You know you're obsessed with Howard when...
Sorry guys, I know I didn't update yesterday and some of you wanted to see Amy next, but I already had a few ideas for Howard. I PROMISE I'LL WRITE AMY'S CHAPTER NEXT.
Oh, also Brenda, I'm sorry I didn't reply to you in the last chapter, I'm ashamed to say I forgot. But anyway, thank you for the reviews, it really makes my day :)
Anywho... CHAPTER 4!
1. Your mum packs an 'I love you brisket' in your lunch box
2. You pretend to be your mother and ask why someone's calling you at such an ungodly hour
3. You make dramatic entrances and shout "Hola nerdmigos!"
4. You bug your eyes out wide and say "I'M CRAZY!"
5. Why exactly did you bail out of medical school? *evil laugh*
6. You are the sword master!
7. You refer your things as 'Nerdvana'
8. You tell people that your people invented circumcision... you're welcome
9. If it's "creepy" to use the Internet, military satellites, and robot aircraft to find a house full of gorgeous young models so you can drop in on them unexpected, then fine, you're "creepy".
10. You are a horny engineer; you never joke about maths or sex
11. You live with your mother
12. You know sex criminals don't have keys
13. You ask people if they were a robot and you knew but they didn't , whether or not you'd want them to tell you
14. You're mother calls you every day to see if you had a healthy bowel movement
15. You could also be the engineer that builds the crossbow that kills Sheldon
16. You're the 'acquaintance'
17. You tell your friend that their smile is terrifying (it is though... right?)
18. You're really glad that your friend is learning mandarin because once he's fluent, he'll have a billion other people to annoy
19. You live in 'Jewish Hell'
20. You know that Indian Monopoly is just like regular except the money is in rupees and instead of hotels, you build call centres, and when you pick a chance card, you might die of dysentery
21. ...and you know, FYI, that was racist
22. You give your friends terrible relationship advice
23. ...yet they still listen to you
24. You say "the girlfriend, the ex-girlfriend, bonding over your rooty-tooty stinky booty?"
25. What, you're not hot enough for Angelina Jolie?
26. You mistake your wife for your mother
27. ...regularly
28. You ask your friend if they are upset or just rebooting
29. You know Sheldon came with a manual
30. You do NOT have homosexual tendencies (say what?)
31. You compare your friend's 'evil' laugh to a 'tall, thin woman who wants to make a coat out of your Dalmatians'
32. You know that if you see a Penny, pick her up and all the day you'll have good luck
33. You know there is no place for truth on the internet
34. You consistently make robot jokes about your friend
35. You exclaim "Winnie the Pooh is out of the honey tree!" as if it's the most normal thing to say
36. The way you see it, you're halfway to pity sex
37. You're going to Vegas, baby... but your mother thinks you're going to Seaworld, baby!
38. Penny's probably keeping you up at night in a different way...
39. You know that love is not a sprint, it's a marathon, a relentless pursuit that only ends when she falls into your arms - or hits you with the pepper spray.
40. Obviously, Jewish mothers take a casual la-di-da approach to their sons
41. A week ago you an astronaut, but today you're a smurf
42. Your wife's freakishly small hands make anything look big... that's one of the reasons you love her
43. You do an AWESOME Nicolas Cage impression!
44. ...and a great Al Pacino
45. ...oh, and Christopher Walken, of course
46. You have a preferred place to kick back after a quest
47. You invented the Wolowitz Zero-Gravity Waste Disposal System
48. You get very excited when you win a Physics Bowl
49. You end all answer phone messages with "It's Howard."
50. You're dressed as Robin Hood, not Peter Pan
51. You have to take Sheldon's class again
52. You call yourself 'the small package that good things come in'
53. Every Thai restaurant in Pasadena knows you are allergic to peanuts
54. ...and your friend is now known as "Ah! No peanut boy!" because of it
55. You say "As delicious as the appetizer may be, sooner or later we will have to succumb and eat the entrée while it's still…*licks finger and makes a sizzling sound*…hot."
56. You know renaissance fairs aren't about historical accuracy, they're about taking chubby girls who work at Kinko's and lacing them up in corsets so tight their bosom jumps out and says, "Howdy."
57. You say "Grab a napkin, homey, you just got served."
58. You know it's smart to whisper so the deaf chick can't hear
59. You think instead of saying, 'No we don't wanna go on an NSF expedition,' it's nicer to say; 'No we don't wanna spend three months stuck in a cabin in the Arctic Circle with an anal nutbag!'
60. You greet your friends with "Wazzup, my nerdizzles?"
61. You lost your virginity to your cousin Jeanie
62. You believe that one day Sheldon will eat an enormous amount of Thai food and split into two Sheldons
63. You know that if your friend doesn't leave NOW, your mother will usefood and guilt to keep them there for the rest of their life
64. You know that flower barrettes would appeal to men if you add bluetooth
65. ...because EVERYTHING is better with bluetooth
66. You hit on women in flawless Russian
67. You can name ten women Howard has tried to sleep with
68. It's a boy-girl party... you know this Flash runs solo
69. You know that if you don't watch Star Wars soon, George Lucas is going to change it again (?)
70. You're running the red Corvette
71. You'd kill your Rabbi with a pork chop to be with Missy
72. Maybe 'Thor's Hammer' is a new colour of nail polish
73. You know how to say "no" in at least six language, excluding English
74. You know there's nothing more awesome and frightening than a man who's got music blasting between his nipples
75. You know Donkey Kong had Donkey Kong Junior so he could teach someone how to kidnap princesses and throw barrels at Italian plumbers
76. You have fantasies including Katee Sackhoff
77. ...masturbatory fantasies
78. ...in the bathtub
79. ...your mother shares that tub with you O.O
80. As an example chat-up line, you say, "Normally I'm not turned on by big teeth, but on you they work."
81. They're called tattoo sleeves
82. You whine "For God's Sake, Ma, I'm 27 years old. And it's not even a school night."
83. You know that no matter how much body spray you put on, it's not like the advert were women undress themselves when they smell it
84. You thought your days of pretending to be with women were over
85. You think helping your mother out of the bath is one slippery horror ahead of murder and cannibalism
86. You know that your friend's phone is going to break his heart
87. You say "Fun fact: I'm going to jump off this train!"
88. In space, you exclaim "Attention people of Earth: tonight there will be two moons in the sky
89. You weren't all going as the same Hulk!
90. You curse "How do I know what you said? Damn you and your noise-cancelling breasts."
91. Yes, she's pushy, and yes, he's whipped - but that's not the expression
92. You took Judo at maths camp
93. ...and you're proud of that
94. You have a blog to find
95. You introduce your psychotic friend to an equally socially awkward woman and say "Good God, what have we done?"
96. You understand that for all we know Lucinda the Troll wasn't even a real woman. She could have been a fifty year old truck driver from New Jersey
97. You know the old saying: pasty and frail never fail (:S)
98. Your family IS the history of heart disease
99. You imagine Spock's dad in a room with a copy of "Pointy Ears and Shapely Rears"
100. The robot arm got stuck on your what?
I really have no excuse for this being late, all I can say is sorry, but the next will probably be late as well :I
Next up: Amy (I promise!)
