A/N: Here we are, chapter 4, I hope it's okay because I worked really hard on it today, trying to finish it up so I could update for those of you still reading.
Speaking of, thank you guys, any and all reviews are much appreciated, as well as any alerts. ^.^
Warnings: A mature reference? towards the end, though it doesn't go into detail. Yet.
Don't own Victorious, blah blah blah :(
Enjoy?
Thursday, 6:00am
My eyes flutter open as the bed dips beside me, I blink, trying to figure out what is going on, but the sudden weight pressing on my pillow and the radiating warmth from another body tells me that it's just Trina. I know that it is her because we both have done this before; it all depends on who needs the comforting. Sometimes I end up in her bed, or like now, she will end up in mine. I think on if I should turn around, on one hand, she can't be too 'disgusted' at me, but on the other, she is more than likely going to want an explanation. I almost wish I hadn't ran off to bed early last night, so that we could have finished our talk, or at least so Trina could have finished her gaping.
"You awake?" She whispers close, probably having felt me move or something.
Or maybe it's the fact that she hears my heart pounding?
"Yes." I rasp out in my usual 'just woke up' voice.
"C-Can I ask you something?" She questions hesitantly, as if she is afraid that she will scare me off.
I take a deep breath and nod, hoping that whatever she is about to ask won't be too hard for me to answer.
"Are you-do you like girls?" Well, this is not how I pictured waking up; however, it could be worse.
"Yes." I answer honestly, knowing that if I lie now, it could break her trust.
Besides, I guess I may be a little tired of being afraid, and of hiding who I am.
"So… do you like guys at all?" She asks curiously, not one bit sounding like she is repulsed.
I don't relax just yet though; I need this whole conversation to be over first.
"No. I-I thought I did, but then I realized that the few I have kissed, I didn't feel even a fraction of what I felt whenever Cat looks at me with those striking, innocent eyes, or when I catch myself looking at some girls long, sexy legs o-or when Jade hugged me for the first time." Oh, Lord, did I really just say all of that?
By the subtle shakes behind me, I would say yes, I really did just insert foot into mouth.
"If you're just gonna lay there and laugh at me, I'm leaving." I huff at her, annoyed that she finds this so amusing, and then move to roll out of bed.
An arm around my waist stops me, "No, no, I'm sorry. Stay. This is just a lot to wrap my head around, Tor."
"Trust me, I know. How do you think I feel?" I grumble, but lay back and let her hold me.
"I could only imagine what you're going through, and even then, I wouldn't really know. I do understand why you were scared to tell me, but you should know by now that even as your older, annoying sister, I will always have your back. I mean, don't get me wrong, this is a hell of a shocker, Tori. I had no clue whatsoever that you were an um lesbian… I can handle that though, I have nothing against you people-wait that came out wrong. I just mean that uh you're my sister and I will always love you no matter what." She finishes off her little speech sheepishly, obviously trying her best to get the right words out, but failing on some accounts… That's ok, though, because the point is that she tried and that is all that matters.
"Thank you. I thought, I was just afraid that you would want to disown me, you know?" I admit, becoming just as sheepish as her, but also guilty.
"I'll admit to being a little hurt that you would think that, but I also understand. What I don't understand, though-"
"Is why Jade? First, I'm really sorry that I didn't trust you more, my intentions weren't to hurt you, they were to protect myself and our relationship. Second, I don't understand why I feel the way I feel for Jade either. You were right before, all she does is bring me down, but there is something about her that we don't see on the surface, it is buried deep, but it's there. I know it. I've seen flashes in her eyes, sometimes its compassion, sometimes its worry, and sometimes, when I'm paying close enough attention, its hurt and loneliness."
"I understand, Tori. Just, next time? Don't be afraid to come to me, because if you want to protect our mushy, sisterly relationship, you have to trust me. Now, about Jade, you are right, why her? Even after what you've said, I don't see how you can look past everything she has done to you. Has she ever looked at you with any of those emotions?" I feel one weight lifted off me, but another replaces it, so how am I supposed to talk about Jade to my sister when she hates the raven-haired temptress?
