The last few weeks at Pearson Harden had been exactly what I wanted. My boss liked me, for the most part. I liked my boss, for the most part. And the work was amazing. I was right were I wanted to be, and I knew that if I continued as I was, I would be Partner in no time. I was at a happy point in my life, and nothing could bring me down. At least, that was before I opened my apartment door.
The door was already partly open and I pushed it, a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I had only gotten this apartment after I graduated from Harvard. It was the perfect spot for me to get to and from work consisting of any firm in the city. I was amazed when I found it. But now, I wasn't as happy about its state. My cute, adorable, classy, apartment was a wreck. And I knew I had been robbed. Well actually, I didn't know if they had taken anything yet, but someone had been in here looking. Touching my stuff. This was supposed to be my safe area, it was my home. Now I felt absolutely violated and unsafe. It was almost as if it wasn't my home anymore. I didn't think I would be able to stay there tonight, or any other.
I ran to the spot I kept a hidden stash of money and found the cabinet open. I had the money in a tin on the top shelf pushed to the very back. I grabbed a chair frantically and pulled it up next to the counter. I was shaking as I got onto the chair and looked to the back of the cabinet. The tin can was open and lying on it's side. And the money…was gone. I felt tears of frustration and panic come to my eyes. I wiped them away and got down from the chair, throwing it on its side in my frenzy. I was so angry that someone could do this to me. I didn't think that this could ever happen to me. I was in a good neighborhood, in a apartment building with respectable people, overlooking the park. I had never even thought that I might be ransacked and robbed. I was full blown crying now, holding my hands to my eyes. This was going to ruin everything. I had to find another apartment and get my life back in order. I knew I couldn't let this effect my work, but I had no idea how I was going to act like everything was fine. I had so many things I needed to do. I had to pack, look through ads, find the time to go apartment hunting, and move in. I couldn't slack off at work or take any days off because I needed to make as much money as possible. I had a lot of money there. I did have a bank account, but I would put some money there every once in a while in case I ever needed it. It had accumulated to a large amount. I went to make sure nothing else had been taken. My room looked the same as the living room, and I ran to my dresser. All my jewelry had been taken. All I had left were the pearl earrings in my ears. This almost pushed me over the edge. I started hyperventilating, breathing in and out way to fast.
It was time to act and do something. I grabbed some card board boxes from the hallway closet and threw them onto the floor. I bent down opened them and started putting all the books that had been thrown all over the floor in them. Then I moved onto my clothes, anything that wasn't suits, or work clothes were put away. Except for a few pairs of jeans and t shirts. And pair of pajama pants. I got so into packing everything that I forgot what had happened. I ended up working all night. Non stop, I didn't sleep, I didn't eat. All I did was pack and drink coffee. By the morning, I was fully packed except for the clothes I had left out and some bathroom necessities and anything else I might need in the near future. I had one box for the stuff I left out when I was finally moving everything out of here.
The morning came too fast. Work was in two hours and I knew that meant I was going to have to face the office…and Harvey. The thought was not a good one. I got up off of the cold floor and went into the bathroom. The shower was scolding hot and relaxing. The suit I had placed on my bed was my best. I had no idea how I was going to pull of a cool, calm, and collected façade. The only thing I could do was try. And that started with my best suit. Damn Harvey and Mike for picking up on little discrepancies with everyone and everything. I took extra care applying my makeup and doing my hair. Everything had to be perfect if I was going to fool anybody. I looked flawless, but didn't feel it.
I took a taxi to work that morning, as usual. When I pulled up at the impressive building that was my workspace, I almost cried. But I held it together and made sure to ask for my coffee extra strong. I took a large gulp and breathed in the smell, trying to calm myself. Cofffff….eeeee. It never failed to wake me up or settle me down. The next step was to actually walk into the building and ride the elevator up to the office.
I was going to die.
I had no idea how I was going to pull off my usual self. Thinking about having to go back to that apartment after work was making me sick to my stomach. I couldn't even handle the idea of sleeping there let alone living there. The elevator wasn't crowded and I felt like I could breathe. This was a good thing considering I could start hyperventilating at any moment. For once the ride up to the office didn't feel like it was taking forever. The time flew by and soon I found, to my horror, myself stepping out onto the floor of Pearson Hardman. And I wasn't feeling any better. Actually, I felt like I was about to burst and the feeling continued to get worse and worse.
