Hi everyone! Oh how long has it been since I have updated anything? Sigh...
There is one bad thing I want to share with you all and it pertains to one of my stories, more specifically "Mechanical Heart." I can proudly and sadly declare that I am utterly and devastatingly STUCK. Yeah, I'm stuck and I have no idea how to continue it so for now, until I can get something to pop up inside this messed up mind of mine, I will be updating the other stories that I have out until I can think of something. I am so sorry for this and I apologize to all the people who wanted me to update "Mechanical Heart" specifically. I promise though, I will try to do something about the next chapter soon.
On a happier note, I am collaborating with a group of my friends in making a manga. Yay! But that might take up more of my time away from writing. Damn, okay that's not good. Sigh anyways yeah, I'm the writer for this manga and the drafter of the storyboard. Gonna be busy in the future... Okay, I think I'm rambling so you can move onto the next chapter.
Kisame was visiting again. He had arrived in the morning but had to wait for several hours sitting in the room in silence. Itachi had slept in late, REALLY LATE. It was practically an hour before midday when he had awakened. The red eyed man felt his body slowly failing. It was annoyingly sluggish today. He was always tired and just couldn't muster the energy to stay awake or get out of bed. His reflexes acted out as a 60-year-old man instead of a 19-year-old. He felt as though he had no energy. His breathing was uneven again and his skin tone had changed to a deathly white. His once blood red eyes were dulled to a pale tint of faded carmine. Itachi felt light-headed and dizzy. His condition was worsening. The doctors had to up his medication.
"If he doesn't make it past tonight... He may not make it at all..."
That was what the doctor had said.
"Don't worry. You'll be fine," Kisame said, trying to comfort his sick friend.
"I'm not worried at all. I knew this would be coming. But who knew my prediction could be so accurate," Itachi replied. "There's only five left... And soon, the last one will fall tonight."
Kisame could not hold it in any longer. "What are you talking about? What do you mean, five? And what is this last one? Itachi, please tell me. I'm very worried about you."
Itachi looked at the taller man calmly. There was no fear on his face. It was as though there was nothing wrong with him even though the doctors had practically told him he was going to die. 'He does not even fear death,' Kisame's mind told him. 'Any normal person would fear it. There's something wrong...'
"It's nothing you need to know..." Itachi said no more.
Kisame could not accept that answer. In normal circumstances, he would have not questioned it but in this situation, he cared too much. He cared for Itachi too much. He could not let it slide. "Itachi, we have been friends for almost eight years. And you should know how I felt about you four years ago. I'm truly concerned. I know you said we were not meant for each other but despite that we have broken up already, I still love you..."
"Kisame, please don't say things like that now..."
"I have to say it. You don't understand..." Kisame paused for a while, trying to collect his thoughts on how to put it. Finally, he continued, "I care about you and more than ever... I wish to share in your pain. No matter how much people I will grow to love in the future, you will always be the most important person to me. Even if you don't return my affections, I won't change. I'm content with just being there for you. But just recently, I find myself drifting farther away. I have never questioned you before but I really wish to know what is going on inside your mind. If your fate has truly been decided, then let this be the last thing I will ever ask of you."
Itachi gazed into Kisame's ocean blue eyes. He could see that Kisame wasn't lying. And that only made Itachi feel more guilty. He had rejected him, but the taller man still loved him despite this. Itachi closed his eyes as a familiar emotion washed over him. If this really was the last time he would ever see his precious friend again, then he would fulfill his last wish.
"The leaves..."
Itachi could tell Kisame didn't understand by the confused expression on his face. So the slender man explained, "The leaves on the vine. I've been staring out the window at the leaves all this time, not at the brick wall. When I arrived here, I saw them and I told myself, 'when the last leaf falls from the vine, then I shall die.' At first, there were so many of them, practically in the hundreds but as time passed as I stayed in this hospital, they began falling, one after another. I was counting them. There's only five left now. It won't be long until the last leaf falls."
Once it falls, then I will die...
Kisame could not believe his ears. "That... is the most absurd thing I have ever heard! It is ridiculous! How can you relate your life to a couple of leaves falling?"
"But it's true, isn't it? The last leaf will probably fall by tonight and the doctor said that if I didn't make it tonight, I would die." In a softer voice, Itachi added, "That is probably what will happen."
"But it's still ludicrous! It's illogical, irrational, and it will never happen! Even if the last leaf falls, you will not die Itachi!"
"I believe I will. With each passing day, as the leaves slowly decreased in number, my health slowly deteriorated. You can't deny the truth." Itachi moved his eyes to stare out the window once more.
"That's only because you believed in that fact. If you don't have the will to live, then of course your health will deteriorate. Leaves cannot be controlled; they will fall eventually. But humans can control their well-being if they truly wish to. They can have the ability to fight back and live if they have the will to," Kisame declared. Itachi didn't answer back. He continued to stare out the window. There was no use changing the man's mind. He had decided it for himself and seemed to fully believe in this ridiculous idea. "How did you come up with such an idea?"
"It's very natural to relate human means to common occurrences, to symbolize one thing for the use of another. It's not all that ridiculous. I find it amusing to use meager objects as euphemisms of the reality of this world."
Kisame could not understand how Itachi would have thought of the last leaf falling as the symbol for the end of his time, but he knew one thing, "This goes more deeper than just natural and amusing, right?"
