Torture
Elsword: RS, Raven: VC
It was strange. Elsword was having weird dreams about the black-haired lately, but now, when he had just woken up next to him, remembering the events of the previous night, there was nothing negative floating around in the atmosphere, just a warm, fuzzy, safe feeling.
Elsword didn't dare to open his eyes, afraid to break the magic around them, but also because what he was feeling was enough for the moment and it took him a few seconds to handle his emotions as well. He smiled a little, for the first time in weeks probably.
It didn't matter that he didn't wear any clothes, it didn't matter that he recalled doing the most embarrassing thing possible right in front of Raven, Raven, whose hands had broken his body and soul for the last few weeks, Raven, who was now hugging him from behind, his own back pressing into the black-haired's chest, their legs intertwined, Raven's arm loosely hanging over Elsword's shoulder, their hands gently lying besides each other, their fingers almost touching.
It was like the red-haired was caught up in a warm and comfortable and protecting shell made of Raven, made of his body, his smell, long, black hair flowing over their backs, smooth skin touching, creating both a physical connection and an atmosphere that was lingering with emotion.
For several minutes, Elsword enjoyed the warmth and the comfort and the belief that everything was alright now, that they were friends again, or even more, that they would just go on like nothing happened, that his woulds would heal just as his mind and Raven would forgive him and he would forgive Raven and the world was okay again.
Some time passed like this, when suddenly a thought ran through Elsword's mind, something he'd thought quite a few times in the past days, something that he didn't really want to think, although he couldn't sense anything wrong with it.
It was the wish to see Raven's face, watch him, know him again, the wish to understand what the black-haired thought of.
He shifted carefully, slowly, aware that Raven might wake up every second. When he was facing the black-haired, he could feel the other's steady breath on his face. A soft blow every few seconds on his eyelids that calmed him down, he saw Raven's eyes closed and relaxed and the mouth that was usually not looking very nice, slightly agape and his lips looked so damn tempting.
He didn't really know what had gotten into him when he leaned towards Raven, inching closer and closer, closing the gap between their faces, all while raising a hand towards the black hair, caressing it and playing with a few strands.
The Rune Slayer's eyes slipped close and it was just half an inch separating their mouths, when suddenly, the other shifted in his sleep.
His mind went completely nuts when a by-now very familiar voice rung in his ears, immediately setting a fire on his cheeks and letting his body retreat within seconds.
"Els...?"
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. What was he supposed to do now? He had to do something, had to explain it somehow or cover up his intentions of... he swallowed … kissing Raven. Quick, quick, think of something, but his mind didn't work like it should work and he couldn't think of anything.
This was the worst that could've happened. He was sitting here, naked, with his enemy/friend/lover? in front of him, who he just tried to kiss in his sleep, and he woke up and wanted an explanation. And, if that wouldn't have been enough, his face was getting a nice shade of red.
"E-Eh..."
As if that would be enough to explain this. He wanted to facepalm, but his body couldn't bring out anything, not an action, much less proper words.
"What... what are you... huh?"
Ugh. Elsword would have to remember this, the day he found his friend cute. But seriously, Raven was rubbing the sleep off of his eyes, he was – like Elsword noticed now – also just wearing boxershorts, which made the Rune Slayer blush even more, and there was even a faint hint of a blush spreading across the black-haired's cheeks.
Wait a moment. Raven was blushing?
Indeed, he was. Elsword smiled, although it didn't really help the embarrassing situation he was in, it really made it worse, because the look of confusion on Raven's face didn't disappear, it was actually doing the opposite.
"What... that... are you... I..." It seemed that Elsword at least wasn't the only one having problems to find proper words and the obvious look of embarrassment on his friend's (?) face made Elsword chuckle.
"What are you laughing about?!" Raven firmly gripped Elsword's naked shoulders, shaking him a little, but now so much that anyone would think he was serious about it. It was a friendly, teasing way, something that you did with – without knowing it actually, Elsword's heart skipped a beat or maybe two and he swallowed – something that you did with friend.
"Elsword? Are you alright?" A worried look flew across the black-haired's face the second he looked into Elsword's crimson orbs, it was easy to tell that his friend was on the verge of crying. Raven was almost panicking. Had he done anything wrong just now? He almost laughed. He'd done so many things wrong in the last months, he couldn't even count them, yet, here he was, like he was expecting Elsword to forgive him.
He'd had his reasons to do those things, of course. But if those reasons were good reasons, that was a whole different question. He almost wanted to join his friend with crying, if he had still the privilege to call Elsword a friend, so guilty, so worthless, so wrong was he.
He'd been wrong, but a look into those shining eyes, a touch with this flawless skin – or, thanks to him, not so flawless anymore – would always set his mind at ease, it made him feel safe and at home.
