I realise that nobody quite likes the way I left this, so I have decided to write one last part, split into two chapters. Here's the first.
Empty
The world was empty. Desolate. An hour passed whilst he stood, staring at the spot where the taxi had disappeared around the corner. He turned away and walked through the door to her apartment building, up the stairs and through the door she had left wide open. He sat on the sofa and stared at the framed photo of him, Abby and Ziva. She had left it behind. She had left all the photos of everyone at NCIS. Even the photos of her and Jenny from before NCIS. She had left the furniture too. Mossad probably paid for the apartment, they'd probably sanitise the place as soon as he left. He took the letter from his pocket and read it through again and again, not turning the light on when it grew dark. He lived, zombified, in her apartment. Showering when he needed a shower, eating burnt toast when he needed to eat, sleeping in her bed when he needed sleep, and reading the letter the rest of the time – often with an accompanying whiskey. He memorised every word, every letter. He memorised the little quirks in her handwriting, the loops and curls. It reminded him of her hair, the way it almost flowed in waves across the page, like her hair flowed in waves over her shoulders.
"Neither Agent DiNozzo or Officer David have turned up in four days." Michelle said as the director walked over to Gibbs' – Tony's – desk.
"They've probably eloped." McGee muttered under his breath as he picked up an envelope sat on the top of his pile of mail. "The UST was really starting to build in here."
"I wish, Agent McGee. I wish." Jenny sat down in Ziva's desk chair. "I have given Agent DiNozzo a few days off." Not that she had spoken to Tony, but she didn't think that there was any point in complaining when he didn't turn up. Not after Ziva.
"She's gone." McGee dropped into his seat and stared at the paper in his hand. "This what the letter to Tony said?"
"I think his was longer." Jenny sighed.
"Why'd she give his to him instead of sending it through the mail?"
"I think she wanted him to know straight away."
"Is she still in the country?"
"Her flight left four days ago. She would have reached Tel Aviv three days ago."
"And she just left, without even saying goodbye?"
"I am sorry, Agent McGee. This team will be on the side-lines whilst you get back on your feet." Director Sheppard stood up and nodded. "It will give you some time to catch up on your paperwork.
"Yes, Director." Agents Lee and McGee nodded, just as the heavy footfalls of chained leather platform boots clomped towards them.
"Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy!" Abby wailed as she barrelled into him. "She's left us! Timmy, she's gone! Ziva's gone!"
"I know, I know…" Tim sighed and wrapped his arms around his best friend, nodding to Agent Lee as she scurried away.
"Tony must be so upset, we should go and see him."
"I can't find him, not answering his phone at home."
"Try Ziva's." She stated, like it was the most obvious thing.
"He's not going to be there." McGee shook his head but picked his phone and dialled Ziva's home number. He shook his head and sighed. "No answer."
"Well, lets just go over there. Maybe it's all just a joke and they're both sat there laughing." She smiled, hopeful.
"No, Abs. They're not." He shook his head.
"But we could just try." He sighed. She wouldn't believe Ziva wasn't coming back without seeing it for her own eyes.
"Abby, if you want me to pick this lock and get us in there, then get out of the way." McGee sighed as he struggled, finally managing to get the door unlocked.
"Tony!" Abby ran over and threw her arms around Tony as he continued to stare at the wall in front of him. The pages of the letter were scattered across the glass coffee table and McGee picked the first one up and began to read, not stopped by Tony, who sat still – unfazed by Abby's smothering hug. He whistled as he skimmed across the words.
"Tony, I'm…"
"Apologies are a sign of weakness, Tim. You're not weak." He didn't have the energy to tease his favourite probie. There just wasn't any point anymore. McGee and Abby exchanged a glance. He was broken. Ziva had left and broken Tony.
"She really loved you."
"That's why she's not here, McGee." He sighed and emptied the last of the whiskey in his glass. "I distracted her too much. I hurt her too much."
"She never says in the letter that you hurt her." McGee sat down on the other side of Ziva's sofa.