"No, she reserves those rare, vulnerable expressions when it involves Beck, Cat, or when she thinks no one is paying any attention to her. I realize getting her to like me is near impossible, and getting her to love me is as possible as hell freezing over, but I have tried to lock away my feelings and it has not worked. I don't know what to do, Trina. She is so mean to me, and a lot of that is because she thinks I am after Beck, hell; everyone thinks that I am after Beck. I have never liked him, even when we staged kissed. I just wanted to make Jade jealous." I explain the best I can, making sure she knows I'm as confused about my feelings as she is, and that I am not in some fantasy world where I believe I can get Jade to suddenly love me.
I know that I can't, I mean, that is just ridiculous.
"It killed you to help get Beck and Jade back together. That's why you have been so down lately. I thought you were in love with Beck, especially after your latest Slap update, which I can't even believe you put up by the way…" Understandings dawns on her as she works it all out and tugs me to looks at her.
"That wasn't supposed to go up, I was about to erase it, but accidentally hit the update button when I literally ran into Jade. She thinks I wrote it about Beck too. Also, the reason she threw coffee at me, was because I had to get a ride to school from her boyfriend this morning. Oh, and as I was panicking, I slammed the car door into her." I laugh humorlessly, retailing everything I have managed to do wrong, which resulted in more hate from the girl I love.
"Oh, honey, you've got it bad. Well, as your sister, this would be the part where I help you get the girl; however, I'm not sure I want to." She pats my head, grimacing at my situation, and though I cannot say that I blame her, would she really consider helping me?
"So… what would your advice be if this were some other girl? Or even a guy I've fallen in love with?" I try, hoping that she will cave for her favorite sister.
"Hm… first, you would need to-"
**xXx**
11:00am Sikowitz classroom.
I'm nervous as hell right now and I'm not sure listening to Trina was such a good idea, because I don't think it's very good for ones heart to feel like it is about to palpitate right out their chest.. Nevertheless, I cannot back down now. Phase one; Let Jade know that you are not interested in Beck. Trina's advice? Confidently walk up to Jade, Talk to Jade, tell Jade that you have no feelings whatsoever for Beck, and then finish it off with a compliment. We both already established that this would result in a glare and a well-placed insult, but I'm not supposed to become discouraged, because it is going to take more than one try to even chip at Jade's defenses.
As soon as Beck walks in, I look around for his girlfriend, but she isn't with him. Maybe he wasn't lying when he told Jade that he would not talk to her until she fixed what happened in the parking lot yesterday. Beck isn't one for going back on his promises. Andre and Cat walk in next. I sigh and walk over to Beck, hoping he will at least know where she is,
"Hey, have you, um, seen Jade?"
"No, not since last period. I haven't talked to her at all either and I won't until she has apologized to you." He answers defeatedly, not liking being away from her, but still angry.
"I think that's very brave, but I'm going to make it a little easier for both of you, just as soon as I find her." I tell him, smile, and then squeeze his shoulder.
"How?" He whispers with furrowed eyebrows, confused.
"Hey! Just because 'my' boyfriend isn't talking to me, doesn't mean that you can swoop in and feel him up!" Aw, man! Why is it that I always miss when she walks in?
"Good luck." Beck pats my hand that is still on his shoulder and gives me a look of sympathy.
"You don't happen to have a rabbit's foot, horseshoe, or a four leaf clover, do you?" I squeak out as Jade storms over, eyes darting from Beck to her.
"No, only my lucky pair of boxers." Yeah, I don't think Jade would like it too much if I took those from him…
"Thanks anyway. Hi, Jade!" Wow, I didn't know my voice could go as high as Cat's could…
"Don't hi me, Vega! Just get the hell away from me!" She yells, loudly, and pushes me none too gently, making me stumble backwards into the chairs.
I lose my balance and then I am falling, my eyes close, preparing for impact, but arms catch me before I land.
"Damn, why didn't you let the twig fall? I am actually surprised her tiny body didn't drift out the window. That would have been more fun." Jade, obviously upset that I didn't get hurt, makes a dig about my weight with absolutely no remorse on her face, just that damn, infuriating smirk.
"Don't listen to her, Tori, you're very pretty." Cat hugs me from behind, trying her best to comfort me.
I'm elated that she is the one who caught me, it would have been too cliché if it had been one of the guys, "Thanks, kitty Cat."
