When the children woke up, they insisted that their parents join them for breakfast. All the adults were happy to oblige, save for one particular woman who was convinced she was on the verge of a mental breakdown. The meal was noisy and joyous, but Rukia hardly said a word. She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't even feel like she was a part of what was going on anymore. Her consciousness was disconnected from her body, and any sounds she heard echoed in her mind like she was listening to the conversation from inside a vat.
She didn't want to be here right now. She wanted to go to bed and enter her dreamland once more, to finally seek the entirety of her fragmented visions. Without much avail, she tried desperately to will the visions to come back. For reasons unknown to her still, there was nothing more she wanted than to see the dream till its end. There was a piece of her soul laying dormant inside of her that she needed to awaken. She didn't understand much about the significance of hallucinations, but she knew that it wouldn't be bothering her if it wasn't somehow important.
It was frustrating to only get bits and pieces, especially when she had no idea why she was being plagued by them in the first place. And she felt so connected with them too; like they were memories. They were so vivid.
It felt more real to her than what was happening that moment. Actually, her current reality was starting to feel like a nightmare.
'Okaasan, how do you hold these?!' Ichika demanded.
Rukia sighed and reached over to her left to teach her daughter how to properly hold the exotic utensils. Chopsticks were the only tools used for eating in the Seireitei, but the human world made use of foreign silverware like forks and knives. She never remembered the Kurosaki family ever having to use them either, but Orihime liked to cook Western food like burgers and hotdogs. They were impossible to cut or pick up with wooden sticks. It was troublesome for Rukia to have politely swallow the cuisine. She always found it too rich in flavour. Even when she was younger, she greatly preferred foods with a subtle quality.
But I'm sure Ichigo loves his wife's cooking.
Shocking herself with the venom in her thoughts, Rukia jolted slightly and blinked. The hell? Where did that come from?
Rukia had always been able to admit to herself that she was somewhat perpetually resentful of the way things turned out. For a really long time, she was good at hiding it. In fact, no one could actually tell that something was bothering her. Even Ichigo thought for a while that she had gotten over his decision to marry Orihime.
Subconsciously, she stole a glance at the substitute shinigami. He was quiet, as usual. His eyes were lowered to his food and he too seemed disconnected from the conversation taking place. Once in a while, he'd turn his attention towards Kazui to smile or tussle the kid's hair playfully. Rukia's stomach twisted whenever he did that.
It wasn't like she resented his relationship with his own child. It was just that, seeing them both like that just hammered it further into her skull that he really had chosen this kind of life for himself. That he had chosen not to be with her, to have children with a different woman. She wanted to convince herself that he was a hot-blooded warrior; he couldn't be genuinely happy with such a complacent, boring life. But moments like these made it hard for her to play into her own delusions. Maybe some part of him didn't want it in the beginning, but now it was impossible to exaggerate how much he loved Kazui.
And that made her happy. She was happy for him.
It was bittersweet.
But she was still pissed as hell. On one hand, he seemed content and Rukia saw genuine moments of happiness in this surprisingly normal life of his. On the other hand, she was more than pissed off that he had chosen a life that limited her involvement in it.
Her jaw clenched as she tried to will her heart to stop pushing vengefully against her chest. A concoction of anger and longing fuelled the ferocious pounding. She could practically feel the blood shot up her head. Her inhibitions were teetering too closely to the edge. She just wanted to reach out and smack him, and yell at him, and cry about how fucked up she felt inside because of how it all turned out.
She used to be so close to this man. What was he feeling right now? What were his eyes hiding beneath those thick lashes?
Her body was so, so cold. She leaned happily into his chest, grateful for and content with the warmth of his arms providing her some comfort. But when she peered up at his face, she saw those ruby eyes glisten with tears beneath those thick lashes.
A pale hand reached up to cup his face. He kissed her fingers, not once unlocking his gaze from hers.
'Do you remember me?' the man asked.
'Ichigo...'
'What?'
'Huh?' Rukia gasped, knocked out of her vision. 'What did you ask me?'
'I'm asking...' Ichigo couldn't hide his irritation. 'What?'
'What... what?'
'Rukia! You said my name just now, didn't you?'
'I did?' she asked stupidly. Her palms were starting to feel clammy, the blood draining from her face. Did she?
'Do you remember me?' the man asked.
'Yes!'
