NOTES: This story has totally spun out of control. Something happened that
_I_ wasn't expecting. The reviewers mentioned that the second chapter was
confusing. After reading it over, I quite agree. I don't understand why no
body said that about the first chapter, but that isn't the point. Anyway, I
tried to make this one a little less disjointed and a little less
pointless. Enjoy.
p
QUESTION FOR YOU: I haven't really explained how Chirp looks, so if you happen to review this chapter, I am curious to know how you picture her.
p
_______PART 3: OUTSIDE-IN__________
p
The Oracle blew another spiral of smoke into the air. Chirp watched it float lazily across the ceiling like a tired ghost. She hadn't spoken to Cypher in a week. He hadn't come to seen her. She hadn't looked. Something about Switch had left a deep impression. The smell of cigarette smoke had permeated the room, and Chirp's throat longed for the taste. The Oracle wetted her lips and spoke. "If you want one so badly, have one."
Chirp snapped out of it, confused. She blinked and focused again. God, I must look like a stoner. She fumbled to light the cigarette, and put it to her mouth, inhaling the mundane-ness of it all.
"You're confused Chirp. You always have been."
Chirp shrugged. The terracotta floor tiles glistened back at her, collecting light from the delicate window. She blinked deliberately. Focus, focus.
"You think you don't matter. You're wrong."
Chirp looked up at The Oracle, then down at her leather skirt, and the wooden chair she was sitting in. "I never said that."
The Oracle put out her cigarette. "You didn't need to." She paused, trying to catch Chirp's eye, which was following the path of an invisible bug. Chirp looked up. "Chirp, you can't stay here long. Your subconscious doesn't like this place, even if you do."
"And since when is it the boss?"
The Oracle looked regretful, and it sounded in her voice. "You know that something is wrong. Possibly with you."
Chirp flicked her finished cigarette behind the refrigerator.
"You aren't useless." Said the Oracle.
Chirp made a frustrated noise in her throat. "I never said that."
"You didn't need to."
Chirp rubbed her eyes. "So can I go now?"
"Morpheus went through a lot of trouble to bring you here. Whether or not you will be worth the trouble is your choice. Something is wrong, you'll soon find out what it is. I'd give you advice, but I know you don't care. You may leave."
The words passed over Chirp's head, and she got up to leave, moving that hanging beads in the doorway aside. They plinked against each other, swinging back into place.
The Oracle's adopted children were painting a whimsical mural on the wall. Chirp envied the way they could hold the paintbrushes in the air without touching them. A little girl with thick orange braids giggled as she painted her friend's baldhead blue.
Chirp left the room.
Chirp looked at Morpheus. The silence was painfully definite and seemed to stretch for miles. No one had spoken to her for a long time it seemed, although the oracle had only moments ago. It had been days since someone aboard the Neb had thrown sound waves in her direction. Her ears hurt whenever they did. Morpheus walked silently down the hallway, shiny leather swishing along the air. Chirp followed. By the time they reached the car, Chirp was just waiting for her mind to jump, and as she saw the shapes on the reflective black paint turn red, she knew what was coming.
p
God dammit.
p
The chess game was painfully slow, and the pieces squeaked across the magnetic board. She hated chess. She hated how every movement could mean life or death, and every piece had a twin and two clones. She hated how the only word spoken was 'check' and occasionally 'check' was paired with 'mate'. She hated…
p
God help me.
p
Chirp snapped out of it, and looked frantically at Morpheus, seeing herself reflected intricately in his glasses. He shook his smooth, dark head. "I don't think you'll be making any more Matrix-Visits. At least until you've had more training."
He offered his hand to her, but she declined the rough feeling of skin against skin and laughed oddly as she got up.
Morpheus made sure she was in the car before driving away. He felt as if she was going to disappear into the unreal air that enveloped them. He was glad to see her safely to the Neb.
p
*
p
Chirp collapsed on her bed, feeling the rough folds of her blanket against her neck a through the threadbare material. It felt like grade zero steel wool against her sensitive spine. She threw herself violently from the bed, bruising herself on the unyielding metal that made the wall and the floor and the bars of her prison. She lay there feeling alone and lost and trying to remember how to cry. "Cypher, Cypher, come back." She whispered against the floor.
~ I'm here ~
"Thank god. I'm not sure the others like me."
His voice seemed to come from inside her; it was more intense, as if he could hear her every thought. ~ They don't like you. ~
She sat up, checking all her limbs and her back and head for aches. She could find no place that didn't. Pictures of learning to ride a bike and climbing trees and otherwise falling rushed through her mind. Chirp looked around. "Where are you Cypher?"
~ I'm in you're mind now. You don't mind.~
"You're what?" Chirp almost screamed.
