A big thank you to everyone reading this and an even bigger thank you to everyone reviewing it! I cant believe that the chapters keep flowing out of me. :) Keep reviewing!
A month had passed and with each day my confidence grew. I was already knee deep in lectures to write up and essays to finish, I almost didn't have time to party. I said almost. My schedule was drummed firmly into my brain, three lectures a week each one lasting around two hours. The rest of the time was mine to do with as I pleased and I had eventually found a happy balance between partying and work. After all, all work and no play is just plain shit.
Melissa and I were becoming best friends, she had helped me so much. It didn't surprise me that she was studying psychology she knew what was going on in my head better than I did. She managed to get me all the way through my first real heartbreak and above all that she was as gay as a post so I didn't have to hide the uncertainty about my sexuality. And even though I still wasn't really sure who I was I knew I was well on the way to being o.k. I just had to keep reminding my subconscious that no matter what she thought of herself, Emily wasn't weak, and wherever she was right now I hoped with all my heart that she was happy. And it was the belief that even though I had completely crushed her, she was going to pick herself up and be better than ever, that kept me going. That was the most important thing, and the moment I stopped believing that I would probably descend back into hating myself for what I had done.
"You thinking about something? Shit you are...you're actually thinking!" Melissa jumped onto the sofa and stole the packet of crisps that I was half way through eating.
"You know what happens when you steal my food, yet you keep doing it." I swiftly managed to wrestle her to the ground and grabbed back my crisps. One nil to me!
"Want us to come back later?" Jake and Carly barged their way through the door and onto the sofa. Melissa gave me one last shove before clambering into the kitchen and getting her own packet. Jake was the first guy I'd ever told I wasn't completely straight, it was a good sign when he didn't turn and run away screaming. Carly was his girlfriend, she was nice enough but a little dim. Not in a book smart kind of way more of a 'let me get the toast out of the toaster with a knife' kind of way. She was stupidly intelligent yet had the common sense of a garden hose, but she did make me laugh. Which is always nice. She had guessed I was at least bisexual when she stumbled in on me and Mel kissing in the bathroom of 'Cherry' our local club. It was a drunken kiss that didn't really lead anywhere, but it was nice, I won't lie. Since then we'd definitely set up boundaries, basically decided that we were friends and that was that.
"So, we going out and getting ratted tonight then?" Jake was always straight to the point. If it was up to him we would be going out every night, it wasn't a bad idea but I didn't want my work to suffer too much. Getting kicked out of university would force me right back to the start, something I really didn't want to happen.
"Of course, it's ladies night at 'Cherry'" Mel kicked me just to make sure I was paying attention. I smirked back at her and knew that she had something wicked in mind. Ladies night was when the raging lesbians came out to play, Mel was always there on a Thursday. And Friday morning was often filled with luxurious sex noises emanating from her room. I'd been to ladies night once, the first week I was here and felt completely out of my depth and even though now I was a little more sure of myself I was still totally scared. Come on you loser, you're going to have to put yourself back on the market at some point!
"Sure, why not." My confidence knocked me back slightly but I managed to persuade myself that everything was going to be ok. Plus that would leave me most of the weekend to pack my stuff away for the few days I was going to spend at home. All my lectures next week were cancelled on account of divorce. My professor had to go to Warwick and sign some papers, bully for him. So I had decided that I would go home and show mum that I wasn't falling apart enough to warrant four phone calls a day.
"You actually want to go?" Mel was surprised; to be fair everyone was surprised.
"Yea, why not...what's the worst that could happen?" I felt three pairs of confused eyes looking at me as I got the MDMA laced brownies out of the oven. My mind flew back to Panda's eighteenth birthday party, what a laugh that thing was. The fun we'd had was largely due to a similar cakey goodness. The inevitable memory of Emily flooded in, but instead of crumbling, I smiled. Part of my 'new life' resolution was to remember the good times Emily and I had shared not the bad ones.
