By rthe time my appointment was over, it was already time for lunch. Although I wasn't really ready to face Malik or Bakura, I knew that things would only get worse if I didn't show up.
It was only a matter of seconds after walking into the cafeteria that Malik noticed me, looking me straight in the eye as he did so. I turned away, embarrassed, but I could see him coming up to me anyways.
"Ryou," he called out, waving to me before ultimately catching up to the spot where I was standing.
"Hey, Ryou." He looked me over, then looked right back into my eyes. "Um, how are you doing? After… you know…" I winced. He really had gone straight to the point. I forced myself to smile.
"Oh, I'm alright." I laughed, in a way that may have seemed a bit too cheerful. "Don't worry about me." Malik raised an eyebrow, but shrugged it off.
"That's good. Oh, and Ryou? About Bakura… um, don't take what he said too personally, alright?" I paused.
"What do you mean?"
Malik looked uncomfortable, but he continued speaking anyways. "This morning… right before you… well, anyways. I know it's probably hard, but don't hold it against him, alright? He's… well, he's always been like that, since he came here. I'm not making excuses for him, but-"
"It's fine." I shrugged. "I don't mind. I've been treated worse by other people, anyways."
"Alright." Malik sounded unsure, but seemed to let it go only a second later. "So, are you going to sit with us again? I mean, I wouldn't blame you if you didn't."
I smiled again, this time with more sincerity. "I'll be fine. Really, don't worry about it." Malik grinned in return.
"Alright. Come over here, then." I followed him over to the table we had been at earlier that morning. Bakura was already sitting there, staring at me with the same emotionless glare as before.
"He came back." It was almost impossible to figure out which emotions fell behind those words, but it seemed to me like a mixture of boredom and mild annoyance. "Maybe he's more of a man than he let on this morning, after all."
Malik sighed. "Bakura, come on. Don't be so hard on him." I stared down at the table. So, they were going to fight over me again. I had to be stronger this time, if only to prove Bakura wrong.
"I'll say whatever I damn well please to the kid. You of all people should know that about me, Malik."
"Yes, but that doesn't give you the right to be an asshole."
"What did you say?" Bakura's voice, which had previously remained calm, turned to a low growl. He stared Malik directly in the eye, and slammed his fist on the table. "Say that again. I dare you."
Truth be told, I was terrified. The look in Bakura's eyes at that moment was anything but normal. Yet somehow, Malik stayed calm, staring right back at Bakura.
"You heard what I said. Lay off the kid, it's his first day."
"That's no fucking excuse!" It happened before I had a chance to figure out what was going on. Bakura grabbed Malik by his collar, standing up and pulling their faces within inches of each other. Malik's eyes grew wide.
"Bakura, come on, just calm down. I'll stop talking, just stop-"
"Shut up."
"Ba-"
"I thought I told you to shut up!" Bakura, who was undoubtedly lost in his own rage by that point, lifted his free hand to smack Malik directly across the jaw.
Malik stumbled backwards as Bakura suddenly let him go, his hand flying to his cheek as he winced. I stood up from my own-chair- I had been a bystander for far too long. And now, because of my shyness, my weakness, Malik was suffering the consequences.
"Malik, are you okay? Oh god, I'm sorry- here, I can go get you some ice, if you want."
Malik looked up at me and smiled. "It's alright, I'm used to it. Believe it or not, I'm actually pretty tough." He turned his attention away from me, and towards Bakura.
"Are you happy now?" Bakura only stood there, eyes still full of anger, as Malik spoke up at him. "Or are you going to hit me again?"
"Shut up." Bakura turned to walk away. Before he did, he took one last look at Malik and I. "I don't need either of you. I'm used to being alone. Tolerating this bullshit is a hobby, not a necessity." With those words, Bakura left the cafeteria.
I turned to look down at Malik, who was still gently rubbing at his injury. When he noticed me, he smiled sadly.
"He does this sometimes. You get used to it, after a while."
"Why, though?" I whispered. "Why do you put up with that?" He shrugged.
"In a place like this, you need allies. And Bakura really doesn't talk to anyone else." Malik sighed. "You know, he's the type of guy that pushes people away. Not because he's angry at them, but because he doesn't know what else to do."
For a moment, I was speechless. "You really know a lot about him, don't you?" Malik nodded.