~ Don't worry, you're mind is strong; you can take it. ~
//Since when is my mind strong? I never invited him.//
~ You didn't have to. I know you need me. ~
//You can hear my mind. Am I insane?//
~ You are saner than Trinity or Neo or Morpheus. ~
p
*
p
It was a while before Trinity made herself go to Chirp's room. She couldn't make herself like the girl, no matter how she tried. Chirp seemed to know all the bad things about everyone, and just how to make them hurt. She had undeniably bizzare behavior. When she spoke, which was seldom, it didn't make sense. It was irrational, or the grammer didn't quite check out with the english language. It all made Trinity uncomfortable.
Trinity was alone in the galley, right below Chirp's room. She had been enjoying the quiet when the blurry words came from above her. Screams. Screams that echoed through the metal dividing them and permeated the much wanted silence.
So Trinity went up, to see what was going on with the bad egg.
She was lying on the floor, thin and pale- breakable. Trinity took in the bruises on her arms, the scratches on her bare skin. Her wide eyes looked up at Trinity. The flat, reptile-like gaze made Trinity doubt the girl coud see her.
p
*
p
Chirp wasn't fully listening to Morpheus until he said the word 'Scizophrenia'. She was too busy with Cypher and the whisperers. The whisperers never stoped whispering. ~Do you remember how to run?~Brush your hair~Today you are going to kill yourself my friend~Ooh, look at that pretty lady~ /whisper,whisper/
Cypher only talked when she was being stupid. Or when she talked to other people.
The whisperers were whispering across her thread-bare mind, pulled tight like an elastic.
~Your having fun~Sleep is wrong you know~Scratch your nose~
Chirp scratched her nose.
Morpheus looked at her seriously. "There isn't much we can do. There aren't any phyciatric wards in Zion that treat scizophrenia."
"I don't mind."
Trinity looked at Chirp, her large blue eyes the only beauty seen on the Neb. "Zion sent back your diagnosis Chirp. Scizophrenia... my god. There are drugs. It's really up to you."
"What do /you/ want Chirp. What do you want to do." Inquired Morpheus, his deep voice grinding against Chirps ear-drums.
She wished she could cry.
"I don't know. This isn't like a book."
She felt like breaking. ~Don't cry, silly~a book? ha!~Tell them what you think~
"Things don't just stop... there is no logical ending is there? Things don't stop, they keep going. Not like in books. They don't stop happening."
pp
THE END
p
okay, sorry about the weak ending.
I lost control. I had to stop.
NOTE: I don't have scizophrenia, I don't claim to know what it feels like. These are just guesses I've made from what I've read about scizophrenia.
p
QUESTION FOR YOU: I haven't really explained how Chirp looks, so if you happen to review this chapter, I am curious to know how you picture her.
p
_______PART 3: OUTSIDE-IN__________
p
The Oracle blew another spiral of smoke into the air. Chirp watched it float lazily across the ceiling like a tired ghost. She hadn't spoken to Cypher in a week. He hadn't come to seen her. She hadn't looked. Something about Switch had left a deep impression. The smell of cigarette smoke had permeated the room, and Chirp's throat longed for the taste. The Oracle wetted her lips and spoke. "If you want one so badly, have one."
Chirp snapped out of it, confused. She blinked and focused again. God, I must look like a stoner. She fumbled to light the cigarette, and put it to her mouth, inhaling the mundane-ness of it all.
"You're confused Chirp. You always have been."
Chirp shrugged. The terracotta floor tiles glistened back at her, collecting light from the delicate window. She blinked deliberately. Focus, focus.
"You think you don't matter. You're wrong."
Chirp looked up at The Oracle, then down at her leather skirt, and the wooden chair she was sitting in. "I never said that."
The Oracle put out her cigarette. "You didn't need to." She paused, trying to catch Chirp's eye, which was following the path of an invisible bug. Chirp looked up. "Chirp, you can't stay here long. Your subconscious doesn't like this place, even if you do."
"And since when is it the boss?"
The Oracle looked regretful, and it sounded in her voice. "You know that something is wrong. Possibly with you."
Chirp flicked her finished cigarette behind the refrigerator.
"You aren't useless." Said the Oracle.
Chirp made a frustrated noise in her throat. "I never said that."
"You didn't need to."
Chirp rubbed her eyes. "So can I go now?"
"Morpheus went through a lot of trouble to bring you here. Whether or not you will be worth the trouble is your choice. Something is wrong, you'll soon find out what it is. I'd give you advice, but I know you don't care. You may leave."
The words passed over Chirp's head, and she got up to leave, moving that hanging beads in the doorway aside. They plinked against each other, swinging back into place.
The Oracle's adopted children were painting a whimsical mural on the wall. Chirp envied the way they could hold the paintbrushes in the air without touching them. A little girl with thick orange braids giggled as she painted her friend's baldhead blue.