"You going to share em out or just stare at em longingly?" Jake had a way with words. Especially when it was something he wanted.
"Excuse you, who paid for the ingredients?" I silenced him with a single glare; that was until Mel started laugh-choking on crisps. I cut the brownies and left them to cool, ultimately deciding that it was far too early in the afternoon to get completely drugged up.
"We'll eat them before we go out. It will make for a nice buzz before we get to the club." I shoved a beer into his hand instead hoping that it would suffice for now. Before I knew it I was playing waitress and made up a round of a weird cocktail mix I had stumbled across purely by accident whilst I was attempting to make Blue Lagoons at one of Mel's LGBT get togethers that had made its way back to our room. It was the first time in my life I had been surrounded by people who knew exactly what I was going through. Since then I had managed to persuade myself to go to three meetings, I was able to talk openly about my apparent growing love and lust for women. It was absurd how much talking things through actually helped me to see things more clearly. I wasn't afraid of liking girls in fact I was slowly realising how much better than men they were. Not to mention just how gorgeous women are, luscious lips, gorgeous legs and hips. And I started to see just how much I loved boobs, the way they rise and fall with each tender breath. Just a little gay...huh!
I decided it would probably be a better idea to get changed now, before I got slightly drunk and completely lost all sense of hand-eye coordination. I wasn't entirely sure what to wear but settled on my white skinny fit jeans and a tightly cropped yellow vest top. My white leather Doc Martins completed my outfit along with a few bracelets and a clutch bag to hold my phone and purse. I fluffed up my hair before returning to the living room.
I went over to the kitchen to pour myself a drink and was greeted by two piercing wolf whistles, one from Jake and the other from Mel. I wasn't entirely sure if Carly had grasped what was going on but she didn't seem to notice me until sat down next to her.
"Did you change?" it was very rare that she spoke, I'm sure she thought I was trying to steal her boyfriend and even though every fibre in my body told me to be a sarcastic bitch I decided politeness never hurt anyone.
"Yea, just changed my clothes in case I get too drunk to do it later!" I tried to smile at her but I'm sure it just showed all the disdain that I was trying not to release.
"Why is it that the drunker you get the harder it is to get dressed but the easier it is to undress someone else?" Jake commented before we erupted in laughter.
"God you're philosophical!" Mel threw a pillow at him before disappearing into her room, I assumed she was going to throw on some gorgeous outfit that shoved mine into the shadows. She was after all far too beautiful for her own good. Standing roughly the same height as me she had a perfectly toned body. Her skin was tanned and matched her flawlessly natural auburn hair to a tee; her eyes were a shade of burnt chestnut that could portray any emotion. It was safe to say that she had 'come to bed' eyes. Basically she was a vision, a little bit like Effy had been through college. Minimal effort, maximum reward. She grasped your attention firmly without even trying.
That's probably why I was so uncomfortable the last time we had gone to 'Cherry' on ladies night, there she was at the bar surrounded by girls practically falling over themselves to get her attention. And there I was stood propping up the bar next to her trying desperately to avoid any flirting that came in my direction. But now seeing as I was growing into a rampant muff muncher I had decided that there was no time like the present to put my skills to the test.
Two hours of drinking followed before we were all merry enough to scoff down three brownies a piece and fall out of the university grounds into town. The neon sign that marked our destination was just up ahead and I felt a spasm of nerves creep into my brain. Mel must have seen as she took my hand carefully in hers and kindly dragged me through the door and up to the bustling bar. The club was buzzing, women were everywhere and obviously the odd guy wandered around thinking he had the cure to lesbianism. Idiots.
I was beginning to feel the full effects of the brownies as Carly and Mel dragged me onto the dance floor. Carly grabbed my wrists and threw them up in the air before twisting her hips rhythmically into mine. The music blared out and washed over us all, before I knew what was happening I felt two hands on my hips from behind me and I was turned around and pulled up close to a very attractive girl. I caught my breath as her blazingly dark eyes met mine and couldn't quite believe my own reaction as my arms wrapped around her waist as we danced. The lights flashed out and glistened over the small misting of sweat that was clinging to everyone's skin.