"Yeah. I guess it's because the two of us have been here so long. It's hard to get to know most people who come in here, because they leave so quickly. In a world like this, you have to have something constant to hold on to."
"Malik…" There were so many questions I wanted to ask him. How long had he been here? Why was he here? What about Bakura?
Before I had a chance to say anything, however, Malik's eyes gravitated toward my scratched up wrist. His eyes darted up to meet mine.
"Ryou…" he breathed. "Um, are you sure you're alright? Your wrist is-"
"I'm fine," I interrupted. "It doesn't really hurt."
"Yeah, but you might want to cover it up anyways. They'll have a field day if they found out you did this to yourself. They'll keep you here even longer." He paused. "And, you know, you should make sure it doesn't get any worse." I almost sighed with relief. I had expected him to question me, but all I had gotten were some words of advice. I smiled at him, pulling down on my sleeve.
"Thanks."
"No problem." There was a short silence, before my relief was shattered. "Um, do you do that often? Is that why you're here?" Seeing my face turn bright red as I averted my eyes, he added, "You don't have to answer if you don't want to, I just-"
"Yeah." Malik stopped, and stared at me. "I mean, that's not why I'm here, but I've done it before. I checked myself in."
Malik said nothing, only staring at me. I swallowed, anticipating his reaction. After all, I had never told anyone about it. Weren't people who hurt themselves considered freaks?
But Malik didn't say a word. He rolled up the sleeve of his sweatshirt, and held out his left arm. He looked up at me and smiled sadly.
"There are more on the rest of my body," he said. I looked down at his arm to see what he meant, and gasped. There were scars of varying length running up and down his forearm. Most of them were small, but there were several on the inside of his wrist. Those were the worst of all. They had been drawn with little care for appearance, as they were jagged, thicker lines that were longer than the rest. It was obvious that they had been created in a moment of intense emotions, while the rest were calmer, more subtle.
"Malik…"
"I tried to kill myself for the first time when I was eleven. I almost succeeded, too. Apparently my brother found me passed out on the bathroom floor, bleeding to death. They told me that if he had found me any later, I wouldn't have survived."
"Oh god…" I couldn't think of anything to say, because anything that did cross my mind felt completely wrong. Here was a guy that I had just met only hours ago, telling me something so personal. Yet, I couldn't bring myself to say what got me in here. I wondered if it was one of those things that got easier as time went on.
"Earlier you said that you were messed up," Malik said, a faraway look in his eyes. "But I don't know. What would that say about me?" He stared down at his cut-up arms.
"They say I'll probably be here for a really long time. You, you'll probably stay for a week or two, have some sort of inspirational moment, and leave a thousand times better than you came in. I've seen it happen so many times, I can tell. And that's a good thing, really. It means you'll be able to move on with your life, forget all about this hellhole." I noticed that there were tears building in Malik's eyes, despite the smile that remained on his face.
"I wonder why they bother keeping me alive, trying to help me. If I'm so 'dangerous' on my own, why bother wasting precious resources on me? I don't want their damn pity; I never asked for it!" Malik's voice steadily grew louder and louder, ending in a yell. I reached out my hand to wipe the tears off his face, but he slapped it away. I watched his face move from angry, to realization, to regret.
"Damn it… Ryou, I… oh god, what the hell is wrong with me?"
"Malik, it's fine, I-"
"Stop saying that!" Malik jerked his head up to stare me down. "If something bad happens, it's not fine! If something is bothering you, do something about it! But I can't accept it when people brush things off like that. It's ridiculous."
I felt as though I had been slapped in the face. This side of Malik was one I had never even considered existed. Not in the man who had so cheerfully welcomed me earlier that morning.
"…Fine." I rose from my spot, shaking from some unknown emotion. "I know I'm weal. I know I'm pathetic, and can't say anything right."
"Ryou, I-"
"No, Malik, I get it." I found myself scratching at my wrist again, but despite the pain, I really didn't care. "It's like you said this morning, right? Everyone here is messed up in some way or another. For example, I…" I started to walk away. "I can't make anyone happy, no matter how hard I try. Not even myself."
And so I left the cafeteria, leaving a shocked Malik behind.
Xxx
So, that's what I have written up so far. I'm working on a chapter five right now though, so just wait a little longer. This story is getting fun to write, so I don't see myself abandoning it again anytime soon.
…Reviews? :3