His attention focused back on the red-haired, who was shivering under his touch, probably also because it was freaking cold in the room.
Raven didn't say a word, he lowered his gaze and grabbed a blanket from besides him, covering the two shivering bodies in it, making their skin touch for the umpteenth time this morning and sending a little blush on his cheeks. Hopefully Elsword wouldn't notice.
Said Rune Slayer was seemingly busy with his own business, he was playing with the edge of the blanket and his ponytails, chewing on his lip and his face told anybody that he was extremely nervous right now.
He had a point there.
Maybe it was better to leave him alone now, but that was just when the red-haired's mouth opened and he started to speak.
"Raven... about... this."
Raven swallowed and his eyes filled with tears.
"I... I want to talk to you about this. As much as I would want to, we can't leave it just like that, and I'm sure you understand what I mean. All I want is an explanation from you."
Raven cleared his throat and blinked several times to conceal the fact that he was near an emotional breakdown.
"I... I know. You know, Elsword... I can't really explain this to you. I," his voice cracked and he was getting quieter and quieter up to the point where he wasn't sure if Elsword could hear him anymore, "I need you to know that this is a part of me I always hated. A part of me would get what I want, no matter how, no matter what, I know no borders and no taboos then. I hate it, but I can't stop it. And..."
Elsword tilted his head. This was different from what he had expected. To be honest, he was ready for something along the lines I hate you or I can't forgive you. And now, he was getting I hate myself? That was a little strange, especially if he knew that Raven meant it. He knew his friend well enough by now to be able to tell that he was serious about this.
Raven raised his voice.
"And... I want you to understand! I want you to know what is going on here! I-I want you to realize your own feelings!"
Several seconds of silence lingered between them before Raven continued, almost shouting now.
"Accept it already! You are in love with me! I know it, I've known it for a long time! I may sound selfish now, but it's so obvious! And I want you to realize this, because..."
His voice died down as if his brain had gone on autopilot and he was about to say something that shouldn't be voiced out loud. Raven was panting, shivering, blushing, clenching his fists, all at the same time and it was obvious, even to persons who didn't know him, that he was having an extreme emotional breakdown right now.
But only someone who knew him as well as Elsword could know what he needed now.
His arms moved on their own accord when they pulled the black-haired into a tight hug, skin against skin, breath against breath, heart against heart.
Almost, just barely, he felt his breath hitch and could sense the sound of Raven's heart bumping violently against his own chest, a faint wetness spreading on his shoulder and running down his back when his friend wasn't able to stand the pressure any longer.
Elsword was rubbing Raven's back, whispering sweet nothings in his ear, played with the black hair because he knew that was good for Raven now, trying to calm him down, trying to get his mind back to earth and it worked.
It always worked.
While he did that, Elsword's mind was running a mile per second. I love Raven. Raven knows. He wants me to realize. That's why he tortured me. He is sorry. He is sorry. I love Raven. That's why he tortured me. I love Raven. He knows. I know. Wait.
When they separated from each other, which was a little awkward, it just had to happen. Their eyes met and once they were locked, neither of them could find the courage or the will to break the contact.
In Raven's eyes there was a look Elsword had never seen before. It was soft and caring, and as they continued to stare into each other's eyes, there lit a kind of spark between them, it grew bigger until it lit a fire in their bodies and they both didn't know what to say. It was a heavy atmosphere, but for some reason, it didn't feel bad. "Raven..." The black-haired didn't answer.
It was like someone had suddenly opened their hearts. Suddenly, Elsword understood everything. The torture had been Raven's desperate and twisted way of telling Elsword that he was aware of Elsword's feelings for him, and that he returned them. It had been, as strange as it sounded at that moment, for his own good, for their own good.
At the same time, Elsword's eyes suddenly held a softness and happiness that could only mean one thing. He had realized, finally, after days and weeks and months of torture that had physically tortured Elsword and mentally hurt Raven, after a hundred times of checking if Elsword was really okay when he was already unconscious, after a thousand little heart attacks when he thought he'd hit a vital spot or his face or something, after a million cries from Elsword, begging him to stop and to let go, and a million silent tears from Raven, telling him that he didn't want to do this.
Neither of them spoke what they were thinking, neither of them felt the need to express his feelings when they were so obvious by now, neither of them complained when fingers entangled in black and red hair, when hands roamed over naked torsos, when tears were finally released and immediately wiped away, when hungry lips, full of despair and worry and the want to be forgiven and heavy with a ton of unreleased feelings met again and again, never getting enough, always coming back for more.
It was weird, it was twisted, it hurt, it was desperate, it was painful, hard to accept and even harder to believe, maybe even impossible in some kind of way.
It was torture.
But it was also love.
