Ok so I know you guys probably hate me right now because I haven't updated in so long. I have had the worst block but am finally past it! Also a huge thanks to all the reviewers who have given me ideas with your comments. Special thanks to DCYO who gave me the idea for chapter five
Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or any of its characters! :)
England pulled back from the kiss. America hadn't resisted but he hadn't kissed him back either. America's hands were still on his shoulders stopping him from putting his arms around his neck. America hadn't moved except to soften his grip slightly when England kissed him.
America's mind was struggling to comprehend what had just happened. He started with one fact, England had kissed him. England had kissed him! He looked into England's bright green eyes and saw the confusion evident in his eyes that must be present in his own. But the taste of their kiss lingered on his lips refusing to move. Almost as though it had claimed him. He wanted nothing more than to reach up and feel his lips, but that would mean letting go of England. He knew if he did that he would destroy something, though he didn't know what it was.
"America I..."
And suddenly America couldn't bear the thought of hearing an apology. He did the only thing thing he could think of.
America leaned in and kissed England. His hands moving down England's arms.
England was stunned to find America kissing him. Even more surprising was that America's hands were slowly moving down his arms, which sent a shiver of longing up his spine. He pulled his arms away to wrap them around America's neck. And America's hands went around his waist, pulling him closer.
The kiss was slow and sweet. America slowly drank it in tasting and loving the feel of England's lips on his own. He nibbled England's lip and he slowly opened his mouth as the kiss deepened. And America let it, because he was hurt and England's love was a balm to his wounds.
He pulled back slowly not wanting hit to end too quickly, his heart said "not wanting it end ever".
England sighed and laid his head on America's chest as America's arms came around him. It felt good to be in America's arms at last, it felt right.
America let England rest on his chest let his arms go around his best friend. Savoring the feeling for as long as he could before he had to let go. Because he did have to let go. Because as right as this felt, as much as he wanted to stay like this with him forever, he knew he couldn't. It wasn't that he didn't love England, He did. The problem was that he loved him too much, too much to put him through this. England was fragile. He liked to think of himself as a strong nation, and his nation was strong. It was his feelings and his heart that was breakable. He had hurt England once already, had seen the hurt in his face when America had defeated him in the Revolutionary War. He knew he couldn't hurt England like that again. He needed someone strong who could stand with him through what was to come.
"I love you England" he said softly pulling England's face up and kissing him lightly.
"Oh America I love you" England sighed looking up into the sky blue eyes. There was sadness there and England wanted to be the one to take it away. To see it replaced by happiness.
Suddenly America stepped back. England looked at him quizzically, why had he pulled back? Why did he look like he was struggling?
"England I love you so much" America said softly "But we can't do this".
England struggled to comprehend what America was saying. All he could manage was "Why?".
"WHY!?" He yelled, not caring that he was losing his temper. "I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!" he screamed.
"I do" America said simply "I love you so much. But look how bad it hurts after just one kiss. I can't do this. I can't hurt you, not again."
"IT'S TOO LATE" he yelled. " I WILL BE HURT! Because you're not here!"
"Damn it England" he yelled "I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I love you but I can't."
"I can't! Don't you get it?!" America screamed shaking him trying to make him understand. " I can't see you hurting, it tears me apart!"
"No you don't get it." He screamed " It doesn't matter if you love me or not. I can't live without you." "Do you know what I do on your birthday" he asked in a shaky voice.
America was stunned. "What? What do you do?" America asked apprehensively.
"I drink" England said softly " I drink until I black out or go on a rage and hurt someone. Someone always ends up in the hospital, either me or someone else. Someone always gets hurt."
"STOP" America screamed at the top of his lungs "JUST STOP! You think drinking yourself to death is going to do anyone any good? can't you see that it's useless!? Can't you just move on!"
"I can't you don't get it!" England yelled "It's you, you are the one thing that makes me who I am!"
America turned to walk away because there was no way he would win this. Then all of a sudden he found himself staring at the ceiling.
England didn't know what had prompted him to do it, but he had kicked America in the back of the knee. He didn't know what had made him do it. He just couldn't stand to see America walk out of his life.
"I'm sorry" England said softly "I just got so angry"
"YOU JERK!" America yelled from the floor, in too much pain to get up. Instead he wrapped his arm around England's leg and pulled, causing him to be jerked to the ground.
Managing to sit up at last he stood, wincing at the pain in his leg, and slapped England. "Get a hold on your life. You don't need me, you need help.
"I'm sorry America. I've failed you again" England said softly as America walked out the door.
Ok so I often do side stories, as I have millions of ideas. Helped along by my bff Elizabeth. So if you guys message me I will do a one shot for you! :) Also chapter 5 is halfway done so it shouldn't take so long next time, thanks for being patient with me!