I walked down to my cubicle, deciding not to see Harvey right away that morning. I was prepared for him to be upset I didn't check in with him right away, but I also expected him to call me if he needed me desperately. I unloaded my things and sat down at my computer with a sign. Looking around the office, it seemed like another normal day for the rest of my associates. Good for them. They weren't going to have to go home to rape land. Well, that's what I was going to call my apartment now. Because really, if you think about it, my apartment was raped. I might not have been, but my living space had been. And now I couldn't go back to my apartment without the thought of someone touching my crap. The closest thing to me. Ewwwww. I signed again, louder this time, and there were a few people who looked at me. I tried to put on a happy face, but I probably just looked pained. Lawyers are usually good at telling when people were lying.
My phone rang.
Shit.
Here goes the day from hell. It has officially begun. I looked at the caller ID and I was right about who it was. Harvey freaking Specter. I answered the phone, preparing myself for whatever would come out of his mouth.
"What the hell O'Connell? I just happened to catch a glimpse of you sitting at your desk. Why didn't you check in with me right away?" he demanded, not so nicely.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "Why were you by the associates cubicles? Stalking me?" I tried to sound witty as possible. I knew my answer for him was up to my usual standards, but my tone was a little shaky. I didn't think he noticed though. If I could keep this up all day, I might be in the clear.
"You wish." I do. "And I don't have to explain myself to you. Get your tiny ass into my office now." Tiny? Was he trying to make me feel worse. Oh wait, he doesn't know that my life is ruined at the moment.
"My butt is a good size. For the record. And I'm on my way now." I was about to hang up the phone when Harvey started talking again. Always has to have the last word. I rolled my eyes.
"O'Connell stop-" I cut him off.
"You don't always have to have the last word." And I hung up the phone. Saying that to him made me feel a lot better. If only I could be a smart ass to him the whole day, I might just be back to normal.
I stood up from my desk and made my way to Harvey's office. I knew he was going to know something was up. He wasn't made of Legos and he was good at reading people. Plus, there was no way I could be up to my normal, amazing standards.
I could see him sitting at his desk and I smiled to myself. Even if I was feeling crappy as I was, he was just so adorable with that frustrated look on his face. Donna was also sitting at her desk and nodded at me as I walked by. I gave her a small nod and smirk back, trying to be polite. But she looked taken aback, and I automatically felt bad.
"How are you Donna?" I said to her, keeping a smile on my face.
She had a look of confusion and concern on her face. "I'm good. How about you honey?" She was so nice and I wanted to tell her everything. But I knew she would tell Harvey.
So, instead I took a deep breathe and said, "I'm fine. Thanks for asking." She didn't seem convinced. What I didn't get, was that I had barley said anything to her and she already knew something was wrong. Was I that easy to read?
"You don't look so good. Did you get enough sleep last night? Did you eat anything this morning?"
I tried to give her something of a convincing smile. "No and yes. It's nothing, I'm just having a bit of an off day."
"Don't let Harvey bully you. He can do that sometimes. You want me to tell him to take it easy on you today?" She raised her eyebrows, ready to go and tell him right now.
"Oh god no. Don't worry about me. I can tell him to relax if I have to. But he is getting antsy. I can see him practically peeing his pants right now. I better go in there."
She let out a giggle and nodded her head. I opened Harvey's door and he looked up with an annoyed look on his face. Today he was wearing a navy blue suit with a similar colored tie and he managed to still look handsome. I didn't feel like bantering with him today or even fighting with him. I just took a deep breathe and waited for him to start talking.
"Want to tell me what is going on with you today? First you don't check in with me. Then you talk back to me on the phone. Oh and you hung up on me during the same said phone call." His eye brows were raised, waiting for my answer. I didn't really know what to say to him.
"I'm sorry Mr. Specter. It won't happen again." I said this with the most neutral face possible. Then I realized I called him by his last name. That wasn't being myself. I was failing. Even though I was proud of myself for not showing any emotion. This only, if possible, made him raise his eyebrows even higher.