"But I could see it in her eyes when she got into the cab." He continued to stare forwards into nothingness. "How long since she left?"
"Four days."
"And I guess the director wants me back." He didn't get up, just stayed still – emotionless.
"No, she's given us some time to catch up with paperwork." McGee flicked his eyes to Abby again. They were both worried about him.
"I should be there."
"No, Tony. Not if you don't want to be." Abby shook her head. "Why don't we take you home?"
"I want to stay here. I like it here."
"It doesn't feel like Ziva's place anymore. It's empty, Tony." Abby tugged on his arm, trying to persuade him up.
Like my heart. He said internally, not budging. "Abby, just go home or go back to work or something. Just leave me here to think. I'll be back tomorrow." He wanted to be alone for one more night. He wanted to sleep in her bed for just one more night. McGee shook his head when Abby started to protest and stood up, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and guiding her away, closing the door behind them.
"He needs some time, Abs." McGee murmured as they drove back to her place, not seeing any point in going back to the navy yard.
"Do you think he loved her?" She asked.
"I don't know, Abs. I really don't know. On one hand, it's Tony – he falls in and out of love on a daily basis. However," He stopped her before she could argue the contrary, "it's Tony and Ziva, and I think behind all of the jokes and the flirting and the teasing there really was something there." He sighed.
"Do you think she'll come back?" Abby's voice was almost pleading. They'd already lost Gibbs, they couldn't lose Ziva too. He stopped the car outside her apartment and turned to look at her.
"Abby, I don't think she'll come back. She's made up her mind." Her hope was shattered. "Go on. Get some sleep. We'll all be back tomorrow and get on with our work."
"We won't all be back tomorrow, Timmy." She said as she climbed out of the car. "Ziva won't be back."
The whole bullpen was silent, aside from the tap of computer keys. It had been silent since Ziva had left. There was no laughter, no jokes or teasing. Even those who didn't know her, or at least not well, felt the absence. For a week and a half Anthony DiNozzo had only opened his mouth to bark orders at people. He didn't flirt, didn't leer, just worked. It was as if he were mourning her and, in a way, he was. Someone made the mistake of joking that it wasn't like she was dead or anything, she just transferred. Tony had lost it, yelled at the poor man until his voice was hoarse and then some. The director had stood and watched from the balcony and, although not condoning Tony's actions, she didn't intervene. He needed to let his anger out on someone and it was better he let it out on a federal agent who should be able to handle it than a suspect who could cause trouble if they angered DiNozzo.
"Hey!" A loud, recognisable voice cut through the silence as what some may say a sight for sore eyes stormed over to Tony. A harsh crack resounded around the squad room as his hand collided with the back of Tony's head. "Boss?"
"DiNozzo, I'm not your boss." He hauled him out of his chair and dragged him towards the elevator, glaring at anyone who dared stare. "What the hell are you playing at?!"
"I'm sorry, what?"
"I thought you would be the one person able to keep this team together. You screwed up, DiNozzo."
"You don't think I haven't realised that? How'd you even know?" He glared.
"Got a letter." Gibbs shrugged and pulled the envelope out of his jacket. He handed it to Tony who, after hesitating, pulled the letter out and read it.
"She told you the truth. Only other person who got the truth apparently." He finished reading it and stuffed it back in the envelope. "Closest next was Ducky."
"They're close."
"Why?" Tony asked.
"Dunno. They understand one another. Both been through war, both away from their homeland." He gave a classic Gibbs shrug.
"You've been through war. That why you two got on?"
"That pertinent to why she's not here?"
"No, Gibbs. I guess it's not."
"You love her, DiNozzo?"
"I…"
"It's a simple question."
"And I don't have an answer."
"How can you not have an answer? You either love her or you don't."
"I guess…" Tony started.
"You guess?"
"Hell, she's Ziva. She's agile and aggressive and beautiful and clever and crazy and daring and exotic and fierce and fiery and great and gallant and honest and…"
"You got a alphabet of things describing Ziva?"
