea."
"And Santana?" Callie started, and I nodded. "I know you're worried, but she's going to be just fine."
"I know." I said, not really sure if what I was about to say was even appropriate to get into with my daughter's teacher, but I knew Brittany had made a similar offhand comment about herself. "I just...I didn't have a lot of friends when I was younger, I kind of kept to myself until Brittany...forget it, I don't even know why I'm telling you this. I'm sorry."
"No, it's okay. I'm glad you said it. Don't get offended by this, okay?" I resisted the urge to stiffen my spine, the instinct that I still hadn't quite shaken when I thought someone was going to say something I didn't want to hear. "As parents, we want things to be easier for our kids, and what happens as a result of that is that we let our own insecurities rise up. Brittany was teased in school, so she's afraid of Annie being teased. You didn't make friends, so you're afraid Annie being the same way. If either of those things happen, we will absolutely deal with it, but until then, remember that your daughter is her own person. Her struggles may look similar, if not amplified, but you could end up finding out that they're very different."
"Thanks." I averted my eyes sheepishly, knowing that Callie was absolutely right. "And you didn't offend me, I needed to hear that. I'll tell Britt, too. She's just our first baby, you know? We don't want to mess this up."
"You love your daughter, you'd do anything for her, and you want the best the world can offer. I think you're a long way from messing up."
I felt my skin warm at the compliment, like it always did, but before I could say anything back, Annie came dragging my mom and Susan over to her cubby. The two of them were practically glowing at watching their tiny pride and joy, and I couldn't help but feel the same way.
"Hi, I'm Maribel Lopez." My mother introduced herself before I had the chance.
"Susan Pierce."
"Grammy, 'Buela." Annie looked up at them, her voice getting quieter as she reached out to hold my hand. "This is my new teacher, Miss Callie."
"Thank you for introducing me, Annie." Callie smiled warmly and Annie squeezed my hand tighter as her teacher reached out to shake hands with the two older women. "It's lovely to meet you both. I'm so lucky to have such a special girl in my class."
"Thank you, Miss Callie." She said shyly, her cheeks reddening while she fought the urge to hide her face and I fought my urge to immediately pick her up and hold her close to me.
While Mamí and Susan spoke to (or possibly grilled, they were as fiercely protective of Annie as the rest of us were) Callie, I knelt down beside Annie and let her tell me about the pictures that I was starting to tuck into her bag. She spoke so animatedly about them that the other three women actually stopped their conversation to listen. I was glad she didn't notice though, because she wouldn't have continued on, she was speaking the way she only felt comfortable doing in front of Brittany and I, all emotions bared because she was in a safe space. When we finally were able to bid Callie a good weekend, we quickly stopped for pizza and then headed over to the park. I sat down on the bench, just watching my daughter and the two women who loved her so much (so much so that my fifty-eight year old mother was actually swinging beside Annie as Susan pushed her, all three of them laughing harder than I'd ever seen). We'd been there close to two hours when Brittany appeared in front of me, grinning before dropping down on the bench beside me. I kissed her quickly, and took her hand in mine before pointing over to the swings.
"Grammy, push me higher!" Annie's shrieks rang out. "'Buela is going to win!"
"Never thought you'd see the day when Maribel Lopez was having a swinging contest, did you?" I laughed, and Brittany just shook her head.
"You Lopez women are the biggest suckers for babies." Britt smirked. "It's actually the cutest thing ever."
"And the Pierce women aren't?" I countered.
"Oh, we are, we've just never tried to hide that fact."
"Okay, point taken." We sat there with silent smiles for a few minutes, just watching the happenings on the swings, none of them noticing that Brittany had arrived, before I spoke again. "Hey Britt?"
"Mmhm." She turned to look at me and squeezed my hand.
"I think...I mean...I know last time, we didn't tell anyone when we started on the IVF procedure, and it's a good thing we didn't, considering, but I don't know, I was just thinking that we could tell our moms. I just, I don't know, I'd kind of like to be able to talk to my mom and stuff, you know? Only if it's okay with you too though." I sputtered through the words and Brittany gave me one of her looks, the one that said you don't have to be nervous when you're trying to tell me something important to you.