"I need a drink!" I had to shout rather close to her ear for her to hear me but she took my hand and led me out of the crown towards the bar. She ordered for me shouting something about how much I would like it. I waited patiently, realising that we were still holding hands. About a minute later the bar tender arrived with two beers and two glasses of a weird pink and orange liquid. She handed one to me and downed hers before taking a long swig of lager. The colours of the shot were mesmerising and probably heightened by the MDMA roaming through my system. I must have been staring at it for far too long as she reached up and helped my hand put the glass to my lips. She smiled as I gulped it down and screwed my face up tightly as the vodka warmth ran down the back of my throat.
"Jesus, fuck...what was that?" I spluttered taking a gulp of beer to cool down. The taste was incredible.
"It was a Barbie shot, knew you'd like it!" The light from the bar illuminated her features as she smiled. She was hot.
"I'm Naomi!" I was still really close to her so she could hear me easily without me hafting to shout.
"Hey, I'm Faith...I haven't seen you around here before." She flashed a smile at me and carefully tucked an escaping strand of hair behind my left ear, her fingers lingered on my skin for as long as they dared.
"No, um...I'm you know, testing the water!" We laughed before downing the rest of the beer and making our way back onto the dance floor. Then we quite literally danced the night away.
My attention had been somewhat preoccupied but as the night was drawing to a close I realised that Melissa, Carly and Jake had disappeared. I didn't really mind but I was far too drunk to make my way easily back to the university alone. Thankfully Faith offered to walk me back to the room so we head out into the early morning and very clumsily made our way back to the university grounds. We were laughing and singing loudly all the way through the halls. As we got close to my room I took Faith's hand and pulled her round in front of me.
"You wanna come in?" Shit, was I being too forward?
"Sure, could use some coffee." She smiled at me and I took her hand, leading her inside. I was far too drunk to make proper coffee so I grabbed the jar of instant out of the cupboard and switched the kettle on. I poured two mugs and handed one to Faith who had made herself comfortable on the sofa. We sat in silence for a moment as she polished off her mug almost too quickly. I didn't know where this was going to lead, I wasn't even sure I was ready for it to lead anywhere but as she put her empty cup down on the table I knew I was about to find out.
Our eyes met and before I realised what I was doing my hand was on top of hers, I looked down as her fingers intertwined with mine. Her loose hand found its way to my chin and lifted my head upwards until our faces were barely inches apart. She leaned in just enough so I could feel her warm breath on my lips, her eyes were tightly shut and she looked so amazing. I moistened my lips with my tongue and closed the gap between us. The kiss was soft and as my lips parted slightly it deepened as our tongues met. Her hand gently played with my hair and I found mine was rested slightly on her thigh, we moved in unison and the kiss sped up slightly. That was until she pulled away.
"Not, too fast... I feel like I'm really starting to like you. I don't want to rush things." She visibly held her breath as she waited for my response.
"O.k, sure..." I struggled to think of something to say as I found that I didn't want the night to end just yet. Instead I just rummaged in the drawer of the table for a pen.
"Got a number?" I handed her the biro and she smirked as she wrote her mobile number, slightly crookedly, along the length of my arm. I walked her to the door and was rewarded by a swift peck on the cheek before I got the chance to watch her leave. I grinned faintly to myself before shutting the door and making my way towards my bedroom. I could hear the inevitable giggling emerging from Mel's room and thought about how good it sounded.
Probably not as gracefully as I imagined I put on my PJ's and collapsed into bed my head spinning as it hit the pillow and I'm almost certain it wasn't all down to drugs and beer. Staring at the ceiling watching the wind and the moon collide to make the most amazing shadows I knew... I was without a doubt, gay!
I really enjoyed writing this chapter as it's about Naomi getting stronger in the knowledge of who she is! Hoped you enjoyed it and there is much more to come! :)