"I had a lot of time to think." He blushed slightly.
"What d'ya get for 'Z'?"
"Ziva." Tony shrugged and Gibbs chuckled. "I really did screwed it up, didn't I?"
"It was a disaster waiting to happen, Tony. I just wish I had been here when it had. I might have been able to talk to her, try and persuade her not to go."
"I tried to, boss. I did…"
"You think that you trying to convince her not to go when you were the reason she was leaving was actually going to work?"
"Yeah, maybe not the best plan."
"Ya'think?"
Tony took a deep breath and looked at his not-boss. "Okay then, how do I fix it?"
"Jethro, I can't help with this. Mossad won't even give me satellite time to talk with her. My contacts shut off completely when I ask about her. She is so connected there that she's in an impenetrable safe formed from trained assassins and spies."
"I'll find my way in. I just need you to clear DiNozzo's absence."
"You're not even an agent anymore Gibbs." She sighed and looked at his face. "He has three days. I think I might be able to get you two seats on the next flight to Tel Aviv. Leaves in three quarters of an hour."
"Thank you, Jen." Gibbs nodded.
"What happened to rule 12?"
"Sometimes it does more harm than good to follow the rules, Jen."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. Rule 6 is being bypassed on this one too." He shrugged and headed back out of the office, signalling for Tony to follow as he walked to the elevator. "Plane leaves in three quarters of an hour, DiNozzo. Get a bag. We have three days for you to clean your mess up."
"Rule 45." Tony muttered as they hurried to his car.
"Yeah, DiNozzo."
"What if she won't talk to me?"
"I'll make her. You been taking driving lessons from Ziva? Your driving's awful!" He grabbed the dash of Tony's mustang as the car swerved across the road.
"Comes with the coffee." Tony grumbled. "Next thing you know I'll be building a damn boat in the basement."
"You don't have a basement."
"Then I'll move into a house with a basement first." He slammed the breaks on and dashed into his apartment, stuffing clothes into a bag without even looking. He was back out of the apartment before Gibbs had even walked up the stairs. "You're getting slow."
"No, I'm just not in a big hurry." He shrugged. "I should be on a beach in Mexico right now."
"You took your time." She didn't turn around from where she sat at a desk, writing up a report.
"Mexico's not known for its postal service." She could hear the shrug in his voice. "How'd you know it was me?"
"You are in a building full of spies. It is impossible to sneak in here without who ever it is you are trying to surprise finding out. And you did not exactly sneak." She pushed the computer monitor around so he could see a surprisingly clear surveillance image of him making a scene in the lobby of the Mossad building. He laughed.
"We need to talk."
"I do not want to."
"Why'd you send me a letter?"
"Because I wanted you to know that I had a heart and an ability to love."
"Have."
"What?"
"You still have a heart."
"Gibbs, I do not want to get into this now. Not here."
"Okay then." He shrugged and she finally turned to look at him. "Where?"
"Somewhere I know no-one is watching me." She stood up, careful to keep her distance. He followed her back through the lobby, throwing a dirty look to two of the security guards he'd argued with to gain access. "They are both trained killers, Gibbs. I really advise that you do not aggravate them any more than you already have done today." She muttered.
"Where we going?"
"A place where I feel safe. And know that DiNozzo is not going to jump out and tell me he is sorry and expect me to believe him." She snapped. "He can go back home for all I care."
"You don't mean that."
"I do." They argued as they walked to her car and he gingerly climbed in. He knew his driving was...not for the faint of heart, but he did that on purpose. Her driving was just downright dangerous. They sat in silence as she jumped from small gap to smaller gap between the cars in rush-hour traffic, her little red mini not putting up much protest as she squeezed into gaps he didn't think were big enough. A sure-fire tactic to avoid being followed. He realised that maybe, just maybe, her driving was more of a survival technique than anything else. It wasn't dangerous, it was sensible. In a completely bonkers world, yes. But that was her world. Her driving was developed to protect her from any danger. He watched her face as she focused. It wasn't careless. It was precise, calculated and surprisingly effective. They made it to the little house in the middle of nowhere fast.