"Honey, I think that's a great idea, I'm totally on board with it. We can even do it tonight, after the baby is in bed if you want." She rubbed circles with her thumb on the back of my hand and I leaned over to give her another quick kiss.
"Yeah, okay. Good. Sorry I'm being weird."
"You're not, you're just nervous about everything, I get it. Plus, I think you're extra cute when you get all sputtery and awkward. And, I love that you want to be able to talk to your mom. I think that's really important."
"It is. I mean you know how I got last time, and not just because I was petrified of those gigantic needles you had to jam into me. I'll just be glad to have someone else to talk to, since I'll probably drive you crazy with all my irrational fears."
"San, you'll never drive me crazy. I love how protective you are of our currently non-existent baby, how protective you are of our daughter. That's where your fears come from, you know that. But I agree, it's always good to have another person, and I'm sure my mom will be glad to talk to you too."
"Yeah, I'm glad we have them both."
"Mama!" Annie's shouts interrupted us as she ran, catching herself before tripping, into Brittany's arms. "I didn't know you got here!"
"Well, you were having such a good time with Grammy and 'Buela that I didn't want to interrupt you." Britt hugged our daughter tightly and I knew I had my usual goofy smile on my face watching them. "I missed you, baby girl."
"I missed you too. I'm glad you're here now. Did you see how high I swinged? Even higher than 'Buela!"
"I did see, sweetheart." She gave Annie a butterfly kiss before shifting her onto her hip to stand up and hug our moms. "I'm so happy to see you both."
"So are we." My mother's arms were tight around Brittany, like they always were when she saw my wife, as if she couldn't thank her enough for giving me the life we had together.
"Who wants to head back to the house and give us the tour?" Susan asked, and Britt and Annie both jumped to attention, talking over each other excitedly about what they wanted to show first.
Once we'd made it back to the house, and went through the entire tour (ninety percent of which involved looked at every tiny crevice of Annie's bedroom, she was just so excited to share it with her grandmothers) Britt sprawled out on the couch with her head in my lap while my mother insisted on cooking dinner. From our place in the living room, we watched as Mamí sat Annie up on the counter beside her, the same place she always sat when I was the one cooking, just as she'd sat me when I was small, and Susan sat sipping her coffee at the table, talking to the two of them. Once Annie has stirred, tasted and approved her favorite meal, and helped Susan set the table, the five of us sat together, and I felt the same sense of warmth that always came to me when the three generations of women sat at the same table.
"'Buela, esto es muy sabrosa." Annie gushed, and my mother beamed as she always did when her nieta spoke in Spanish.
"Gracias, Annalisita, y gracias por tu ayudó."
"It is very delicious, and you did a great job helping Abuela, mija." I said, translating for Susan, and for Britt if she needed it, although she'd picked up so much listening to me speak to Annie over the years that she usually didn't.
"Mamí, can you play me the piano after dinner? And everyone can sing together?"
"After your bath, I'll play, and you can help me. It will be a a nice thank you to Grammy." I looked over at Susan and once again tried to express my gratitude for the early birthday gift she and Stephen had sent me. "Remember, it was a gift from her and Poppy."
"Okay! And thank you Grammy, even if it was a present for Mamí, I still think the music she makes means it's a present for everyone."
"I agree with you very much." Susan nodded solemnly to Annie. "She does make the prettiest music."
"And Mama's the prettiest dancer." Annie added, always careful to make sure everyone was included.
"Thank you baby." Brittany leaned over from Annie's right side to kiss the top of her head, and caught my eyes from her left as she pulled back up, sharing a silent moment together. "And you're just the prettiest of all."
After we finished dinner and my mother and Susan insisted on cleaning up so we could give Annie her bath (they knew it was important that even when they were visiting, we tried to keep most of our routine as constant as possible for her). Like she always did when I played the piano, my daughter sat at my side, her eyes wide as my fingers danced across the keys. Brittany leaned on the opposite side of the piano, her feet moving to the music of their own accord, and our moms joined in the singing (three times) of Follow the Yellow Brick Road. As I watched Annie's eyes begin to droop, and she dropped her head to rest on my side, I switched to a down tempo version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow. While I finished playing, Brittany moved to gather Annie into her arms, letting her mumble a sleepy good night and I love you to her grandmothers. When the song was finished, we took Annalise upstairs, both lying with her for a few minutes once she was tucked in. Pressing my lips against her forehead, I told my sleeping girl how much she meant to me, how proud I was of her, and how big of a deal it was that she'd done so well during her first week of school, before Britt followed suit and we turned off the lights, slipping back downstairs to our moms.
