Recap:
Confusion flooded my face and he noticed. He opened his mouth to speak again before I pressed my lips to his. If we was going to say that he regrets ditching school with me or seeing that movie, I just needed one last kiss... just one late kiss.
Unexpectedly he kissed me back before slowly pulling away. "Before I moved here I was expelled from my last school. Esme and Carlisle actually adopted me two years ago. I know exactly how you feel," He finished by crashing his lips to mine again this time coming back to the soft ground with me.
Edward, you are more than I could have ever wished for and I guess this life ain't that unusual.
I'm losing my favorite game.
BPOV
Edward and I spent the rest of the day with Charlie. I didn't ask him anything more about what happened to him before he was adopted by Esme and Carlisle - I figured he'd tell me when he was ready. I wanted him to know that I respected him enough to wait for him to tell me. I didn't need to know everything about his past right now. All I need now is him - and I have that.
"It's getting late," Edward said as he brought me closed to him while we laid on the cool ground above Charlie. I sighed. "What is it?" He turned his head to see me face. "I just - I don't know," I sighed trying to hide my face from him. Edward sat up so he could fully face me now.
"Bella, what is it?" He asked pained.
"I just like the feeling..." I trailed off.
"The feeling of what?" He said pushing a loose strand of hair behind my left ear.
"Being in your arms," I whispered. I felt a little embarrassed for feeling so needy. It's just that for once in my life I felt like I was safe.
Edward smiled at me before leaning in to press his lips to mine. This kiss practically took my breath away but he pulled away all too soon.
"I want you to stay with me," He breathed.
"What?" I croaked.
"Stay with me, Bella," He repeated, firmly this time.
"What about-"
Edward cut me off with a passionate kiss that landed us both with our backs on the ground again. This time Edward was hovering over me - kissing me furiously. He never took his lips off of me - even when he did let me breathe - he just traveled to my neck.
"Edward," I tried to say but lust took over my entire sense of reasoning. "Your parents."
"They'll love you," He said between kisses.
"Not if we don't leave now. It's late."
He finally stopped after one last peck and locked his eyes on mine.
"Okay," He smiled.
"Ok," I returned the smile.
He got up and after helping me up we started back down the hill toward Edward's house. I didn't know where he lived but I could only imagine that it was somewhere amazing and beautiful - just like him.
That was an understatement. Edward lived in a large white house on the outskirts of town. It was amazing. It almost took my breath away - but I couldn't be sure if it was the house or him standing next to me with my hand in his.
He smiled and leaned down to kiss me on the top of the head.
"They'll love you," He said as he started toward the house bringing me along with him.
We walked through the large front door of Edward's house. "Mom, Dad?" Edward called as we stood in the hallway.
"In the kitchen," A man's voice called. Edward led the way to the kitchen. I gasped when I saw how incredibly homey his parents looked as they made dinner. I never had a mother who cooked anything besides TV dinners and watching Edward's mother and father equally participating in making dinner was a new sight to me. It was a scene you would see in a movie. It was perfect. I wanted so much to be apart of it. I froze them - my hand still in Edward's. So many feelings and thoughts took over my body so quickly that I started to panic. What would these wonderful people want with someone like me? Of course they would laugh in histerics when Edward asked them if I could stay with them.
"Mom, Dad, I have to ask you something," Edward started. I paniced and pulled my hand from his and moved backwards. "Stop, Edward."
"What's wrong?" He asked, his face pained from my reaction. I could only imagine the expression of pure fright on my face.
"I can't-" I said running out the door. I ran and ran and I didn't stop. I wanted to be with Edward but I couldn't just invade his life like this. I was too good at being the girl that hid from everyone. I was losing my favorite game.
I found myself at Angela's and Ben's and used my key to open the door to their apartment. I needed something that I knew would help me calm down. I knew where Angela and Ben kept their stash. I quickly lit up a joint and relaxed on the floor leaning against the sofa. I'm such an idiot. What the hell am I doing trying to be with Edward? It's crazy. He should be with Lauren or Jessica. I quickly got up and went to the fridge where Angela and Ben kept their wide range of alcoholic beverages. I randomly picked something and started chugging. I didn't stop until the whole bottle was gone and grabbed another. I went back to the little living room and sat on the floor leaning against the sofa again.