Kazui started giggling uncontrollably and clapping his hands in delight. Ever since his birth, he had always found arguments between his father and aunt to be endlessly entertaining. Orihime grinned tensely as she wiped her offspring's cheek, which was wet from spilled orange juice. She hated it whenever her husband fought with that woman. Even though it was more awkward between them now, there was an undeniable chemistry that was highlighted in times like this.
'What's so funny?' Ichigo frowned at his child mischievously. Kazui responded by stifling his laughter with his hands, only to be tickled into submission by his father. They were the image of familial love.
Rukia wanted to go home. Now.
'Is your back hurting again?' Renji asked his wife.
'Huh?'
'You're kind of hunching over.'
'Oh.' she hadn't even noticed. 'Yeah, it kind of hurts.'
'For months now... We should probably get it checked. I'm sure your gigai's making it worse.'
'Eh? Rukia, you're hurting?' Orihime quipped in. 'Maybe it isn't a good idea for you to come along with us to the park then. Do you just want to rest here?'
The raven-haired woman's eyes lit up in glee. Yes, yes! Then she could take a nap and see more of that itching dream. 'Sure! Thank you so much for understanding.'
'Look at how happy she is.' Renji snorted. 'You lazy bum! I bet this is what you've wanted all along!'
'How dare you come all the way here just to threaten me.' Shunsui Kyoraku fronted intimidation, although inside his bones were cracking in fear. This familiar woman had appeared before him in his captain's office and he knew better than to run away from her. The wings on her back were proof enough of her power over him. Trying to elude her would only anger those sitting above him.
He knew better than to trifle with Heaven.
'This is no threat. This is a warning.'
'A loaded warning.'
'A warning nonetheless. Be thankful that you've been given one.'
'I never thought you were the type waltz your pretty ass in here just to spite me. Times have really changed, huh?'
'Please don't take this personally. I'm only following orders. This is my second chance to do things right.'
'What does that even mean?'
'Please don't ask questions. I can't answer them.'
'Unbelievable!' he threw his arms up. 'I never thought I'd see you again, and now you show up here with this ominous secret agent act. Heck, I didn't even know that you were... this!' he gestured towards her feathery appendages.
'I wasn't. The situation has changed.'
The leader of the Gotei 13 rubbed his temples. His chest tickled with anxiety. He had a horrible premonition about all of this. He had no idea what was going on, no outline to at least give him some reassurance that this was all necessary and that everything was going to be alright. No, all he had was someone he thought was dead ordering him to command all his troops to stay put amidst the upcoming mayhem.
Among some other very strange requests.
'You want me to sentence Rukia Kuchiki to exile from Soul Society.' It wasn't a question. It was a disbelieving statement. As if saying it out loud himself was going to make it feel more real to him.
'That's right.' she responded calmly. 'And you will declare her punishment publicly, as soon as possible.'
'Why? What are you planning to do to her?'
'Don't ask questions. Please.'
'Look, I'll do it because I don't have a choice. I'm not about to take you guys on. I'm aware that my army doesn't stand a snowball's chance in hell of fighting you guys. But you aren't being smart about this. I can't just label Rukia-chan a traitor without any basis for it. You don't think people are going to ask questions?'
'You're their leader; tell them that it's highly confidential information.'
'The Seireitei isn't like Heaven. My men don't blindly follow orders. Besides, you guys can see everything that happens from your damn lounge up in the sky! Don't you know Ichigo Kurosaki? Don't you think he's gonna go looking for her?'
'No, he won't. We'll make sure of it.'
'Aghhh!' Kyoraku let out a throaty groan of frustration. Even if he asked questions, she wouldn't answer them. It wasn't like he wanted to willingly go along with this plan. If he had the means to fight back, he would most definitely have done so already. But from what he gathered from Yamamoto's letters of guidance that he inherited when he was coronated the new captain-general, it was that the old man had made it abundantly clear that the Gotei 13 had an obligation to take on any and all organizations that posed a threat to the shinigami - all but one.
Of course. As soon as Ywach's darkness recedes, the harsh light of Heaven begins its blazing terror on the ground.
Kyoraku knew that there was something strange going on behind closed doors, but there was no use trying to figure it out. Eventually, it would all come to surface. Maybe he would be able to understand that it was for a greater good. After all, it was Heaven's sworn duty to protect every the real world. They couldn't possibly do harm to the realm they were meant to guard over.
'You know...' he began in an effort to brighten the mood. 'Heaven's been good to you. You look more stunning than I remember.'
'You're too kind.' she bowed. 'But no compliment will allow me to extend my time here. I need to find my sister.'