Chirp left the room.
Chirp looked at Morpheus. The silence was painfully definite and seemed to stretch for miles. No one had spoken to her for a long time it seemed, although the oracle had only moments ago. It had been days since someone aboard the Neb had thrown sound waves in her direction. Her ears hurt whenever they did. Morpheus walked silently down the hallway, shiny leather swishing along the air. Chirp followed. By the time they reached the car, Chirp was just waiting for her mind to jump, and as she saw the shapes on the reflective black paint turn red, she knew what was coming.
p
God dammit.
p
The chess game was painfully slow, and the pieces squeaked across the magnetic board. She hated chess. She hated how every movement could mean life or death, and every piece had a twin and two clones. She hated how the only word spoken was 'check' and occasionally 'check' was paired with 'mate'. She hated…
p
God help me.
p
Chirp snapped out of it, and looked frantically at Morpheus, seeing herself reflected intricately in his glasses. He shook his smooth, dark head. "I don't think you'll be making any more Matrix-Visits. At least until you've had more training."
He offered his hand to her, but she declined the rough feeling of skin against skin and laughed oddly as she got up.
Morpheus made sure she was in the car before driving away. He felt as if she was going to disappear into the unreal air that enveloped them. He was glad to see her safely to the Neb.
p
*
p
Chirp collapsed on her bed, feeling the rough folds of her blanket against her neck a through the threadbare material. It felt like grade zero steel wool against her sensitive spine. She threw herself violently from the bed, bruising herself on the unyielding metal that made the wall and the floor and the bars of her prison. She lay there feeling alone and lost and trying to remember how to cry. "Cypher, Cypher, come back." She whispered against the floor.
~ I'm here ~
"Thank god. I'm not sure the others like me."
His voice seemed to come from inside her; it was more intense, as if he could hear her every thought. ~ They don't like you. ~
She sat up, checking all her limbs and her back and head for aches. She could find no place that didn't. Pictures of learning to ride a bike and climbing trees and otherwise falling rushed through her mind. Chirp looked around. "Where are you Cypher?"
~ I'm in you're mind now. You don't mind.~
"You're what?" Chirp almost screamed.
~ Don't worry, you're mind is strong; you can take it. ~
//Since when is my mind strong? I never invited him.//
~ You didn't have to. I know you need me. ~
//You can hear my mind. Am I insane?//
~ You are saner than Trinity or Neo or Morpheus. ~
p
*
p
It was a while before Trinity made herself go to Chirp's room. She couldn't make herself like the girl, no matter how she tried. Chirp seemed to know all the bad things about everyone, and just how to make them hurt. She had undeniably bizzare behavior. When she spoke, which was seldom, it didn't make sense. It was irrational, or the grammer didn't quite check out with the english language. It all made Trinity uncomfortable.
Trinity was alone in the galley, right below Chirp's room. She had been enjoying the quiet when the blurry words came from above her. Screams. Screams that echoed through the metal dividing them and permeated the much wanted silence.
So Trinity went up, to see what was going on with the bad egg.
She was lying on the floor, thin and pale- breakable. Trinity took in the bruises on her arms, the scratches on her bare skin. Her wide eyes looked up at Trinity. The flat, reptile-like gaze made Trinity doubt the girl coud see her.
p
*
p
Chirp wasn't fully listening to Morpheus until he said the word 'Scizophrenia'. She was too busy with Cypher and the whisperers. The whisperers never stoped whispering. ~Do you remember how to run?~Brush your hair~Today you are going to kill yourself my friend~Ooh, look at that pretty lady~ /whisper,whisper/
Cypher only talked when she was being stupid. Or when she talked to other people.
The whisperers were whispering across her thread-bare mind, pulled tight like an elastic.
~Your having fun~Sleep is wrong you know~Scratch your nose~
Chirp scratched her nose.
Morpheus looked at her seriously. "There isn't much we can do. There aren't any phyciatric wards in Zion that treat scizophrenia."
"I don't mind."
Trinity looked at Chirp, her large blue eyes the only beauty seen on the Neb. "Zion sent back your diagnosis Chirp. Scizophrenia... my god. There are drugs. It's really up to you."
"What do /you/ want Chirp. What do you want to do." Inquired Morpheus, his deep voice grinding against Chirps ear-drums.
She wished she could cry.
"I don't know. This isn't like a book."
She felt like breaking. ~Don't cry, silly~a book? ha!~Tell them what you think~
"Things don't just stop... there is no logical ending is there? Things don't stop, they keep going. Not like in books. They don't stop happening."
pp
THE END
p
okay, sorry about the weak ending.
I lost control. I had to stop.
NOTE: I don't have scizophrenia, I don't claim to know what it feels like. These are just guesses I've made from what I've read about scizophrenia.