"So it's Specter again." I might have heard some hurt in his voice, but it was gone so soon that I couldn't have been sure. "I need you to always check in with me. Here are the files I promised you would need to take care of today."
"Of course." I answered immediately, while pushing some hair back behind my ears. I walked straight over to his desk, refusing to make eye contact with him. I was sure he could read my face like a book and I felt a little uncomfortable.
I went to pick up the files, soon feeling the weight of the heavy paper in my hand. Before I could lift my hand fully off the desk, it was captured by someone else's. Harvey had taken hold of my wrist and was looking up at me with something that might have been concern. I just stared down at his searching eyes, surprised that he had done this. The feeling of his hand around my wrist was warm and I liked it. A lot. It was something I could get used to and I had a feeling it was something I could only get used to with him. That was something to be scared of.
"Are you okay?" He asked me, concern now very evident in his voice.
"Fine." I nodded at him, but he didn't let go of my wrist. He was still looking up at me with those infuriating eyebrows. I sighed and could tell he was waiting for me to say more. "I'm just tired Harvey." This didn't seem to convince him either, but he let go of my wrist. I looked at him gratefully and turned to walk to the door, planning on making my exit…. a quick one.
"Perk up sally boo hoo. You get to see my face today." He gave me one of his dazzling smiles and I had to smile back at him. Harvey really did make me smile. But that wasn't something I let myself think about. Not thinking about it. I had other things to occupy my mind. Like the fact that my apartment had been raped.
I let myself give him a slight, half smile and turned to leave. I could tell Harvey knew something was up. He knew me really well already, and it had only been about a month of me working a Pearson Hardman. I felt bad leaving him hanging, letting him make his own assumptions. How could I know what he really thought about the situation? For all I know he could have been thinking he upset me somehow. Which wasn't the case, obviously. I turned back to look at him quickly. His eyebrows were puckered, a wondering look on his face, still staring me. I knew I had to say something.
"Harvey?" I asked him. My face as friendly as possible. He seemed to snap out of something that seemed like a trance.
"Hmmm, yes?" He looked back up at my eyes, waiting expectantly. His eyes were still narrowed, analyzing everything I said and did. I took a large mental breathe and prepared myself for a normal, everyday conversation.
"My face is prettier." I added a smirk to the comment and saw a smile spread on his face. It made me happy to see that he wasn't worrying. God forbid he looked into my life because he knew something was up. I wouldn't ever put something like that past Harvey.
"Might have to agree with that one." He had the same cocky voice he always did, but this time it seemed to hold a tad bit of affection at its core. I was taken aback and raised my eyebrows involuntarily.
"Wow, that was a big step for you Harvey. I'm proud." I smiled at him warmly, enjoying our banter through my headache.
"It's part of my twelve step program…but-wait. Can't a guy just give his associate a compliment without her thinking there is a catch behind it?" He was really enjoying himself now.
"No. But nice try. I always knew you liked me." I was teasing him now.
"Nope. I don't. Try not to fool yourself." I laughed at this and felt my headache leaving slightly. I couldn't help but be happy around him.
"But really Darce. You know that I like you. And if you ever need to talk about something, or need help with anything, I hope you know that you can come to me." He knows. I almost peed my pants, while at the same time, I was really touched. I hadn't been expecting Harvey to offer to help with my problems, especially when he was constantly swamped with other peoples.
I didn't know what to say, so on an impulse I did something a little risky. I walked over to Harvey's desk and looked him right in the eyes. Then I laid one of my hands on the one he had on his desk and leaned down. I kissed him on the cheek. Just a small, quick peck, but it was still a kiss. I regretted it almost as fast as a decided to do it.
"Thank you Harvey. But you don't have to worry about me. I'm a big girl." I tried to give him a reassuring smile and patted his hand. I turned with a last look at him. His face told me nothing. He could have been made of stone, which told me that I took him off guard. I hoped that I hadn't overstepped my boundaries by too much. I walked straight to the door without looking back and closed the door quickly, but quietly. Donna had been sitting at her desk the whole time, and I also guessed watching the whole time. Which meant she saw the kiss. You know, it was so small, it shouldn't even be considered a kiss. It was just a nice gesture, that was all. I smiled at Donna, hoping she wouldn't comment.