The two of them were on the couch sipping tea (I'd told them we'd get wine if they wanted it, but respectfully, everyone still refused to drink in our house, no matter how much time had passed or how okay with it I was), and Brittany and I settled into our oversized chair, my leg draped over hers and her arm around my waist. It was funny how everyone always watched us, I wasn't sure if it was in awe or disbelief, but neither of them said anything for several minutes as the two of us snuggled into each other, completely comfortable in each other's arms. Finally, it was Brittany who gently nudged my side, telling me to begin if I wanted, or that she would if that was easier for me. Our eyes met, and I silently told her that I was good to start, but I still gripped her hand tightly, not even sure why I was so nervous to tell the two women who tried to subtly (which they failed greatly at) ask us on a regular basis when they were getting more grandchildren.
"So...um." I started, and Brittany nodded to me, urging me on. "We have something to talk to you about, but we really need you not to shout and wake up Annie, okay?"
"Oh dios mio." My mother nearly cried out, looking at Susan who had the same excited expression on her face.
"No, no. Don't get ahead of yourselves. I know what you're thinking, but we aren't pregnant...yet." I couldn't help the smile that came to my lips at the word yet.
"But." Brittany continued, her hand somehow coming to rest on my stomach as she cut off anything the older women were going to say. "We are about to start trying, and we wanted to tell you."
"When?" My mother demanded.
"How?" Susan asked at the same time.
"My first appointment with Dr. Singh is on Wednesday." I seriously couldn't keep the grin off my face as I thought about it, even if I still couldn't tamp the butterflies in my stomach. "We are going to do it in vitro, we did a lot of research back-" I cut myself off, realizing they didn't know.
"We started going through the process two years ago." Britt said quietly, rubbing my arm as she spoke. "But we kind of stopped in the middle, after we realized we needed to focus on just Annie for a little while. We have frozen embryos that we're going to use, and yeah...I mean that's pretty much it."
"Yeah, now we just wait until I'm knocked up." I smirked, trying to hide how emotional I felt over telling our moms something so important.
"Hold on." My mother said, standing up from the couch. "I'll be right back."
"Me too." Susan said, following her out of the room leaving Brittany and I completely stunned.
"Are they just going to not saying anything?" I couldn't help but laugh at their completely unexpected reaction.
"I have no idea." Brittany pulled my feet up into her lap and snuggled closer to me. "The same women who have both made their hopeful messages at Thanksgiving for the past three years a bigger family just ran out of the room when we told them we were trying to give them what they want."
"I really have no words."
After about a minute, I started to feel nervous about the fact that they didn't come back right away, and Britt stroked my hair to soothe my anxiety. When they finally walked back in the room, my mother was wearing a self satisfied look and carrying a shopping bag, while Susan had a soft smile and a brown paper wrapped package in her hands. Britt looked over at me, and I shook my head in disbelief that they somehow already had gifts for an un-conceived child.
"Susan had to give me fifty dollars." My mother said as an explanation for their absence. "I bet her that you two were finally giving us another grandchild, and that you'd tell us on this trip."
"I'm still not sure it counts, since you did bet that Santana was pregnant." Susan rolled her eyes jokingly at Mamí. "But I'm so excited, that I don't even care, I'd give you a thousand dollars."
"Ma!" I half-shouted before remembering to keep my voice down. "Give Susan back that money right now, you cannot place bets on our kids!"
"It's okay, Santana." Susan said. "The rule on our bets is that the money has to be spent on Annie, or now, I guess, future baby Lopez-Pierce."
"Mom." It was Brittany's turn to chastise, her blue eyes sparking. "That doesn't make it any better. And what's with the packages? Do you just walk around with baby gifts in your suitcase?"
"Oh, no. They aren't baby gifts, that's bad luck." Mamí told us, and I gave her a look that said and betting on this isn't? "We have things for you."