"Where are we?"
"The David Family home." She said sarcastically and snorted. "Some family." He thought he heard her mutter under her breath, but he couldn't be certain.
"Director David won't be coming home early?"
"Director David has an apartment in Tel Aviv, close to headquarters. He does not use this place. My aunt Nettie keeps it for him when I am not here."
"And Aunt Nettie won't be coming home tonight?"
"She might be getting old, Gibbs, but as I am sure Ducky will tell you, old people can have some fun too." She chuckled then paused and turned around as they stood in the living room of the open house. "How are they all?"
"Wasn't there long enough to find out." He shrugged. He hadn't had time and it wasn't his aim to stick around and chat with them anyway. "You said you didn't feel safe at Mossad."
"I shall remind you again that I work with spies and trained killers. Only a fool would feel safe." She swallowed and looked at his face before walking into his fatherly embrace. "I have missed you." Her voice wavered and he felt moisture soaking into his shirt where she cried.
"I'm here now." He soothed, rubbing her back and suddenly flashing back to holding Kelly when he arrived home one time, how she had cried and begged him not to leave again. It was something he expected from Abby, but he was not overly surprised when Ziva started crying. She had killed her brother to save him, after all. If that didn't give them a connection then what did? She pulled back and he sighed at the sight of her. "You look tired."
"Every time I try to sleep I dream of him."
"Well, no-one wants that." He chuckled and led her to the sofa, where he sat down and she curled up beside him and rested her head in his lap. "Why'd you leave?"
"I said in the letter. I could not work with him every day and see him and want him and need him and know that it is unrequited and I cannot have him. It would destroy me."
"Who says it is unrequited?"
"He never looks at me in the way he looks at other women."
"Ziva, he leers at other women lustfully. He doesn't look at you like that because he looks at you in a different way."
"That is what I am saying."
"Have you ever looked at his eyes when he's looking at you? Properly looked?"
"They are always empty."
"No, they are always so full. You see the absence of lust in them, or at least the absence of the lust that you usually see in them. You don't see what replaces that." He caressed her hair, reminding him even more of Kelly.
"He cares for me only as a friend."
"He cares for you a lot more than you realise. You know, he wrote an alphabet of adjectives describing you." He chuckled slightly as she turned her head and stared at him. "I'm not kidding. I got him to show me on the plane."
"Were they any good?"
"They were…imaginative." He laughed. "They showed how much he studied you."
"What were they?"
"I'll let him tell you if he wants. But you have to talk to him."
"That is bribery."
"That's life." He shrugged. "He lights up like a Christmas tree when you enter the room. You wouldn't notice because you don't see him when you're not it the room, but he does. His whole mood changes."
"How?" She turned her head back to face forwards as Gibbs continued to stroke her hair.
"He can be in the worst mood ever, grouchy and grumpy, and then you walk in and he's like a different person. Cheerful and happy and full of life."
"He is grouchy when I am around too."
"You've never seen him in a proper grouch. Not one of his full-blown, temper-tantrum, volatile, explosive bad moods. It was at it's worst before Kate joined and having her around gave him something to play with, something to distract him, but she could never pacify him by just walking into the room."
"So you are telling me that he loved Kate but my brother killed her so he transferred his love of her onto me?"
"No, he loved her like a sister. He got angry with her too. He was like he is with McGee with her. With you it's like he can sense when you are in a room."
"I doubt that."
"I watched the security tape of the squad room the day you arrived."
"What?" She sat bolt upright.
"I didn't know how far I could trust you. You saved me, yeah, but you're also a spy and an assassin. I wanted to check you hadn't planted bugs or done something that would get my team killed."
"Is there a point to this?"
"He came in hung-over and grumpy. You watched him walk in."
"Yes. I said his hair was like a porcupine." She smiled at the memory.
