Chapter 4: The Final Roster Update

Master Hand and Crazy Hand were locked in a fierce staring contest until they both realized that they don't really have eyes. So they flew off in seperate paths, Crazy Hand going to Peach's Barbie room and Master Hand returning to the stage in the Grand Hall.

"Hey guys! Guess what?" Master Hand asked, in a fake tone of happiness. "We've got many new additons! I'll name them as they run by... ahem..."

"Uh-oh," Mario thought to himself.

"Diddy Kong!" Master Hand shouted as the small monkey ran by. The monkey imeadiatly ran to Donkey Kong, and they shared a hug that made Marth and Mario go "Aww..."

"King Dedede!" Kirby shat himself, and Metaknight laughed.

"Ike!" Marth cooed, and Ike rolled his eyes.

"Pit!" Marth grew a huge erection by this point. Pit waved to Marth with a seductive smile on his face.

"Toon Link! One second..." Master Hand zapped Young Link, turning him into a pile of ashes on the floor. Nobody cared.

"Captain Olimar!" People glared at the small spaceman as he trotted by, with a trail of strange plant creatures behind him.

"Lucario!" People scratched their heads in confusion.

"Pokemon Trainer!" At this point, people stopped paying attention.

"And one more surprise... Samus, please take the stage."

"With pleasure," Samus replied, winking. She got on the stage and proceded taking her suit off... to reveal her Zero Suit.

"Falcon BONER!" Captain Falcon screamed. Peach ran away crying.

"See that?" Master Hand said, proudly. "She IS a girl!"

"Well I'll be damned!" Ganondorf said, smiling.

"I already knew that, I thought it was common knowledge..." Ness said, in a snobbish accent.

"So, we got that out of the way. Which is good. I don't want to mess with you people for a while. So go do whatever." Master Hand flew off, and everyone cheered. The latest newcomers all jumped off of the stage and to the ground below.

"What do we do now?" Toon Link asked King Dedede.

King Dedede shrugged. "I swear to God, if someone says my name like the way Carlos Mencia says it, someone is going to get my boot up there ass."

"Who is that?" Toon Link responded, scratching his head.

"...never mind. Go meet your fellow smashers, kid," King Dedede said, before flying back to his dorm.

"I swear, that King Dedede is always cooking up trouble!" Kirby shouted.

"He's not doing anything..." Metaknight replied, with an annoyed tone.

"That's what you think! I'm gonna see what he's doing!" Kirby shouted, before flying to King Dedede's dorm.

"Nosy pain the ass," Gannondorf said, rolling his eyes.

"You're the one with the big nose!" Zelda said, pointing to Ganondorf's nose.

"Yeah, well you're the one with... the big... BOOBS!" Ganondorf shouted, before doing his funny ass run out of the Grand Hall. People looked at the running Ganondorf for a few seconds with confused looks on their faces for a little while, and then returned to their conversations.

Luigi yawned out of boredom. "So, I guess-a we won't have-a to hang around here anymore?" Luigi asked his older twin brother.

"I guess-a not," Mario replied, before sulking off to his dorm.

Luigi shot a glance over to Samus, who was being escorted into the bathroom by Captain Falcon. "Ugh," he said to himself, knowing that they'd engage in sexual activities in there.

To prove him right, he heard a loud cry of "FALCON SCREW!" from inside the bathroom. He rolled his eyes and went to his own dormitory, having enough of the idiocy of the other smashers.

-
I had to get this out of the way. I don't like it either. But I'll try to make things interesting in later installments.