Honestly, maybe it was the fact that I'd been with Brittany for so long, or maybe it was just the sheer ridiculous of the preceding five minutes, but when my mother said they had things for us, my mind somehow shifted to the completely inappropriate. Brittany shook her head at me, immediately knowing what I was thinking, and burst out laughing. To keep me from spontaneously combusting at the thought of something like that, she reached out her hand to take the package from her mom, and set my hand down on her thigh as she started to unwrap. Luckily, it was not something weird and so creepy, had it been a gift from my mother in law, instead, it was just weird and hideous, this terrible pair of bright 1960's style baby booties.
"Um. Mom, I thought the gifts weren't for the baby. I know Santana has tiny feet, but they definitely won't fit into these."
"No!" Susan chuckled. "They're not for Santana or the baby. Please, no one should be wearing these, ever. They're horrible. But there's a legend behind them, they're supposed to help conceive babies. Your grandmother made them before she got pregnant with me, her sisters used them, their kids used them. They were even in my suitcase in France when I got pregnant with you on my honeymoon, and in my nightstand when I got pregnant with Lizzie. Now it's your turn to try."
"Wow. Thanks Susan." I looked at the ugly shoes, trying not to feel slightly disgusted that a lot of people had sex around them. "They're great."
"They've been washed." My mother-in-law said, apparently noticing the look on my face. "And no one actually had sex near them."
"Still kind of weird." Brittany laughed and kissed me softly. "But seriously, thanks. We'll put the magic booties to good use."
"Okay Mamí." I said, still kind of overwhelmed by the magic fertility shoes. "What do you have, the matching hat?"
"Cállate, mija." My mother swatted my hand as I reached out to grab the bag. "You should take these things more seriously."
"Says the woman who bet on our baby." I looked at Britt and we shared a laugh. "Fine, Ma, I'm serious. What have you been carrying around with you in anticipation of this?"
My mother squeezed my hand as she handed over the bag to me, and I actually was surprised that I was surprised about what was inside. Like my mother found for just about everything, there was a statue of a saint inside, a woman holding a baby, and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, knowing how important these things were to her. Even if I didn't fully get her religion, I did appreciate the meaning behind the things I'd grown up knowing.
"It's Saint Anne." She told me. "The Patron Saint of pregnancy and motherhood."
"Thanks, Mamí." I said softly, never sure how exactly to respond to things like this.
"I know it's not your thing, Santanita, but this statue has been up in the attic since you were born. Your father and I used to pray each night together to Santa Anna while we were trying, and then for your safe arrival while I was pregnant with you. Your father kept praying after..." I knew it was hard for my mother to speak about the circumstances of my birth, so I stood up and hugged her tightly.
"Santa Anna." Brittany repeated. "Is that where Santana's name came from?"
"It is." Mamí affirmed. "Javier named her, two days after she was born. Mi amor, when you were in the NICU and I didn't come to see you, your Papí thought that calling you that would be it's own kind of prayer, like it would save both of us, and I guess it worked."
"Wow." I said, blinking back the tears that had formed in my eyes. "I didn't know that."
"I know. You know your father, he wouldn't be the one to tell you about holding his tiny baby girl and crying for help with his wife, even though he knows you've done the same thing. But yeah, that's why Saint Anne is important to us, your namesake."
"We'll keep the statue in the house." I looked at Britt for approval, and she nodded vigorously, even though she had been raised in the Methodist church and didn't have any idea about saints, except that my mom and Rosa invoked them for just about everything.
"I also brought these." She reached into the pocket of her jeans and pulled out a small jewelry box, opening it to reveal the medals inside, one in white gold and one in yellow, both of the same saint. "They're long enough that they'll hide under your clothes, if you wanted to wear them...I'm not trying to push it on you though..."
"I know, Mamí." My voice was nearly a whisper, thick with emotion. "You never have. But I will wear one, I do like the story behind it, and I know that you will be praying to her for the next however many months on our behalf."
"I'd like to wear the other." Brittany smiled, wrapping her arms around my mother and I, urging Susan to join in. "That's a really cool story. How did I get my name, Mom?"
"Well. After your story Mari, this is going to sound so ridiculous and lame. But baby girl, your father and I spent most of our honeymoon in Brittany."
"Mom." Brittany groaned. "I did not want to know that."
"Really Brittany Sue?" Susan shook her head. "Consider that one sentence payback for everything I've heard."
