Lovely As You Are
Disclaimer: Don't own anything.
Rating: T
Spoiler: None
A/N: I'm so sorry for the late update, but I wanted this to be perfect! Thank you as always to my beta, Duppy Conqueror, for making that possible despite her busy schedule. I also wanted to take the opportunity to thank LittleMender, who sent me a very motivating PM shortly after the last update, encouraging me to write this quickly. Thank you, it meant a lot. And I'd also like to dedicate this chapter to watchyouwalk, for being such a dutiful and honest reader, who seems to genuinely enjoy my work and never fails to make me smile with her reviews. Thank you, darling.
xxx
"Only in spontaneity can we be who we truly are."
- John McLaughlin
xxx
February 2012
The closer he gets to her room, the more Jane has to reassure himself that this is a good idea. Even though the only reason their plans were postponed was because of a case that took them out of the city and into a backwards little town outside Novato, Jane is nervous.
After realizing they'd have to spend a couple nights here, Lisbon immediately decided that their plans would have to be postponed until the following Friday. However, despite being one man down as Rigsby was still on desk duty after his injury, they wrapped the case up in two days. Subsequently, when Jane found himself alone in the drab hotel room this Sunday evening, an idea occurred to him.
They were both not doing anything. Okay, maybe Lisbon was doing paperwork but that could wait until tomorrow and within minutes, Jane was already planning their evening, an unfamiliar thrill prompting him into action.
However now Jane finds himself standing hesitantly in front of her hotel room door, wondering if he really should risk persuading the senior agent to go on a very impromptu first date with him while they're still technically on the clock.
Jane knows he can convince her. After all his powers of persuasion have been known to work on even the most stalwart subject, but a part of him doesn't want to use any tricks or manipulation on her, because this thing between them is new, wonderful and incredibly fragile. And he doesn't want to mess anything up.
It's true that in their professional relationship, Jane has done absolutely everything to make Lisbon question his motives, making it difficult for her to trust him, and it's important that he rectify that by ensuring that their personal relationship is not tainted by his usual undermining and deceit.
Although he would never admit it to anyone, Jane also knows the reason why he is so nervous is because his greatest defense mechanism, his most formidable justification for not acting on his feelings is gone. Red John is gone, stripping Jane not only of his vengeance but also his walls, which is terrifying, even for someone as seemingly confident as the consultant.
Jane learned a long time ago that affecting an air of confidence doesn't amount to the real thing. If anything, it can leave the person feeling more insecure and alienated from those around him; not that faking anything is really an option here.
No, because this isn't just a date, and this isn't just the start of the first relationship he's had since his wife's death, because this isn't just some woman he met. This is Teresa Lisbon; a woman who knows him better than anyone else, who has seen him at his worst and been privy to all his secrets, and still, miraculously agreed to go out to dinner with him.
Jane realizes with a somewhat wistful smile that really this can't even be considered a first date. It's more like the fifth or sixth one, and surprisingly the thought doesn't intensify his anxiety.
Instead, he feels a certain degree of relief. Despite the daunting feeling that with Lisbon he won't be able to be anything other than himself, the fact that he's finally doing this, that he has the freedom to do this leaves him feeling lighter on his feet as he thinks about how fantastic this could be.
He realizes right away it's time to bite the bullet and give this relationship a chance because they've already waited way too long. In fact, he really should have asked her out years ago. Without thinking further, Jane knocks on the painted wood, the sound echoing in the empty hallway, then fading into silence.
For a moment, he panics but then hearing the sound of rustling behind the door, he relaxes slightly, which is probably a mistake on his part, because when Lisbon opens the door, with a flash of surprise followed by a hint of nervousness in her expression, Jane feels his mouth go dry just a little.
He's eternally grateful that he caught her before she changed into sleepwear. He remembers a few instances in the past when he's seen her like that and he doubts he'd be able to handle it now. Not when there's nothing holding him back, nothing stopping him from reaching out and running a hand down her arm or across her cheek, except for of course propriety, and that with Lisbon's reflexes, he could come away with broken fingers.
Still, his gratitude quickly fades when he realizes that her leather jacket is gone and that the crimson colored camisole is sleeveless, exposing the defined yet feminine line of her arms while accentuating the curve of her waist in a way that distracts Jane enough that Lisbon has to actually clear her throat to get his attention.
He finally shifts his gaze to her face, giving her a sheepish look and a small smile as she fixes him with an amused stare. He wonders for a split second how he could have missed all of this about her before. He'd always known that she was an attractive woman, even more so in the last few months, but it wasn't until that Christmas party and the close of Derek's trial that he truly realized just how beautiful Lisbon is.
Jane knows this is all just a consequence of the fact that something is actually happening between them, but even that logic can't take away the thrill coursing through his veins, the lightness that's been following him around for weeks now.
Habit taking over, Jane finds himself shifting back and forth on his heels as he pokes his head inside and asks, "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"
He's pretty sure Lisbon can tell that he's not really acting like himself, but she doesn't give any signs of this. Instead, she smiles softly and leans against the door frame.
"No, not really. I was doing some paperwork but got distracted by an old episode of Seinfeld that I've actually never seen." She explains and Jane relaxes just a little, realizing he's hit on a potential conversation starter.
"Oh the one with Teri Hatcher?"
"Yes!" Lisbon nearly exclaims, "It's one of the most popular ones and I've never seen it, can you believe that?"
"It's okay. I've never seen it either." Jane admits, and then laughs lightly, enamored by how animated her eyes have become during the short conversation, turning from wary to excited within seconds.
He's momentarily sidetracked by the way she pulls her bottom lip between her teeth and he almost misses the pivotal moment when she grows shy, eyes cast down as she glances down at the floor.