I don't know if she said that because she thinks it, or if she was trying to make me feel better, but no matter what Cat thinks, Jade will never see me as anything but ugly. I move from her grasp, needing some space, and needing more than anything right now, to talk to Jade. I lock my eyes on my target, who is trying to get Beck to talk to her, without any success, and then gaining some pseudo courage and puffing out my chest, I head straight for her. My hand is out, prepared to latch onto her wrist. She looks up as if sensing me, and her face goes from frustrated at Beck, to glaring at me, and then to smirking as I close the distance between us. I don't say anything, but my fingers circle her wrist and I snatch her away.
"Excuse you! What the hell do you think you're doing? Let go of me, Vega!" Her yells go ignored, as do her attempts at pulling free.
I lug her out the room and into the closest empty classroom, I want to talk to her alone, but I also want to be as close to Sikowitz as possible in case I have to end up running for my life, which I really hope I do not have to do. I close the door behind us, stand in front of it, and then finally let go of her.
She jerks her hand to her body as if I had hurt it, maybe I did if the rubbing she is doing to it is any indication…
Or maybe she's trying to wipe my germs off her skin.
"Why did you drag me here? Do you have some kind of death wish?" She growls threateningly and I feel myself flinch.
The smirk she throws my way is the last straw.
"I want to get one thing straight, Jade. I do not like Beck, I have never liked Beck, nor will I ever like Beck the way you do. Beck is my friend and only my friend, nothing more, nothing less; do you go that? That boy loves you, and though many people may not be able to see why, I-he does." Crossing my arms and putting on a mask, I give it to her straight.
And… I almost slipped up. I hope she didn't catch that…
"Oh, and by the way, I like your hair. I've always liked your hair." I toss in when she stands there not saying anything, and then before she can, I make my escape.
My nerves are shot, and I am starting to shake. Though I feel somewhat sick now after standing up to her for once, I feel good about it too. Proud. I just hope to God that she believes me, because I really don't know what else to do to prove myself without 'showing' her just how wrong she is. Now that I've gotten that out the way, according to Trina, I have to immediately move on to phase two; See if there is even a 1% chance that Jade could ever like you as merely a friend. How am I supposed to do this you ask? Well, the first step is to attempt to sit by her at every opportunity possible, and then when I feel brave enough, I am to try to strike up a simple conversation with her. If I am knocked down… Try, try again.
As soon as Jade strides back into the classroom and plops heavily down onto her seat, I hesitantly walk over from my spot standing by Cat's chair and sit beside her. She doesn't even glance my way, and I'm not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. Is she planning to ignore me now? I'm not sure which is worse, being ignored or being prayed on. I sigh and look away, not wanting to fret over it. Maybe she is just trying to process what I said and is contemplating on whether to believe me or not. I hope for my sake that it sinks in. Mr. Sikowitz carries on his blabbering, and eventually points to Andre, Cat and Robbie to try something out on our small stage.
Even Cat's great (odd) acting doesn't hide how sick she looks.
When lunch comes, our usual group is divided into two, one table holding Beck, Andre, Robbie and Rex, while the other holds Trina, Cat, and Jade. I look around, pretending to think on where I should sit, when I already know I will be sitting by Jade. I set my food down and scooch in beside her (Maybe a little closer than necessary…) She points a look at me; somewhere between confused and glaring for my seating choice, I shrug and start eating. I expect her to become irritated and leave, but all she does is tense up and continue eating. That gives me the little extra courage I need to try to start up some type of conversation. however, as I look around and try to think of something to say, nothing good comes to mind.
It all seems lame and pointless.
I glance around again, eyes catching Trina's, and she gives me a subtle nod of encouragement.
"Oh, hey, I see you have decided to try something new, I've never had the burrito deluxe either, is it good?" There, a simple question about food, that's a start.
God, Could I be any lamer? What else was I supposed to say, though? I notice everything about her.
"Why are you talking to me?" She gruffs out, stabbing said burrito with her fork.
"Is there a law I don't know about that says I can't talk to you?" I retort back, already having expected a rebuttal from her.
"Yes. It says that under no circumstances may Tori loser Vega speak to Jade West. And under that it states; if this law is ever broken, the penalty is death by scissors." Her quick wit is dished out with her famous smirk, followed by a snip snip with a pair of scissors in my face... Pulled from only God knows where.