"I can't believe you're one of those people who named their kid for where they were conceived." She complained, and I couldn't help but think that it sounded exactly like something my in-laws would do, and I kind of loved it.
"That's sweet, Britt." I told her, as we began to break up our group hug.
"Babe." My wife took the necklaces from my mom and fastened mine on behind the other I wore with Annie's initials before putting on her own and pulling me into a sweet embrace. "Just so you know, we are not naming our child Doctor's Office."
"Well that's something I can definitely agree to." I wrapped my arms around her neck and pulled her close to me for a kiss, so overwhelmingly happy at our mothers' excitement, and so filled with anticipation over putting the good luck tokens they'd given us to use.
"Girls." Susan gently interrupted our moment. "I seriously couldn't be happier that you're ready for this."
"Me either." My mom affirmed, tears welling up on her eyes, obviously at the thought of her own baby pregnant. "Another grandbaby..."
"Just do us a favor, okay?" Britt spoke softly as her hand absently caressed my stomach (I couldn't imagine what she'd be like when I was actually pregnant). "You can tell our fathers, because I know if you told me not to tell Santana something, I would anyway, but we don't want anyone else to know, not until things are official, and even then, not for a while."
When we'd finally gone to bed that night, after hours more of talking about just about everything, I'd snuggled into Brittany, silently counting the hours until we were at the doctor's office. Her fingers played with the new chain around my neck, and whether I believed in baby booties and saints of not, I really found myself hoping that they would work. So badly, so much more than I'd ever thought, the closer the appointment got, I wanted to have our baby inside of me, to bring the little life that would complete our family into the world. It felt like I'd hardly slept, the intensity of my own thoughts keeping me awake, when a tiny knock rapped against the door and I felt Britt slip away from me and let our tiny girl inside. By the time I opened my eyes, she was already settled onto the bed between us with her eyes watching me, waiting for me to be awake.
"Mamí, you look very sleepy." Annie informed me, before I sat up and pulled her on to my lap.
"I'm never too sleepy for you, mija. And I'm definitely not too sleepy to go to CMA today." I promised, watching my daughter's face light up at the mention of the Children's Museum of Art, the absolute bestest museum ever.
"Did you hear that Mama?" She bounced in my lap excitedly and looked at Brittany. "Are Grammy and 'Buela coming too?"
"Of course they are." Britt assured her. "They were the ones who asked us where we'd thought you'd like to go today."
"Oh! I can't wait to show them everything! We need to get ready!"
She started to wriggle out of my arms to go get dressed, but I stilled her motions, reminding her that it was still very early. She reminded me so much of Brittany sometimes that I couldn't help but laugh about it. While my wife had changed so much with motherhood, she'd never let that excitement she felt about the smallest things die, and I loved seeing it all over again in my daughter's eyes. Finally, calmed by the brushing motions of my hands against her arms, Annie slipped under the covers and lie there quietly for a few moments, just looking up at the ceiling.
"What are you thinking about, Little Bean?" Britt asked, calling her by her very first nickname, the one she occasionally slipped back into using when the three of us were having a quiet moment together.
"I feel very happy today." Annie said quietly, and my heart clenched.
"What about all the other days?" Brittany had her head propped on her hand and was staring down into the blue eyes that mirrored her own. "You don't feel happy then too?"
"Oh no, Mama, I always feel happy. But sometimes I feel happy and scared. Today it's just happy."
"It's okay to feel both." I told her. "Because you know what? I learned something very important on the day you were born."
"You learned lots of 'mportant things on my birthday, right?" She asked, and I couldn't help but laugh at just how true that statement was.
"I did. But the most important thing I learned that day was that happy always wins."
"It's true." Brittany confirmed. "And that's why we have to enjoy the days that are all happy the very most. It gives it a bigger place in your heart."
"I want it to have the biggest place, the whole thing."
"Oh, corazoncita, that's all I want for you too." I kissed her nose as she played with the bracelet on her wrist. "You really did a great job this week going to school, but we don't have to think about it all weekend if you don't want."
"S'okay, Mamí. I do like thinking about school. I like it there a lot. I'm just trying to make the happy bigger than the scared."
"You will, baby girl." Brittany promised. "Mamí and I both know you will."