'Yep. Your soon-to-be-banished sister.'
'Don't be that way.'
'I'm not.'
A long silence ensued. There were so many topics both parties wanted to go over. She wanted to explain, he wanted to know what was going on. More than that, he wanted to know if she still had an attachment to her life in the Seireitei, if there was someone she wanted to see before leaving again. He wanted to know if he had to prepare for war, or if celestial intervention would finally bring uninterrupted peace.
'Just one question, please.' he croaked, tipping his hat downwards to hide the upper half of his face.
'One question.'
'Is Ukitake with you guys up there?'
She didn't answer for a long time. There was a buzzing rigidity between them, as if a line had been crossed. There was nothing wrong with what he asked, but it brought him into great emotional distress to even gather the courage to have asked it, and it caused a profound sadness to bubble up inside of her.
'I should go.' she whispered, ignoring his inquiry.
'I understand. See you later, Hisana.'
Rukia rolled over to her side and growled. It was useless. First of all, she wasn't the least bit tired so there was no way she was going to be able to sleep. Secondly, the living room couch was extremely and uncomfortable, plus is spooked her out that she apparently left bloody feathers in her wake. As if the wings didn't freak her out enough. Lastly, it was impossible to relax with her mind constantly tugging at thoughts of Ichigo.
She wanted to be wholeheartedly happy for him and get over her useless feelings towards her former combat partner. As time went on, it was getting harder and harder to tame the wild longing. She was torturing herself by replaying her fondest memories of him in a loop in her head. So lost in her recollection, she didn't notice a secondary presence enter the living room until it made direct contact with her.
'Rukia...' a masculine voice whispered as a familiar hand caressed her arm.
She froze at the uncharacteristically intimate touch. Was he seriously doing this right now? She shook her head to clear her brain. No, she was just misinterpreting things. Just like in the storage room of the grocery store. Yeah, that's it. She was just imagining it all. 'I thought you left with everyone else, Ichigo.'
'I could never leave you.'
No, she wasn't making anything up.
Before she could snap back at him, she felt a pair of lips massage her neck.
'She's been sick for months?!' Ichigo exclaimed incredulously.
'She's not sick.' Renji rolled his eyes. 'Her back hurts. That's pretty normal, you know. She's been under a lot of stress from the higher ups. There's a lot of pressure on her to prove her worth to the Gotei 13.'
'She should still take care of herself.'
'She does.'
'Obviously not well enough, if her body's reacting this way! Why haven't you been taking care of her?!'
The redhead clicked his tongue and buried his face in his hands. He hated this shit.
Of course his wife's true love would be telling him off about her health while the clinician's wife was literally fifteen feet away and playing with the children.
The ridiculousness of it all!
Every time he and his wife would visit the human world, Ichigo and Rukia would always be so tense with each other that it was actually embarrassing to watch them. It was more the doctor's fault - he had an invisible wall whenever he interacted with the woman who changed his world that kept her at arm's length at all times. Like he was afraid that getting too close to her would flip a switch and he'd decide that he'd drop everything and pursue her. He didn't want to fall too far in love with her. Love was explosive, dynamic, and unpredictable. And Ichigo knew that he might not be able to control himself around her given the opportunity.
Still, Renji took comfort in the fact that his friend was far too prided on his code of honour to touch another man's wife, especially when he has his own family to cherish. It was just a little disconcerting to observe that Ichigo would go the extra mile to keep his feelings for Rukia at bay. For example, by being a complete jerk to her. He would ignore her, purposely pick fights with her, and show a general apathy towards her wellbeing. Then the microsecond Rukia turns her back, berates Renji for being an "irresponsible husband," "inconsiderate man," "unsupportive lover," blabla, etcetera.
Damn it! It was so condescending!
Especially considering Rukia was his wife, not Ichigo's!
But the vice captain just allowed his longtime comrade to let it all out. He knew it was therapeutic for the hybrid soul.
'You know, I have some stuff at the clinic that might help relieve some of her pain.' Ichigo offered, standing up to leave.
'Fool! What good will your medicine be once we return to our soul forms?'
'Try to take it with you. Or something. I don't know! But if she's been in pain for months, don't you think it's a little cruel to just let her suffer?'
'She's not suffering.' he muttered. 'She doesn't like it when people interfere with her. She gets pissy when I ask how she's doing.'
'You know how she is. Don't pay attention to it. She'll respond to your concern eventually.'
Renji narrowed his eyes. Only to you...
