Author Note: Well it certainly has been along time since i last updated this story! Which i think is a good thing, cos i basically used this story to rant and vent, and when i'm feeling depressed. Life has been very hectic lately and i've forgotten about a lot of stuff, especially my stories, and reading/reviewing other people's stories (which i am sincerely sorry about!) but life's been taking a dive, problems with flatmates, with friends, with family, with health, not to mention my ex-girlfriend suddenly contacting me out of the blue. Probably just to brag about her great new girlfriend (who, might i add, she's been with for about a year and a half, which coincidently is when me and her broke up!) although i'm just being bitter and resentful, but i have a right! She broke my heart, dammit!
*ahem* anywho... i just felt a little down and frustrated that i don't have my best friends with me to talk to, and that my family is so far away so i can't do anything to help them through their problems (my sister in particular, as much as i hate her sometimes, i'd do anything for her and when i heard that she was very unhappy, all i wanted to do was drive down there and do everything i could to make it better =/) So yeah, this is another depressing entry in the Lilly mope-athon.
Enjoy.
Disclaimer: I don't own a damn thing, it sucks, but it's true.
Hey, it's Lilly. I know it's been a heck of a long time since I wrote in here, but I've been thinkin' a lot about her lately. Not sure why, but I guess I've never stopped thinkin' about her. It's just kind of gotten… busy in my life.
Well the real reason for this is that I wrote a letter. To her. I mean another letter, to go with the hundreds of others hidden under my mattress. Since she never left a forwardin' address I don't know where the hell to send them to. I would send them to Hannah Montana, everyone in the world knows the address for Hannah, but I don't particularly want her fanmail sorters/readers/whatever they are, to read them and see how truly messed up I am. Plus it wouldn't do her any good if anyone thought Hannah was as gay as the day is long.
So yeah.
Hey M- ...You,
It's been a while since I wrote to you. Thing's have been… okay, I guess. I mean… not 'okay' okay, but better. I still think about you. It's hard not to. Still feels like you're gonna walk through the door any minute, shoutin' my name, a gleam in your eye. I love that gleam. It always meant you had a plan, and it didn't matter that the plan was weird or dumb or impossible to pull off, I always knew that if I was with you then we could make it work. And you knew that if you were with me then you'd always have someone to fall on; why else would you keep comin' back to me?
Thin's keep changin' all around me and sometimes it feels like I'm stood still, like I can't move at all and no one cares enough to bother askin' me why I'm not movin'. You always cared. You made a point of carin' about everyone and it used to get you into a lot of trouble, but you didn't mind. You knew it was the right thin' to do.
Maybe if I could change too then I'd start feelin' better, start livin' again, bein' myself. But it's hard to live when you don't have a heart. Do you think I should try and find a new one? A heart, I mean. If I had somethin' to fill that gap and keep the blood pumpin', the air flowin', then I'd be able to move again. Right?
Do you remember the time you sat up the whole night cryin' because some idiot boy had broken your heart? Because he thought you weren't good enough for him and he decided to cheat on you? I felt like he'd broken my heart too, it hurt that much to watch you cry. I wanted to scream at him, swear at him, beat him to within an inch of his sorry life… but you wouldn't let me. You still cared about him even though he'd hurt you so bad. I didn't understand it then, I just couldn't… couldn't see… You loved him, and he ripped you apart, but… you loved him.
It doesn't matter how much you hurt me. It doesn't matter if you don't come back for years and years and years. Because I'm always goin' to care. I'm always goin' to love you and I'm always goin' to be here.
I just wish you would change. Maybe then you'll see that love is love is love. No matter who you are. And maybe then you'll come back to me. Even if it's just to kiss me goodbye.
Always yours,
Lilly
Yeah, so, guess I just wanted to share it with someone. Shouldn't keep thin's hidden away, all bottled up deep inside, no matter how much you want to. Because eventually you're goin' to explode. And believe me, it ain't pretty.
How do you think I ended up livin' in Oliver's basement?
Author Note: Depressing, i know, but that's why you should leave me reviews and cheer me up =) and if you review some of my other stuff too it'd make me even happier and i might update quicker =D Peace Out XD
(P.S. I'm over my ex now, honestly, i am! I just harbour a decent amount of resentment towards her, as is my right as the dumpee!)