"Even though he was wary of you, he visibly brightened at your presence. He still didn't like you at that point, not consciously at least, but there were little things, the subtle change of his posture, his expression. Even not knowing you, you managed to almost calm him."
"Now you are being ridiculous. He hated me."
"He'd just lost a friend, a colleague. I told you, they were like siblings."
"Why did he not say something when he had the chance then?"
"Because he didn't realise how deep his feelings really were. Love doesn't come easily to DiNozzo." He said and she scoffed. "Don't confuse lust and need with love, Ziva. He hasn't had an easy time with love."
"None of us have, Gibbs."
"Tony doesn't express how he feels well."
"For someone who spends his whole life talking, he really says very little."
"Precisely." He nodded and held an arm out for her to curl up next to him again. He'd missed having Abby's hugs, or hugs from anyone really. Mike wasn't someone you hug. Mike wasn't someone he could ever imagine wanting to hug. "You need to talk to him."
"It can never happen."
"Why not?"
"Because I am here and he is there. I doubt Mossad will let me transfer out again, and I doubt the team will want me back and there are rules, Gibbs. Big rules. Like 12."
"Well, I am sure that between the directors of the FBI, CIA and NCIS, I think there might just be enough favours owed to get back our liaison officer, to promote and strengthen political ties with our allies. And I wouldn't be so sure about the team not wanting you back. It was silent in there when I arrived. McGee was wearing a black suit and tie; Tony was scruffy – like he hadn't even bothered. The new one sat in McGee's old desk looked timid."
"I found Agent Lee often looks like that." Ziva shrugged.
"You like her?"
"She is a lawyer."
"Enough said." Gibbs laughed and kissed the top of her head. "No doubt Abby is dressed for your funeral right now."
"What about the rules?"
"Some of them are more…guidelines than actual rules."
"So… Rule 12 is just a guideline?"
"Rule 12 is there to prevent the awkwardness when things go wrong. It is to create peace."
"Then why are you saying we can break it?"
"Because you and DiNozzo have been through so much that you won't take it for granted."
"Why did you let McGee and Abby break it then?"
"Ziva, do you really thing that those two are able to have a messy break-up with one another. They love each other too much for that. They would do anything for the other."
"Then why did it not work between them? If they loved each other so much?" She was confused.
"There's more than one way to love, Ziva. Abby and Tim love each other in every way possible, which makes for a difficult relationship. If you love someone as a brother and a friend and a protector and a lover and possibly even a father in circumstances, it just doesn't work. You don't love Tony as a brother or a father."
"How do you know?"
"Because you would never look at him in the same way you do if you thought of him as a brother."
"I do not understand this whole looking and loving thing." She buried her head into his shoulder and he grinned.
"You'll learn. With time you'll learn." They stayed on the sofa, listening to each other's breathing until the sky darkened outside and Ziva drifted off to sleep, a smile fixed on her lips. Gibbs gently scooped her up when he was certain he wouldn't wake her and carried her through the house, looking for her bedroom. After opening doors to bedrooms that seemed almost shrine-like, untouched from when they were last used by each person, he reached Ziva's, the attic room. He smiled at how bright the room was, lit by table lamps and freestanding lamps. There was a skylight that showed the stars above her bed and he wondered if the glass was bullet resistant like he guessed the rest of the windows were. More than likely. He lay her down on the soft white cotton sheets and turned, stopping when his gaze fell on a picture of the whole of her family sat on the small desk. Mother, Father, two daughters and a half brother.
"Ari had come to visit." She said sleepily. "Mother was not comfortable with him being in the house, but I loved having him around and Father demanded that he stay. We spent the whole weekend together, I only remember the laughing, but I know that there was a lot of shouting, too." Gibbs stood and listened. "That is the only weekend I remember my Mother and Father spending together. Not even when my best friend died did they join me to come to the funeral." She pointed to the photo next to the one of her family. It showed a young girl and boy, crying with laughter and covered in dust and dirt. "He died two weeks after that photo was taken. I was twelve. I went to his funeral alone."