She didn't. What she did do was raise her eyebrows to the sky. I only shook my head and walked away from the desk pretty fast for my high heels. The loneliness of my own desk was awaiting me. All the other associates were already hard at work. I sat down at my desk and got to work on the files Harvey had given me to take care of. Later in the day, I took some time to look for apartments online. There were some good ones. But a lot were too expensive and some where plain out of my way. There weren't going to be any apartments that would be better then the one I had been living in. Mine was already perfect for me. I felt like crying. I really didn't even know what to do with myself. I had no time, no place to sleep, no boyfriend, and a hell of a lot of work to do. I felt like my head was going to explode from the pressure. When was the time going to come when I wouldn't have to worry about anything? Alright, never. But finding an apartment at this stage and time in my life was really putting a damper on my perspective. Plus, my apartment had been raped. That was the whole reason I needed a new apartment.
Mike came to say high while I was looking for an apartment. I hadn't been expecting anyone to be behind me, so Mike ended up seeing what I was doing. This was not apart of the plan. When I noticed him standing there, I closed out of the internet tab quickly. I couldn't be anymore obvious.
"Mike, how are you?" I smiled at him and turned to get a look at his facial expression. Not what I was hoping for.
He was still looking at the computer screen. He definitely looked confused and I could tell he was going to ask something about it.
"Are you thinking of moving? What was that? An apartment?" So many questions at once. Doesn't he know I have a headache?
"Don't worry about it Mike. It's nothing." I said quickly. He just nodded his head and we talked for a while about nothing. We took our lunch break together and it was nice. I was glad to have somebody to talk to about anything but my life. Mike had just the right amount of problems and jokes to keep me entertained. He didn't ask about the apartments again and this managed to make me fee a little better. I really didn't want anyone to find out about my little problem. Most people probably wouldn't even move if their home had been broken and entered. I was too sheltered for my own good. I needed a new place or I wasn't going to feel safe there ever again. I realized that I liked Mike a lot more then I thought I did. He really was a nice person, and I could see a bit of Harvey in him. No wonder Harvey had picked Mike to be his associate. I could see the similarities. But I could also see the differences. They were a good pair, and I hoped I could be just as good as Mike one day. I hoped I could be just as good as Harvey one day. I hoped I could have the relationship Mike has with Harvey one day. I hoped I could have any relationship with Harvey one day. Outside of the workplace.
Later that night I was finally done for the day. No one had said anything to me. It seemed that I was in the clear. Harvey never brought up my funk again, either did Donna. And Mike never even mentioned the apartment hunting again. So I was feeling pretty good, even thought I was going back to hell. I wasn't going to get any sleep at my apartment tonight, and I was seriously considering staying at a hotel. But before I could figure out anything, I still had to check out with Harvey.
I walked to his office slowly, taking my time. He was sitting at his desk at usual, doing some paperwork. It didn't look important. I walked into his office without knocking and he looked up. Before he said anything, he finished up the paper he was working on. I didn't say anything, I knew better then that. He would get to me when he was done. And he would never make me wait more then three minutes.
"Did you finish the McNulty case papers?" He asked me. I started shaking my head before he had finished his sentence.
"All finished. Is there anything else you need?" I was ready to book a hotel. I had made my mind up in the time he had been finishing his paper work. I was so exhausted that I couldn't afford to not sleep another night. Especially when I had to be at work again early tomorrow morning.
"No, everything else is set. Thank you." He went back to his paper work and I turned to leave without saying anything more. I was almost completely out of his office when he decided to say something else. As soon as he took a breathe, I knew it wasn't going to be good.
"I was informed earlier today that you had been looking for apartments. Are you thinking or moving or relocating to a different office." He asked me formally. He was holding some emotion he felt back, I just couldn't tell which.
"No. I'm fine in this city, at this law firm. Actually, I love it here. I wouldn't dream of transferring." I smiled to reassure him, but he didn't look so convinced. Here we go again.
"Then why were you looking for an apartment?" His eyebrows were raised expectantly. I gulped.
"I just need a new one. I have some slight problems with the one I am in now. That's all." I nodded at my statement to make sure he understood what I was saying. But I could tell this wasn't over.