'I-Ichigo...!' Rukia breathed as the shapely lips kissed and sucked at her neck. Her hands snapped upwards to try and push him off, but strong hands grabbed her wrists and held them at her sides. She struggled to break free of his grasp, but it was futile. 'You asshole! What the hell are you doing?!'
'Rukia...'
'Ngh!' she squeaked as he traveled lower, sucking at her collarbone. Heat pooled between her legs and tears of fulfilment swelled up in her glassy orbs. This was wrong. So, so wrong. But she felt within herself that it was right. It was like she had felt his body on hers before, doing these things to her, and making her feel loved for the first time. His scent was driving her mad with desire, his hot skin melting her frosty exterior surrounding both her body and heart. Despite these emotions, she thrashed beneath him, resisting every tempting move he made. 'Ichigo...! Stop, you're such a... grr! Stop! Stop!'
'Never leave me, Rukia.'
Her eyebrow twitched. Hmm. Who left who, exactly? Had he seriously forgotten?
Gathering all her strength, she whipped around to tell him off. He was not going to put the onus of their situation on her. He was not going to coax her into cheating on her own fucking husband! It was his damn fault all this happened!
Who she saw instead startled her.
'My sweet Queen.' the man with the red eyes and black hair leaned in for a kiss.
'Rukia!' Ichigo called out as he keyed the lock to his house. He excused himself from the outing with the children so that he could attend to the shinigami's wellness. There was just no way he could enjoy the excursion with that petite freak looming at the back of his mind. He sighed. Some things never changed. He still worried about her all the time. 'Rukia!' he called again when he received no answer.
Kicking his shoes off, he surveyed the living room quickly. He missed her at first. But when he gave the area another quick scan, he saw her pale body draped on the sofa. He guessed that she was way too deep in her slumber to acknowledge him.
He walked over to her with the intention of waking her up. Kneeling down in front of her so that his face was on the same level as hers, he allowed himself a selfish moment to take in her peaceful form. His chest stung. She really was beautiful. She had the most immaculate flesh and the darkest features. She was like the moon against a completely starless evening.
He chuckled humourlessly. To think that she could still take his breath away a decade later. Even though he had a stunning wife who everyone thought was a goddess.
Rukia was the only goddess he recognized.
And he was human. Humans and heavenly entities... don't mix.
He cleared his throat loudly. No response. He did it again. Still no response. He shook her once, twice. Absolutely nothing. Now he was getting angry. 'Rukia! Hey!' he screamed, jolting slightly and bumping his foot into a plastic container on the floor.
He glanced at it, squinting to try and read the label. Realizing it was useless to rely on his waning eyesight, he picked up the bottle and examined it. After a few seconds, his eyes widened to the size of saucers. He rattled the case, his stomach somersaulting when it sounded emptier than it should have been. His fingers fumbled with the lid, and his nervousness was skyrocketing to untold proportions when he saw that a good fourth of the contents were missing.
Sleeping pills.
That stupid bitch took sleeping pills.
A/N: Thank you so much to everyone supporting this story! It really couldn't happen without al of you.
NieveDrop has been so kind as to Beta the historical part of the plot. That is, the IchiRuki relationship from their first lives. It's been a really difficult process, but NieveDrop has been really patient with me. Trust me, I can be a handful! We're still tweaking a lot of things, but hopefully you guys end up liking the end product. We are both doing our best to stay true to their characterizations.
The past will begin unraveling next chapter.
Thank you to achalida, Luna-Dara, Sooo, Shirayuki992, great stories, anon, jobananasan, NieveDrop, Kuchiki24, and all the Guest reviewers!
Guest, yes they will be romantically involved!
Guest, I don't trust myself to give you a set number of chapters!
Sooo, I have no interest in Ichigo harem stories. Also, I find it unjustly judgemental for people to think that they know something about an author from what they write about. Just because I don't write about cheating plot doesn't place me morally above someone who does.
Shirayuki992, trust me I also thought that he was going to end up at Soul Society! I feel that Kubo wanted Ichigo to be the ultimate power-up without actually exploring the implications of his existence.
great stories, Rukia means she never felt that connection no matter what they did. But they never went all the way!
jobananasan, I think what I wanted to show more was his exhaustion with that kind of life, constantly fighting. Perhaps that was why he craved normalcy again? Quite frankly, I struggled to find a reason as to why he would go the way he did!
Thanks so much, everyone! I can't wait to hear your thoughts!
Working hard on the next chapter for you guys!