"Ziva." He looked at her sympathetically.
"I lose all the people I love eventually. They all die."
"I know." He walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. "But they die whether you love them or not."
"Sometimes I think it is just me."
"You think that if you allow yourself to love people, it will put them in danger." He nodded. He knew the feeling. "Everyone feels like that at one point in their life, but we feel it worse. Suppose it's more an occupational hazard than anything." She yawned and he smiled. "Get some sleep, Ziva." She yawned again and nodded. "Lilah tov."
"Lilah tov, Abba." She murmured as she succumbed to the deep, inviting sleep. He kissed her forehead and walked carefully down the stairs so as not to wake her. He took out his phone and, putting his glasses on, he typed the address and directions into a text and sent it to his senior field agent. Then, he shut the light in the lounge off and settled on the sofa, relaxing in the eerie stillness of the 'David family home'.
She stirred to voices floating up from downstairs. She ran through yesterday's events in the hope that she might be mistaken as to who it was talking in her kitchen, but to no avail. She knew the two masculine voices. She looked up at the skylight. Tali had, after some convincing, helped her climb out through it one time, late at night. She had managed to balance a chair on a box to get it to the right height, and had then scrambled down the roof. Getting back in had been a problem. Her father had caught her and spent a whole month ignoring her for disobeying his orders not to see the boy she had crept out to visit. The smell of burnt toast brought her out of her reverie and she realised that either one of the men could be cooking if they had managed to burn the toast. She slipped out of bed and pulled on her light robe over the cotton camisole and shorts she had slipped on after Gibbs had headed downstairs the night before. She took one final breath before heading towards the kitchen. Both men fell silent when she entered and nodded to them each in turn, glaring at Gibbs and not allowing her eyes to meet Tony's. She gasped when he crossed the room in two steps and pulled her into a hug to contend with Abby.
"I am so sorry. I have missed you so much." He held her tight, restricting all movement as he closed his eyes and kept his faced hidden in her hair. She was stiff with shock at his boldness as he continued to hug her, but as his warmth started to envelope her she relaxed, melting into his body. She clenched her hands into fists around the fabric of his shirt along the side-seams and leant her head into the side of his neck, closing her eyes to the world and for the moment just allowing herself to be content in his arms, not caring that they had a lot to talk about or that she was still petrified that he would see who she really was. She just concentrated on the fact that he had his arms around her and it seemed like the first rays of sunshine had finally hit her since she had arrived in Israel. As tears began to roll down her cheeks and splash onto his shoulder he started to pull away, forcing her only to release his shirt from her hands and reach around his back to hug him tighter.
"Please. Not yet." She whispered, needing longer with his arms around her before she would be able to face the tasks ahead of her.
"As you wish." He stroked her back soothingly, letting her breathing slow into a regular pattern and her hands move to his shoulders before he pulled away gently. She turned away to wipe the tears from her cheeks as he stared at the empty space where Gibbs had been standing.
"He is outside." She pointed to the window looking out onto the olive grove and the silver haired man as he stood by the closest tree, a mug of coffee in hand. "I do not have any coffee here."
"He brought his own." Tony held up the bag of coffee beans.
"How very Gibbs." Ziva smiled. "Who burnt the toast?"
"I did. I was going to make breakfast for you but…" He trailed off and pointed to the pile of blackened bread. "Your toaster doesn't like me."
"You have to hit it when you want it to stop or it will just keep on toasting." She nodded. "Can I get you anything less burnt to eat? I might have some yogurt in the fridge?"
"No, it's fine." The atmosphere grew tense as they both tried to find ways to delay the inevitable. "Unless you wanted something?"
"I am not hungry." She shook her head.
"Okay." He nodded. The silence lapsed over them again as they stood in the kitchen, watching Gibbs drink his coffee. "It's so hot here."
"I do not notice the heat anymore. I grew up in it."
