Wednesday 28th August 2019

Dear Albus,

I. . .I don't even know where to start. I can't even owl you as it seems so final, Merlin knows I've tried. The fireplace in the drawing room also knows, as does the ash-covered floor. But I gave up and wrote this instead as I know I won't have to send this, and we're going back to Hogwarts in four days anyway. Things are really bad.

Mum's gone, Albus. She passed in the early hours of yesterday morning in St Mungo's. Dad and I were with her, and it was peaceful. I'm glad that she's not suffering any longer, she's been completely bedridden over most of the summer, and even though she would tell me she wasn't in pain, I could always tell by the lines next to her eyes. The Healers could only ever do so much in regard to managing the pain due to the nature of the blood malediction.

You know, sometimes I absolutely despise my family's legacy. Those pureblood ideals and prejudice way of carrying on uncontaminated bloodlines. And not just the Malfoys. They think the blood curse has to do with that, that a Greengrass ancestor wanted to ensure the bloodline would be pure. I'm pureblood though so it still doesn't really make sense unless the curse somehow knew Mum didn't uphold those values. I wasn't raised how my father was, how my grandfather wished I was.

Why did my mother have to suffer, Albus?

I'm finding it hard to do anything, though it's been like that for most of the summer. It's a good thing we have a house-elf, otherwise, I fear what the Manor would turn into. It already feels so empty, and the last time Mum was home was the few days after I got back from school in June. I don't see Dad much, it was only really on the hospital visits. Either he's working at the Ministry or in his study, or taking walks around the grounds, or whatever else he does away from the Manor. Mum's only been gone a day but he's still the same. His work must have given him leave though as he's definitely spending more time in his study.

Me? I am a bit of a mess, though I'm not even sure that is the right word. I don't really feel anything. Grief is strange. I'm a mess because I'm not myself. There's nothing else. No overwhelming emotions, no tears. Nothing. Maybe it hasn't fully hit me yet. It's definitely strange knowing we won't be going back to St Mungo's today. Now my father has to sort out the funeral. . .

I'll get around to asking you at some point, but I hope you can be there with me.
I think I'll need you.

Part of me doesn't want to go back to Hogwarts. I don't want to leave my dad here alone. He'll have no-one. My grandfather certainly doesn't care. At least Grandmother Narcissa was more tolerating and loving towards us. I miss her sometimes. Trust our luck that Lucius still lives to remind me every few days how I'm a disappointment. How Mother was a disgrace. Though Father has always made every effort to let me know that I shouldn't listen to Lucius, and I'm grateful for that.

But I also know that I have to go back to Hogwarts. Mum's last wish was for me to be successful and happy, and to follow my heart. School can be a great distraction. I've already read through our textbooks for this year cover to cover, and I'm looking forward to getting back into a homework routine. Plus, you're there of course! It wouldn't be Hogwarts without you, Albus.

Albus and Scorpius. What a team we are!

I'm going to need you more than ever over the coming weeks. I have no idea how to handle this. I'm sorry in advance if I end up a crying wreck most nights in our dorm room, or if I throw myself into schoolwork. I'm sorry if I completely close off without meaning to, or if I become irritable and argumentative. I've considered Quidditch for something else to do but just watching rather than playing. No point in inviting everyone to kick me while I'm down. Maybe in the future though.

I miss my mum, Albus. So much. It seems the gardens do too as some of the flowers have started to wilt. I'll ask Father to help me plant some more before I go back to Hogwarts. I'd hate to leave knowing her favourite saucer magnolia tree and daisies were left to fade away.

I should try to get some rest. I'll see you on Sunday.

Your best friend,
Scorpius