"Do you want to come in and watch it with me? It's only 10 minutes in."
The idea of spending the rest of his night watching television with Lisbon is so tempting, Jane nearly agrees, but at the very last second he remembers why he came up here in the first place and shakes his head. Seeing the first inkling of disappointment flicker in her eyes, Jane is quick to add.
"I came to see you, because I don't think we should wait."
This time, he doesn't avert his gaze to the floor or have to reach deep inside himself to drum up some confidence, because he knows he's making the right decision. He knows that whatever happens between them, he needs to take a chance and show Lisbon that he is serious about this; that his proposition at the CBI Christmas party wasn't just a fluke.
"Wait for what?" Lisbon asks, breaking his reverie but not his stride.
"Friday night." Jane explains, taking a step towards her. She doesn't move away as realization dawns on her, and Jane refuses to lose his momentum or have her doubt him, "I don't think we should wait another week to have dinner together."
He nearly holds his breath as he watches Lisbon contemplate; he doesn't mean to do it but when she opens her mouth to most likely object, he cuts her off, reaching for her hand at the same time.
"C'mon, you know I wouldn't ask unless the case was wrapped up and we were still here."
Lisbon exhales, probably still weighing out all the risks and benefits, but Jane doesn't move away to give her space. Instead his hand, of its own accord, abandons her palm and travels up her arm, giving into the temptation of touching her. He hears her slight intake of breath and sees the flood of color to her cheeks. When she says his name, Jane thinks that if she doesn't give him an answer soon, neither of them will be likely to leave the hotel room and that's not something that's in his plans tonight.
He has no intention of further aggravating Lisbon's professional side by doing anything other than having a simple meal with her while they're technically still on the clock; even if she's making it a little too difficult for him to think about anything except pulling her against him, and losing himself in her warmth.
Thankfully, some part of him realizes this and Jane puts some distance between them, a little relieved to see that he isn't the only one affected by their proximity. He doesn't let go of her completely though. Fingers glide down to curl around her wrist again, giving it a gentle tug as he catches her gaze.
"I'm tired of waiting, Teresa. Have dinner with me tonight."
And it feels like something altogether different when Lisbon smiles at him and says, "okay;" stepping back into the room only to retrieve her jacket and the keycard.
xxx
Twenty minutes later, as Jane navigates the Citroën through the darkened and deserted streets, he decides that he should have probably planned better. To his credit, he had tried to pick up a couple of brochures at the visitor's center near the hotel before coming up to Lisbon's room, but much like everything else in this area, that particular establishment had closed some time before 8pm.
Worst of all, he can sense Lisbon's amusement even though she's trying her hardest to suppress it. The soft sounds of some classic rock station break the silence in the car, until they reach a stop sign and sensing no urgency to move, Jane lets out a breath and finally faces her.
"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" He asks, and is greeted with a guilty smile and a shrug of her shoulders.
"I do appreciate the spontaneity." Lisbon replies teasingly, unable to hide the mirth in her tone.
Still, even in the dimness of the interior, he can't stay mad at her for too long, not when the moonlight falls across her face in an angle that only accentuates the sparkle in her eye and the tempting curve of her lip.
He can still tease her back though.
"You know what, woman." He begins, deliberately turning his attention back to the road, "I don't care if we end up back in Sacramento. I am taking you out to eat at a place that has actual cutlery."
It takes Lisbon all of two seconds to catch onto his bluff and reply, placing a careful hand on his thigh, if only to see the surprise on his face, "or we can turn back around and go to that diner we passed a couple blocks back, because frankly I'm starving and I really don't want to wait four hours to eat."
Jane doesn't dare look over at her until the next stop sign for fear that he'll lose control of his precious car; the warmth emanating from her touch is already distracting enough. Eventually he does glance at her, and the fact that she's no longer hiding how she feels, a mix of adoration and enjoyment vivid in her expression, allows him to concede without shame.
"You sure you're okay with that?"
He really had wanted to make this first date memorable, take her somewhere for a seldom allowed indulgence, with a decadent chocolate dessert she can revel in and candlelight that would illuminate her features in a way that was sure to leave him breathless.
He's so wrapped up in his imaginings, Jane doesn't realize Lisbon has unclasped her seat belt and moved closer until he feels her drawing him closer, hand circling the back of his neck. At this point, all he can recall is the faint scent of vanilla and cinnamon before her lips descend on his, erasing any coherent thought he may have.
He lets her take the lead but responds fervently, one hand slinking around her waist as he tilts his mouth to let her tongue in. He keeps a firm grip on the steering wheel, a part of him incredibly aroused but also terrified that even at a stand-still he may lose control of his car. He doesn't dare pull away though, wanting to prolong this for as long as possible, especially when Lisbon slides her tongue along his, fingers gripping his curls more tightly.
It's actually their second kiss, but this one is languid and deep, as if fulfilling the promise they made to each other weeks ago with that first unexpected embrace. He's so incredibly lost in the feel of her, that he doesn't even realize Lisbon has pulled away until a waft of air passes his lips. Jane opens his eyes to find her a hairsbreadth away, shock and arousal mixing potently in her eye. A part of him is somehow enthralled by the idea that she's just as affected (and surprised) by the intensity of what has just transpired between them.
He can tell now that she wasn't expecting it to turn into this, but is pleased to detect absolutely no regret in her demeanor. It leaves Jane feeling brave enough to reach out and run his thumb across her cheek as he says, "Alright, you've convinced me."
Lisbon grins in response and Jane turns back to the wheel, realizing that he doesn't need a fancy restaurant to make this night memorable, because he has this woman by his side; her warm smile and gentle eyes accentuated by the moonlight in a way that leaves him breathless like no artificial candlelight ever can.
xxx