"What kind of problems?"
"Harvey! Does this really matter? I can figure this out by myself. Why do you need to know everything about it anyways?"
"You know Darcy, if you would have just told me the problem this would have been over. A normal person would have said it. For example: my plumbing is bogus. I have bug problems. Stuff like that isn't hard to explain to people you see everyday of your life. But since you decided to defend yourself so quickly and so strongly, you activated the lawyer in me. And now I can see your lies perfectly. So you might as well tell me the truth." He looked slightly angry and slightly concerned. I took a deep breathe, sighing obnoxiously through my nose.
"Harvey you can't-" He cut me off.
"Tell me" He was holding his ground and I was absolutely fed up. It all just spilled out then. I couldn't help it.
"You want to know what's going on in my life Harvey? This. This is what's going on. Some idiot broke into my apartment the other night and stole money and jewelry from me. I feel violated and very much unsafe. I have no where else to go tonight expect a hotel because I'm a paranoid freak who can no longer sleep in her apartment. And there is no way I'm going to get over it any time soon. So now I have to stay at a hotel for as long as it takes for me to move into a new apartment. Which, by the way, I probably cant afford. Oh, and did I mention that I loved my apartment. It was perfect for me in everyway and now the love is gone. Completely. So excuse me for looking up a new place to live. And excuse me if I didn't realize it was everyone else's god damn business." I huffed out a breathe because I barley took any while giving that whole speech. I felt like killing somebody, and I hadn't been this irked since someone tried to cheat off of me at Harvard.
Harvey looked shocked and surprised. I didn't think he expected that answer and I'm sure he didn't expect me to answer the way I did. Instead of saying anything, he walked over to me and put a hand on my back. He rubbed in small circles, but said nothing. He left it there and we both looked out onto the city through his glass windows as he waited for me to calm down. I gradually felt more relaxed. I had never seen this side of Harvey, and he knew the exact way to calm me down. That was something to think about. Not really. I don't think about those kind of things.
Once I was calm enough, I turned to look at him.
"Darcy, I know you had your mind set on staying at a hotel tonight. But I thought that maybe it would be better if you stayed with me. At least until you get back onto your feet. I have plenty of room. It would be no problem." I could tell he meant it too. Looking into his face, all I could see was honesty and concern. I wanted to take his offer, but I didn't think I could. Not only would I be staying with my boss, but I would be staying with a person I might have more feelings for then I should. I had to say no.
"Harvey, I appreciate that so much. But I couldn't accept." I patted him on the shoulder and turned to walk from the office. I didn't want to give him the chance to challenge me.
"Well I'm not making it an option." I raised my eyebrows and turned to stare at him. "We'll go to your apartment now and pick up your things. Then we can settle you into my guest bedroom. It has a bathroom and everything. I wont even notice your around if that's your worry."
"That's not my worry. Thank you again. But once more Harvey, I can not accept." I went back to walking out the door. Harvey caught up with me.
"How about just this week. If you really hate staying with me, and if I annoy you that much, you can leave. I'll even let you pay rent if you want. I know this is the better choice then staying at a hotel. You won't have any money left to buy an apartment and plus, you wont receive any proper nourishment." He had a good argument. And he was convincing.
"Okay Dad. You have a deal. But I won't allow parental treatment. I can take care of myself. And I will pay rent. No objections." I stuck my hand out for him to shake. He gripped it tightly and smiled his " I win" smile. I shook my hand and smirked at him.
"Good. Are we done here now? We have a lot to do, so lets get going." I nodded in agreement. He opened his office door for me, a gentleman as always.
"Oh. And don't call me dad again. We might have some problems."
Alright. Here is the deal. That took me a really long time to post. And I really do feel horrible. But I still have to ask for the reviews. I love everyone who has done it so far, you all make me so happy. Any advice or ideas are always welcome. Sorry for any mistakes, it's really late. I just wanted to get this up. I hope you like this chapter, I worked hard on it. But I wasn't really sure how I wanted to take the apartment thing. Moving in with Harvey is what it came to. But they still are nothing more then work partners. Well let me know what you think of the situation as a whole. This sure is a long one J
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-Always, Kate.
