Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. Inuyasha is the sole property of Rumiko Takahashi.
Author note: Sorry…. Sorry…..Sorry. It doesn't begin to cover how horrible I feel for such a long gap. This short chapter is dedicated to Glon Morski. Your comment stayed with me and helped me find confidence in myself again. Thank you.
Chapter 4: Poora Ni
Helplessness, dejection
I am a straight forward person. When I have something to say I say it.
I know I have responsibilities, things that I must take care of but for the life for me I just cant. I don't have the energy to get up and move. Looking back on that day, I can say wholeheartedly that I was not prepared for the wave of emotion that came over me.
I still feel like I'm drowning.
The day had been beautiful and the wind carried with it hope for the future or some romantic shit like that. I had decisions to make that could no longer be avoided.
I was making my way to Kaede's village when I heard it. Arguing voices coming from somewhere close to the Goshinboku. Knowing that I needed to speak to one of the voices, I quickly changed directions. It actually wasn't the voices that made me pick up speed it was a feeling. After listening to my instincts for several decades, I didn't question the uneasy I felt and decided to make my way to the raised voices even faster. I could just make out her form from between the branches when something made me stop. I felt as if my whole body had been dropped in ice cold water.
One minute she was there and the next she was gone.
No warning.
She was just gone.
I don't remember what happened because one second I'm lost in the fact that even her scent is gone and the next that damn monk has an ofuda on my back and I'm on top of …. No… I still can't say HIS name. That ungrateful son of a bitch! HE had what he wanted, why couldn't he just leave us the hell alone.
I didn't love her right off the start like I made everyone believe. I was not capable of understating human feelings. I was ruthless; sympathy and mercy were things I didn't understand, but she showed me that caring for the concern of others was not a weakness but a strength. I started to change and developed a sense…hmmm… what did she call it.. oohh… compassion for humans and demons. It was over the course of our chase of Naraku that I understood that I might have feelings for her.
That bastard hasn't said anything since it happened and I can't even look at HIM for fear that I will tear him apart. The only thing that stops me is knowing that she would be disappointed with me if I did. I know that he loves her; one would have to be blind to miss it but I know for a damn fact that he doesn't deserve her.
SHE might have been spending most of her time with shit for brains but I thought that given the chance to get to know me, she might see the real me. See what her influence had done to me and the person that I had become, could still become; someone worthy to be called her mate. But I never got that chance, my possibility for the future vanished and I have no idea where to look. I would run away if I could but this is something I cant run away from, She will follow me wherever I go.
Where are you? How do I find you? Send me a sign and I'll run as fast as I can to get you!
Don't lea- , please don't leave me like this.