Vermilion eyes widened just slightly. 'How did he know...' "I thought you could never understand me?"
"I can't always know what you're thinking, but I understand enough about you to know what you mean by your words."
Itachi laughed bitterly, with sarcasm dripping so noticeably. "I can never hide anything from you without you knowing eventually, huh?"
"Perhaps not. Now tell me, what is all this really about?"
Itachi lowered his face as his expression changed from cynical to sad. This subject was still a fresh wound that had not healed yet. But Itachi felt as though he owed Kisame an explanation. Something to make up for all the years he had rejected the man's affections. Falling in love was too late for him already and he could not reciprocate the unrequited love. It was over a long time ago. But an understanding would have to do. "Do you remember... Naruto Uzumaki?"
Kisame's face darkened with silent anger. "How can I forget him? That pathetic excuse of a lover who left you all for the sake of pleasing his family members. I would have thoroughly beaten him if death hadn't claimed him first."
"I know you hate him. I know you were trying so hard to accept it when I chose him over you. Sometimes I regret that decision; I only set myself up for heartbreak. In the end, it was me that got hurt the most," Itachi said. "Do you remember the night he and I broke up?"
"Yes. You called me afterwards and I stayed by your side all night while you cried." Kisame could never forget that night. It was when he felt his own heart break at the sight of Itachi's broken sobbing form. Itachi had never cried that much in his life, only on that night. Kisame knew the long haired man had really loved Naruto. And to have that said man leave him hanging so cruelly, Kisame would never forgive him.
"You know already that Naruto left me because his father had demanded that they move to another city to prosper. The night before they left, he appeared at my doorstep. I told you that he broke up with me but what I didn't tell you... was that he also used a method of symbolizing his intentions." Itachi did not look up as he told Kisame this. His eyes were sad and hurt-filled. "He gave me... a bouquet of roses, 12 to be exact. He told me... that when the last rose in this bouquet withers, he'll stop loving me... It's very ironic. Seven days later, he dies in an accident. Seven days later, the flowers would have all withered. His prediction came true."
"So this is all about him. You're just waiting for death all because you can't let him go," Kisame said. "You don't have to follow his example. His roses scheme was all just a sick excuse to leave you. You don't have to relate your life in the same way."
Itachi replied, "I'm not doing this because of him. You may say I'm following his example, perhaps I really am, but I have decided this for myself." Itachi's voice lowered to almost a whisper, "Perhaps I have lost the will to live... because I can't heal this broken heart of mine."
"I still think it's foolish to believe such a thing. Naruto leaving you was his problem. You don't have to die because of him," Kisame admitted.
"I'm dying because of this illness, not because of him. I'm sort of happy that he left me. At least I know he stopped loving me before he died. That would quell some of the pain in my heart," Itachi said. "I believe I still have the roses at home. I threw them into my closet in a fit of rage. I never opened that closet ever since. They must all be dried up."
"I won't believe it. Even if you have decided this some time ago, I will not believe it. The last leaf will fall, I will not say it won't... but you will still be living," declared Kisame. "I know there's no persuading you... And I won't try to change your mind... But I won't say good-bye either because I hope that, despite everything, you can learn to heal and move on with whoever you wish to be with. I can only hope for your happiness."
Itachi smiled sincerely to Kisame and replied, "Thank you." And the taller man returned the smile back.
Itachi coughed a little into his hand. His body felt cold again. He shivered considerably that Kisame had a hard time not noticing. The slender man clutched the blankets closer to his slightly trembling form. "Are you cold," Kisame asked, concerned.
"I'll be fine."
Unbeknownst to the both of them, someone was standing just before Itachi's room, right next to the doorway. The wall conveniently hid him from sight. Although the two occupants in the room did not notice him, he heard everything they had said, from the beginning to the end. He listened to the whole conversation, analyzing all the things spoken in his mind. Finally, he left without making his presence known, boots clacking against the hospital's marble floor.
Okay, now I think we have cleared up a few things about Itachi's past in this one. Phew, glad to get that out of the way. Now, onto who was peeking in on them... Hmmmm... I got no comment.
For some reason, I'm suddenly remembering this movie about a girl who could talk to ladybugs and eventually I had no idea what the hell was going on. Apparently the world was gonna end because all the bugs in the world wanted to bring the apocalypse for the death of one ladybug and the girl and her friends had to find a ladybug to prevent the apocalypse. Then they started singing and dancing in the park while the world was ending. Yeah if the world is ending you should concentrate on finding the ladybug, not sing and dance. And there was this contest in the middle of all that which I had no idea what the hell they were trying to do. Also in the end they managed to stop the apocalypse by throwing a jar of honey at the bugs, yeah that's going against the ladybug thing. Funny thing was that this film was meant for adults. I mean really, what the hell did I just watch. Nothing made sense!
Anyways, woah I think I went rambling again. Sorry, I tend to do that. Anyways, the next chapter is going to be the biggest and most important part of this story: the main turning point. It will decide whether Itachi lives or not so get ready.
Oh one more thing, someone has brought it up to me that I should do something about my poll, the one about which story you want updated. I'm thinking about restarting it everytime I update so that if you change your mind about something, you can vote again. I don't know... We'll see how it goes.
Last thing: review please? Thank you!
~P§