"You grew up here, didn't you?" He knew the answer, and she knew that he knew the answer, but they both needed something to talk about that wasn't going to take them into the dangerous territory of questions that had to be asked and truthfully answered.
"Yes." She nodded. "As a child I climbed the trees out there."
"What were you like as a child?" He asked, trying to imagine a young Ziva.
"I was naïve. I was innocent." She swallowed, her throat suddenly dry. "I remember laughing a lot."
"You laugh a lot now."
"Not like I used to. I used to believe that there was good in everybody. That one day, in my lifetime, there would be world peace and everyone would be happy and Mother and Father would laugh and talk to one another and Ari would be able to stay more often and there would be more time for dancing and running around than there was for schoolwork." She smiled, lost in her memory. Tony's brow crinkled. He looked at her, trying to work out if he heard her right.
"Ari?"
"In Arabic it means 'brings rain' and in Hebrew it means 'lion'. I used to think him lucky that his name meant something in two languages." She was still caught up in her musings, not realising what she had said.
"Ari?" He questioned again, staring at something far off in the distance. This time Ziva caught on to what he meant and gasped. They stared at one another, Tony not masking his horror. "As in Haswari?"
"Yes." She looked down at her clasped hands.
"Why were you wishing Haswari would stay here more?" His voice wavered.
"His name was Ari. Do not call him Haswari."
"He killed Kate. Why should I give him the honour?" Tony spat, everything he had known over the past year crumbling.
"Because you did not know him. He was a good person." She should never have mentioned it.
"He was a terrorist."
"Yes, he was when you met him, but he was my brother and he was a good man." She definitely should not have mentioned that.
"He was your brother?" A mix of emotions passed across his face, horror, shock, confusion, anger. "How can we trust you when your brother was a terrorist?"
"You do not trust me?"
"I don't know how I can."
"You have managed so far. A whole year you have been able to trust me, and now this means that you cannot any more?"
"Yes."
"Why, just because you now know who my brother was?" She couldn't believe what she was hearing.
"I just…if we could trust you then it would never have been kept as a secret!"
"If I had told you you would never have trusted me. He had just killed your friend!"
"So you finally admit that he did, because the way I remember it you were adamant he was innocent!"
"I know he killed her!"
"You knew and you still tried to convince us he was innocent?"
"No, I did not know. I believed he was innocent. He was my brother!" Gibbs had expected shouting, but not so soon. He hurried through the house and into the kitchen.
"So what changed your mind?!"
"He confessed!"
"Did you know that Haswari was her brother?" Tony pointed at her accusingly as Gibbs looked at her. She nodded subtly.
"Yes. I knew."
"Did you know before you killed him?" Gibbs inhaled, his eyes not leaving Ziva's face.
"No." He shook his head. "I didn't know before I killed him."
"Gibbs, I do not think that lying to Tony now would be a good idea."
"Ziver, don't forget where we are."
"This house is safe. I sweep it for bugs regularly." She looked at him. "He deserves the truth and I do not want to lie anymore."
"If you say so." He shrugged and walked through to the living room. Tony and Ziva followed, Tony angry, Ziva ashamed. She pulled her robe around her tighter, feeling cold even in the sweltering heat.
"Gibbs did not kill Ari." She stayed standing whilst the two men sat on the sofa.
"Oh, great. So her psyco terrorist brother is still wandering around? I thought you would have at least told us Gibbs!"
"Ari is dead, DiNozzo." Gibbs sighed.
"I'm confused. Either he is dead or he is not dead."
"He is dead." Gibbs assured him.
"Then who killed the bastard?!" The room fell silent.
"I. Killed. Ari." She took rasping breaths between each word. The air grew heavy, tension building.
"You killed your brother?" He asked incredulously.
"Yes."
"Then why did you not just tell me?"