"Well, maybe I want to take my chances and defy the law." I oh-so-bravely set my lips close to her ear and boldly whisper where no one can hear me.
Perhaps a little more flirtatiously than I intended to.
"You're such a freak, Vega." She scoffs at me, eyes rolling condescendingly.
I will myself not to frown at that even as my heart clenches in pain, "You're getting sloppy with your material, Jade. Tell me something I don't know."
At least we are talking, right?
"Speaking of material, what are you getting yours out of, The Quickest Way To Die For Dummies?" Ok, despite everything being directed at me, her wisecrack attitude has always been one of the things that I happen to love about her, you know, except when it hurts.
Luckily, though, this is kind of... fun?
For the moment.
"I don't have to read to come up with anything, which is more than I can say for you, because I could have sworn I saw Bullying For Dummies in your locker the other day." I retort before I have a chance of chickening out, her facial expressions are becoming a little more than scary.
"My my, aren't you a brave little toaster today? Listen, I don't know what the hell you are drinking, but I suggest you stop before it bites you in the ass. And you know how I just love a good meal." Uh oh, someone is getting just a little frustrated and a lot angry. I swear some of the things she says and the way she says them sends my mind right into the-
"Kinky. I didn't know you were into ass play."
Gutter.
Oh, God, her face! Shock. Pure, unadulterated Shock. Oh, and it's gone. And… here comes the mother of all withering, icy glares.
She stands, not saying a word, and then leaving her food right where it is, walks off.
Yeah, not so fun anymore.
"Damn, Tori, if you weren't my sister, I would totally be in love with you right now." Trina breaks the awkward silence, making us all laugh.
Cat's laugh isn't as loud as it usually is… Poor thing still doesn't feel very well.
"I think I may have gotten a little carried away. If this hasn't made Jade snap, then I don't know how many more accidental reasons it will take for her to kill me." I voice my very real worries now that the adrenaline of bantering with Jade West has worn off.
"I think a little is an understatement… But don't worry over that, tell us how it felt!" Trina replies with a short-term grimace that turns into excitement.
I push the fear of retaliation way, way down, "It felt really, really good." I allow myself to smile in remembrance of her face.
"I am so proud of you! I didn't expect it to go this way, and I'm sure nether did you, but if you continue talking to her and being really brave, you might be able to knock some of her defenses down, at least enough to be able to become civil with each other. Before we can move onto phase three, though, you need to get at least one normal, un-hateful word out of her, plus one real, genuine smile. A half or lopsided one counts. However, having said that, it might be best to call it a day and try again tomorrow." Trina rarely shows how much she cares for me out in public, but on these rare occasions, I could not feel more loved.
"What's phase three?" Cat asks from beside her, a look of curiosity and confusion etched on a pale face.
Of course you can tell that she is still tan, but now that she is sick, her complexion is more, well, sickly.
But no less beautiful.
"Wait, what's phase one and two?" She asks before we have a chance to answer her first question.
I am now nervous once again, because I'm not sure whether to tell Cat the truth or not. And then as Trina looks at me for what to say, I remember how hurt and confused she was when I held everything in, and even more hurt when I didn't trust her enough to say anything in the first place. I cannot do that to my Kitty Cat too.
"I-I'll tell you, but not here, ok? How about you come over after school and we'll fill you in." I finally respond, looking in her eyes so that she'll know I am telling the truth.
"Kay Kay." She beams at me, and stands up to leave.
We follow suit.
As we all go to head back inside, Cat pauses at the door, "Hey, Tori?"
"Yeah?"
"What's ass play?" My eyes widen as the words leave her mouth, and I can only blink at her as she stares at me expectantly with those damn innocent eyes.
Oh, dear Lord.
"I, uh, I-"
"Oh, sweetie, what she means is that, we'll um explain that after school too, ok?" Wha… I will do no such thing!
"Okay!" The bubbly redhead beams again, opens the door, and then disappears inside.
"Thanks a hell of a lot, Trina!" I glare, hard, at my sister and follow Cat inside.
Please, God, let school be better tomorrow.
Or else I might die.
Literally.
So, I would love to know what you think, good, bad, ok? what you do or don't like? Anything really, I don't bite. (Unless you're into that?) ;)
Thank you for reading, much love to you all.