I had just ruined everything.
--
I sure wasn't sober anymore but I decided it was time to get out of Angela and Ben's place. I left a note saying I had stopped by and raided the fridge and what-not. My legs brought me to Edward's house. I sat underneath a tree for a few hours and watched the windows as the lights turned on and off. Suddenly a light went on in a window upstairs and I saw Edward with worry all over his face. Carlisle was pulling in the driveway as I threw up the contents of the liquor I had practically just inhaled. A few minutes later I saw Carlisle in Edward's room. Edward opened the window and stood by the window. I could hear what they were saying faintly now.
"I couldn't find her anywhere downtown," Carlisle said.
"Ugh," Edward sighed and it looked like he just lit up a cigarette.
"Please not in the house, Edward," Carlisle pleaded.
"Sorry," He said putting it out, "I'm just worried about her."
"I know. She'll come around. This is probably very hard for her assuming from what you've told Esme and I tonight," He said trying to comfort him with understanding.
"I'm going to go look for her. I don't want her to have to go to her mother's - not after..." He trailed off. I must have told him too much already. He knew about my mother's perverted boyfriends and her abuse. Maybe he really did care...
Edward passed Carlisle and left his room. He pulled on his jacket after closing the front door. It looked like he was going to try and find me on foot since he headed for the sidewalk without even going towards the driveway.
I couldn't let him hunt for me like this. I needed to go to him - to tell him it was stupid to look for me.
I followed him until he was a few blocks away from his house before calling to him after fighting with myself to just turn around and run for twenty minutes.
"Edward..." I called from behind. Edward spun around so fast that I had to blink a few times to re-focus.
"Bella!" He ran towards me. He wrapped his strong, warm arms around my cold waist and kissed forcefully. I couldn't push him away - my body refused to.
"Bella, you're freezing. Where have you been? Why did you leave? I love you..." What did he just say?
"What?" I asked bewildered. Did he say he loves me?
"You had me worried sick. Please don't ever do that again. I'll take care of you, Bella. You don't have to go back to your mother's. I talked to my parents and they're fine with you staying with me," He said kissing me again. He obviously didn't want to do anymore talking. He was just so happy to see that I was alright he wanted to savor the moment with my lips.
"Edward," I said pulling away.
"I love you, Bella. I realized that not having you near me, - in my arms - it makes me anxious. I want to keep you safe. I love you," He said kissing me again.
"No," I said when he let us both breathe from his kisses.
"No?" He asked?
"You can't love me," I said pulling away.
"I love you, Bella. I'm afraid there's nothing you can do to change that now," He smiled.
No one has ever said that to me before. Of course Charlie loved me - I knew that without him even having to tell me, but Renee never said she loved me - not even once. Edward was the only person to say this to me and mean it in this way. Somehow I felt he loved and cared for me even more than Charlie ever could. I couldn't help but frown though.
"Why?" I asked confused. Why was he willing to risk everything for me? Not that he was risking anything yet but there was so much darkness to me that he didn't even begin to know about.
"Bella, look at yourself - I mean really look. You are worth having someone love and care for you even if you don't see it. Stop thinking that you're not," He said brushing my cheek.
He loved me, but I didn't know how to love him back. I had never been shown or taught that. Would he be patient enough to wait for me to know how to love him? I didn't know if I could be taught that.
Edward brought me back to his house and led the way to his bedroom. It was late and he could tell that I was exhausted since he practically had to carry me the whole way back. I'm so tired of this life. Maybe being with Edward could change things. Maybe he could help me. Maybe I would be able to love him.
He curled up with me on his bed, - both of us still in our jeans and t-shirts - we didn't bother to change.
Edward held me as I looked out his window and thought of all the reasons why this was so wrong. I'm not good at letting people into my world because usually they don't come back the same. It would really be a curse if a mind reader decided to read my mind because no one wants to know the things that I know...
Note: What is so bad that Bella feels she will keep everyone safer if she's gone and away from them? What is she hiding from everyone? Review and tell me your theories on what Bella's hiding and why she feels she's a danger to everyone around her. Thanks for reading!