"I was his control officer. He was my brother. Our father is the director of Mossad. He was a Hamas terrorist. Do you think that me broadcasting the fact that I killed him would be life enhancing? It would be like signing my own death warrant. Every officer of Mossad, every Hamas terrorist would have been after me. Who knows who else would want me dead. I am still not convinced that at the moment you do not want me dead right now." He stayed icy silent, not looking at her.
"Ziva…"
"I know, Gibbs. I should not have said that." She paused. "Please say something."
"You killed your brother."
"I know. I was there." She muttered.
"Why'd you do it?"
"He was not innocent. He was going to kill Gibbs." She turned away and stared at a photo on the mantle piece of her, Tali and Ari. "I trusted him. He was my big brother. He taught me to ride my bike and climb trees and I loved him. I trusted him and he betrayed me."
"So you killed him?"
"And saved me." Tony turned to stare at his boss. "That a problem, DiNozzo?"
"I don't know, boss." He looked away. "I mean, we've been lied to for the past year." He shook his head and headed outside, leaving Ziva and Gibbs in the sitting room.
"I'll handle it." He followed his senior field agent. She just walked over to the corner of the room and slid down the wall to curl up on the hard-wood flooring, bringing her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. She tried to ignore the shouting that travelled in from outside and just thanked whatever higher power that would listen that they were in the middle of nowhere so no-one would hear the two men shouting about her.
"Gibbs. She lied to us!"
"So did I." He walked out of the house and Tony glared at him. He'd been practicing with his glares, he'd gotten better.
"And that's not forgiven, but she lied to me and then had the audacity to tell me she loves me?!"
"And you followed her out here because you love her back."
"Loved, Gibbs."
"Fine then, you loved her before you knew this – what's changed?"
"Oh, I don't know, the fact that she's related to Haswari, she killed him not you, she lied about it?"
"That was all the same before, DiNozzo." Gibbs said calmly.
"Context changes things."
"How, DiNozzo? So what, now you know a truth that could get both you and her killed if anyone else found out? It doesn't change who she is, doesn't change the fact that she loves you, that you love her."
"It does!"
"Does it? She's still the same Ziva you have known for the last year. Nothing has happened to change that. Are you really so shallow, DiNozzo?"
"Shallow? I just don't like being lied to!"
"You lied to her."
"What?"
"You lied to her. You never told her how you felt about her."
"I never lied. I never told her I didn't love her!"
"You never told her you did." Gibbs shrugged, not showing the cracks that were starting to break in his calm exterior. Shouting at DiNozzo wasn't going to help anything.
"Lying by omission is not the same as down-right lying!"
"She never down-right lied to you!"
"She told us she was his control officer."
"The truth. Mossad, DiNozzo, is like one big, happy family."
"She told us you killed Ari."
"No. She never mentioned Ari's death. She never mentioned Ari. I was the one who lied about Ari. And I did so to keep her safe. Alive." He stood in silence, a petulant child not wanting to believe what he was being told. "She lied by omission too."
"How do we know we can trust her? How can I know that she hasn't lied about anything else?"
"Do you trust me, DiNozzo?" He watched as Tony deliberated, uncertainty flickering across his face.
"Yes."
"I trust her. With my life. She's not lying about anything else." Tony turned away and slammed his fist into the side of the rental car, recoiling and cradling his hand at the pain it caused. "Feel better now?"
"The car's real hot, boss." He pouted and Gibbs chuckled slightly.
"DiNozzo, you gonna run back home without finishing what you started?"
"Boss, I…"
"She loves you DiNozzo. She left a job and the protection it gave her to prove it." Gibbs looked at Tony's frown. "At NCIS we could give her protection if anyone at Mossad did manage to find out what really happened with Ari. We can't do that whilst she's here." He shrugged.
"Don't make me feel guilty boss." He sighed.
"I'm not. I'm telling you how much you mean to her."
"I need some time to think, boss."
"You don't got time, DiNozzo. Flights tomorrow morning, with or without her. Your choice." Tony sighed and shook his head, walking past Gibbs and back into the house. He looked up to the clear blue sky. It could only get better from here.
