Chapter 4
Sam felt awkward letting Bucky carry him cradled in his arms through the snowy woods, but it allowed him to hold his hand still, keeping the pain down to a dull ache, and with Bucky's super strength it didn't seem to bother him.
Bucky had built a fire in the cave before going back for Sam, so it was already warm when they entered. He'd arranged rocks into a circle for a firepit, and had found a large, flat piece of slate to perch over the fire as a makeshift hotplate. He went to work butchering the rabbit, laying strips of meat on the hot slate to roast.
"You really know how to make a cave feel like home," Sam said.
"I've slept in my share of them."
"Sorry."
Bucky looked at him curiously. "Why are you sorry?"
"I'm sorry your life was one that made sleeping in caves the kind of thing you'd get used to."
He didn't reply to that. He picked up several small rocks from around the cave and set them in the fire, then he took Sam's bowl outside, scooped up snowballs, and squeezed them in his metal hand until they melted and dripped into the bowl. Back in the cave, he picked the hot rocks out of the fire and dipped them in the water in the bowl, sending up a hiss of steam with each one, until the water was hot.
"Drink this," he said, putting the bowl to Sam's lips. "We need to get your core temperature up."
"Thank you." Sam drank the hot water gratefully. He paused to make a joke. "You happen to have any cocoa mix for this?"
"I'll check the pantry," he replied, deadpan.
Sam smiled, glad Bucky could still make a joke.
Bucky turned the meat on the hot rock. The smell of roasting rabbit made Sam's stomach grumble, reminding him he hadn't eaten in over twenty-four hours.
Taking another piece of slate to use as a plate and using two similar-sized twigs as chopsticks, Bucky picked off the organ meat and took it to Sam.
"Heart, liver, kidneys... You're spoiling me."
"It's high in iron," Bucky said. "You've lost a lot of blood."
"It's also high in calories, and if your metabolism's anything like Cap's, you must be starving."
"I'll be fine," Bucky said insistently.
Sam didn't have the energy to argue. He started with the liver, thinking it was the most delicious thing he'd ever tasted.
"Good thing you're not squeamish," Bucky said.
"Yeah, well, with the places I've been, I've eaten way weirder stuff than rabbit innards."
"I forgot. You were Special Forces before becoming an Avenger."
"Yeah. That was a long time ago. But I was thinking of all the local delicacies Nat dared us to eat when we were on the run. She got us all balut once. Steve and Wanda wouldn't touch it."
"Huh. I'm not surprised."
Bucky went out to get some more firewood before sitting down to eat.
"How visible is the fire from outside the cave?" Sam asked.
"Not very. It's a full moon tonight. It's bright enough that the light from the fire isn't noticeable."
"You know what's funny? In a lot of places, like India, China, and Japan, people see a rabbit in the dark splotches on the moon." Sam had thought of it because they were eating rabbit. It was something Nat had mentioned once.
"That's interesting," Bucky said. "In Chinese folklore, the matchmaker god is the Old Man of the Moon, and there's a god called the Rabbit God who's the matchmaker and protector for gay men."
Sam paused just as he was about to take a bit of the rabbit's heart. Why would Bucky bring that up? "That is interesting," he said neutrally. "Where did you learn that?"
"A speech by a Taiwanese politician I was sent to assassinate," he answered reluctantly.
"Why did you assassinate him?"
"HYDRA didn't tell me. They never told me." He picked at his food. "In the traditional hunting practices of the Ainu of northern Japan, the animal the hunter killed was believed to be a gift from that animal's kamuy—spirit, or god—and the hunters had to show gratitude for that gift to ensure future hunts would be successful. I learned that during a lecture of an indiginous rights activist I assassinated in Mexico City."
"Man, that's terrible."
"Yes," Bucky agreed.
He sounded so dejected, Sam wanted to change the subject. "I guess that makes this dinner a gift from the Rabbit God. And maybe this cave too. And the full moon."
"Maybe." Bucky forced a smile at the joke.
Still trying to maintain a tone of levity, Sam said, "I know you're from a different time. How do you feel about gay people?"
"Fine. Ashamed, actually. Back in the day, I said some things I'm not proud of. Jokes, slurs. We didn't use the word 'gay' back then. 'Invert' was about the politest term. But things are different now. Science and social norms have advanced. But most of all..."
"What?"
He shrugged. "I'm a murderer. I don't have the right to judge anyone else, especially for something that doesn't hurt anyone."
"Well that's better than nothing. Just so you know, I'm gay."
He watched Bucky's reaction carefully. Bucky's regard for him right now could be a matter of life or death.
He showed only mild surprise. "I didn't know."
"I didn't think you did, but when you brought up the Rabbit God, I wondered. I thought Cap might've told you for some reason."
"Steve knows?"
"He knows, Wanda knows, Widow knows. That's the kind of thing that comes up in conversation when you're stuck with the same people for two years."
"I can see that." He really didn't seem to care. "I want to apologize for that, by the way. You were declared a criminal because of me. I'm sorry."
"Hey, I was declared a criminal because doing what's right is more important than doing what's legal. It's not on you."
Bucky shrugged. "Still..."
They finished eating in silence, then Bucky melted more snow and heated it, steeping spruce needles to make tea. After they drank it, he added some more dry boughs to the fire to give the cave more light. He knelt by Sam.
"Let me see your hand."
Sam held out his injured hand. Bucky slowly, carefully took off the bandaging, holding his hand still to make sure the cut didn't reopen.
"It's bad," Sam stated.
"When we get back, you may need reconstructive surgery. Right now we just have to make sure you don't bleed out and it doesn't get infected."
"Right."
Taking the last disinfectant wipe from Sam's emergency supplies, Bucky dabbed off the dried blood. He re-wrapped the bandage, using an unsoiled stretch for the part that would be in contact with the wound.
"How does that feel?" he asked.
"Fine. I mean, it hurts like hell, but it didn't reopen. The bandage is firm but not too tight. You're good at this."
Bucky smiled at the compliment. "I'm going to keep you alive, Sam. I promise."
Sam smiled back. "Thanks, but I'm not going to hold you to that. Not like I could, anyway."
Bucky actually laughed. "That's true. But I promise I'll try." He carefully set down Sam's injured hand. "I'm going to go make the bed."
Using Captain America's shield to dig a shallow depression in the cave floor, he spread glowing embers from the fire in the hole and covered them over with dirt. He helped Sam to the warm spot and lay down next to him, spreading the emergency blanket over both of them.
"You're going to sleep with me?" Sam asked jokingly.
"I'm not confident you have enough energy to keep your own internal body heat up," he replied. Then he added a joke. "Besides, I don't think you'll try anything, what with your hand. And I know I'm not exactly a great catch."
"Are you kidding? Steve says you were always a huge hit with the ladies."
"That was before I became the world's most notorious assassin."
"I think Widow would fight you for that title."
"She was a for-hire; I killed for HYDRA."
"You were brainwashed to kill for HYDRA. You weren't a murderer, you were a zombie."
"Can we stop talking about this and go to sleep?"
Sam chuckled. "Yeah. Sure."
